Fire Rebirth
by Nanosilver
Summary: Obligations, expectations, all made heavier by a young village standing on shaky legs. The gigantic construct that is the Clan is greater than I, and failure is not an option. I am headed for greatness - provided the world doesn't come crashing down on me before I get there. /OC Self-Insert, slightly AU, Manga Spoilers
1. Chapter 1 - Family

**Title: **Fire Rebirth

**Summary: **Obligations, expectations, all made heavier by a young village standing on shaky legs. The gigantic construct that is the Clan is greater than I, and failure is not an option. I am headed for greatness - provided the world doesn't come crashing down on me before I get there. /OC Self-Insert, slightly AU

**Author's Notes: **This idea came up while reading an amazing self-insert called Dreaming of Sunshine by Silver Queen. It's obvious that said work was my inspiration, and if you're reading this you should really read that one if you haven't already - it's awesome.

This is not the Naruto Canon-verse. There was a slight change in the past that had a rather big effect. Attentive readers should notice it rather quickly.

I don't want Kasai to be a Sue so I'll do my best to keep it all balanced. I'll need some input to know how it feels to the readers.

And now - enjoy :)

Update 4/7/2013: Corrected (a lot of) typos.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Obviously.**

* * *

The story of my death is a quick one. Me, a train and some unfortunate circumstances. No, it wasn't suicide, just a very unfortunate step in the wrong direction along with very bad timing. How ironic, I was always so cautious to never get too close to a train, and see what happened.

I was never particularly religious - to be honest, I actually abhorred religion because I believed that it caged and confined free minds. Even today parts of that sentiment still linger, even if death has put things into perspective. In many ways.

Perhaps some kind of god or supernatural being out there decided to punish me, specifically me, just because it hated me and I apparently deserved it, but the reasons of my circumstances no longer matter, the result is the same.

I was reborn. In death, I expected nothing. Quite literally, absolutely nothing. Death meant the loss of awareness to me, of self and of existence. As I've said, I wasn't religious. To me there was no afterlife. And yet, _yet_... Fate chose me, the always lazy, always failing, ever self-loathing me. To this day I don't know if it wanted to give me a second chance or truly just punishment.

Rebirth isn't _fun_, I am, unfortunately, able to prove that from my own memories. It's confusing, terrifying, unnerving. You leave your beloved, familiar body behind to get squeezed into a new, fresh one - unfamiliar, weak and untrained. If your mind gets rebooted, like it _should_, there's no problem. If you're unlucky like _me _and actually remember what happened before your rebirth you have to adapt to a new body, family, environment, language and culture.

From my birth I remember little. Despite having the mind of a sixteen year old girl my body couldn't save all my memories. Those first few years of my life gave me the impression that memories are matters of both the body and what we perceive as soul, so both have to be on a similar level to match up to each other.

I did what any newborn would do, I screamed and cried until exhaustion caught up with me and blissful sleep claimed all my senses. The first thing to ever cross my vision was the face of the midwife, nothing but a dark spot to block out the light at the time. Colors were few, the red hair of my mother was apparent just barely.

I learned quickly that I can think separately from my body, but tasks that involve learning challenge both. After the initial terror of my birth I either slept a lot or tried to get used to the sensual terror that was chakra.

Imagine being able to feel oxygen like you feel warmth on the skin. It's everywhere - in the air, your body, the water. It was a strange, unnerving feeling. And itchy before I actually got used to it, but I didn't know what it was until much later.

The first few days after my second birth I refused to be fed or held or anything you'd normally do with a baby. Going from independent teen to helpless infant was a bit of a shock, and I had to be force-fed for a while. What a terror that must have been for my mother. Back then I also refused to acknowledge her as family, though that faded pretty soon.

Memories from my old life began to disappear left and right. With my old body gone the sub-conscious part of my soul apparently decided that they weren't that important anymore, so it made space for new things. Pictures, skills, languages - those things stayed, as well as memories of entertainment media like my favorite Manga Naruto. Faces and names of real people, though... they faded. Today I think that fate had mercy on me, because mourning the loss of all those people would have destroyed me inside.

It didn't take long until I began to wonder where exactly my father was. My mother I knew as the woman who held me and whispered to me when sleep wouldn't come, with a voice as smooth as the water she was named after. The woman whose hair was silkier than anything I've ever felt, who let me play with those red curls of hers when my mind couldn't find rest, who fed me and kept me warm and comfortable. But for a very long time I actually thought I had no father at all - that maybe he was dead, or that he didn't even know I exist. Maybe he didn't care. Those thoughts, the implications, the _consequences_ - they scared me. Here I was, with such a wonderful, loving woman as mother, a circumstance I was entirely new to, and to her I might actually be more the remnant of a tragedy than anything else.

I wasn't _used_ to parental care, of any kind. In my past life neglect was part of my normal day routine. I had to take care of myself, and because I couldn't a lot of things in my life had gone very wrong. Maybe that's why I took to my new family so quickly.

In baby terms a very long time translates to about a week, and I didn't realize this until much later. It seemed more like a year had passed until I finally met the person who had sired me.

My ability to feel chakra made it possible for me to identify people in my room by their chakra signature alone, provided they weren't masking it. Even without knowing what chakra was I could associate certain signatures with people. My mother's was smooth, full of life and energetic. The midwife's was low, almost non-existent. Civilian's chakra. Next to nothing.

When I was but one week old I managed to sense a strange disturbance in my environment. A moving vacuum of chakra - a phenomenon that occurs when a shinobi fails to adjust his chakra to the level of his surroundings. Most sensors would notice this fairly quick.

I felt them long before they had the chance to enter my room, which probably saved my life.

What followed was fear. Horrible, utter, paralyzing, choking fear. The kind that grabs you and won't let you go. I didn't want to die _again_, and for some reason I thought that whoever was coming for me didn't have any good intentions - might have been the stench of weapons oil lingering above me while the shinobi held a kunai to my throat.

I stopped screaming the moment they entered, out of fear mostly. That didn't really faze them, though.

Throughout all of this I also felt another, _new_ chakra signature, the one I would come to associate with Father. It was... hard to explain, really. One cannot explain how chakra feels, but if I had to put it into words... His chakra was dense. very, very dense - like, much much tighter than any other chakra, and heavier and swirling and so incredibly powerful. And cold. It was cold. Not uncomfortably could, just like... like he had gone outside and come back in and the cold air still lingered and radiated off him. Soothingly, even.

I remember voices, I remember hearing _his_ voice for the first time, and _panic_. It didn't occur to me that he had taken down the attackers - just fire and fire and heat everywhere.

I once said that my infant memories are a blurry blob to me, and that's not a lie. But there is something I remember very well, even to this day. I remember feeling two strong hands reach around me, resting my body in the comfortable nest that was his arm.

I cried and cried and cried, but eventually my tiny infant brain registered that he was safety and _oh_ I would be alright, no one could hurt me now. I tried to pry my eyes open, but the lids felt incredibly heavy - I only caught a glimpse of the world around me. And of _him_. I could only see a few color blobs at the time, so all I could really recognize was the unruly black mess that was his hair.

In this very moment something occurred to me. This man was _safety_. He was a wall, and I'd do best to hide behind him as often as I could, because this life would be _rough_. Someone had tried to murder me with stunning seven days of age. By plan or by opportunity, I didn't know and even to this day I don't know who had decided that it was a good day for me to die.

His voice was very deep, and maybe just a little bit on the rough side, but somehow also clear. It reached you, and it made you _obey_. He commanded power like that. It seems as if he demanded absolute obedience just by being there.

Despite the terrifying power of his voice the words he spoke, though incomprehensible to me at the time, were soothing, calming. A gloved finger traced my chin, then my cheek, all the way over my forehead to the tip of my nose. The tickling sensation made me giggle.

Not soon after that my mother's voice echoed through the room, her chakra drowned out by the other presence's truly massive reserves. She sounded distressed and maybe just a little bit scared, but it seemed as if the man managed to calm her down just by being here.

After that he was around pretty much all the time. He sometimes would leave for the entire day and only come back in the middle of the night, but he never stayed away for longer than a day.

It occurred to me that he probably was my father and whatever had kept him busy and away from me had been resolved. Knowing this was incredibly relieving - it meant that my new family didn't build up on some kind of tragedy that would haunt my mother till who knows when.

Father wasn't with me often, solidifying my impression of him as a busy man, but whenever he hung around he made it worth it. His presence was that of power and of safety, and somehow the demons of my mind seemed just a little bit smaller whenever he was there.

After a while I just accepted the fact that I was a baby and would be for a very long time. Boredom was imminent and would probably drive me halfway insane until I reached an interesting age, but I decided to deal with that when the time came.

After coming to peace with my situation I turned into a very quiet and silent baby that slept half the time and regarded its surroundings with astonishing interest the other half. I wonder what my parents thought about this - perhaps they assumed it was related to my father. And I guess that was partially true. Knowing that I had a father calmed me in ways I couldn't imagine.

Shortly after meeting him for the first time someone else came to visit, someone who also became one of my precious people, as Naruto would say. It was my uncle, to be specific.

The very moment he came nearby I recognized him as _family_ and categorized him as safe. Later I would learn that family wasn't always safety, but that was still a long way from then and Father would never let anything bad get past him anyway. At least my infant mind thought that.

My uncle, then still a stranger to me, was definitely easily recognizable as family. His chakra was similarly dense like Father's, but slightly less cold, and just as powerful.

During that time I only tolerated being picked up and held by a few people. I felt that it was an insult to my pride to be treated in such a way, feelings that took quite a while to go away. Only my parents were allowed to just pick me up whenever they felt like it, because they were safety and warmth and I craved their attention, especially Father's.

When this person decided that it was worth the initial trouble of me screaming at him with that annoying wail only a baby can make I went quiet very, very soon and stopped protesting the moment he rested my head in the crook of his neck, supporting my body with his arms around my legs and shoulder. In fact, I think I made some chortling noises. He must have felt so special for gaining my approval so fast.

_Father_ was somewhere in the room as well, though keeping his distance. At the time I didn't understand, but later I would come to know what a big show of trust that really was. Father didn't like others near his children - but this one was different. This one was his _brother_. Of course I didn't exactly know that at the time, but it didn't matter to me anyway. I knew that he was _family _and that was enough. He could have been my grandfather for all I cared. Family is family.

My parents must have been delighted. Their little daughter didn't really like strangers, but she seemed to recognize her uncle on instinct. Yeah, no. I bet even then they must have been suspicious of what I could do - babies don't recognize people they've never seen, no matter how stupidly cute that sounded.

I was allowed out of my crib sometimes, even if only under supervision. (And that was, more often than not, my uncle.)

There was a symbol drawn on the back of his shirt that I closely examined once given the chance. My vision was still blurry, but it appeared to be red and white. Something told me that this was _important_, in the sense of 'girl, you've _seen_ this before!' And I had. I really had, but I couldn't remember what it was. To be honest, it looked a bit like a table tennis bat to me.

I soon realized that the symbol was wherever we went - on the walls, the clothes of nearly every person I got to lay my eyes on. It occurred to me that it was some kind of family crest and that my family must be either really important or really arrogant to have its crest planted on every free inch they could find. Perhaps both.

At about the same time as this revelation came also the realization that my family had to be _hug_e if all those people bearing the crest were part of it.

One day my uncle caught me examining the crest on one of my spare clothes after crawling out of my crib and straight into my closet. I think it took him a while to find me in there - he was just kind of panicking when he entered the room. Well, to me it was a while anyway. For him it probably just amounted to a few seconds.

He saw me softly tracing the outer lines of the crest with a contemplative look on my face, as if deep in thought. Well, as deep as a toddler can be.

Uncle picked me up, clothes still in my hand, and rested my head on his upper arm, cradling me while pointing at the crest with his free hand.

"U-chi-ha", he drawled slowly, his voice soft and low. Suddenly realizing how very important that was, I tried to reach out for the crest with my chubby fingers, grabbing the cloth with my fist and drawing it near my chest. Somewhere my mind tingled and tickled and muttered 'you know this, you must remember!'

And I tried to. I really did. But it would just escape my reach. At least I learned my family's name - Uchiha.

I spent the following weeks trying to figure out what the heck Uchiha meant. I knew that I remembered it from somewhere and that it was actually fairly significant, _important_. I just didn't know why. To top it off I probably worried my uncle with my shift in behavior, because I became even more silent and quiet, and _distant_.

When the answer refused to come to me I decided to let it rest and see if anything would trigger the memory on its own in due time. I began responding to my uncle again, even tried to hug him or pull his pony tail when he wasn't cautious. I knew that he didn't really mind, that his scorn was always playful. Well, that and I was a baby - not really a threat to someone like _him_. Still, I think he might have spoiled me a bit.

With all the time he was spending at my side I wondered if he didn't have any other duties, or if my father had 'honored' him with the special task of taking care of his little daughter. Glorified babysitting. Seems like dear Uncle took it in stride.

I snuggled into his arms, feeling him gently pat my back and rub it in a soothing, circular motion. The steady rhythm began to make me drowsy, until I let out a long-winded yawn and my eyes started feeling droopy.

Uncle chuckled next to my ear, a soft rumbling in his chest.

"Sleepy?" he muttered. Not really thinking anything at the moment, I simply nodded, a soft bob of my still somewhat heavy baby head. It only occurred to me seconds later that I had actually understood what he was saying. Granted, it was just one word... but did that mean that I was starting to pick up the language?

It was my luck that my uncle hadn't recognized my head movement as a nod. How old was I anyway? A few months maybe... I could crawl on my own already but I might have started early with that.

That line of thought was broken when I was removed from my uncle's warm embrace by my mother. I heard her mutter something that sounded suspiciously like 'nap time' before being put into my baby crib and left to my own devices.

When I was eight months old I made first attempts at talking. I could understand most words now, but still lacked the motor control to say much. That didn't stop me from trying.

When I first tried to utter something that sounded like more than 'gugu' I was sitting on my father's lap while he was busy with writing - drawing? - a letter or something. It _looked_ fairly important, but I couldn't read so there was no way to tell.

I tried to reach the characters that were already dried, but my father swatted my rather pudgy hands away before my clumsy learning attempts could ruin his work. To my credit, I sulked for only like a minute. That was impressive in toddler terms. When it came to Father I learned early that _no_ means _no, and if you try again you're in trouble._

Back to my talking attempts... this was when my uncle entered the house. I knew because I _sensed_ him. His energy was almost like Father's, but not exactly the same.

Probingly, I opened my mouth, trying to roll the word I had practiced silently for a while now.

"Un... unce!" Oh well... it was close.

He halted mid-character - seemed more like freezing, actually. As if contemplating what to do he stared ahead for a few seconds, probably checking for his brother's presence. Sensing wasn't his forte as far as I was aware, but that didn't mean he couldn't sense people who weren't even trying to hide.

He set the brush down cautiously, careful not to spill any ink on his ridiculously clean working space. Then his gaze drifted towards me slowly.

"Say that again, Kasai."

Kasai was a name that took me a while getting used to. I admit that I rather like it though - it's a nice name.

"Un... Unl-" I desperately struggled with the 'l'-sound, then shrugged inwardly and just dropped it for now. "Unkel!"

Yeah. Close enough.

Father seemed deep in thought as he watched me. It was almost scary. His eyes really seemed razor sharp, as if they could pierce right through your soul. For a second I could have sworn that I saw his eyes flashing red, but that seemed ridiculous to me. Today I knew that it wasn't, but back then I didn't.

"Where?" he said, or rather ordered.

I obediently lifted my pudgy little hand - god, my motion control was so out of whack, but I managed to point in the right direction. He was moving... I think. His presence was rather large after all. When I felt his energy enter the corridor I changed direction to the door only seconds before it was shoved open, a rather disgruntled Uchiha standing in the doorway.

I dropped my hand when I noticed that he was staring at me, then made the most innocent impression I could muster.

_Uncle_ managed a mild but tired smile. "It's rude to point at people, Kasai."

I pouted. "Unkel," was my only answer. His eyes widened - only a fraction, but still. Somehow I couldn't help feeling proud, even though I was technically cheating.

It seems as if his mood brightened a little, and that made me happy. I wanted to feel important, not in general, but to _others_, not in the sense of... important importance but as in... being an important person... a _precious_ person.

Seconds later it occurred me that eight months old babies don't speak and I had just dropped hints towards 'exceptional' intelligence.

Well, it wasn't like I was dumb. Even in my past life I had been rather smart actually, more on the creative and innovative side of things, quick-thinking. I wasn't good at patterns and logical thinking, but that's because I never trained it. I would not do that mistake again. I never did anything with the gift of intelligence life had given me. Looking back, it seemed like such a shame. What we learned in school I picked up easily enough, but I could have gone so much further had I actually bothered to sit down and learn. Instead I had wasted what little time I had with fleeting things.

There were a lot of things that could have gone better in my... old life. Things that were too ingrained, too old to fix. Things I could now avoid. I felt grateful, in a way - and at the same time it saddened me that the people from my old life seemed a blur to me. It was as if fate itself didn't want me to remember. Was there a reason for this? Was it a protection mechanism?

After all was said and done I curled up in my father's lap, deciding that it was nap time. He seemed to be fairly patient when it came to me - he flew off the handle rather easily when dealing with others, I had seen that much. But never with me. Special snowflake!

Or just fatherly instincts, who could say for sure.

When I felt a grip on my midsection I knew that I wouldn't have the honor of spending nap time in Father's lap, probably partially because his legs were already halfway numb from sitting around for what seemed like forever. I caught snippets of the conversation between my father and my uncle while drifting off to dreamland.

_...knew where you were..._

_Seems rather intelligent..._

_Think... understatement..._

_Training... soon..._

Smiling to myself I curled my fists into the fabric of Father's clothing while he carried me to my room, briefly wondering what the hell they were talking about when they mentioned 'Training', but deciding to let it rest for now.

I learned the name of my mother - Umiko. It was a fitting name. I know it was only my imagination, but I always thought she carried a sea breeze with her.

She _definitely_ was a hothead - loud, brash, bordering on obnoxious. I didn't know how my father could stand her, much less the rest of the family - and sometimes I was worried that they couldn't. but mother knew how to handle herself fairly well - I think she knew when to shut up. And despite her personality she managed to tip-toe around Father's... fiery temper. Even now I can't tell how this marriage came to be, but they clearly didn't dislike each other. Or they were good at acting, I was never good at spotting that anyway.

But there were hints. Signs. Things that told a story. 'We didn't come to this on our own, but we're doing alright.'

Mother and Father didn't feel hate for one another. It was hard to express how much of a relief that was to me. The nature of arranged marriages - and this appeared to be one - wasn't always good. They could end badly. _Start _badly. Those two seemed to be doing alright, sometimes even going out of their way to ensure comfort.

I didn't know why my mind vehemently insisted that their marriage was an arranged one, but it apparently knew something I didn't, as strange as that sounds.

Maybe they _did_ 'love' each other, but they were just awkward in showing it. I couldn't tell, from what I remember my... 'old parents' hadn't been exactly loving either.

One day Father came home _injured_. I felt like my world shattered - my Father, this mighty, _powerful_ man - a fiery demon like him - injured. He was only human. And that made him less scary, in a way. And told me that I don't need to fear him. Others should, but I felt that I didn't need to.

Mother was the first to notice. It wasn't much, probably not even lethal, but she still bit her lower lip in worry. Mom-... _Mother _was seldom worried. Not like this. Chewing her lower lip (a habit I picked up from her) was something she only did when nervous.

I wanted to know what the hell was going on, but was ushered away by my uncle before I could protest.

Still, that look of _worry_ in her eyes - it meant that she cared. And that was all I needed to know.

I adapted to walking pretty fast. It was not that hard, I had technically done it before. It felt good to be able to stand on two legs again, go where I wanted to, not where others wanted me to. While crawling had granted me some of that ability it just wasn't the same.

On one particular day my uncle took me outside with him. I don't exactly know what he expected me to do here, but because I was bored and it felt safe enough I began to run. My legs were still a bit shaky but I had gained a bit of a feel for them in the last month, so I just ran - laughing, beaming, feeling wind and freedom in my face. It just felt _good._

I should probably have looked where I was going, but hey - toddler. What did you expect? I was allowed to be stupid sometimes.

I crashed headfirst into something rather hard and landed gracefully on my butt. "Ow."

Some shadow was blocking out the sun, at least partially. I squinted a little while trying to look up - sunlight was still almost crashing into my eyes. A tall man -_ very _tall, was standing on the exact spot where I had just crashed into. Well, that explained things.

I only managed a careful smile before hurrying to my feet and toddling back to my uncle as fast as I could. Strangers who were able to walk onto Father's property without worrying my uncle were probably fine, but that didn't mean that I felt comfortable around them.

"Quite a little hellion, I take it?"

His voice was booming. Not loud, just very powerful... and warm. I suddenly felt less intimidated by him than before. Something about him seemed familiar.

"Uzumaki through and through," Uncle commented politely. I somehow managed to pout. While I didn't know what the heck 'Uzumaki' was supposed to mean I certainly wasn't a 'hellion' - those were loud and brash and _annoying_. I was quiet, polite... and I wore modest colors. Black and blue, sometimes grey or white, and the Uchiha crest proudly on my back.

Mom-... _Mother_ liked wearing flashy colors. White, red, anything that caught attention. She was from a place called Uzushio, so I don't really know if that's normal for her or just a quirk. But I guess there's no harm in wearing that stuff at home and she wore rather elegant attire when going out.

Da-... Fath-... oh, whatever. Dad wore black and blue as well. They were after all our family's colors, and I was part of that family along with him.

I tried to hide myself behind Uncle without catching too much attention. Seems like the effect was the opposite of my intention, because the man now went down on one knee and extended a hand to me. I locked eyes with him, almost screaming 'Are you kidding me?' but kept my mouth shut out of fear of saying something stupid.

"She's shy," was all my uncle had to say before he shoved me forward with a light push of his palm. I almost lost my balance and literally stumbled directly into the stranger's arms.

I wanted to scream, I really wanted to, but the guy smothered me not just with his clothing but also with his warm nature and oh god his _presence_. It was powerful, so _powerful_... and unlike Dad's it seemed warm. Not dense like his, but... extending. Like the roots of a tree.

Tree... I somehow thought that was significant. Tree, _leaves... a village._ It had to do with a village, right. But what...

No matter what I did, my mind wouldn't comply. I knew that the knowledge was there, I just couldn't _access_ it. Which was really frustrating.

"So, you're little Kasai, hm?" He seemed to be talking more to himself than me, actually.

"You really look like him when he was younger, you know. The round face, the eyes... the hair.

"I've been waiting to meet you, but after the assassination attempts he became rather careful about your safety, so he refused to bring you outside... and I don't really have the time to visit."

So there had either been several attempts at my life already or other children had suffered the same fate. I didn't know which of the two sounded worse.

I made a muffled sound, mostly muted by his really soft haori.

He was carrying me somewhere. Inside, I think. Somewhere in my mind a voice told him to fuck off because I wanted to stay outside and _run_, but another voice went on how comfortable his presence was and how warm I felt and before I knew it I was asleep.

* * *

"It's a miracle she didn't sense you beforehand."

I blinked, feeling dazed and sleepy.

"She seemed to be rather occupied with her newfound freedom."

Again I blinked, slowly adjusting to the light. I felt so warm and comforted... it was almost scary. I usually only felt like that after nap time in Dad's lap.

"She isn't outside often, that's true."

That was definitely my uncle's voice... and he sounded rather accusing, too. I turned my head a little and found myself curled up in the stranger's haori_, _strategically placed on Dad's spare futon he kept in his study - oh god this was embarrassing. I had fallen asleep in the arms of a complete stranger.

Except... I was a toddler. I could get away with those things and look absolutely adorable while doing it.

"Hm. Poor thing. Children need sunlight to grow. Much like trees, really."

"I am aware. I have smuggled her into the backyard as often as possible."

The displeased grunt that followed after that statement could only have been my father.

I yawned, stretching my stiff limbs a little. My hair was even more ruffled than usual, but for now I didn't really care. My face felt numb, a good sign that I had patterns from the fabric etched into my skin. Probably looked ridiculous.

Or cute.

The entire room likely knew I was awake the moment I had stirred. Why they kept ignoring me was beyond me. When I sat up I finally garnered their attention - and a ton of 'oh look how cute' looks.

I also finally managed to notice that there were several people in here... two which I didn't know. Well, I technically knew one of them by courtesy of falling asleep and drooling on his clothes.

Seems like he took it with humor. Oh well.

The other was a stranger with red hair. Actually, scratch that - she looked like Mom with a different hairdo. And dark grey eyes.

Something told me that those people were really, _really_ familiar and really,_ really _important.

How did that guy know how my father had looked like as a kid? My memory senses were tingling... more like itching a lot. I _knew _that the memories were close to coming back from the way everything in my mind tickled and itched, but I couldn't quite reach for it yet.

I managed to waddle out of my futon and straight into my father's lap, who seemed rather displeased with my ruffled appearance but thankfully said nothing. He was seated on a pillow... actually, they were all sitting on pillows, and apparently enjoying some tea.

"Nap nap," I mumbled, just to see his reaction while I tried to curl up in his arms.

"No."

Ouch. That was cold. I looked at him with big, blue eyes - those innocent, beautiful puppy eyes. Nothing could withstand them.

"Kasai, no. You slept the entire day."

Oh. That explained that then. I didn't even know why the urge to sleep had overcome me so suddenly, but I guess it had to with me running around like a madwoman straight out of the asylum.

My lips formed a silent 'oh', while warm fingers moved through my hair - Dad trying to sort my mess of a mane into something presentable.

"It's a shame she looks so little like you, Umiko."  
That was the strange woman sitting next to Tree Man, the lady that looked like my Mom.

She clucked her tongue disapprovingly. "Really, Mito? look at her! Those are my eyes! And I'll make sure she has an Uzumaki temper to match the hair."

_Mito__, Uzumaki..._

My memories stirred, thoughts racing and pictures swirling in front of my eyes.

"_Nothing_ could be as wild as that hair, sister."

My father made a disgruntled grun-... _wait._ Hold, wait wait wait. Rewind that... had she just said _sister_ to my mother?

I looked back and forth between the two. Similar face and eye shape, the same expression,... the same fashion sense, as I noted with mild disgust.

"Ah, Kasai,"

Mom gently plucked me from Dad's lap and placed me into Mito's instead. The new position made me feel mildly uncomfortable, as I didn't know the woman at all aside from a few memories I couldn't quite recall.

"This is your aunt Mito. My older sister."

I almost fainted, really. Almost. My gaze darted up to her face and locked on her eyes. They were definitely pretty, even if dark. And she had a nice face shape, and she _did _look friendly enough.

"Hello?" I ventured forth carefully, never dropping my eyes from her face. The rest of the room probably realized this very instant how wary I was of strangers for a toddler. Not that I didn't just trust them, but the way I watched them like potential predators wasn't normal.

"Hello Kasai," she offered, with a gentle smile to soften her round features into something even warmer.

Her smile rang true to me. She wouldn't hurt me (no one would with my father around anyway), I would be okay.

I smiled back. It was a small smile, but it would have to be enough for now. To earn my trust like Uncle had you had to do a little more than just smile at me.

"She's a cute kid," I heard Tree Man say next to me. Even when speaking quiet his voice felt loud. Or rather intruding. Like Father's voice it compelled you to obey, but I guess Tree Man's made you feel a little better about it than the cold steel in Dad's words...

After a few silent minutes I crawled out of Mito's lap and placed myself in front of what appeared to be her husband. With a chubby hand outstretched, like he had done to me before, I locked gazes with him and allowed another careful smile.

"Kai," I offered. It was a bit embarrassing that I couldn't pronounce my own name, but he took it with humor and a reassuring grin.

the man took my _very_ small hand in his _really_ large hand - rough and calloused - and shook it very carefully. "Hashirama. I'm your uncle."

Boom. That's when my memories basically exploded. I suddenly felt dizzy as a ton of pictures invaded my mind like a wave, pictures and voices and a ton of old and forgotten memories, dusty and seemingly unimportant at first.

I knew that wasn't so. At the name 'Uzumaki' a spiral suddenly flashed in my mind, red and hypnotizing. A red fox, a boy with whisker marks, flaming red hair... the word 'chakra'. When I thought of Uchiha I thought of fire and pain and tragedy.

Mother was an Uzumaki, a clan from the Whirlpool Country specializing in the Sealing Arts. Father was an Uchiha, a clan from the Fire Country renowned for its fire techniques and genjutsu... and its bloodline limit. _Sharingan_. Suddenly Father's eyes flashing red didn't seem that ridiculous anymore.

Hashirama... Hashirama, head of the Senju clan, one of the two founders of Konoha, the _Village _hidden in the _Leaf_, famous for his special ability - the Mokuton. Uzumaki Mito, wife of the First Hokage and the Kyuubi's first vessel. I gulped, checking for her energy. It felt similar to my mother's, but nothing seemed to be lingering underneath. Well, it's not like I should know, I'm not a sensor-nin.

Though, thinking about it... I was apparently able to feel chakra. That was the strange stuff floating around me all the time, the thing I had dubbed _presence_.

My mind still flooded with thoughts I could barely handle, I carefully turned around, afraid of what I might find, and saw a demon staring back. The image of Father's eyes glowing red, menacing and blood-thirsty - before it disappeared and left me staring at the person I simply knew as Father. In this very moment I realized I would _always_ see this person as Father, no matter what. Because the memories of Papa came first, and the memories of Uchiha Madara, summoner of the Juubi and corrupter of Uchiha Obito, only came second.

_"You really look like him when he was younger, you know. The round face, the eyes... the hair."_

Coincidently I _knew_ how my father had looked like when he was younger. (Really freaking adorable), and hearing that I looked like him actually made me somewhat happy. Well, I've been told that my eyes are dark blue but other than that I seemed to resemble him a lot. Right down to the wild hair mane that was awfully difficult to tame.

"Madara," Hashirama suddenly said, his voice unusually serious. "Is she the clan heir?"

...Clan heir. That couldn't be, could it? Clan heirs were male. I definitely wasn't. Well, most of the time they were male anyway. Still, Hinata had been heir... but that was in _modern_ Konoha. And this here might not be Konoha at all.

Father stiffened, lips tight and brow creased. "The Clan Elders want to pressure me into trying for a boy."

I waddled back into his lap, the place where I felt safest. Mind still swirling and thoughts still racing, but a little bit more at ease now. He softly rested his warm hand on my head, a comforting feeling I hoped I would never have to miss.

Hashirama frowned. "That would be such a shame. She has potential."

Mother snickered. "Indeed. Her chakra is very special, as expected."

I blinked at this and tried to crane my neck to look into Father's eyes searchingly. "Your mother is a sensor-nin," he muttered. "Something you might be able to become as well."

My eyes widened comically, which earned me a few chuckles from the entire room. "Regardless, the clan heir is traditionally male."

I couldn't help but pout at this. Even though I had expected it those words still hurt. Father frowned, then directed a scolding glare at me. I withered away under his stare, sinking into his chest. "Don't sulk," he warned, "My patience is limited, Kasai."

"Yes," I muttered dejectedly. I hated this. Hated being treated differently for being a girl, hated not being allowed to do what I wanted to simply because I wasn't male. I would have rebelled, would have argued - but this was Father. Never, ever do you argue with _Father_. It was one of those unwritten rules I had picked up quickly.

So I just buried myself into his clothes, hiding that single tear rolling down my cheek and pouting angrily. It's not like I could have done anything else. At that time I wanted attention, _craved_ praise. Regardless of the consequences I wanted to impress, show that I was worthy. The dangers and pains of a shinobi's life didn't even come to mind when I made the decision to impress my father in any way possible.

Father's voice rumbled above me, like a distant thunder. "I am still the one making decisions in this clan." Uncle chuckled somewhere in the corner - it occurred to me that this was _Izuna_. Why the hell wasn't he blind as a mole?

"You could make her heir just to spite them, you know?"

At this, Father scoffed. "Decisions like this are best not made on _impulse_, Izuna."

Clan was a word that suddenly seemed very important. _The Clan_ seemed important. It was greater than you, it was greater than _anything_. It was your goal and your right as well as your reason to exist, it was backup, it was home, it was family, it was expectations and no, failure was not an option.

I was scared, to be honest. Scared of this giant construct that was the Clan, this shadow looming over my head. I wanted to understand it, be part of it. I decided that I wanted to _be_ Uchiha. And I would not hold back.

I had a chance to be strong now, significant, _special_. I had fucked my last life over so many times I stopped bothering to count, this would _not _happen here.

Maybe it was a bit unfair. Would it make me a prodigy if I could use my years of experience while others couldn't?

No matter. I had the advantage of a young brain and body now, I could _learn_ much quicker than a teen. But I still had parts of my old mind, meaning I knew what counted now.

Somehow I knew that, in this world, I had to be strong. I would not stay weak and play it safe. Staying weak would only get me killed. Become as strong as possible as fast as possible.

* * *

**A/N: **Before you go all 'Her family ties are ridiculous!' on me - yeah, Hashirama is her uncle through marriage, but it wouldn't have mattered much. Kasai would have ended up close to him anyway because her father deals with him on a regular basis and Hashirama just seems to be the kind of person people feel drawn to.

Why an Uzumaki as mother? Well, firstly because they have Sealing knowledge. I'm intrigued by the Sealing Arts - and this is still a self insert, right? Secondly because it seemed somewhat fitting - to strengthen the ties between Uchiha, Senju and Uzumaki. An arranged marriage seemed most plausible to me, and the clan needs an heir.  
We don't actually know if Mito had any siblings, and I took advantage of how little we know of her and just gave her a very large family. The Uzumaki are probably going to appear sooner or later.

The Uchiha clan because it seems to be one of the strictest clans - and if someone with my personality wants to turn into a ninja said person would need a lot of drilling and discipline before that could happen.  
Madara... because he's just interesting.

The obvious difference here is that Izuna is alive. Madara is still not the nicest person on earth, but he didn't turn into the asshole we know. Why Izuna gets to live? That's a secret!

Tell me what you think - if it's acceptable I'll keep writing. I'm technically writing this for myself, didn't actually plan to upload it.


	2. Chapter 2 - Promises

**Title: Fire Rebirth**

**Summary: **Obligations, expectations, all made heavier by a young village standing on shaky legs. The gigantic construct that is the Clan is greater than I, and failure is not an option. I am headed for greatness - provided the world doesn't come crashing down on me before I get there. /OC Self-Insert, slightly AU

**Author's Notes: **Nothing special. Enjoy!

Update 7/4/13: Fixed some embarrassing typos.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Obviously.**

* * *

**Chapter 2 - Promises**

"Kasai."

I perked, looking up from my writing practice. "Yes?"

My father was looming over me. He was a really tall figure, and his wild mane served to make him even more fierce. Rather incredible, Really. I always thought that he kept it that long to mock his enemies. 'Look at me, I'm a so far above you that I can keep my hair long, I'm out of your reach anyway.' I briefly wondered if he'd ever cut it should he lose, but that was doubtful.

"Come see me when you're done."

I nodded obediently, waiting for instructions where to look for him. When they didn't come I glanced up at him expectantly only to find that he was gone.

Simple tests like these came up every once in a while. I had learned that my clan - when I had started referring to the Uchiha as my clan I didn't know - was merciless in drilling its children. It was understandable, really. We came straight out of a war period with high child mortality, so the next generation had to grow up fast or get killed, at least that mentality still lingered and probably wouldn't go away for a while.

That didn't mean it was easy for me. I had been rather lazy in my past life, and it took me a good six months to get used to such a full schedule. I ended up incredibly winded every day, with aching legs and eyes so heavy I almost fell asleep during dinner more than once. When I wasn't practicing taijutsu, reading or writing, I was out with a few other Uchiha children to practice chakra control. Very simple exercises, not very difficult and made to make an early beginning easier. They wouldn't help older children at all because they were already so far above my level, but they helped children about my age to get a first grip on their control. I was already fairly good at it because my sensing abilities gave me a nice advantage.

I was only three and writing practice usually started just a little later, but my uncle thought it was good idea to teach me _sooner_ rather than later. It would help me with my coordination skills, my memorizing ability and my development in general.

I guess he was right. Either way, it gave me something to do and I was glad that I would be able to read _some_ read books on my own soon. I desperately wanted to go on a library binge and get started on the clan history. The few things Uncle told me simply weren't enough. I wanted to know it all.

I knew that someone was always watching me - and most of the time I _couldn't_ sense my silent guardians. I merely knew that they were there because I had observed and heard that much. My sensing abilities were far from perfect - I had a short range and anything above chunin could easily avoid me completely if they were trying.

I practiced my sensing constantly for this very reason. Mostly by trying to spot my guards, but I rarely ever found them.

My uncle never really masked his chakra and I was thankful for that. Having him around made me feel safe, even if he didn't have as much time as he used to. In exchange for that I got to spend a little more time with my _other_ uncle. It was quite impressive that my father actually trusted him enough to drop me off with him occasionally. It generally meant fun time, _relaxing_. Or 'Let's torment my ridiculously annoying little cousin' time. Kawarama was actually rather cute and one shouldn't make the mistake to assume that I didn't love that lovely little hellion, but he was a little _cousin_, more like a brother and little brothers were terrible.

He was technically about my age. Things would get better with time. And I did enjoy playing with him, even if I had the tendency to complain about him. I suppose I _shouldn't_ complain. It was a bit frustrating that I couldn't spend time with others who were closer to my mental age. The other Uchiha kids who even came close were so far ahead of me in terms of physical strength it wasn't even funny. They would make fun of me until I could keep up with them.

Kawarama was intelligent in his own right, probably ahead of his peers by a little. It wasn't fair to compare him to me - someone who had died at sixteen and ended up as toddler, eagerly learning how to read and write at the age of three because she had nothing better to do.

Uncle started running me through several katas last year. They are mostly meant to give me flexibility and very obviously designed for little Uchiha children like me, specialized to prepare us for the most common Taijutsu style utilized by our clan - Seishin Hōshutsu, or simply called Spirit Release. A rather poetic name for what was really just a fast-paced style meant to confuse and knock out the opponent as fast as humanly possible.

It was rather elegant, with neat pacing and damn it looked so graceful, but it was difficult for someone like me, who had never done anything like this before.

Then there was the fact that I wasn't exactly up to my old mind level, mostly because my brain simply couldn't go there yet. It was slightly difficult for me to concentrate on things like writing - okay, very difficult. I was managing, probably better than any three year old would simply because I knew what the heck I was doing, but it was still a challenge. My uncle was right - practicing did help with my development. I could read fairly well by now.

My body was slow and clumsy. Normal for a three year old, but very hard to get used to for someone once sixteen. I had never been particularly active or fit, but at least I had known how to move my body.

As far as my parents were concerned I was highly gifted, but not freakishly abnormal. Nothing like a spiritual mind transfer of a sixteen year old into a baby or something like that. No, completely normal.

Right.

I finished the last character, patiently waiting for my uncle to show up. He generally checked up on me every two hours or so, making sure that I was doing alright.

I could feel his chakra flare even before he opened the door - I know that it was a warning to alert me to his presence, but it still felt weird to have his usually calm chakra flare up like that.

The house was usually quiet. Sometimes I liked it that way, but sometimes I hated the stillness and silence - that's when I generally went looking for my cousin.

"Kasai." A low rambling next to my ear startled me out of my thoughts. I squeaked rather undignified at being taken by surprise in such a manner. Especially after being warned of his presence only seconds prior. My cheeks flooded with hot blood, but it faded as soon as it had come.

I peered over my shoulder to look at my uncle - that meanie had an amused smile on his face.

"You knew I was there, princess."

"Yes," I muttered, hiding my face behind my black bangs. They really resembled my father's hair a lot. I planned on braiding them, wanted to look at least somewhat different.

"Uncle, where's pa-..."

I forced myself to stop and recollect myself for five seconds. I still didn't know if I was even allowed to call him 'papa'. I knew that my father had a soft spot for me, but what I didn't know was how far that spot actually extended. I could always count on my uncle to be there. Father, though? Generally busy. Clan business, and if it wasn't clan business it was village related.

"Where's Father?"

There was a glint in his eyes I couldn't identify, probably directed at my clumsy attempt to conceal my slip up, but if it was more than slight curiosity he didn't let it show.

Instead he shrugged, rather gracefully so. He had the grace of a panther stalking its prey - unlike my father, who was a bit more forward in his style. Brute force against lethal grace. They matched each other surprisingly well, considering it all.

"How should I know? I'm not your father, am I?"

There was much more behind this question than just innocent banter, I knew it. From the way his smooth voice sounded just a bit too perfect to be natural, and the gleam in his eye.

"Unless there's something I wasn't made aware of I don't think so."

Uncle Izuna grinned toothily while patting my head softly. I used to pretend not liking it just so he would do it again.

"Your father was here not an hour ago, you should have been able to track him, no?"

"If Father does not wish to be found he will not be found," I spoke, nodding sagely while pouring as much wisdom as I could into that single sentence. Hey, it was _supposed _to sound ridiculous.

My reward was a chuckle and another pat on the head. I leaned into his palm, well aware that I might not get this again for some time. Uchiha were cheap when it came to caresses. As a baby I had gotten a free pass because I technically wasn't supposed to remember it, but the ability of memory should kick in soon. Or already had, in my case.

"Who says your father does not wish to be found?"

I managed to pout at this. The good old pouty face never failed to melt my uncle's heart in an instant, and probably wouldn't for a long time. It rarely worked on my father, if ever, but my mother relented easily enough.

"His signature disappeared the moment he left."

As if in thought, he hummed. A sound that came deep from his throat, rumbling somewhere in his chest.

"I know for a fact that he isn't far away."

I perked up at this - visibly apparently, because my uncle chuckled again. "Go check the armory, I'll look at your Hiragana."

I bobbed my head in a nod before hurrying to my feet and scurrying towards the room that contained Father's probably rather terrifying weaponry. I turned around just before reaching the doorway though, throwing one last glance at my uncle. "Thank you, Esuna!"

Yeah, I couldn't pronounce his name correctly. It was a bit frustrating, to be honest.

He snickered, the skin around his eyes crinkling with mirth. "Just go look for your father, girl."

I performed a clumsy bow before turning around and disappearing in the hallway.

Father could probably hear me minutes before I reached his armory. I hadn't learnt to walk silently yet, but to him it was second nature. I often wondered how he did it, walking without sound. I knew that my parents generally had to focus to actually _make_ a sound, and they often did so to alert me to their presence. Something I was thankful for - I did not like being startled. Sometimes Izuna was rather merciless though, because he snuck up on me to teach me those lessons early. Watch your back, be on your guard at all times. Just because I wasn't sent into the field at six that didn't mean that there was no need to be careful.

I scurried around the next corner and spotted the light shining through the small slit under the door. So Father really was here. Just when I was about to throw the door open his voice forced me to freeze on the spot.

"Stay there," he commanded, and I didn't dare to disobey. If the metallic clutter from the other side of the door was any indication he was probably making sure there was nothing I could step on in there.

It didn't take long from a purely logical standpoint, but to me it felt like minutes before he gave me permission to enter.

I shoved the door open, with much more caution than I had intended to use the first time and paused for a few seconds before entering.

Father had removed the stray weaponry that normally cluttered his workbench, as I knew from the few glances I had briefly thrown in here while passing in the hallway. His Gunbai leaned against the solid woodwork, partially de-bandaged and halfway cleaned of blood and other remnants of battle.

I was actually never allowed to come in here and had my uncle not told me to go I wouldn't have considered coming here to look for him. Father probably told him to send me here when I was done with my Kanji.

There was a small, obviously often used stool in the corner next to the workbench. Its surface was already smooth from the long evenings of tedious, thorough weapon care. Time I knew he enjoyed, it was a way for him to relax. His shoulders didn't seem quite as tense and his eyes not quite as cold here, despite the hard, red shadows of the flame softly crackling in the fireplace.

He gestured me to come closer. Because Madara Uchiha was not to be defied I obeyed, and for so many more reasons I did not want to think about. He was my father - sometimes scary, easily agitated, but that would never make me not obey him.

With feet shuffling on the ground I waddled closer until I was about an arm's length away from him. I'd love to say that I wasn't surprised when he scooped me up in one sweep and placed me firmly on his shoulder, would love to say that I didn't squeak like a little mouse - but that would be pretty much a lie. And I can squeak pretty hard. Unfortunately.

"Father?" I asked with meek surprise.

He didn't respond, merely forced out a soft sigh.

"What do you see, child?"

I let my gaze wander around the room, never lingering longer than necessary. Flickering, searching. Eyes slowly widening and mouth gaping. Father's arsenal wasn't to be taken lightly. I stopped at Father's wall above his work desk. Neatly aligned on the wall, cleaned and sharpened, were the most terrifying swords I had ever seen. The image of those swords coated in red, cold blood flooded my mind and somewhere a voice called that this wasn't my imagination. A memory, faint and distant, a picture of a cold Kunai pressed to my throat... Sharp blades, meant to tear, rip, shred, _kill._ Some looked absolutely brutal, others seemed fairly merciful. None of them had any sheen - that could end up rather badly for a shinobi. But they all had in common that they were made to _hurt_.

I sunk backwards, thoughts now racing. Kill. Those weapons were meant to kill. Not just hurt, _kill_.

For the first time since my revelation about the Uchiha clan I actually felt frightened - because this was my future, and I had no other choice. So laid out directly in front of me I suddenly realized that _yes_, shinobi killed for a living and this is what I had signed up for.

_What I was born into._

I gripped the arm holding me firmly place until my knuckles went white and my fingers began to ache. He probably didn't feel much from my toddler death grip, but I could see a frown forming on his face.

There was no way out now. I couldn't go back, turn away, rewind time. I had shown them what I could do, and they would be fools to let it go. I only had myself to blame.

I felt his firm hold around me loosen and I feared for a second that he'd drop me, that I had disappointed him, but instead he just heaved me from his shoulder and propped me up against his side, now firmly held in place by his arm.

There was a bucket of water next to the fireplace that now served as a quick way to kill the flames that illuminated the room. A hissing sound and the smell of smoke in the air, then darkness. For some odd reason it didn't frighten me despite being one of my primal sources of fear in my past life. I still didn't _like_ it, but it didn't make me cry. Not now.

Arguably adorable toddler face all scrunched up in a frown - must seem weird for any outsider - I pressed my cheek into the rough fabric that covered his chest. I heard a strong heartbeat underneath and felt chakra running through his coils like blood. Father always smelled of smoke and ash. It was probably a side-effect from his constant dealings with the Uchiha's famous fire powers. I knew that the smell didn't last through a long bath because... I just knew. because he had been with me often enough that I didn't need to exactly remember when I had learned that.

He smoothed my wild mane with his gloved fingers - more a habit than anything else. We both knew that it was useless anyway, because I had inherited his sorry excuse for hair. But it was oddly soothing in a way, a means to calm my wild heart from its unhealthy rate. Fear hadn't left me even now, the notion of what was to come being more than enough to rekindle the flames of fright.

We left the room in darkness, followed by it through the entire house. His destination was unknown to me, as was his reason for the sudden silence. While Father didn't speak often and was rather sparse with his words silence generally didn't feel unnatural or uncomfortable with him. Like now. Yeah, uncomfortable was the right word. But that might just have been my still panicked mind.

It seemed like an eternity to me, even though my mind logically knew that it only took about half a minute to reach the exit to the courtyard in a moderate pace.

Darkness already claimed the world and kept it in its claws. Cold air immediately caught me and replaced the comforting warmth of our home with the cool winds only the night could bring. Night air felt different to me - fresher, silent. It didn't really make sense, it just was like that.

Father readjusted his hold on me and wound another arm around my body, not to strengthen his grip but to keep me warm. At least I thought so.

"Hold on," he rumbled, somewhere close to my ear. What was he planning? A sense of dread overcame me as it dawned to me that he was a _ninja_... and ninjas traveled the fast way...

As fear reestablished its grip on me I tightly wound my arms around his neck, burying my face between his shoulder and throat. I think I heard him chuckle then, before he took off with such a speed I thought my innards were twisting.

For a few seconds pure panic enveloped my heart. I felt cold, the wind was tearing at my skin and through my hair until my ears felt numb and the fear of dropping to my death or running into a wall headfirst clouded all my thoughts.

I was going to die.

We were too fast, way too fast, how did he even know where he was going?

I closed my eyes in panic, gripping the fabric under my fingers until my knuckles went wide.

And then he went vertical.

Up and up and up until I thought I was going to cry, until I was whimpering despite my fear of making him angry - you didn't want to see Father angry.

_No no no no no please stop please stop please sto-... _

He came to a sudden halt and the world stopped spinning. I took a deep breath, not quite sure if I was still in one piece, before carefully lifting my head from his shoulder and taking a good look around.

This was... well, it _looked _like the Hokage Mountain. Or rather what would become the Hokage Mountain one day. Personally I always thought the heads carved into the stone looked kind of silly...

I was still panting, fingers still buried deep in his clothes. Father seemed as composed as ever. Such a small jog around the village was probably nothing to him.

I let my gaze wander but darkness was all-encompassing. My eyes weren't good enough for the darkness, so I tried to rely on my other senses. Checking for Chakra signatures revealed... my uncle? Huh?

While I tried to wrap my head around the fact that Hashirama apparently took nightly strolls to the mountain my father began to move once again, steps confident and strong despite the lack of light and the uneven terrain. Slowly but surely the shape of a tall figure began to form in the darkness, a contrast to the black of the night sky.

I think he knew of our presence long before he could actually see us - I for one couldn't hide my chakra, and aside from the fact that _every_one had chakra mine wasn't even exactly small, mostly because of heritage. It wasn't ridiculously big like Naruto's or even my father's, but it was above average for a toddler. Until I was six or seven it wouldn't really develop further anyway.

"It's a bit late for Little Sapling, no?"

Father hummed, a rumble that resonated and vibrated in his chest.

Contrary to popular belief not every Uchiha answered everything in monosyllabic grunts. Father was actually not a fan of that at all, and I got punished for just getting close to falling into that habit. Now he was doing it himself. Hypocrite.

He set me down on the ground. I cried in dismay, mostly because it was _cold _and Father was incredibly warm, like a walking heater. It seemed as if he never felt cold.

Before I knew it someone else had already picked me up - my uncle this time. He was equally warm, and I tried to take advantage of his clothes by basically crawling inside, assuming that he wouldn't mind.

"Madara, your poor daughter is freezing."

His voice rumbled next to my ear and vibrated so much my skin and eardrums began to tickle. I couldn't see Father's or Hashirama's expressions, so I had to guess their mood from their voices.

"It's not that cold. She'll live."

Father was merciless when it came to things like this.

Hashirama harrumphed, and I snorted because of the tickling which earned me a pat on the back.

"Why did you bring her here?"

That was actually a good question, one I'd like to ask myself.

"There's something she needs to see here." Father sounded rather heavy, solemn. See something? Here? In the dark? Wouldn't it have been better to take me here during daytime?

Hashirama made an affirmative sound, as if he got some hidden meaning in Father's words - they sounded fairly plain to me.

"Hm. May I, Madara? I'm a bit more sensible than you..."

I heard another grumble. "You don't know _why_, mop head."

My uncle strategically ignored the nickname. "So tell me then. What brought this on?"  
A heavy silence followed, until Father spoke again. "Fear."

My ears perked up at this, and I momentarily lifted my chin a little.

"Maa, just let me take care of this. I'll drop her at your complex tomorrow."

"If I find her in pieces by the time tomorrow comes..."

"Isn't going to happen, mother duck." I could almost see my father bristle at this. It was kind of funny how certain things triggered his protectiveness while others didn't... I guess Shinobi parents were just peculiar. They went through life or death situations on a regular basis after all.

"Now shoo. Don't make your lady wait."

It was no surprise that no one talked to my father like this except Hashirama. They knew each other since childhood and were more or less equals in terms of strength... okay, maybe not equals. But they were close. Chakra monsters, the both of them.

I felt Father's chakra disappear. For a second I was surprised that he left without another word, especially after being talked to so rudely. He generally didn't tolerate that... but then again, _Hashirama_.

I still couldn't believe my luck of ever meeting this man, much less him being my _uncle_.

He often smelled of forests, of earth, sometimes of water. Always of nature. Perhaps because he was outside so often - less and less these days, his office kept him confined inside - but still a creature of nature.

I loved him, because he was kind and good-natured, inspiring, warm... and funny. Dear old uncle knew how to crack a joke.

I didn't love him like uncle Izuna, no. Izuna meant the world to me, simply because he was always there. Even when my father wasn't, Izuna would be there, had always been since I was a baby.

Mother I loved just as much, because she was supporting and gentle and yet so strong. A role model for someone like me.

Father... father was a different beast. I didn't fear him. A long time ago, in my past life, I probably would have called it fear - but fear was the terrifying cold that had gripped me when someone had tried to kill me as a mere baby.

I respected Father, never feared him. His punishments were harsh and more often than not failure was not an option, but he didn't expect the impossible, nor did he push me far beyond my limits. He also meant safety and protection from things I couldn't protect myself from. Father's name was power. For me it brought expectations. And chances.

I heard my uncle sigh, and the warm breath brushed through my hair, fanning along my ear like a small flame.

"Your father is an odd one, you know? Used to be nicer as a kid." He chuckled to himself.  
"There was a time when I was afraid he'd lose himself to the shadows."

He softly readjusted his hold of me, one arm under my legs, the other around my torso.

"But his brother was there to keep him sane. Who knows what would have happened without him around..."

I shuddered, because I knew _exactly _what would have happened. He would have gone insane and... come back with a stupid plan for world domination. I wouldn't let that happen here.

"I know he probably has high expectations of you. It's hard not to."

He patted my head, so softly he must be thinking I was made of glass.

"Just don't let that scare you. Even if you fail he won't drop you. Trust me."

At this I lifted my chin and saw straight into his eyes. There was something solemn there, something honest. He was so sure of what he said. I wonder how it felt to have the confidence to never question yourself and the strength to back it up. When you were as strong as him you could be as laid back as you wanted to be, who exactly could call you out on it?

I wanted to be like him, strong and kind and admired, but I wanted to be like Father, too... respected, saluted.

In my past life social anxiety and learned helplessness had crippled any efforts to make a good future for myself. Ever since I came here my clan had started to drill that behavior out of me before even knowing that it existed... and I was _grateful_ for that. I didn't want to be that girl again. Never again.

"I believe you... but I won't fail."

I hadn't said much this evening and he was obviously surprised when I suddenly spoke up, but his surprise soon morphed into a warm smile.

"Good... I'll take your word on that, hear me? Now that we've got that out of the way, can you imagine why your father brought you here?"

"Because the village looks pretty?"

I actually had a crawling suspicion, but while I did want to show that I was intelligent this would probably overdo it a little.

"Ah, no," he chuckled, "but I agree with you!" and the chuckle grew into a full-fledged laugh.

"It's beautiful, and peaceful."

Hashirama dropped himself on the ground, folding his legs and softly settling me comfortably in his lap. "When we were younger there were no Hidden Villages, only many clans waging war for a living."

He absentmindedly patted my hair. I was actually delighted at all the attention I was getting today. First from my uncle, then my Dad, now my other uncle... I bet something bad would happen in return, just you wait.

"The Senju and Uchiha clans were only two of many. I watched some... pretty close family members die at a young age."

He seemed to drift off for a while, and I didn't feel like bothering him when this was obviously important to him.

"I wanted to change it. Your father had similar ideas, but it wasn't until much later that we actually came around to do it."

At this he made wide gesture with his arm, symbolically encompassing the entire village.

"This is the result. It's not perfect, but it's a step up from the old system, believe me. Things are much more peaceful here, and us shinobi have a purpose now. To protect the village with our lives..."

A cold gust of air blew through my hair and into my face, but I ignored it, all my attention directed at the sleeping village beneath us.

"You're afraid of something."

I nodded, eyes still glued to the shapes and forms of houses, homes of people, _civilians_. People that couldn't defend themselves, people that were helpless in the face of a shinobi attack. Was it fair then, fair to drag these people into the quarrels of Shinobi? Or were they actually safer here?

"Tell me what it is."

I remained silent for a long while, unmoving, almost tranquil in the night's soothing calmness.

"Shinobi fight other Shinobi," I suddenly blurted out. "And they hurt each other."

My uncle was apparently taken aback or maybe surprised, because he tightened his grip around me and pulled me closer. "You're unusually aware for a toddler, you know?" he muttered, distress creeping into his voice.

I remained silent at this, simply because I couldn't exactly explain that I wasn't a toddler inside. It was all I could do to suppress the worry that he would get suspicious. I shouldn't even be able to remember anything from this age, yet I clearly did. Some memories became blurry sometimes, more so than normally, but they usually remained.

As my thoughts wandered I lowered my head, now staring at my fingers folded in my lap. For some reason I wasn't cold anymore and wondered if my uncle had something to do with it.

"It is true," he muttered, words slow and dragged, "that death is part of a Shinobi's life. Why are you even thinking about this, Kasai? You shouldn't even know what that is."

I panicked inwardly but somehow managed to keep calm to the outside. "I was... attacked as a baby, wasn't I?"

"How... who told you? Madara wanted to keep that a secret!" Uncle suddenly seemed worried, distressed and... angry? Not at me, apparently.

"I..." I gulped. "No one told me. I remember." All I could do was hope that he'd mistake the tremor in my voice for a lasting trauma from that night.

Silence followed, then he shifted, arms around my torso, turning me around till I could see his face. He must have seen how distressed I was then, because he soothingly petted my hair. "You shouldn't be able to remember that. How come?"

"I don't know," I whispered, eyes lowered. A lie, though probably hard to tell.

"Hm," he hummed. "Stranger things have happened."

The fact that he wasn't worried at all made me question his intelligence, although just a little. Perhaps he had reasons.

"I could think of one reason," he continued, voice strangely distant as if his mind had wandered off to somewhere else. "Uchiha have a special chakra in their brain," he began, pointing at my forehead. "It usually only gets produced under emotional stress, however."

Of course, the chakra that caused the Sharingan to surface.

"I suppose being attacked out of nowhere counts as emotional stress." The smile that flickered across his face seemed more like a tortured grimace, to be honest. This subject appeared to be painful for him.

"It's possible, I suppose..."

He drifted off again, leaving me to wonder what he was talking about. I didn't feel like prodding either, so I just curled up into a little ball of toddler, basically ready to fall asleep.

"I'll have to talk with Madara about this. Maybe contact a Yamanaka..."

The mere notion of that caused me to panic a little. Yamanaka could read memories, and while my old ones were blurry at best I didn't want him to find out anything about _that_. Who knew what the consequences could be. Nope, not good at all. But I technically shouldn't know what a Yamanaka is, so complaining now would seem suspicious.

"Ah, anyway. That's not the subject at hand, is it? So you're afraid of what a Shinobi's life might bring."

"Yes," I muttered into his clothes.

He hummed softly, lacing his fingers into my hair. "We first and foremost protect the village. Do you want to protect, Kasai?"

Did I want to? Be strong enough to protect those I loved? Yes, I wanted to be. Above all else I wanted to be stronger than my old self, and a blessing instead of a burden.

"Yes," I breathed, barely audible, but apparently he caught it nonetheless. A brilliant smile stretched his lips.

"Good, then you have your answer."

So... that was it. Death was part of a shinobi's life, and I was born into the wrong time period to complain. Had I ended up in Naruto's time I might have been able to be part of that time of change, the true peace he's supposed to bring, but as it was I was stuck in the time that's only halfway at peace.

Choices, choices. Sure, choices were there, but the consequences were uncomfortable either way. Become a ninja, suffer the death that surrounds you. Drop out, disappoint father... and Hashirama. I had promised him that I wouldn't fail.

... Fail at what, exactly? Fail to become strong? I knew I could do that - I had the needed guidance, the best circumstances, the best genes. And I had a reason to.

Even in my past life I had feared to disappoint others. In a way I had built my life around others and at the same time not. Selfishly, egoistically, but somehow still selfless. How that was possible, I don't know.

No, I wouldn't fail to become strong. But I could fail to fulfill the purpose of a Shinobi. And that's something that just wouldn't do. I've already given my promise, failure is not an option.

Failure. is. _not_. an option.

Like a mantra, it embedded itself into my mind.

"Failure is not an option," I repeated softly, solemnly, quietly yet firm. Clenching my fists and closing my eyes until nothing but the wind and my uncle's steady breathing remained.

"For you or your clan?"

He sounded careful, as if he feared that my clan's philosophy had scarred me already, but I merely smiled, softly shaking my head. My last life was nothing but failure. Not this time. _Not this time._

"For me."

Uncle remained silent for a minute, before gently picking me up and holding me against his chest, where I could rest my cheek against his strong, steadily beating heart. He rose from his position, apparently about to return home.

"I feel that you're honest, good. Now it's time to sleep my dear, it's already far too late for you."

On this I absolutely agreed and let out a yawn just to prove his point, earning me a quiet laugh from him.

"Good night, little firecracker."

I hummed in response before closing my eyes and falling asleep.

* * *

**AN: **Some Hashirama, Izuna being sly and Madara not having a single sensible bone in his body.

To be honest, I'm not sure what to think about this chapter. In regards to Kasai's interest in history - personally I love history. And if I were to end up in the Naruto world I'd try to find out as much as possible, that's just how I am.


	3. Chapter 3 - Mirrors

**Title: **Fire Rebirth

**Summary: **Obligations, expectations, all made heavier by a young village standing on shaky legs. The gigantic construct that is the Clan is greater than I, and failure is not an option. I am headed for greatness - provided the world doesn't come crashing down on me before I get there. /OC Self-Insert, slightly AU

**Author's Notes: **I know it's going slow. The chapter is slightly longer than the last two.

Update 4/7/13: Fixed typos.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Obviously.**

* * *

**Chapter three - Mirrors**

During my fifth year an announcement was made by my parents, one that basically shocked me to my bones.

For the last four years I had enjoyed the undivided attention my parents were giving me as their only child. When it came to family matters (unless one included the entire clan) _I_ was their priority. It was my training they cared about first and foremost, it was me they provided for above all else. I didn't care how selfish that was, I had gone through this once, I didn't feel like going through it a second time.

So the day my mother announced that she got pregnant was also the day my world shattered to pieces. Because I didn't want to share my parents, didn't want to share my uncles, my aunt, my cousin... They were _mine_, my family... so how dare a little baby try to steal that from me?

It was a terrible time. I refused to speak to anyone aside from the barest necessities, and didn't speak to my parents at all even if that behavior got me into horrible trouble with Father. My training continued as usual, but I tackled it with less fervor and motivation each day until my improvement rate trickled down to a snail's pace.

Above all else I feared that it would be a boy. A boy that would steal my place in this family entirely, a boy who'd become the clan heir and I'd just fall to the wayside. I would just become one of the many girls of the Uchiha clan. A face among hundreds.

It was so ironic how all the attention of the past four years made me crave for more when I had avoided getting attention in my past life. At all times. I know that even back then my _younger_ self had wished for the attention I had gotten so rarely, but that wish had died down.

And now it was back in full force.

I trudged along the path that led to our house idly, procrastinating rather than doing anything useful - like going on that library binge I had planned since learning how to read simple texts. I felt that it didn't matter anymore. What use was the clan's history to me when... when I didn't matter to them?

I probably had 'depressed' written on my forehead as I walked down the path. I didn't feel like facing my father today who'd become restless and irritate since I started behaving in this manner. He flew off the handle rather easily, and now his formerly so obedient daughter defied his every word.

Wandering without a real goal, I took a look around, gaze drifting from tree to tree. Technically I wasn't supposed to be here. Those were the shared training grounds most frequently used by some of the slightly older children of our clan, and it wasn't really a place for kids my age because they were throwing around fireballs rather easily. Regardless of that I felt like coming here. I don't know what made today different from other days, but something compelled me to explore.

Perhaps it was the wish for something new - something that a sibling couldn't take from me. Everything that was part of the family we would have to share, but everything that was not... I could create things for my own, things I wouldn't have to share.

Perhaps that's why I decided to come here today. And as far as I'm concerned it certainly wasn't a bad decision, because I met someone here.

I felt the fireball coming long before I saw it. It swished past me in a wave of heat and light and impacted with a rock not far behind me only seconds later. Somewhere up in the trees a chakra signature flashed. A sign that I wasn't alone, not even here. So my guards had followed me but decided not to interfere with a four year old toddler wandering on dangerous training grounds?

Dad would rip them a new one if he caught wind of this...

A second fireball didn't come, as I had expected initially. Instead a boy, ragged in appearance and out of breath, came running towards me with a speed that gave me the impression of hurry.

I warily took a step backwards, fear washing over me before I remembered that I was watched, _protected_.

He came to a quick and sudden halt in front of me, dropping to his knees and looking at me with worry in his eyes.

"You're okay? I didn't hurt you, right?"

I shook my head, mild surprise making its way to my face. He seemed older than me, maybe three or four years. His hair was a black, short mess with slight curls, his face still boyishly round - a touch of childhood.

"I'm sorry, I didn't see you there."

Shrugging, I just shook my head. "Ah, well..." I mumbled, my old shyness coming back in full force. "I'm not supposed to be here, actually..."

He reared back, surprise on his face clearly visible.

Blinking, he stared at me for a few seconds. "You don't even look scared..." he muttered, eyes on the ground. Was he... depressed because his fireball hadn't scared me? Eh...

"What's your name?"

I considered answering him. Doing so would enable him to go and play snitch to my father, which could get me into neck-deep trouble. On the other hand my guards would probably tell him anyway, even if that would get _them _in trouble. Unless they were under orders to let me do whatever I want, which I personally believed to be highly unlikely.

Mentally shrugging I just decided to throw it all out and go with it. "It's Kasai."

His lips formed a silent 'oh', as if he had a sudden epiphany. "You're the clan head's daughter."

Disappointment and pride washed over me at the same time. Pride because he recognized me at all, disappointment because he merely saw me as the clan head's daughter. It was a bit frustrating to ever only be the clan head's daughter to everyone.

"Hey... how about I bring you home? It's not far from he-"

"No!" I quickly interjected, a bit of panic in my eyes. Didn't want to, _couldn't_ face my father today! "I mean... no. I want to see you train!"

He seemed taken aback because he lost his balance and landed on his butt rather ungracefully. I only noticed seconds later that he was on the ground because I was leaning forward and he probably didn't want to touch me now that he knew my identity.

"I mean - you made a fireball, and you're a kid like me, right? And fireballs are difficult, _right_?"

"Actually..." the boy scratched the back of his head. "Look, this could get me into serious trouble. You're our clan head's daughter, we aren't supposed to-"

"_Please!_" I begged at him, fists now curled into his dark blue clothes. "I don't want to go home... if Dad wants to punish you I'll take the blame, I swear!"

It seemed as if my desperation swayed him, because he let out a sigh and lowered his eyes a little.

"Alright... but if I get in trouble for this-"

"You won't! Pinky promise?"

At first surprised, he stared at my finger with an incredulous look on his face and for a few seconds I feared that he'd laugh at me, but then he hooked his little finger with mine, a mild smile on his face. "Seems like you're a child after all. I've heard the other children say that you aren't... normal, you know? Not like them, I mean. They don't like you."

That hurt. Just a little. Okay, a lot actually. My head suddenly felt heavy and I directed my eyes at the ground, all mirth gone from my face. Tear prickled my eyes at the thought of others talking badly about me behind my back. I've always hated it and always would.

All thoughts of sobbing flew out of the window when two warm hands gripped my shoulders, softly steadying me before I could lose my balance. Briefly wondering how a child could be so strong I looked up again, gazing at the boy.

"Hey... don't cry, okay? Children like you aren't really that uncommon in our clan. It's just that... you're the clan head's daughter, so you come across as spoiled."

"Oh."

Oh indeed. That's all I could say or think about that, because I hadn't even considered what other children would think of me. I knew that my father had a soft spot for me... but spoiled?

"I bet your father teaches you, doesn't he?"

I ruefully shook my head. "Not that much, actually... I mean, he _does_ take me out for exercise occasionally but I usually train with my uncle."

He seemed surprised at that, because his eyebrows rose. "Really?"

An awkward silence made its way between us, during which I fiddled with the soft fabric of my sleeves and the boy just stared at the ground.

"So... uhm. I haven't told you my name yet. So..." he offered me his hand, and I took it carefully. "I'm Kagami!"

Huh... now, that sounded kind of familiar.

I was allowed to watch him throw fireballs across the training ground for ten more minutes or so - they weren't big and probably not very chakra consuming if my sensing abilities weren't fooling me, but I was content to just watch regardless. After that he switched to kunai throwing and taijutsu. Kagami seemed to be quite good for his age, but not on a level that would scream "Prodigy!" in everyone's faces, and I was totally okay with that. By Uchiha standards he was your average seven year old boy, technically fit to survive a few minutes on the battle field but allowed to remain child for a while longer yet thanks to the founding of Konoha.

After two hours he seemed to be out of breath though, because he dropped down next to me, panting heavily and beads of sweat rolling over his face.

I passed him a water bottle and smiled at him toothily. "You're awesome!"

He paused for a few seconds, looking at me with a face I couldn't quite recognize. Perhaps he thought I was mocking him?

It took a while, but he slowly began to smile. "Thanks!"

"Can you teach me how to make them? The fireballs, I mean..."

"Well..." Kagami scratched the back of his head. "Can you make hand seals already?"

Oh. Blood rushed to my face and I quickly averted my gaze, heat enveloping my entire body all of a sudden.

"Uhm... no, not really." My voice became quieter with every word and was naught but a whisper at the end. "Sorry for asking," I quickly added.

I really just wanted to hide after this, because this was really embarrassing. I _knew _that jutsu required hand seals and that I wasn't able to make them and here I was, asking if he could teach me a jutsu. Father would probably go up the walls anyway if he ever heard that I hadn't learned my first jutsu from him.

But Kagami? He just laughed. It wasn't a mocking laughter, the condescending kind - it was just carefree. And it made me happy, washed away some of the embarrassment.

"Don't worry. I'll bet you'll learn them soon enough. I should take you home now, it's getting late."

"Uhm," I interjected. "You don't have to. If Father sees you..." I averted my eyes, fixing the ground.

Kagami shook his head. "Look, it's getting dark and I don't want to see you walking around alone. The clan head would bite my head off."

The urge to tell him that I was guarded at all times bubbled up within me, but I quickly realized that this was supposed to be a secret, so I just nodded and allowed him to lead the way. He probably thought that it was his duty as a member of the clan...

Getting to my family's residence didn't take us long. It wasn't bigger or better than any of the other houses - the only difference was that it was placed a bit away from all the other homes. From what I had gathered the current Uchiha compound wasn't where the one in the Manga had been... it was located in the center of Konoha, building an uneven triangle with the Hyuga compound and the loose composition of homes and residences that made up the living area of the Senju clan. Theirs was the only area not completely walled off.

I rather liked this, to be honest. It meant that I could reach the home of my uncle rather easily.

Kagami apparently knew his way around, because he found my home with relative ease. I hoped that he could see me off before Father caught us, but I guess fate decided differently. When we arrived he was already waiting outside, and definitely not amused, judging from the nonplussed look on his face and his signature crossed-arms stance. I gulped, reaching for Kagami's arm but withdrawing quickly when I realized what I was doing.

"Kasai," Father acknowledged my trembling form, then focused his eyes on Kagami. I was suddenly worried that I couldn't keep my promise to him.

"Kagami, is it?"

So... Father knew the boy's name? That was a bit unexpected. Our clan wasn't small and we had a lot of children growing up in the current generation simply because our numbers were actually low at this point and the timing was perfect with the village backing us up.

"Yes, Madara-sama."

Father made an affirmative sound before refocusing on me, a glare already in the making.

"It wasn't his fault," I quickly blurted out. This was obviously _bad_, because now it was clear that I had done something I wasn't supposed to do.

I dared to look up, only to find Father smirking at me.

"You're talking to me again," he noted dryly, mild amusement lacing his voice, though I'm sure that was only on the surface. He _was_ angry, or at least annoyed at my disappearance.

Oh. Well.

Embarrassed by this situation I began to scowl at the ground, not knowing what to say and not wanting to look at Father. Or Kagami, who appeared to be confused by what was going on.

When I dared to lift my gaze again Father was looking back and forth between Kagami and me suspiciously. "Explain this."

I foolishly remained silent, glaring at the ground once again, but Kagami appeared to have more brains than me. "I met her at the shared training grounds, Madara-sama."

One could basically feel the temperature drop by a few degrees as Father's cold gaze rested on me entirely. A tickling sensation danced across my skin, a feeling of coldness that invaded my senses.

"Not only do you defy me, you disobey my _orders_. Get inside. Now."

I barely managed to get past the doorstep before salty tears began to prick my eyes. I had made Father angry, _truly_ angry. He hated disobedience, and I knew that I wasn't supposed to go to the training grounds. It wasn't just mere disobedience. I had gotten myself in danger, even with my guards around. I don't even know why they hadn't interfered. From what I knew they were supposed to make sure I wouldn't leave home.

Father's voice still reached me, muffled but comprehensible. He was sending Kagami on his way.

"Be gone now, my daughter has other matters to attend to."

* * *

I sat on my bed, idly watching the sun set in front of the window - waiting for my punishment. Uncle was outside, as was Mother, talking to my father. Traitors, the both of them.

Sighing, I let myself fall backwards onto the soft sheets.

Spoiled... Kagami's words echoed in my mind. I wasn't allowed outside often, perhaps that was the reason why. I had my control exercises along with the others, but most of the time I was more focused on my exercises than anything else.

Well, I guess having Hashirama as uncle didn't really help my case. Being subject of negative judgment bothered me, always has. I hated being seen in a negative light on a personal level.

My gaze rested blankly on the ceiling. I spaced out, thinking about what I had done today. Of course, just walking off like that hadn't been a good idea, but despite Father's scorn I didn't exactly regret it. Kagami seemed nice from what I had seen. While making sure that I got home in one piece we had chatted quite a bit. I _tried _sounding a bit more like a toddler and less like a sixteen year old, but it didn't always work. I would always come off a little bit smarter than a four year old should be, giving off the impression that I was a prodigy. Maybe I was, at this point I couldn't really tell anymore.

The door was shoved open not too gently. I felt Father's cold aura before I actually saw him, looming over me like a shadow. His eyes weren't red, as I quickly noted with relief, but he did still seem rather nonplussed. Not exactly mad or angry, maybe just a little disappointed?

"I've been informed of your recent activities."

I gulped. Just how much did he know?

"No more lies, girl. What were you _thinking_?" he demanded, not quite aggressive but not exactly gentle either.

"I..."My mouth suddenly felt dry. I sat up, taking my eyes from the ceiling and focusing on the floor instead. Not much better.

"Look at me," Father ordered, his voice calm but firm. Not the nice kind of calm either, more the furious kind.

I lifted my gaze, looking him straight in the eye. No Sharingan. Good.

What exactly should I say to him? I'm jealous of my unborn sibling? That didn't sound too good. Or mature, thinking about it. Sure, I was a toddler to them but inside I wasn't.

Perhaps, just perhaps... I should really just tell him the truth. I was tired of this charade, this silent rebellion against things I couldn't change. I didn't _want_ any siblings but I couldn't stop what was already in motion.

"I wasn't running away..." I muttered quietly. Father, apparently pleased that I would finally answer him, only softly shook his head. "I wasn't under that impression."

A breath of relief escaped me. The last thing I wanted was to give my parents the impression that I didn't want to be here anymore. The Uchiha clan was... I couldn't really explain it, but it was home. _Family_. I couldn't leave that behind even if I wanted to.

"I don't want any siblings..."

He scoffed. "That isn't yours to decide."

I scowled, lowering my eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Because I'm afraid of losing my family."

Silence followed. I didn't know what to say and Father remained quiet. Only seconds passed, yet it felt like minutes until he suddenly grabbed my chin, startling me till the hairs in my neck stood up, and forced me to look him in the eye. "What on earth makes you think that?"

He actually seemed angrier than before. Did the notion of me fearing abandonment from him really bother him that much?

"Babies need a lot of attention. And if it's a boy..."

I averted my gaze, staring to the side. "If it's a boy I'll become unimportant..."

The displeased growl that came from Father's throat made me feel even more uneasy than before. The pressure of his fingers on my chin disappeared and my head fell down without him to keep it up.

"Nonsense. You're worried that I will ignore you in favor of a younger sibling and your response to that is to isolate yourself from us completely?"

"I... uhm..."

I still didn't dare to look at him, tension building up in my neck and shoulders. This would make for a nice headache later. "I'm sorry," I muttered quietly.

"You should be. Now tell me why you thought it appropriate to venture forth on your own."

"I... I don't know. I wanted something for myself, I think. Something that cannot be shared. Like a friend."

"And for that you go to there, of all places? Under strict orders not to go?" Father seemed suspicious, though not furious like I had expected.

"I told you I don't _know._ I just... wandered."

He muttered something under his breath that I couldn't understand. It sounded exasperated, more tired than angry. "Kasai, do you know in what danger you are? Wandering around like this makes you easy pray for those who lust for your life."

I looked away. "You've never really told me who it is that is after me so desperately."

"Because we don't know."

"If it really was that dangerous... then why did my guard not stop me?"

He scowled, eyes gleaming angrily. Father was scary when he was like this and had the sudden fear not rooted me to the spot I would have tried to hide. Father normally didn't scare me, but there were times when he was terrifying.

"None of your guards were with you, girl."

Oh...

_Oh._

No, that... that couldn't be. I felt a sudden cold creep into my veins as my blood turned to ice.

"What?"

It took me a few seconds to comprehend that information. I knew for a fact that someone had been watching me, and if that someone wasn't one of my guards... I shuddered, thoughts about sudden death floating through my head.

"There was someone watching me from the trees near the training grounds," I confessed, silently praying that he wouldn't fly off the handle. The slight tremor in my voice was something I couldn't hide, not from him. "I jus-... just thought that it was my guard since they're always with me."

Father frowned. "That is a dangerous assumption to make, Kasai. None of your guards were with you. Your uncle was supposed to be there."

"But... Uncle wasn't home all day?"

"I know."

Oh. Something was fishy here. That explained why Father had been so angry, I had been in actual _danger_. No one there to guard me except Kagami, a boy seven years of age, maybe eight.

Speaking of Kagami...

"Father... can I visit that boy tomorrow?"

"No, you may not. In fact, you are grounded until further notice."

"Oh."

I didn't feel like protesting because the revelation that I had been in terrible danger this entire time shook me to the core. My carelessness could very well have ended my life, short as it was.

"Were you worried?" I blurted out, quickly regretting my rash decision.

I didn't even know why I felt compelled to ask that. Maybe because I still craved confirmation... of what, I didn't know. Expecting an answer was too much, I knew. That didn't stop me from grabbing his hand and holding it tightly, afraid that he would just disappear. To my surprise he went down on one knee, now eye to eye with me, and tilted my head upwards with his fingers under my chin. "Don't ask that ever again." His thumb traced my jaw.

A nod was all I could muster. All words died down in my throat, eyes already filling with tears again - my, I had turned into such a crybaby.

"Come now, Uchiha don't cry, least of all my daughter."

I quickly wiped the tears away with my sleeve, suppressing a sob.

"Dad?"

He hummed. "What is it now?"

I slipped off the bed, feeling a little wobbly all of a sudden. Father either didn't notice or didn't care. "Kagami said the others don't like me."

He harrumphed. "And why would you care?"

"I... I don't know?"

"Good. Now hush, we're late for dinner."

I wanted to protest that Mom would never start without us, but refrained from doing so because Father knew as well and he probably had more information about the current situation than I did.

If Mother was surprised when Father walked into the kitchen with me in tow she didn't show it. It _should_ have come as a surprise, since I hadn't followed my father so closely ever since that certain revelation.

Today's dish was Father's favorite... Inarizushi. I didn't hate it, but I didn't devour it with such enthusiasm either. Most of the time I was just content to let Father eat most of it. Sometimes I thought he loved that stuff more than his family..

I didn't talk too much, but when my mother asked me where I'd been hiding all day I merely answered that I had met with a boy. Which probably set off alarm bells in her head.

During dinner she kept sending me questioning glances but I remained quiet and focused on my food instead, maybe just partially because I was worried that Father would steal it otherwise.

Being an Uzumaki with a short temper, it obviously didn't take her long to explode.

"Oh, I've _had_ it! Out with it, what exactly happened?"

"What do you mean?" Father said, feigning... innocence? I was baffled, mostly because I had never ever seen him teasing her before. He picked at his food with placid interest, not looking up once. One could almost say he looked bored.

"Oh you _know _what I'm talking about!" Mother seemed a little bit out of it today. I think she contemplated stealing Father's food from under his nose, but there's no telling what he'd do in that case. You don't steal Father's food and get away with it. Ever.

He chuckled, not even paying attention to Mother who was seething by now. "Do I?"

Unable to comprehend, I lowered my chopsticks, abandoning my own food in favor of the scene in front of me. I think my mouth was hanging open, too.

"Your daughter is talking!"

Father cocked an eyebrow, nonchalantly focusing on his dinner. "I wasn't aware she's a mute."

Dad? Did they switch him with a transformed shadow clone? No, his chakra was the same... unless it was possible to copy someone's chakra signature. I resisted the urge to poke him.

"Madara!" Mother growled, pointing her chopsticks at him. Knowing her she could probably turn those into a dangerous weapon. She had, after all, once threatened to castrate Senju Tobirama with a pen and almost gone through with it.

Father remained unfazed however. I could only fathom that his favorite dish had put him in a good mood, because nothing else I could think of had ever caused him to behave in this way.

After another few rounds of bickering he finally gave in, the corners of his mouth twitching just a little, not enough to count as a real smile.. I rarely ever got to see him smile and briefly wondered if it was the same for Mother, because her face lit up like a sun rising in the morning.

"We can talk about this later," Father finally replied. He was delaying, which generally meant that this wasn't something I should hear. "Just be content that the issue is resolved."

Mother harrumphed at this, hands on her hips. "I would love to see that resolve of yours. You didn't _beat_ her into submission, did you?"

I suddenly felt the room temperature drop by a few degrees. Father narrowed his eyes, a hard gleam making them even colder than usual. I felt alarmed, automatically slipping farther under the table.

"I would _never,_" he hissed icily but paused, then continued in a slightly less icy voice, "never harm my family."

Mother sighed, a gentle but somehow tired smile pulling up the corners of her mouth. "I know, Madara. Shouldn't have said that..."

She rubbed the bridge of her nose as if trying to lessen a headache. The fact that Father's outbreak didn't faze her at all made me wonder how well they actually knew each other. All those years I had always assumed that they got along well enough but didn't actually love each other.

Perhaps I was wrong?

He seemed calmer now, flaring his nostrils in a deep sigh. "Don't even think that."

I looked back and forth between them, trying to understand what was going on. I remembered that Father had been easily irritable and aggressive the last few weeks, starting the day I had decided to no longer speak to them. Mother had been... quieter than usual.

I had probably caused them _worry_. Heart-ache. Their own daughter had absolutely refused to speak to, even acknowledge them. Worse, I had treated everyone like that, not just my parents. Even my uncles and aunt Mito. And Kawarama, who was the least of all to be blamed for this.

How childish could I actually get?

I finished the rest of the dinner quietly and disappeared in my room before anyone could catch me. I didn't want company right now, because I needed a bit of alone time to clear my head.

Curled up under the blanket and fiddling with the soft fabric I pondered. About my family, my situation, the clan.

If it turned out to be a boy he'd be heir, no question. I knew that the Elders were probably dreaming of mixing potency-enhancing drugs into Father's drinks at this point, just because the one child he actually had wasn't male and he was reluctant to name said child heir.

It didn't matter that I was seen as a prodigy, didn't matter that I could read and write at four, didn't matter that I... it just didn't matter. I wanted to be acknowledged. Wanted to be seen as worthy by the clan.

"Stupid old cones," I muttered under my breath.

"Don't cuss."

I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard her voice and immediately went hiding under my blanket, blinking like a little owl.

Mother merely chuckled, shaking her head gently. She sat down next to me on my bed, legs crossed.

"I talked to your father," she said.

"Okay?" I mumbled from beneath my safety layer. They talked all the time, so this had to be a special occasion.

"You know... I haven't heard your voice for so long I thought I would never hear it again."

My heart dropped, probably all the way down into the pits of hell, so I averted my gaze and focused on the fraying edges of my old cuddly blanket instead.

"So you went exploring today, hm?"

"Uh-huh."

"Don't tell him I told you, but your father was worried."

"How do you know?"

She faltered, seemingly taken aback. "What do you mean?" she asked, her voice laced with uncertainty.

"How do you know he was worried? I mean, he doesn't just go around telling people he's worried, right?" I muttered, Father's reaction about my question earlier briefly floating through my mind.

Mother merely chuckled, shaking her head. "Ah, no. That... that doesn't sound like your father at all," she said softly, the occasional chuckle breaking her words.

"But he behaves in a certain way. Goes around pissing off people, mostly. Especially your uncle Hashirama."

A chortle escaped my throat before I could stop it. It was true. I knew from experience that Father was an ill-tempered person and whenever he was in a bad mood everyone in immediate vicinity had to be as well.

"He was just about to injure his pride by consulting Tobirama when you came back."

Oh. _That _worried. Father and Tobirama didn't get along at all. But Tobirama was one of the most skilled sensors of this village, if not actually the _best, _and if Tobirama wasn't able to find someone no one was.

"Sorry. I thought... I assumed my guards were with me."

"It's alright. Your father wasn't actually that angry with you, you know? More annoyed that he allowed this to happen in the first place."

"Oh."

I slowly pushed my safety layer back, until only my legs were covered and my face along with my ruffled mane were visible and vulnerable to the world once again.

"Where was uncle Izuna?"

"Spent his entire day oblivious to it all. He apparently never received his orders."

"That's... bad, right?"

Mother scoffed. "That's _very_ bad. But don't worry about it, Madara will take care of it."

I nodded slowly, gaze wandering off into the distance. "Mom?"

She perked, fixing her beautiful blue eyes on me. "Yes?"

I gulped, regretting that I even thought about asking this dreaded question, but then decided that now was better than never.

"Do you... do you love Papa?"

Here eyes widened. She released a deep, audible sigh, lowering her eyes to the ground. "How interesting you'd ask that."

I tilted my head, genuinely confused by that answer. "Why?"

"Because..." She faltered, voice cracking. "Because your father and I decided just yesterday that maybe acting a little bit less distant around you would..." She fell silent, and I could almost hear my heart break. So that's why they had acted so strangely at the dinner table. Was that normal for them? Teasing each other like this, acting like normal people around each other?

I gulped, reaching for one of her hands clasped in her lap. "... make me speak again?"

She nodded. It was a heartbreakingly slow nod, and I felt the impact of it all the way down to the core of my soul. I had hurt my parents out of selfishness.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, feeling that it wasn't enough. Nothing would ever be enough when it came to me. I just wasn't able to perform as good as people expected of me, never able to...

Something compelled me to crawl into her lap and Mother didn't protest when I carefully climbed over her legs and dropped myself against her - gently, because she was still pregnant and I didn't feel like being the reason for a miscarriage.

"Contrary to popular belief I _do_ care about your father. Most of the time anyway. Madara is not a nice person by any measure..."

Warm arms wrapped around me. My eye lids became heavy as exhaustion slowly but surely steadied its hold on me.

So Mother held some feelings for Father after all. He wasn't evil, I knew that much, but I didn't know what to think about that. While I had always thought that they got along well enough I'd never seen them act like lovers. Well, there was the fact that they slept in the same room and whatever actions led to my creation probably took place there, but I didn't particularly feel like witnessing _those_.

"Do good people have to be nice?" I drowsily asked. It was actually a genuine question - one to which I had never figured out the answer.

Errant strands of hair were gently brushed from my face with slender fingers, herding me further into the soft embrace of slumber. "That is a very good question," Mother said. "I don't know the answer. Do you think your father is a good person?"

A yawn escaped me as I snuggled deeper into her embrace. "Yes."

"But he isn't nice, is he?"

"Not always."

"What does 'being nice' mean to you, then?"

I tried to shrug but felt too lazy to do so. "Not stabbing people in the middle of the street for no reason?"

She actually laughed. "That's not 'being nice', that's 'not being a heartless bastard'."

"Works for me... and I thought cussing is bad?"

"Only for children," she replied sagely, softly smoothing my hair. Why everyone tried that, I didn't know. It rarely ever stayed like that. At least it felt soothing.

"Does Papa love us too?"

I heard her take a deep breath. "That's something only he himself can answer you, I'm afraid. But I think he cares."

In response I nodded. "Okay."

* * *

The following weeks I wasn't allowed to leave the house. Not even for taijutsu training. We had a dojo, which was basically the place where I spent all my afternoons. My punishment consisted not only of being grounded but also of doubled training to make up for the weeks before that, where I had barely put any effort into exercises.

Father was being incredibly draconic, but I was distracted from that by the fact that he was _personally_ supervising my training. For two months straight.

I didn't know where he suddenly got the time and why he had decided this to be appropriate, I only knew that I absolutely loved it. Even if I dropped dead every evening after dinner only to wake up aching everywhere in the morning, just to go through the same thing again. I still loved it, because it was Father. Not my uncle, not my mother - _Father_.

I suppose he must have noticed my enthusiasm on that matter, because he drove me harder every day until he finally found my absolute limit. That day I fell asleep on the tatami mats in the middle of the dojo and woke up in my room later. After that he went a little easier on me.

Uncle dropped by sometimes, apparently to discuss things with Father he couldn't take care of without consent of the clan head. Which probably meant that they had switched duties for a while - Izuna took care of clan and village matters while Father spent some time with me. I... didn't know what to say to that. It was an immense sacrifice. I knew that the clan was downright dependant on Father and he was deeply involved with the village politics as well, by courtesy of being one of its founders... and apparently being vice Hokage or something as well? I had no idea what the hell was going on here, but apparently the village didn't just have one leader?

Of course this couldn't last and I knew it, that didn't stop the sadness from swelling up when I heard that Father was returning to his duties and my uncle would continue my training.

With the end of Father's attention I was also allowed to leave the house again, though not without company. Visible company, as my guards didn't count.

The first thing I did was asking where exactly Kagami lived and then spend about half an hour standing in front of his door, contemplating if I should really do this or just leave while my uncle was watching in the background, the amused twinkle never quite leaving his eye.

The decision was taken from me when someone nearly ripped off my hand with the speed the door was shoved open. I quickly took a step back while silently seething at my uncle's chuckling in the background. Traitor.

The person who had opened the door, a woman with dark, long curls framing her sharp face and coal black eyes, was apparently slightly surprised to see a little girl standing in front of the front door.

Big surprise.

She only looked at me for a few seconds, then lifted her gaze to see my uncle standing in the background. Her eyes widened by just a fraction. "Izuna-sama," she said, acknowledging my uncle before me. Pah.

Her eyes drifted back to me. "And you are?"

I did my best to smile politely, but it faltered. Not because I didn't want to be polite, but because a blush crept back into my face again. I felt the heat coming long before one could see the results.

"K... Kasai," I muttered, barely audible.

It apparently took her a few seconds to process that information. Then her eyes widened _again_. "You are that-"

Yeah, _that _kid. I could see her mouthing the word before she caught herself.

"My apologies, Kasai-chan. Is there something our esteemed clan head requires of us?"

I snorted inwardly. Why on earth would Father send his daughter if he wanted something? Sure, uncle Izuna was here, but only to make sure I didn't run straight into the arms of danger.

"N-no, I'm here on my own. Is your son home?"

She apparently found this funny, because the woman smirked for a second. It was gone almost as soon as it came, but I had seen it and that was enough to make me suspicious.

"Which one?" she asked slyly.

"I've been told that Kagami lives here..."

She seemed a little disappointed at this, but nonetheless nodded. "That is correct. Do you wish to see him?"

I nodded hastily, which earned me a very small smile.

"Very well. Kagami is currently studying, but I'm sure he can make some room for our esteemed clan head's daughter."

She guided me past her. I wasn't sure if I liked the way she kept watching me - like prey. That woman was definitely scary.

Uncle Izuna obviously followed. I heard him talk to the lady at the front door while I was standing around in the hallway and felt lost. I eventually just opted to slip out of my shoes and check the house for chakra signatures. There was a big one to the left of me, and two smaller ones on the right. The big one was probably an adult person, which left the two smaller ones as possible Kagamis.

I didn't feel like testing my luck, but I felt that asking where to go was embarrassing, so I jut stood around until Uncle finally finished his conversation at the front door and joined me inside.

"Well?" he inquired.

"There are two children here..." I muttered, feeling slightly dejected because I couldn't figure out where to go.

"That is true. Kimiko-san has two sons. You're familiar with one of them."

"The older or the younger one?"

Uncle smiled. "Kagami is the older one."

Oh. So he had a little brother. That was interesting.

"Why do you know that?"

A snicker, then a pat on the head. "We've dealt with this particular family before. Now go, it's the first door."

I _knew_ that he was hiding something, but with him it was nearly impossible to tell. My uncle had the annoying habit to play games with you until you gave up out of frustration.

I followed his instructions and soon found myself in front of a door with a chakra signature behind it that felt extremely familiar. This _had _to be him.

A timid knock still wouldn't follow until minutes later, when I finally gathered the courage to meet him face to face.

He opened the door, saw no one standing there and almost closed it again, only stopped by me crying in dismay.

Look down, you idiot!

"Oh," was apparently all he had to say. "Kasai? Sorry, didn't see you there," he joked, rubbing his neck.

This was becoming a bit of a running gag, wasn't it?

"It's a bit impolite to just waltz into peoples' homes. You know that, right?"

I let out a flustered huff. "I didn't waltz in. I kindly asked for entrance at the front door."

"She let you in?" He seemed so disbelieving it almost hurt, like it was a miracle someone would let me into their house. He apparently realized what impact his words had had, because he quickly gripped my shoulders. "_No_, this isn't because of you, it's just... she doesn't let visit visitors in while I'm studying."

Oh. How embarrassing. I took a deep breath. "Can I come in?"

"Uh... sure. Why not."

He allowed me to slip past him into his room. It was kept neat and tidy, cozy and comfortable. In other words, I liked it.

There were books and scrolls scattered across a little table in the corner where he'd obviously spent a lot of time before I had arrived.

"So... uhm, why only come now? It's been two months."

I managed a tired smile. "Uh, well... I was grounded. And my Father took care of my lost training."

My tone somehow conveyed that the last two months had been extremely exhausting, but worth it. Kagami seemed wary though, for reasons I couldn't quite name. Had something happened to him during the last two months? A lot of things usually happened behind my back. Of course, I was only four... most people didn't take me seriously. It was incredibly frustrating sometimes.

"You... didn't get in trouble because of me, right?"

He scratched the back of his head. Apparently did that a lot, especially when distressed. "Well, not really. It's not important."

It didn't take a genius to see that he was lying, but if he felt that it had to remain a secret then so be it. It wasn't my place to bother him about it anyway, seeing as it was my fault in the first place.

"Sorry," I muttered, offering him my hand. He hesitated at first, but then grabbed my palm and shook it carefully.

"It's alright. So... why exactly are you here?"

"I, uhm..."

My gaze dropped towards the ground and I shuddered inwardly as I wrung my hands behind my back. "Do you want to be my friend?" I blurted out, heat rushing to my face.

Kagami seemed flabbergasted as he regarded me with an incredulous expression etched into his boyish features. "You're serious?" he muttered, barely audible.

A small nod was all I could muster, because I thought I was going to pass out from the heat, while my hands were so sweaty you could probably water an entire garden with them.

"Okay."

The smile grazing his lips was small but genuine. Warmth and giddiness bubbled up in me, so I smiled back. Probably a lot brighter than any of my usual half-assed smiles.

I had found someone willing to be my _friend_. Not a family member who was bound to spend time with me simply by relation, but a friend who _wanted_ to spend time with me out of free will.

The smile became a toothy grin. "Thank you!"

"Hah, you aren't so bad. Next time I'll definitely tell the others to shut up!"

I hastily shook my head at that. "I don't want you to get in trouble because of me!"

He grinned at me with a gleam in his eye I couldn't quite describe. It seemed similar to my uncle's when he was up to something.

"Don't you worry about that! I have methods to get out of trouble."

"Uh, if you think so... By the way, how old are you?"

"Uh?" he stared at me, probably wondering why the hell I would ask that after agreeing to be friends. "I'm six... why?"

"Oh!" My eyes widened to the size of saucers. "I thought you were at least seven... you're so tall! And you were allowed into the training grounds."

"Well... the moment you can throw a katon around you have permission to go there. And my Dad is pretty tall."

Huh. So he was actually only six. I hadn't expected that.

"Does that bother you?" he inquired, rubbing his neck.

In response I shook my head, smiling happily. "Just curious."

I know this is a terribly cliché thing to say, but this really was the start of a wonderful friendship. Father was already familiar with Kagami for reasons I still couldn't figure out. And the boy was apparently afraid of him. I knew that he hadn't been when he had brought me home, so something must have happened during those two months. Perhaps they had suspected him. He never spoke of it and I wouldn't prod him so there was no way to know.

We got along great. He was a bit more outgoing than me, a nice balance to my shyness. An active young mind with a heart big enough to make it endearing.

The shock came when I actually turned out better than him at taijutsu. He had the strength and height advantage, but I was apparently a lot faster. Courtesy of my uncle doing what he did best: being an absolute bastard during training sessions.

Once he found my weakness he managed to keep up and we were pretty much evenly matched. Which was actually an amazing revelation for me, considering that he was actually quite a bit above average for his age as I realized, unlike my estimation of 'average' I had made on the training grounds.

It was during my training sessions with him that I learned how far from weak I actually was. While I was no challenge to him in ninjutsu based on the fact that I didn't even know hand seals, I actually had some pretty kick-ass taijutsu and reflexes. Two years of strict training, the results laid out directly in front of me. It was a small accomplishment in the face of giants like my father or Hashirama, but I felt proud. For the first time I could look into a mirror and say, "Yes, I like that girl there."

* * *

**A/N: **The title has more than one meaning, heh.

Do you people actually read the Author's Notes? Just out of curiosity.

I chose Kagami because he's so nicely available with so little info on him, and I wanted to use as many canon characters as possible. I know how boring a story gets with too many OCs.

Kasai is a crybaby, yeah. It'll get better.


	4. Interlude 1 - Skipping Stones

**Title: **Fire Rebirth

**Summary: **Obligations, expectations, all made heavier by a young village standing on shaky legs. The gigantic construct that is the Clan is greater than I, and failure is not an option. I am headed for greatness - provided the world doesn't come crashing down on me before I get there. /OC Self-Insert, slightly AU

**Author's Notes: **This isn't a real full chapter, one might call it a filler. It's supposed to be light-hearted and tries to deal with the problems chapter 624 just brought up. This takes place between chapter 3 and the not yet posted chapter 4.

Anyway, enjoy. And I'm always happy about Reviews, obviously!

Thanks to all those of you who have taken some time to leave a review, it really brightens my day!

Update 7/4/13: Fixed a few typos.

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. Obviously.**

* * *

**Interlude one - Skipping Stones**

There were warm days, there were warmer days. There were nice days, and then there were days like these...

Pouring water into my face repeatedly really wasn't an option anymore, it simply dried off too quickly and Konoha was already short of water. After a while I had simply given up on training and opted to laze around in the grass for a while.

"Stupid drought," I muttered. "Stupid, stupid, stupid..."

"That really _is_ your favorite word, eh?"

Oh. My cousin.

I tried to look up from my position, awkwardly craning my neck until I could see him watching me from the top of a tree. His chakra was... behaving in odd ways.

"What happened?" I inquired.

"Why are you lying on the ground?" the Senju countered instead, eyebrows lifted so high they almost disappeared in his hairline. From the way he looked he was probably sweating just as much as me.

"Cooler down here. Your chakra?"

His eyes shifted, checking the immediate area for potential unauthorized audience. "Training incident."

"Details," I drawled in a sing-song voice.

"Forget it," he replied, apparently trying to scowl fiercely at me.

"You're adorable when you're like this. I bet your chakra control is out of whack." Kawarama growled but didn't object, which probably meant that I was right. The boy slipped from the branch he was sitting on, executing a smooth roll through the cool grass until he plopped down next to me.

"It really is cooler down here," he muttered, more to himself than me.

"Well?"

"I said no."

"You're no fun."

My cousin grumbled, obviously embarrassed. He wouldn't even tell me, his _beloved _cousin. That probably meant he had managed to screw up badly. Silence settled over us and I was more than comfortable with just dozing in the sun, listening to the sounds of nature and Kawarama's steady breathing.

"I damaged my chakra coils," he suddenly murmured, face drawn into a rather adorable pout. Seems like this really bothered him.

"Will it heal?"

"Yeah," Kawarama silently replied.

Then there's no problem, is there?"

"I guess not."

He remained quiet after our quick exchange. Kawarama was generally a bundle of energy, but even he had his calm moments, sometimes even days. I don't know how long we stayed like this, just idly watching the clouds drift by.

"Your uncle hates my guts," I muttered after a while, randomly remembering that one day I had spent in Kawarama's garden... constantly followed by Tobirama's wary glances.

"I know. Your uncle isn't much better. He hates me, too."

"He doesn't hate you specifically," I defended my uncle half-heartedly. I loved Izuna and even I could admit that he evinced hostility towards the Senju and sometimes even the entirety of Konoha, often bordering on bigotry. Initially I had been surprised at the discovery of this.

"He just doesn't like your clan."

"Not much better," my cousin sighed. "Remember when he glared at me all the time while we were playing Ninja in your garden?"

"Uh... let's not talk about that," I replied, shuddering at the mere thought. "Okay, forget what I said earlier. He really doesn't like you."

"Imagine my uncle becoming your sensei." Kawarama was chuckling now, showing that he was only half serious.

"Please no."

I felt chakra rouse not far from us and it wasn't long until a third figure suddenly joined us, plopping down on the ground with a soft thud. I squinted against the sun only to see my uncle sitting there, brown hair drawn into a loose, low ponytail. What on earth was _he _doing here? Shouldn't he be working? Seems like Kawa had the same idea, because he propped himself up on his elbows, face drawn into a suspicious frown. "Dad? What are you doing here?"

"Enjoying the sun, of course!"

He was way too happy for someone of his age. Regardless, it _was _a nice day... if only it weren't so hot. I closed my eyes, feeling the warm rays of the sun softly caress my face.

"You ought to move a little more, Kasai! It's a beautiful weather outside!"

"I tried moving," I murmured, the heat of the day doing it's best to make me tired. "But I didn't want to deplete Konoha's water resources even further."

"Ah, always so thoughtful!"

I grunted, amusement barely concealed.

"Dad... how did you get out of your office?" Kawarama carefully asked, adorably cocking an eyebrow. There was nothing cuter than a child trying to look serious.

"Uh... I," my uncle stammered, "I may have shoved the paperwork on Madara." He combed through his hair with his lean fingers. "Maybe... heh."

I groaned, burying my face in my hands and making a mental note to avoid my father today. "He's going to be in such a bad mood when he gets home..."

While my cousin snickered in the background I peeked through my fingers, suddenly grinning evilly. "Good luck saving the scrolls if he incinerates the office."

Hashirama froze, a slight frown on his lips. "I sure hope he doesn't try that," he mumbled more to himself than us, rubbing his chin with his thumb and index finger.

"You don't seriously think that he would..." Kawarama uttered but then trailed off, suddenly lost in thought. "Maybe he would..." He mimicked his father's pose. Cute.

Hashirama suddenly clapped his hands, startling me into a yelp, which in turn made the offender chuckle softly. "Well, you two... do you know how to walk up trees?"

I shook my head, silently wondering if he was going to teach us since he apparently had nothing better to do. Because he had left all of his work to my father. Oh dear.

"Daaad," Kawarama whined. "I can't use my chakra for an entire week!"

Hashirama blinked and stared at his son like an owl. "What happened?"

"I swear it's Tobirama's fault!"

My uncle laughed. "That doesn't explain anything, son."

"Uh... I may have damaged my chakra coils?"

"However you managed that?"

"I don't want to talk about it... but it's Tobirama's fault!"

The Senju clan head chuckled, nodding sagely. "Of course it is, Kawarama."  
"You're making fun of me!"

"It's hard not to," I interjected, idly playing with the grass beneath my palm, left arm under my head and one leg crossed over the other.

"Now, now, Kasai. Be nice."

"Sorry," was my reply even though I didn't really feel sorry. Kawarama was just so easy to tease, and he did the same in return anyway. It's not like he was innocent in that regard.

While absent-mindedly playing with a blade of grass between my fingers my thoughts drifted elsewhere, back to my uncle and the founding of Konoha. Since Izuna obviously wasn't exactly fond of the Senju this couldn't have been his idea. He acted polite when Hashirama was around, probably more out of respect than anything else, and maybe because of Father's wishes. A distant memory of him pushing me into Hashirama's direction came to mind and I briefly wondered what was up with that. Had Father told him to do this?

Uncle Izuna liked playing mind games and that could very well have been one of them. Still, how the treaty between Senju and Uchiha had come to be was a mystery to me. Father obviously wasn't blind and neither was Izuna, in fact both still possessed their original eyes from what I had seen. Of course I _could_ be wrong... I didn't get to see much from the things going on behind my back, not as a five year old.

"Uncle?" I asked, trying to get his attention. If anyone knew it would be him. Or Father, but he most likely wouldn't talk about it.

"When did you and Father decide to found Konoha?"

And how come they shared the leading role? Something in this timeline must have been different and I had a hunch that it had to do with Izuna, just not how I had expected.

"Hm," Hashirama hummed thoughtfully. "Why the sudden question?"

"I picked something up in our library," I muttered. That wasn't a complete lie. I had found things in the library concerning the founding of the village, but not much. Kawarama sat up and crossed his legs, scratching his head thoughtfully. He probably didn't know either.

"I kinda want to know that too."

"Huh," Uncle muttered. "Story time with my two favorite kids. Why not?", he chuckled. "Come here, both of you." With a soft pat on the ground next to himself he gestured for us to sit next to him. Only after following his instructions did he begin to tell us the story. Hashirama liked being elaborate with his stories... really, _reall_y elaborate. So when he began to hum thoughtfully while scratching his chin I knew that we were in for a _long _haul.

"Let's see, where to begin. Hmm..."

He began exactly where the tale had started off when he had decided to tell Sasuke his life story. Stone skipping, forming a bond with my father... this sounded strange now. Father was now much more than just a Manga character to me. He was a living, breathing person with a voice and body that radiated warmth and... was alive. Not just ink on paper with words to give them personality. The same went for Hashirama. Sometimes it was still hard to believe that those people were real.

Back to the story though... he recounted the tale of the end of their friendship - I guess Izuna being in danger made him snap. Still... that was a rather abrupt end.

The story of their countless battles, how they eventually became clan heads, how their constant clashes led to their final confrontation... and uncle Izuna's near-death.

I hadn't expected _this_. Izuna got cut up by _Tobirama?_ Oh...

"I offered him to end this," Hashirama said, wistfully staring in the distance. "Let our clans join hands - together we would have been able to fend off any other clan they might have hired."

The mercenary work, of course. I had almost forgotten about that.

"Did he accept?" Kawarama asked, almost excited about the outcome of this story. Well, he loved history just as much as me...

"He was reluctant," my uncle said with a sigh. "So not at first, no."

"Then what?" My father was extremely stubborn... talking him out of a decision once made was nearly impossible. Still, _Hashirama_. And they were evidently on better terms these days...

"I offered him to heal his brother," he continued. "That's what did it in the end. Without my help your uncle would have died. He had already blacked out from blood loss by the time I made the offer."

"Don't the Uchiha have medics?" Kawarama asked.

"Not really," I answered for him before my uncle could react. "Most of our shinobi have basic knowledge on treating wounds but we don't have trained healers in that sense... " I shrugged.

"Correct." My uncle softly patted my head. "Good thing I was so nicely available, ne?"

I fell silent, contemplating the new information. Uncle had probably left a lot of things out from the way it had sounded.

Those were a lot of new things to take in. If Hashirama had saved his life that could be the reason why Izuna tended to be polite while he was around, why Father _hadn't_ decided to go completely batshit, why he was on better terms with his clan and had a leadership role in Konoha...

I leaned back to enjoy the sun on my face once more, trying to fathom how stone skipping had led to _this_, and then eventually the founding of Konoha.

Hours later, when evening had long since come and dinner was already over I sat in my room, a colorful story book open in my lap. It was dark outside and I was keeping the light level up with candles. Noises were coming from the front door, which probably meant that someone had just returned home.

I knew pretty well who that someone was. And because I was feeling particularly brave I opened my door just a little, peeking through the small space to catch a glimpse of Father rushing past my room with the grace of an agitated panther. He threw a brief glance at me but ignored me in favor of the food still waiting for him. Mother had long since gone to bed.

He muttered something under his breath, mostly inaudible and since he was out of reach rather fast also far too quiet for me to understand. I considered tiptoeing after him but decided that satisfying my curiosity wasn't worth annoying him, so I slipped back into my room and opted to disappear under my blanket.

Maybe an hour later the door to my room was opened silently. Father's chakra was unmistakable, distinctive from most other shinobi by its intensity alone.

He remained there for a few seconds, then the door closed and our house was quiet again.

* * *

**A/N: **That's it, folks! A short chapter, but it wasn't meant to be long. Reviews are always welcome!

The difference here is that Izuna didn't get to open his mouth because he was out before he got that far. I had something else in mind originally but I had to fit it into canon somehow.


	5. Chapter 4 - Emotions

**Title: **Fire Rebirth

**Summary: **Obligations, expectations, all made heavier by a young village standing on shaky legs. The gigantic construct that is the Clan is greater than I, and failure is not an option. I am headed for greatness - provided the world doesn't come crashing down on me before I get there. /OC Self-Insert, slightly AU

**Author's Notes: **Thanks to everyone for leaving a review! This chapter took me a while.

Update: 7/4/13: Fixed some typos.

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own ****Naruto****. Obviously.**

* * *

**Chapter four - Emotions**

I learned my first ninjutsu during the following months. Hand seals were terrible things, and my uncle had me practice them until my hands were numb, but it was all worth it when Father taught me my first katon: Phoenix Sage Fire, also known as Hōsenka. It wasn't much, but I practiced and practices it until I was able to do it in my sleep.

Aside from that I managed to climb a wall without using my hands. Yes, I had felt proud. Until Kawarama had managed to climb an entire tree by the time I reached the roof. From then on we kept challenging each other, always wanting to be first. He had an impossible chakra control for his age, and I wondered more than once where it came from.

"Practice!" Was his only answer.

I was nearly five when I finally got a chance to visit the library like I had planned to almost a year ago. Training with my family and Kagami (as well as the playtime we always managed to sneak in) had kept me busy and on my feet. It also took me a while to rediscover my love for history.

Kagami wasn't as interested as I was. He merely came to the library to borrow scrolls he needed to study, even if the clan library was a sight to behold. I bet moving all those books and scrolls from wherever they had been stored must have been hell. Father once mentioned that most of the stuff hadn't actually been in one place since the Uchiha used to move a lot, so they had had to gather it together.

There were scrolls on jutsu; not just ninjutsu but taijutsu, kenjutsu, very basic fuinjutsu - a ton of knowledge accumulated by hundreds of clansmen over the years. The vast archives of the Uchiha clan demonstrated its proud age, among other things.

I rarely ever got a chance to take ninjutsu scrolls from the library because they were often in use by others whenever I managed the time to borrow any, but after three months I had learned three relatively small jutsu that were easy to handle. The Kawarimi being one of them, as well as the Bunshin and a small genjutsu.

Aside from knowledge meant for battle it also contained a ton of history. Records, some reaching so far back no one knew who had written them. Some were simply unreadable at this point, but others were perfectly intact.

I knew that the archives were layered. You could get into the first part without problems, and while you absolutely had to be an Uchiha to gain clearance it was alright to bring someone under supervision. The second layer was already restricted to Uchiha only as it contained scrolls on jutsu. The third layer and onwards could only be opened with a Sharingan. Not even Kagami could get inside.

I knew that most of the clan history was kept in there, while the stuff I could reach on the first layer was mostly entertainment and a few harmless texts that were basically public knowledge. There was also a layer only my father could access. I knew this because the entrance was visible to everyone - you just couldn't get in, unless you had the honor of being his guest. I suspected that clan secrets and records on our clansmen were kept in there.

The place was guarded at all times. Just because you couldn't see any armed Ninja that didn't mean they weren't there. Not even I could see or sense them most of the time and I had honed my sensing abilities for three years now.

I think at some point I freaked out all the adults there because I kept reading old war records from long before Konoha's founding, information on old clan heads and some of the more legendary members as well. I often needed help from others because I couldn't read many of those texts on my own.

They even had some stuff on my father. And my uncle. And something about the more recent feud with the Senju that my father had ended.

Who really caught my interest was some guy from over two hundred years ago who apparently was my ancestor. According to the tales (and half of them were probably highly exaggerated) he had achieved some pretty awesome stuff, running for two weeks straight to save a comrade, among other things.

When I wasn't reading I was training or playing outside with Kagami or Kawarama. Most of the time we were playing Ninja, which was probably ridiculous to most of the older children, but we didn't care. I hadn't spent much time outside in my last life, so I welcomed the opportunity to go into a different direction this time.

My cousin joined us every once in a while. Kawarama was a cocky little baby but he was also my cousin, so if you hurt him you had a problem with me. Not that he needed it - he could defend himself most of the time. We were pretty much on par with each other.

The birth of my little sibling was approaching fast. Mother was cranky most of the time, Father came across as kind of agitated - I wonder if he had been like this with me on the way, too. He sure was easy to piss off these days. One wrong word and I spent the rest of the day sulking in my room.

I still didn't like having a little sibling, but defying my family was no longer an option. And I think my father would tie me to a branch for three days straight before he tolerated such behavior from me ever again. In the aftermath of my giant temper tantrum Mother had told me that his patience had been wearing pretty thin already.

Regardless, baby was coming, me was somewhat sad. To my luck I had a friend now, and no one could steal _that _from me. Death would have to tear him from my cold, lifeless hands before I ever let him go.

At the moment Kagami wasn't home though. In fact, he wasn't even in Konoha. His father had taken him somewhere outside for some kind of training trip. Why the hell he had to leave Konoha for that was something I'd probably never figure out.

So it came one day that Kawarama and I were sitting on the fence of one of the bridges crossing the little stream in the Senju compound, idly dangling our feet and nibbling on some dango, when one of Father's hawks suddenly dropped by. The bird of prey flapped its wings wildly, tousling my hair as well as Kawarama's short, brown locks.

The thing carried a messenger scroll, an unnecessarily complicated method of delivery, though fitting for my father. Falconry was one of his few hobbies, and since it paired with his work so nicely it was the only one he could indulge in on a regular basis. I couldn't blame him for sending hawks for every little issue. Even if it was somewhat unnerving to have one of his intelligent ones trail me.

"What's that?" Kawarama asked, not even done chewing his dango. Noisily.

"Don't talk with your mouth full," I replied while opening the message, earning a pout from him. "It's from my dad."

"That's weird," my dearest cousin claimed at the same time as he swallowed the last piece of his dango. "Superfl... Su-... eh. What's the word you used last week?"

"Superfluous. Why, though? Birds are quick and efficient." I replied placidly, observing the bird as it disappeared in the distance.

"Yeah, but..." he stretched his arms above his head until it popped, "Is that really needed within the village? He could have sent a normal messenger."

I just shrugged. "Does it matter?"

"Nah." My cousin shrugged and almost fell backwards off the fence. Yeah, we were trained Ninja children - didn't mean we couldn't lose balance and look absolutely hilarious while doing it.

"Watch out," I warned halfheartedly. Not that such a small fall would hurt him, but I didn't feel like dragging a soaked Senju into my house.

Kawarama remained silent and perhaps a little depressed while I read the message. I think my eyes turned into saucers during the few seconds it took, because when I looked up and focused my gaze on Kawarama he seemed ready to die of laughter.

"You look like you saw a ghost," he claimed, a shit eating grin on his face.

"Funny..." I muttered, a frown marring my face. "That's what they called my little sister..."

While I felt a small wave of relief wash over me because it wasn't a boy the letter sounded somewhat urgent. Father wanted me to come home as soon as possible, and Kawarama as well.

It took us a while to get to my home, and when we arrived the clan was already in turmoil. I heard the clansmen whispering while we passed the streets, managed to stay _mostly_ calm while rumors and assumptions began to spread through the clan. Eyes were on me wherever we went, currently the only candidate for the position of the heir, now rivaled by another - of course the focus was on me. While I had come to terms with the fact that there would be another child in my family that didn't mean I liked it, but I was able to keep the calm facade up... until _those_ comments started.

_They got another girl._

_Such a shame, isn't it?_

Stupid, misogynistic pigs. I clenched my fists, gritting my teeth until my jaw started to hurt. While I could feel the anger boil in me Kawarama softly took my hand in his, weaving our fingers together. "Don't_ listen_," he ordered. He dragged me along through my own clan compound, unfastened by the stares my clansmen were throwing at us. Must have been quite a sight for the other Uchiha wandering about. Some of those stares were scornful, disapproving. Not all was well within the walls of Konoha.

We arrived at my home to be greeted with the sight of my uncle guarding the entrance. Kawarama didn't seem bothered though, as he tried and failed to just rush past him. Failed since my uncle grabbed both our collars (Kawarama's just a tad more roughly than mine) and yanked us back before my cousin could complain.

"Just where do you think you're going?" he hissed, eyes gleaming dangerously red. This wasn't a laughing matter - I hoped that my cousin realized this, too.

"Uh, visiting my new cousin?"

Evidently not.

My uncle narrowed his eyes and I knew that we just had failed some sort of test. He already didn't like my cousin and he wasn't helping his case in any way.

"Kawarama, you idiot!" I gave him a - mostly - gentle slap on the back. He probably hadn't even felt it, that boy had a hide akin to tree bark for some reason. You could hit him and he would most likely only feel a tickle. Tougher than any rock, that was sure. I was a bit more fragile than him, but faster. Never had the build to be bulky anyway.

"Ow! What did I do now?" The boy tried to reach the spot on his back but failed miserably, seeing as his arms were a bit too short for that. Made for an amusing picture at least. Interesting as it was, I ignored him and opted to face my uncle instead. He seemed a little impatient, arms folded, leaning on the wall like some kind of teenage bully in a movie.

"Uncle, where's Mother?" I casually asked while trying to peek past him into the house. The door stood open for whatever reason, perhaps to let in some fresh air.

Izuna shook his head until his black bangs fluttered around his face, some of them stuck to his forehead and face from sweat and water. "Who are you?" he asked suspiciously, scanning me with his Sharingan.

My eyebrows rose, probably above my hairline from the way it felt. "Uchiha Kasai, firstborn of the clan head Uchiha Madara, your _niece._" I put a lot of emphasis on the last word while completely leaving out the fact that he could probably recognize most intruders with his Sharingan alone.

"Anyone could have known that. Something more specific," he demanded. I knew they were tight on security, but _damn_ - his own niece? Either Father was really paranoid or something bad had happened already and I wasn't aware of it.

"Father's favorite dish is Inarizushi. Mother's favorite color is red. My first word was 'uncle'." He briefly smiled at the last one but it was gone as soon as it came. "Most of the other children call me Hime to mock me and Kagami usually beats them up?"

"That last bit was a bit too random, don't you think?" he asked, amusement already lacing his voice. I knew he was merely playing with me at this point.

I sighed. "You had to rock me to sleep one night because the puppet from the play during the festival last year was causing me nightmares."

"Ah, that one was fun, wasn't it?" Yeah, really fun. And this was the proof that he was doing this purely for his own amusement now. Kawarama was probably tearing himself apart while trying not to laugh, and one glance to the side confirmed my suspicions. His face had turned the color of a tomato as he tried not to break into a barking laughter. I snorted, making a mental note to hit him extra hard during training later.

"Kasai, you're cleared. You, however... " He fixed his gaze on Kawarama. "Any information to share?"

"Uh..." his laughter problem ended abruptly. He began to fidget under my uncle's unsettling stare, Sharingan still active. "Father likes gambling?"

"The entire _village _knows that, Kawa," I muttered. Really, the fact that Hashirama had a gambling problem was well known. The fact that everyone tended to look the other way was also well known. You didn't complain about the guy protecting your ass.

"Really? Huh... That's bad." He rubbed his neck, trying to think of something better. Frowning, gnawing his lip. Then his face morphed into a smug grin, stretching his lips. "Kasai really sucks at stone skipping?"

Asshole.

"Unfortunately true but not very specific." Although his overall attitude remained cold his lips twitched, indicating that he was about to smile. Thanks, Uncle. How nice of you.

"Hm. We had a sleepover here once and Kasai crawled into my futon because she was having nightmares."

I groaned. "What's wrong with you today? Do we really have to share all of my embarrassing nightmare stories?"

"Hm, no. But that's enough. In, you two."

We slipped past my uncle and got rid of our shoes at the entrance before walking straight to my parent's bedroom. Silence ruled within the rooms, and even though that wasn't unusual it felt eerie today. A suppressive atmosphere had settled over the entire house, and I silently wondered if something bad had happened. With the general tone of the letter, my uncle's mood, the clansmen's whispering...

My knocks were always soft, so I was worried that they couldn't hear it at first, but then a muffled "come in" reached us from the other side.

I pushed the door open carefully. The rustling was barely audible, yet it felt too loud in this silence. Kawarama was close on my heels as I timidly entered my parents' bedroom, reaching for his hand in the meantime. It had become somewhat of a habit, with both Kagami and Kawarama. My cousin just softly squeezed my hand - a habit as well. We were so in synch by now that we knew each other's quirks and habits rather well. A perk of growing up together, I suppose.

I immediately spotted Mother on the bed, fast asleep and holding in her arms what seemed to be my little sister. Even from here, with the light throwing shadows on her sunken in face, she seemed tired and exhausted, her hair, usually kept neat and tidy, tousled and wild and spread across the sheets like a giant, bloody fan. I couldn't see much of the baby from where I stood, so assessments on my baby sister's appearance would have to wait.

Father sat on a stool close to the bed, arms resting on his thighs and hunched over in a show of vulnerability he'd never reveal to any outsider. Despite his powers he was only human, I had learned that long ago. From the way he held himself he looked oddly tired, exhausted. I hadn't seen him like this in a long while - the last time during my tantrum.

"Dad?" I asked softly, daring to step closer with soft yet quick steps. His eyes were focused on the little bundle in Mother's arms, watching, _observing_ like a hawk. I rested my still so little palms on his knee and soon felt his larger hand on top of my small ones.

"Your little sister," he murmured, his voice barely audible even in this silence. Father sounded solemn, somber. Uneasiness spread through my body, the fear of losing someone dear to me bubbling up from within. My gaze drifted to Mother's sleeping form. She seemed pale, even her usually rosy lips appeared a little whiter than usual. Despite this she looked oddly serene.

"What happened?" My voice sounded distant to me all of a sudden.

"Doesn't matter," Father muttered. "They will be alright." My head fell on his shoulder as I grasped his arm, clinging to him. "She won't die?" I asked, voice a mere whisper as desperation latched onto it.

He shook his head, so softly I wouldn't have seen it if I hadn't looked for it. For the first time since I entered he gazed at me, eyes bloodshot and baggy.

"I got the hawk," I said, feeling uneasy seeing him like this. The only response I received was a curt nod, barely recognizable as such if it weren't for the soft swaying of the hair covering his eye and framing his face.

"Kawarama," he demanded, louder than the whispered words from earlier. My cousin awkwardly shifted his feet and shuffled closer. "Yeah?" He wasn't nearly as close with my father as I was with his. It was due to their different natures, I suppose. While his dad was an open and friendly person with an uplifting demeanor my father was... anything but that.

"Don't just stand around like ordered and not picked." My playmate huffed at this, crossing his arms much like his uncle Tobirama did when feeling defensive. Regardless he came closer, throwing a quick glance at the little baby.

"Huh. The name sure fits."

A scowl carved itself into my face, creasing my forehead and making me look older than I was. On the outside, at least. "Will she stay so pale?" I asked. She almost appeared as pale as Tobirama, despite the red hues the flickering flames painted on her skin.

"Perhaps," Father replied, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Where have you been all day? You know you aren't supposed to wander about on your own."

This came out of nowhere for me. Father had stopped asking where I spent my free time a while ago, as long as I came home on time. He _knew_ I didn't just walk around on my own anymore, especially not to places where I wasn't allowed to be, aside from the fact that his stupid _way_ too intelligent falcons were tracking me most of the time. He would know before anyone else if I were in danger, aside from the sensor that kept trailing me.

"I was just enjoying some dango with Kawarama, Dad..."

He hummed softly. "Good. Don't stay outside alone."

There was something in his tone, the way he spoke - a warning, as it seemed. 'No need for details, just be careful.' I nodded, hugging his neck before shuffling out of his personal space. "Why did you name her Yurei?"

A low chuckle rumbled in his chest, a mirthless and dry sound. "I'm sure you can figure that out on your own." He rose from his position and herded me and Kawarama out of the room. "Now be gone, your mother needs rest."

Pah, first he orders me to come home, then he shoos me away? I was already on my way to the front door, dragging a confused Kawarama along, when Father's voice boomed through the house. "You will not go outside anymore, Kasai. Nor will Kawarama, for that matter."

What?

I turned around, directing a disbelieving stare at my father. "But-"

"No _arguments_, Kasai."

"Kawarama can't just stay here?" I offered meekly. I didn't mind having my cousin here, it was the situation that baffled me. Dad's behavior was _strange_.

"Hashirama already knows that he's here. Now go."

And with those words he disappeared behind the door. For a few seconds I just stood there, completely and utterly lost. Then the only thing that came to mind was: "Huh?!"

Kawarama's eyes were twinkling, his lips drawn up in an amused grin. "Your Dad is fussing," he joked. Unfortunately this was no joke to me. His behavior indicated that something had happened, something _bad_.

"Kawa?" I muttered meekly, grabbing his hand. If he was surprised he didn't show it, merely squeezed my hand to let me know he was listening. "Something's wrong here."

"Yeah," he replied. "Dad's been acting strange, too. Stupid adults are up to something." He shrugged. "Whatever. Come on, lets go to your room."

He wouldn't even let me object and dragged me along _again_, this time to my own room. Thankfully no one could see us here, this was rather embarrassing. The silence seemed to retreat as we stepped into the comfortable familiarity of my room, closed off from the world outside through a simple door.

I let go of Kawarama's hand, warm and sweaty by now, and dropped myself backwards on my back, letting out and exhausted huff. The bed beneath me shifted slightly when my cousin sat down on the edge.

"So, what now?" he asked casually, apparently already bored. That guy had no patience at all.

"Dunno," I muttered. I would have been content to just fall asleep right then and there, as I suddenly felt terribly exhausted. This always happened to me when I was afraid or worried - I always ended up terribly exhausted afterwards.

"Kasai," he drawled, suddenly very close to my left ear. "You can't just fall asleep now!" And then he tickled me. Hard.

I tried to catch my breath, barely able to form a single sentence between strangled and choked laughs. "St-st-stop that!"

He stopped... after another few rounds of pleading. I couldn't take tickling, as I happened to be rather sensitive. Kawarama grinned toothily, falling backwards on the bed. "Silly Uchiha," he sneered.

I scoffed. "I'll wipe that grin off your face one day, just you wait."

"Yeah, yeah," he uttered, yawning comically wide to prove a point, "haven't heard that one before."

The day went by quickly, as it always did when Kawarama was around. His antics ranged from highly amusing to mildly annoying most of the time, but he knew when to stop.

When night came I fetched the old futon from my closet I usually reserved for guests. The funny thing is that we generally both ended up in the futon on the floor with the bed unused, because I hated sleeping alone. Even back in my old life I sometimes had stayed up the entire night and gone to bed by daylight. Darkness didn't bother me when I was with others, alone however...

"Can't we just sleep in your bed?" Kawarama muttered, the potential comedy in this situation probably not lost on him even though he was only five.

"Well," I replied, tilting my head. A good question actually. Then I shrugged and stuffed the old thing back into the closet. "Why not."

Honestly, I was pretty damn touchy feely, but Kawarama never complained. Maybe my lack of human contact in my former life made me crave it now and since Kawa was my cousin this was relatively innocent.

* * *

"Time to wake up!"

A loud voice tore me from my dreams and peaceful slumber. I groaned, curling into a little ball, soon realizing that I still wasn't alone in my bed. Kawarama was moving next to me, apparently just as annoyed as I, since he grumbled and turned to the other side, now facing me.

"You two are too cute, you know that?"

"G'way," Kawarama muttered, voice laced with drowsiness and scratchy from slumber. He probably recognized the voice pestering us and almost lashed out with his arms when a warm hand slid under the covers and tried to snatch them from us.

"Sometimes I regret deciding to not have you two betrothed."

What.

I opened my eyes and immediately closed them again when bright, painful sunlight flooded my eyes. Blinking from the sun glare I slowly managed to adjust to the brightness, seeing Kawarama doing the same next to me. Over him the shadow of a tall person loomed, obscured by the light flooding the room and my currently terrible eye sight.

It was my uncle. Not Izuna, the other one.

"You considered having us marry?" My jaw almost unhinged while Kawarama just snickered. Even when drowsy he still had the ability to be smug.

"Uh," Hashirama went with a hand through his brown hair. "Yes?" He mercilessly tore the blanket from us, leaving us to shiver in Konoha's early morning air. It took me every bit of self control I had to not pounce him with the screeching wail of a harpy on the hunt.

"You're cruel," I murmured instead while sitting up, hair tousled in the most absurd manner. With parts of it stuck to my face and others trying to get as far away from my head as possible. Kawarama next to me needed another minute before he considered leaving the warmth of the sheets under him. I was out of bed before he even managed to move.

"Why exactly are you here, Uncle?" I asked drowsily.

He hummed. "I came to pick up my son, but since you two apparently only come in doubles I might just take you with me as well!"

A wide grin threatened to split his face. Sometimes, just sometimes I wondered how this guy managed to be a threat to anyone, but then I remembered that he could summon giant dragons made of wood and other not so harmless things.

Suddenly Father's voice bellowed from _somewhere_ in our house. "Don't even think about it!" I blinked, silently wondering where the hell that had come from.

Hashirama shook his head, grabbing his still struggling son. "Your father hears like a dog," he uttered, a slight smile tilting the corners of his mouth. Actually, the truth was that Hashirama was simply incredibly loud.

"Dad! I can't go through Konoha like that, I'm wearing sleeping clothes!" Kawarama protested, struggling with all his strength against his father's tight grip. With his hair tousled like that he looked absolutely... adorable, actually. I was sure the villagers wouldn't mind seeing that.

"Who said we're _going_?" my uncle drawled, a glint in his eye that didn't bode well for my cousin. Kawarama probably saw it too, because he went deathly pale.

"Bye, Uncle!" I said with a small wave, already anticipating what was about to happen, while the struggling boy silently mouthed' traitor'. I merely gave him a grin in return.

"Bye, Kasai. Don't drive your father up the walls, will you?" Hashirama said with a smile, though accompanied by a certain sincerity that proved him to be serious about that.

I nodded, saluting while a grin suddenly threatened to split my face. He smiled in return before he disappeared and leaves swirled around in his place. The _Shunshin_. A nice trick to confuse little children. Or make them think you can teleport.

I was already about to crawl back into my bed when Father appeared in the doorway. He still looked tired, but heaps and bounds better from yesterday.

"You're not going back to bed, Kasai."

Oh. I groaned, slipping backwards off the bed until I hit the floor with a thud.

"We have _guests_," Father hissed in a warning tone. "Be ready and dressed in five minutes."

I nodded weakly, wondering who came to visit this early. Whoever it was, if my presence was required it was probably important. Perhaps concerning my training.

Yawning, I slipped into the best clothes I could find, brushed my hair and donned a high ponytail that kept most of my mane out of my face. It really was the only hair style that made me look somewhat presentable. And Father would tie me to a log before he ever allowed me to look improper in front of a guest.

My door opened and closed without too much sound, so I was able to venture forth unnoticed all the way to the living room, where muffled voices reached me. I knew I shouldn't eavesdrop, but curiosity got the better of me. This was information - shinobi _thrived _on information. We loved finding out stuff, even stuff we weren't supposed to know.

_"So you are not... again?"_

I didn't recognize the voice, but from the way he talked he probably saw himself as pretty important. And you didn't talk to my father like that unless you _were _important.

_"The last...__nearly killed... Unless you want __to be__... consequences should... _not _go for..."_

That had to be Father. I was so used to his voice by now that I would probably recognize it everywhere. A displeased huff came from the stranger, then a second one suddenly began to talk. I shuffled a little closer, in hopes that I would be able to hear entire sentences.

_"I do not consider it advisable to let a __gi-__"_

_"That is not yours to decide."_

I accidentally bumped against the wall while trying to get closer to the door. My curiosity had gotten me into trouble this time. I barely had any time to move before the door was suddenly opened and my trembling form faced three grown men I had never seen before. Though... actually, I had. One of them was Kagami's father.

The other two appeared to be a little older, but not exactly _old _in that sense. Maybe in their forties. Father, gripping the door so hard his knuckles were already white, grabbed me by the collar and yanked me into the room. His breath fanned along my cheeks while his voice resounded close to my ear, nearly ablaze with suppressed fury. "Do you want to make me look like a fool?" he then hissed and all I could do in response was gulp, suddenly being rooted to the spot.

"Eavesdropping?" one of the strangers questioned, raising an eyebrow. Kagami's father. I knew him, obviously. If he was back that meant that Kagami was home as well.

"M-my apologies, Homura-sama," I replied with a quick bow. Shame swelled in me and it felt as if my stomach was twisting. Father's fury didn't help matters.

"Such a disgrace. Have you no manners?" The second stranger spoke, a furious scowl on his face. The first stranger merely shook his head. Homura though seemed more amused than anything else. I knew him to be a little more laid back, but generally not like this. It seemed more like he was trying to gain my sympathy.

"Now, now, the only mistake she did was getting caught. More luck next time, hm?" An amused twinkle made his eyes shine more than usual. Yep, definitely trying to gain my sympathy.

"If she's smart there will be no next time. Now, I'd prefer we get this over with."

I eyed the man suspiciously. His hair was straight and dark, though probably more brown than black. A sharp chin, slanted eyes and aristocratic nose. He most certainly wasn't ugly. For some reason I couldn't shake off the feeling that he seemed familiar.

The other one, the one who had spoken first - his hair was definitely pitch black, as were his eyes. A long chin and nose with a thin strip of beard under his thin lips. Both seemed rather harsh in appearance, and judging by their age, probably weren't to be taken lightly. Those who had survived the wars as children generally ended up being powerful in adulthood, I had learned that much.

I also knew that now that the 'weaker' children were able to survive a gap was opening between the younger and the older generations. A gap that might cause problems in the future.

While I knew Kagami's father well enough to know that he was generally friendly towards me I also knew that he was a dangerous man with a sharp mind, always looking for ways to spread his influence.

The other two I couldn't place, but they appeared to be similar, at least from the looks of it.

"Kasai," Father spoke. His heavy hand settled on my shoulder and I suddenly felt as if the pressure was tearing me down. "Do you know these men?"

I shook my head. "I am familiar with Homura-san, but that's it."

"Those are high-ranking members of the clan's council, Kasai," he revealed with a solemnity I rarely ever heard from him. The information that Kagami's father was a member of the _clan council_ came as a bit of a shock for me. "Hitori-san and Arata-san have come to evaluate your skills today."

I nodded slowly, taking note of the fact that he hadn't mentioned Homura.

So they wanted to see what I was capable of. They called me a prodigy for my intelligence and skills, but I wasn't sure if that was all that accurate. I could hold my own against children several years older than me, but who knew if it would stay that way. It wasn't just raw skill, but also the ability to think further than they did, which was more related to my age than skill. At least I thought so..

"E-excuse me, may... may I ask a question?"

I hated the stutter, but I couldn't help it. I really had to get rid of this if I wanted to impress anyone, along with the constant face-heating and the blood rush that caused it. And the sweaty hands.

"You may," Hitori spoke calmly, but his eyes betrayed his impatience.

"What exactly is the purpose of Homura-sama's presence?"

My inner self celebrated the fact that I had managed one sentence without stuttering, but that happiness was soon shot down when Hitori glared at me. "That is not your concern, girl."

"Ah, I believe it is, Hitori-san," Homura suddenly interjected. "I am here for my own reasons."

"Homura-san has come to make an offer concerning you. Don't let it occupy your thoughts, your priorities lie elsewhere for now," Father spoke. The weight disappeared from my shoulder as he lifted his hand. "And don't disappoint me," he added, his tone sharp and warning. My throat felt unbearably tight and I gulped, trying to hide it with a nod.

It was early morning and already incredibly hot outside, a good sign that summer wasn't ending anytime soon. If it hadn't been obvious before it was easily visible now that Arata and Hitori were shinobi through and through, hardened by years and years of battle. The way they moved, acted and studied everything with a thoroughness I only knew from very few people easily demonstrated that. I found myself in awe even if I disliked both of them on a personal level.

They took me to the exact same training grounds I had wandered off to on my own once. It made me feel slightly uneasy, though I knew there was no reason for it. If Father trusted those people enough to leave me in their company without further supervision they were probably alright. Who was I to question his judgment?

The air smelled fresh and clear, but the scent of burnt wood and smoke soon overwhelmed everything else. Someone was training here or had recently done so. A quick chakra survey revealed three signatures I knew very well - and avoided at all times.

I felt my heart sink as memories flooded my mind and the word 'hime' repeatedly echoed in my ears. And this time neither Kagami nor Kawarama where there to help me.

Tora, Katsuo and Nori - three highly capable aspiring clansmen, all five years older than me and very interested in seeing me suffer in various ways. I don't know what exactly caused them to dislike me so much, and while I didn't have many friends in general those three were definitely the worst of the bunch.

I tried to gulp down my fear, but it would only come back in full force again. I could probably match them one on one, but combined they were stronger than me by a margin.

Arata's voice boomed across the training grounds as he bellowed Tora's name. I suddenly realized that the two looked very alike - a bit _too_ alike, in fact.

Oh, _hell._

The three boys sprinted towards us with stunning speed and came to a sudden halt before me, all three carrying their very own, personal version of a shit eating grin on their face.

"Good morning, Father," Tora drawled, his voice raspy from the smoke he smelled of. The other two boys repeated his greeting, though they opted for a formal 'Arata-san' unlike Tora. Well, obviously, since Arata wasn't their father.

Tora's pitch black eyes shifted towards me and soon lit up with a gleam that reminded me of a hungry predator. I forced myself to stand my ground, not let him intimidate me.

I hated him - the feeling made its way from my heart, pumping adrenaline and energy through my veins until I clenched my fists and teeth, entire body tense and face drawn into a scowl.

"Hime," he sneered, slanted eyes narrowed and twinkling, "Perhaps you should calm down. You seem angry."

He was _mocking_ me. Every time, whenever we met he had the _audacity _to mock me.

Arata pursed his lips. A warning growl was enough to silence his son, who suddenly seemed to be the personification of innocence. "I see that you're familiar with each other. Is there something you haven't told me, Tora?"

The boy tilted his head. "Surely not every encounter with other people is of importance?"

Arata narrowed his eyes dangerously, and even though I wasn't the subject of his glare I felt a shiver run down my spine. "Don't play games with me, son. Have you met this girl before?"

At this the boy began to sneer, probably the ugliest expression I had ever seen him make. He wasn't ugly by any measure, but he sure could make ugly faces.

"Who doesn't know of the clan's princess? She's infamous, Father!"

Katsuo and Nori seemed oddly uncomfortable with his antics, shifting their weight and glaring at the ground constantly. I knew that they didn't like me - you couldn't fake dislike like that, but it seemed as if they weren't exactly fond of Tora either.

"Really," Arata uttered dryly. "I'm not convinced."

Hitori snickered, something I hadn't expected at all. "Truly? My son hasn't spoken of her exploits yet."

To my surprise he let himself drop to the ground, crossing his legs and gestured for me to sit beside him. Because I didn't want any trouble I obeyed, even though the motivation of this had yet to occur to me.

"Now," he made a gesture with his hand, "we'll talk while Arata prepares some things."

Talk. Okay, I guess I could do that. Perhaps he wanted to test my intelligence? Mental skills? Maturity?

"First of all," he began, sharp eyes focused on me, "You know these boys, and judging by your reaction not in a positive manner." His eyes narrowed by a fraction. "The _truth._"

I took a deep breath, nodding softly. "Tora... doesn't like me. And that would be _fine_, if he weren't so vocal about it."

"Tora is loud, but I haven't seen him behave in this manner before. Anything specific you have done?"

I shook my head. "Nothing I could think of. He mockingly calls me Hime, and according to a friend the rest of the clan sees me as spoiled."

He hummed, but didn't answer. It seemed that he was deep in thought, stroking his beard and scrunching his forehead in a frown. I didn't dare to bother him and opted to watch my surroundings instead. Arata was arranging something in the back with Tora trailing him like a lost puppy, while Katsuo and Nori had returned to their training session.

"Exactly how old are you?" He suddenly asked. I was sure that he actually knew that answer, so I had no idea why he would ask _this_ of all things.

"I am five years of age, Hitori-sama," I dutifully replied. The stutter was now nearly gone, since I didn't feel as uncomfortable as I had earlier. I couldn't hold high fear levels for long, they went down on their own after a while, and this situation didn't make me feel entirely helpless either.

"Quite the vocabulary for a five year old."

I tilted my head, hiding my eyes with my messy bangs. "I pride myself on high intelligence, sir."

"Truly? That is quite arrogant."

I gulped, knowing that I had made a mistake. "P-perhaps so."

"Tell me, Kasai. Would you refer to yourself as spoiled?"

My head shot up, a frown making its way on my face before I could stop it. "No!" I snapped, nearly shouted. What I just had done only occurred to me a moment later when his hand, gloved and cloaked in the scent of weapons oil, made impact with my cheek. The skin burned hot and probably turned the color of a ripe tomato.

I gasped, touching the red spot with my finger tips. Disbelief spread on my face as my stomach turned and the reality of the situation sunk in.

"That in itself is proof that you are, in fact, a spoiled princess."

My cheek still burned as I covered it with my entire palm, desperately trying to stop tears from forming in my eyes, driven in equal parts by shame and anger.

He'd struck me. He'd _struck _me. If Father heard of this he would-

"Don't even _think_ about telling your father. He shouldn't and won't protect you. That soft mother of yours has kept him from raising a hand even when he should have."

I eyed him, lips pressed together tightly. I bit the inside of my cheek, a sorry attempt to distract myself from the tears that still wouldn't stop.

What he said about Father wasn't true. It couldn't be. Father had protected me all those years, why would he want to hurt me?

"Mother? What..." I asked, trailing off as my mind spun.

"Your mother is an Uzumaki, girl. They are too soft with their children, so they turn into brats without respect or discipline. That is not the Uchiha way of raising a child."

My palm dropped from my cheek and into my lap.

"So hitting children is the Uchiha way of raising them," I spat. "I see." The anger now boiling erased all hints of fear or nervousness, completely eliminating the stutter in the process. I couldn't help it - I felt vindictive. And I regretted it a second later, when his hand made impact with my cheek a second time. It _hurt_. I rubbed it softly with my still so small palms, inwardly wondering if this would leave any lasting damage for my father to see. Would he even care?

"Backtalk will only hurt you further. You best learn that early in your life," the man stated matter-of-factly, as if there was nothing unusual about this situation. My cheek still stung and a red patch of skin probably served as a painful reminder of what had just transpired.

"Sir," I stated, eyes blank yet voice laced with a tremor I couldn't stop, "what is the purpose of this." Tears were coming again, and this time I didn't try to stop them. "My skills were of no interest for years."

He scoffed. "You don't need to know."

Anger swelled and died as quickly as it came, the memory of what it brought still throbbing painfully on my face. I took a deep breath, tried to concentrate. Empty your mind, my uncle had once said, and empty my mind is what I did. All thoughts fled away and left a blissful silence in their wake.

"Meditation, good. I see that you're capable of learning."

There was no smugness in his voice, no hidden sneer or backhanded comment. It seemed as if he allowed me to have this small triumph. I blew a sigh through my nose, eyes closed.

"I have been told that you can sense chakra. Prove it."

Another sigh escaped through my lips while I tried to calm my heart and mind. "My range isn't too great," I stated, voice trembling. "But there are three other shinobi not far from here. Probably on the neighboring training grounds."

"How do I know you aren't lying?"

"I have no way of proving that."

He nodded. "It's good to know one's limits."

Oh, more praise. My heart would have swelled any other day, but this time I felt nothing. Just terrifying emptiness gazing at me, calling me. Offering to shroud me in its embrace. The urge was there, the urge to just give in and let it all be.

"You asked me to show you my sensing abilities just to prove a point."

Hitori rose from the ground, brushing grass and dirt from his clothes. "Precisely. You are quick, aren't you?"

"I'd say yes but that would be arrogant," I muttered dryly.

And just like that another slap turned my cheek pink and drove a stinging pain to my face. Only this time I didn't find it in me to cry, just pursed my lips and ignored the tremor that shook my hands as I rose.

"I'll leave her to you for now," Hitori gruffly bellowed, shoving me forward with a not too gentle push of his palm. Arata stood, hands on his hips and his son in tow. The boy was grinning like an idiot, probably because he'd seen the red mark of shame on my cheek and knew exactly what it meant. I really just wanted to punch him at this point.

"You forgot the make-up on the other half of your face, hime!"

Punch him really, really hard.

Arata shot his son a warning glare until the youngster withered away under the intensity. A snarl rumbled in my throat, lips drawn apart, teeth bare. I must have looked like a wild animal. Would Arata hurt me too, should I dare to lash out? Was it worth the risk?

My gaze rested on Tora, emotions swirling in me like a vortex. A sudden calmness overwhelmed me, pushing the anger and fury away, to the edges of my mind.

He wasn't worth it.

I lowered my lids until my eyes shut tightly, taking a deep breath, smelling the air, filling my lungs until I thought they would burst.

Remain calm. He isn't worth it. Don't lash out.

I crossed my arms much like my father often did and shifted my weight until I seemed almost relaxed, even though I was anything but.

Three neatly aligned training logs now stood erected perfectly next to each other where nothing had been just minutes before. How on earth had he managed that so fast? And why come here of all places when there were better grounds available? Discretion was the only reason I could think of. This was one of the most secluded training grounds our clan had access to.

On each of the logs two targets were painted. Again, how had he done that in maybe five minutes? Had he summoned those things from somewhere? A storage scroll, perhaps?

Arata handed me a weapon pouch, filled with six kunai and several shuriken, all deadly sharp and obviously of high quality. All I ever got for practice were old and blunt weapons my family could no longer use. I allowed myself to marvel at the beauty of the sharp blades for a few seconds before shifting my gaze to Arata.

"Kunai practice?" I uttered in disbelief, maybe just a little bit haughtily. Okay, probably a lot. But the memory of pain flashed in my mind and I quickly covered my cheek; an impulse overcoming me so fast I only realized the implications of it after it had happened.

The humiliating glint in Arata's eyes spoke of amusement as well as disapproval, both shaming me equally. I already feared the pain he could inflict on me and he hadn't even done such a thing yet.

"Not practice," he spat harshly, making me flinch just a little. Of course not, that would have been to easy.

"You will throw those six kunai to let me assess your aim."

Uh. Not good.

I halted in my movements, staring at the Kunai with a frown. I wasn't bad at throwing Kunai, not at all. Because my chakra control was so good I was able to throw them with varying strength by augmenting my muscles with chakra, but...

A sigh escaped my lips while I drew the first Kunai from the pouch, assessing the distance and the angle of the log before readying my throwing arm. It sailed through the air with a whistling sound before embedding itself into the wood all the way to the holed handle.

Oh.

I flared my nostrils with a deep breath, staring at the sharp weapon in awe. While I had used a little chakra this was far from how much I usually had to pour into my muscles to even do any damage to my practice targets.

Those were lovely kunai. I had to get my hands on some of them after this was over.

Another kunai followed the first, ending up handle deep in wood as well. Then I turned to the second log. The third Kunai sailed without chakra, a bit unsteady as it penetrated the log only halfway up the blade and small splinters of wood littered the ground.

The fourth flew steadier but without the augmentation of chakra as well, still only halfway up the blade. For the fifth I poured as much chakra into my muscles as I could. The kunai made impact with the wood, sending splinters across the training grounds as it dashed right through the log and softly thudded into the sand behind the target after going just a bit further, obviously weakened by the impact. It looked bent and broken as if thrown too often.

Arata grunted next to me, probably displeased at the waste of a perfectly good kunai.

I gulped, throwing the sixth and last one with a little less strength. It still embedded itself deep enough to not be visible anymore.

I could hear an irritated sigh. "The shuriken," Arata muttered gruffly, probably already expecting the little throwing stars to be ruined as well.

As my hand reached into the pouch little pieces of metal poked my flesh. I immediately withdrew my fingers. Warm liquid streamed down my digits, coating my hand in red, gleaming blood. "Oh," I breathed, watching the red substance slowly make its way down my wrists.

"Well?" Arata growled, impatience obvious. I whipped my head around, eyes wide with disbelief. He wanted to me to throw those things like this?

A scowl made its way onto my face as I slipped my hand into the pouch once again, this time sliding the shuriken onto my finger before withdrawing it. It hurt less that way.

Blood made my skin slippery and I almost lost hold of the metal before throwing it in the direction of the log. Three shuriken flew, whistling in the air before all embedding themselves into all three logs at once. And all missed the intended target by a landslide because my fingers were wet with blood.

"Pathetic," Tora remarked with biting acid in his tone, earning him a whack up the head by his father. "I told you to stay quiet."

The boy grumbled and another sweep followed. This time he evaded the pain by ducking a second before his father's hand could make impact.

I assessed my handiwork and realized that this was hardly equal to the skill of a worthy ninja. Both the Kunai and the shuriken were way off from their intended target, namely the dead center. While all of them were buried rather deep and would have done a lot of damage to the victim they probably would have missed vital organs. If they hit at all. I could only attribute it to my trembling hands, for my aim wasn't that atrocious on normal days.

"That," Arata began, making me startle, "was a sorry excuse for aim. Who taught you?"

My gaze dropped to the ground. "My uncle taught me the basics," I muttered.

A surprised yelp left my throat when Arata hit me up the head, and none too gently. For a few seconds I stood in stunned silence, eyes wide and breath flat and quick.

"What was _that_ for!"

And another one. This time I merely kept silent, tears creeping up once again. I couldn't take getting hit, not for... for minor things like this. What the hell had I done wrong this time?

"Don't mutter and don't talk back," Arata commanded, voice hard and cutting like steel. I flinched, eyes wide.

So him as well. An involuntary shudder ran down my back as my only thought quickly became escape. But my feet wouldn't move, were frozen on the spot, and somewhere inside I knew that I couldn't escape anyway. Arata was older than me, probably too fast, much stronger than me. Experienced.

I was just a little five year old girl.

"I said," I breathed, voice trembling once again, "My uncle taught me the basics."

"See? That wasn't so hard, was it?" There was absolutely no warmth in his voice. His tongue might as well have been a sword.

My mouth went dry while my heart rate accelerated into oblivion, but I nodded - numbly, staring blankly ahead. A tranquil calmness washed over me. I suddenly felt absent, detached from it all. Blissful silence began to cloud my mind. My heart returned to a healthier rate as the fear slowly subsided. The Emptiness that had been calling me earlier now encompassed me wholly.

My eyes were still blank, my face nearly expressionless as I stared ahead. "What do you wish me to do now?" I inquired, voice suddenly so far away from myself. Had I been able to feel in that moment I would have been frightened by my own behavior, but as it was I merely took note of Arata's expression. He seemed displeased, though by what I couldn't tell.

"Tora, Katsuo," he barked. His son and his friend shuffled over, traces of amusement still faint on their faces. Tora was smirking, although lightly, until his focus shifted to me. He almost stumbled back, lips drawn into a frown and brows creased as he stared at me. "Hime? You don't look so good," he said, but in my current state I couldn't tell if he was mocking me or not. Knowing him he probably was.

"The girl is fine. Tora, left side. Katsuo, to the right. You will face Kasai in a spar."

Oh. So I would fight two of them. I wasn't sure if I was capable of doing that, but it didn't matter anymore. Nothing did, so I merely nodded, taking my position with mechanic movements. Tora and Katsuo turned to face me on the other side of the grounds. Nori, Hitori and Arata opted to leave the immediate area, withdrawing to the trees surrounding the field. The three logs disappeared into the ground with a single hand seal. So that's how he had done it.

I mentally shrugged, preparing my taijutsu stance. It was a good thing I had learned a few ninjutsu in the last weeks, otherwise I'd be in trouble now. I had no weapons while my opponents were clearly armed. They were taller and stronger than me, so defeating them purely with taijutsu would be like a walk through hell.

My blank mind felt oddly clear, free. Thoughts flowed openly, unhindered by emotions, instincts, intentions. My only wish was to end this fight as quickly as possible. The trees around me began to disappear in a blur as it all began, heart pumping and chakra flowing wildly, spilling through my coils like torrents.

Tora moved forward with impossible speed. First note: That boy was _fast_. A new kind of respect made its way, for reaching such a speed at such a young age must have been hard.

He dashed forward, clearly intending to get rid of me in one clean strike. Since I didn't feel like losing I evaded his attack by a margin, sweeping my leg under his. He lost his balance but recovered quickly.

Katsuo was on me before I could see him, so a solid kick from his sandal-clad feet sent me flying backwards. All air left my lungs as I came to a halt on my back, dust filling my nostrils and mouth. Pure instinct dictated me to get back to me feet just seconds before Tora could make impact with my torso.

I tried to get into a safe distance from the two and soon found myself atop the boulder that had once caught Kagami's fireball.

Tora came running towards me fast, so I quickly completed the needed hand seals. By the time I reached Tiger Tora was nearly in reach.

"Fire Release: Phoenix Sage Fire Technique!"

A string of profanities spilled from Tora's mouth as he dived under the fireballs, crashing into the boulder I was standing on headfirst. The fireballs sent in Katsuo's direction whistled past him just barely, scorching his clothes and hair. I cursed inwardly.

Tora, almost back on his feet, sent his comrade a hand sign before disappearing with a Body Replacement Technique, replacing himself with a rock.

I skipped behind my boulder, focusing on the boys' chakra signatures while thinking of a plan. Tora was fast and nimble, Katsuo was capable of quite a few ninjutsu from what I could remember.

My senses told me that one of them was approaching rapidly. I quickly formed the hand seal for the small genjutsu I had learned from the library. Chances were that he knew it, but perhaps it would stall him a little.

The Demonic Illusion: Mirror Confusion caused the victim to confuse his target with a close family member. It wouldn't work on any shinobi worth his salt but it might stop Tora for a little.

I left my hideout just seconds before he reached me behind the boulder, quickly disappearing while casting the genjutsu on him. My feet carried me away faster than I ever felt they could. Katsuo was occupied for a moment, leaving me time to take care of Tora who was apparently preparing some kind of jutsu.

He lifted his gaze, looking me straight into the eyes. In front of me I saw piercing red irises, two tomoe lazily spinning in each of them. Chakra began to invade my mind and senses, numbing me to the surroundings.

I suddenly felt peaceful, tired. The soft embrace of slumber called me, invited me, begged me to give in. The wish to just do it made its way, clouding my mind and thoughts.

Something seemed strange. While sleep sounded absolutely wonderful I couldn't help the feeling that I shouldn't. A breath escaped my lips and it felt like nothing. Voices echoed in the numbness that encompassed me.

No. End this.

I sent a surge of chakra through my coils, purging the foreign energy from my body. All sleepiness went away and my eyes snapped open, two red Sharingan in front of me. _Mocking _me.

I felt no anger and was grateful for that. Instead I retreated backwards, sending another _Hōsenka_ on its way. One of the fireballs hit him straight in the chest, scorching his clothes but getting no farther than that. Fireproof clothing. _Of course. _We were Uchiha after all.

Tora growled and dashed forward. His strikes were quicker this time, and his Sharingan allowed him to see my movements before I could actually execute them. The moment he had chosen to use the Bloodline Limit I had lost the battle.

He executed his taijutsu flawlessly with Katsuo joining him not much later. To my credit, I managed to hold both off for a while before Katsuo's kick hit me in the back and threw me straight into Tora's fist.

The ground suddenly seemed incredibly soft, so I allowed myself to sink into the grass that now felt so blissfully cool. Blood trickled down my cheeks and chin, streaming from the corners of my mouth and nose. My entire body hurt, _ached_, and I probably had a broken bone somewhere as well as several bruises in the making.

Tora and Katsuo were panting at least. So I wasn't the only one winded. They dropped themselves into the grass next to me, both in a sitting position, with Nori joining them soon after.

Hitori and Arata appeared next to me. All I could see were their feet in my peripheral vision, staring blankly ahead and panting heavily as I was. Not really responsive to my surroundings anymore.

"Get up," Arata ordered. No compassion, no warmth. Had I done well? I couldn't tell.

Despite the pain I forced myself to get up, wobbly and aching everywhere. My head was spinning, my vision blurry. Never ever in any of my lives had I felt such pain before, and I wasn't even lethally wounded. Every wheezing breath sent spikes of hot, searing pain through my body.

The two hadn't even used any offensive ninjutsu, just a quick Body Replacement Technique, a genjutsu and taijutsu. Should I feel pathetic now? I didn't know, for I felt absolutely nothing at all.

"Nori, patch her up."

The boy hurried to his feet at Hitori's order. His hand began to glow green with chakra as he pressed it to my back softly. Warmth enveloped me, but it was gone as soon as it came. Breathing was much easier now.

"Thank you," I uttered, no emotion whatsoever in my voice. The boy nodded curtly, not sparing me another glance and I was left wondering why he had medical training and from where. Certainly not from us, advanced medical techniques weren't our forte.

After that Hitori and Arata brought me home, dismissing the boys that had aided them in their assessment. It was afternoon by the time we arrived, partially because I had to walk on my own the entire way and it ached terribly. My limbs felt like lead, and my chakra reserves were actually rather low. I had only executed three jutsu, but apparently that was already enough.

I might have felt relief at seeing my home, but I still felt strangely blank. Lifeless. Detached. Like my voice wasn't my own and my body was a hollow puppet listening to my every order.

My father greeted us at the door. He didn't seem fazed by my condition, though his gaze flickered back and forth between me and the other two a few times. I strode past him wordlessly. At least my detachment made sure I didn't feel betrayed when he showed no care about my treatment at all.

It was cool inside. Apparently our house kept the summer heat out. Minor things I hadn't noticed before.

My bed suddenly seemed so alluring, so I just dropped dead on top of my blanket, still coated in dried blood and caked with dirt.

I awoke from nothingness when someone softly shook my shoulders, telling me over and over again that it was time for dinner and that I shouldn't skip eating after exhausting myself.

I moaned, burying myself further under blankets until the mysterious owner of the voice stole them all and left me freezing, so I slowly got up, saw my mother's face and slumped right back into the sheets.

A soft sigh reached my ears.

"Come now, Kasai," she said before lifting me from my bed and setting me down on the ground. Merciless. Fine, if she wanted me there so badly. Mother still seemed so exhausted, so pale, but she appeared to be holding up.

I dragged myself to the dinner table, where Father already sat waiting for us. He seemed rather nonplussed at my appearance, for he frowned when he saw me entering the room. Or perhaps he was just... whatever, I couldn't tell in my current state.

I sat down on my usual spot, eyes already half-closed again. The smell of food was the only thing keeping me awake. I _was_ damn hungry now that I actually thought about it. My stomach felt terribly empty.

"Madara, what _happened_ to her?" Mother hissed icily. Father remained unfazed, merely cocking an eyebrow.

"Skill evaluation," he uttered curtly. Had I been able to feel I might have felt hurt at this, but as it was I merely lifted my eyes to gaze at his face. His stone-faced mask was in full effect. There was nothing I would get from him.

"Her cheek is bruised, Madara." She was seething, obviously.

"Sparring injury."

I frowned. Any feeling of injustice was long since gone, but the desire to correct this wrong assumption remained. "Arata-san and Hitori-san hit me," I corrected, still absolutely no emotion to lace my voice. I sounded like a robot, even to myself. Somewhere deep inside a tiny voice asked if I would stay like this forever. This distance, like viewing everything through a window pane... it might have felt terrible. If I could feel.

Father's gaze flickered across my face as he grunted gruffly, but offered nothing. Mother nearly dropped her chopsticks, disbelief openly on her face. At least I thought it was disbelief. My state made it hard to tell.

"No one just _hits _my daughter," she hissed.

I merely shook my head, even if I formerly would have agreed wit her. "It's quite alright, Mother."

Now even Father seemed somewhat concerned or at least alerted, because both his eyebrows twitched for a second as he watched me. He narrowed his eyes, but said nothing. Mother obviously didn't know what to say, seeing as her mouth opened and closed akin to a fish.

I silently consumed my dinner, quietly, obediently. Demure. This is how I should be, no? I could no longer tell. Emptiness still reigned in my mind. Thoughts reached me clear as a day, but my perception of the outside world seemed so fogged. Nothing mattered. I had no direction, no motor anymore, so I followed others.

Father lowered his chopsticks, brow still furrowed. "Kasai, is there something you would like to learn?" he demanded. His voice sounded strange, as if this were a secret test, but I couldn't quite tell what exactly he wanted from me so I just shook my head. "Nothing in particular."

I heard the cluttering sound of chopsticks hitting the table. Mother rose from her seat, eyes cast down and face shrouded in anger. She turned around sharply, hurrying to get out of the room before her temper could get the better of her. She had always been rather fiery.

My gaze flickered back to Father who had a pondering expression on his face before looking at me. "Finish your food, Kasai," he ordered, rising to his feet himself and stalking after Mother.

I obediently finished my meal, no matter that I would never have done so without my family even under orders.

After taking a quick bath and changing my sheets that evening I heard Mother and Father conversing, if you could call it that, for Mother sounded furious.

I crawled under my blanket, willing it all away before dreamless sleep claimed me, consumed me whole.

Something strange happened that night, caused by the absolute quiet in my mind, I suppose. I accidentally slipped out of my own consciousness, fell through the rift of my mind so to speak, and achieved something one might call absolute inner balance. I can only imagine that my lack of emotions allowed me to reach this place.

I found myself within my own mind... visualized as a giant, probably endless meadow with a small shack in the middle of it.

A small twinge of curiosity, faint and nearly insignificant, compelled me to step closer. There should be no dangers here, within my own mind, but who knew? Nightmares were creations of yourself as well.

The grass beneath my feet felt so real I almost believed this wasn't just my imagination given shape but an image of reality, yet the tranquility and peacefulness of this place made such a notion ridiculous. A perfectly blue sky with no clouds visible, and one could see farther than from atop a mountain on a clear day.

I stepped closer towards the shack, a sense of familiarity overcoming me the closer I came. Something told me that I clearly remembered this place from somewhere, though I couldn't tell where exactly. It certainly wasn't from my current life, I'd remember _that_.

The door creaked upon use, a remnant of old times and childhood days. The inside was dark, illuminated by nothing but the sunlight streaming through a small window, specks of dust dancing in its shine.

This place... A picture on the wall caught my attention. Old and frayed, edges worn and the corners torn and brittle. A girl with a bright smile and happiness shining in her eyes, no older than three, playing pat-a-cake with her brown-haired uncle.

A memory. More pictures littered the walls, the table, open drawers, maybe even the closed ones. Things I could no longer access, I suppose.

On the table sat a little box with a lock, made of rich, red wood and golden ornaments, a little Uchiha crest painted on the top. Three tomoe sat around the lock in a circle, protecting it like guardians. Something told me that the box shouldn't be locked. I felt a tug at my mind, a pull towards the ominous container, something calling me, pleading me to open it. Even if I wanted to there was no key in sight, nothing to get past the lock that held the box closed.

Perhaps the tomoe had something to do with it. I stared at them and suddenly felt lost, barely able to tear my eyes away.

The rest of the shack seemed unremarkable. There was a bookshelf in the corner that seemed to hold all my knowledge, but throughout my entire search I noticed time and time again that memories from my old life weren't here. It seemed this place was only reserved for my current existence.

No matter what I did, my thoughts would always return to the box. After a while I picked it up, no longer able to suppress my curiosity. Turning and tossing it in my hands, trying to scratch open the lid, clawing and tugging at the wood - it wouldn't budge. I felt desperate, the calling tearing at my mind, a choir of desperate voices. So I did the last thing I could think of... I threw the box at the ground. Pieces of wood flew through the shack, splinters in gold and red. The lock burst open, red shards dug into my flesh and a thick, heavy fog slowly swirled, rising higher and higher until a pillar of dark energy towered, _loomed_ over my small shape. It felt... oddly familiar, like a part of myself long forgotten, but _cold_. And heavy, intense. Like Father's chakra.

A sudden pain stung my eyes, reaching deep into my skull until my entire head felt heavy and numb with the throbbing pain, yet I couldn't scream. My body was nearly frozen, cold and unmoving.

The fog surrounded me, suffocated me - and along with its numbing cold my emotions streamed back into my body, bringing fear and panic. Darkness enveloped my flesh whole while a colorful swirl of emotions occupied my mind.

And after a thousand needles made of ice had pierced every last inch of my body and my mind had escaped from the emotions keeping it chained a blissful silence followed.

I opened my eyes, but saw nothing but darkness, then a flicker of red. Beads of sweat covered my forehead and cheeks... or were those tears? The skin under my eyes itched, _hurt_. My eyes... pain. What had I done?

I realized that my wrists hurt, ached as if someone had squashed them under rocks.

"_Kasai_," a distant voice called, demanding my attention. I tried to turn my head but found me staring into nothing.

"Don't move."

Something rustled close to my head. A warm hand slid under my neck, lifting my upper body. A piece of cloth was removed from my face and I quickly realized that it had covered my eyes. The white bandages were colored a dirty red... blood.

I tried to sit up but was pushed back down immediately. "Easy," the voice whispered. I glanced to the side, not sure what to expect. My vision was blurry, but I recognized the shape of my uncle Izuna and another person sitting in the back of the room on a small stool.

"What happened," I rasped, voice hoarse and rough.

"You tried to gouge out your own eyes last night."

What.

My blood turned to ice at the memory of the intense pain in my skull and my body shook as an involuntary shudder ran down my back.

"I smashed the box," I muttered, still half-crazed from my adventurous dream... or _whatever_ last night.

"You what? Oh," my uncle sighed, a warm hand resting on my forehead. He turned around, addressing the other person in the room. "Her fever went down."

"Good," he uttered. I immediately recognized Father's voice.

"Dad?" I whimpered. Speaking hurt, trying to focus on anything hurt, even thinking hurt to some extent. What had I done when I smashed that box? I suppose opening it forcefully wasn't a good idea.

"What am I supposed to do with you," he murmured, letting the words flow into a sigh. "Really, Kasai."

* * *

**AN: **Did you think becoming clan heir would be easy, Kasai? Madara's detached behavior has a reason, don't worry.

Looong chapter. Lots of things happening.

I have no experience with fighting scenes, forgive me.

Sorry, she'll remain this young a while longer yet. There's a lot of important stuff happening around this age before another time skip can happen. Probably some Kagami next chapter though.

Reviews are of course always welcome!


	6. Chapter 5 - Crows

**Title: **Fire Rebirth

**Summary: **Obligations, expectations, all made heavier by a young village standing on shaky legs. The gigantic construct that is the Clan is greater than I, and failure is not an option. I am headed for greatness - provided the world doesn't come crashing down on me before I get there. /OC Self-Insert, slightly AU

**Author's Notes: **Just to clarify, Kasai isn't blind. She's done something to her eyes though, which will be properly explained in the next chapter.

Thank you for all the reviews I got for the last chapter! I didn't actually expect to get any attention at all.

Dear Ayee, since I can't write you a PM: I was planning to let some of the other characters appear, don't worry. I've made plans in that regard already.

Update 7/4/13: Fixed a few typos.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto. Obviously.

* * *

**Chapter five -Crows**

A mirror confirmed what I had suspected - the skin around my eyes was raw and scratched open, sometimes so badly that it had bled, explaining the blood on the bandages. My eyes themselves didn't look much better, I had managed to pop a vessel or two. My uncle forbade me from leaving the room and should I try to go anywhere I'd deeply regret it.

It was one thing to disobey him when he was being lenient - it was another to disobey when he was serious. While it was true that my father generally outclassed him in terms of battle prowess Izuna could be scary if he really wanted to.

Not as scary as Tobirama though. That man was an entirely different league.

I was left to my own devices though, and chained to a bed as I was boredom came as quickly as my company had disappeared. The memories of the last day seemed like a blur to me now - the fight with Tora, the treatment from the council members... come to think of it, it was a miracle I hadn't broken down crying, though that was probably related to my sudden emotional lock down. For now I merely felt angry at Father - he hadn't cared at all. And maybe just a little hurt. I couldn't believe the Uchiha actually considered him to be too soft - he seemed to be rather strict in my opinion. But I had also grown up with another father before _him_, and that one had cared... little. Less than Dad, that's for sure. It's not like I could remember much anyway.

My cheek only hurt when I touched it now. It was definitely tender and bruised, but so were the various spots where Tora and Katsuo had managed to land a hit on me. Which weren't exactly few. Especially my back and my jaw hurt despite Nori's healing abilities.

And my eyes, of course. They were the worst of all; itching and burning so much I just wanted to scratch them until there was nothing left. That obviously wasn't a good idea - going blind wasn't something I'd like to experience; not in my last life, not in this one.

After a while slumber lured me into its embrace and I fell into a dream full of scorched meadows and trees with dark, beady eyes, watching my every move. Red as they were, with a spinning, black Sharingan wheel in each of them, they all served to remind me of the box that should have remained locked.

I think I tossed and turned in my sleep, because when a soft pressure on my shoulder tore me from my nightmare landscape my blanket was a crumpled heap on the floor and my pillow had ended up on the other side of the bed.

My lids fluttered open. I was panting, beads of sweat covering my face. The skin under my eyes itched even worse than before and I realized that salty tears were the cause.

Two pitch black eyes watched me with worry, the owner looming over me like a shadow. I blinked, confused at first. Black, curly hair, a boyish face...

"Kagami?" I rasped, still a little hoarse.

"Hey," he greeted weakly, seemingly a little shaken by my nightmarish adventure. "You look like you got mauled by a bear," my friend continued while he placed a bag on the bedside table. "Brought you some onigiri, in case you're hungry."

"Oh." I blinked at him owlishly, earning me a small laugh. "You're home."

"Yeah. I wanted to visit you yesterday but your father said you weren't free."

I tried to smile but failed miserably, memories from the day before floating through my mind. I didn't know how I had performed in their eyes. My aim sure as hell hadn't been good...

"When did you visit?" I asked casually, wondering if I had been home at that point already.

"Afternoon. Why?"

"Just curious."

So my father had sent him away even though I had already returned from the training grounds at that point. I was grateful for his insight; the last thing I wanted was for Kagami to see me in such a terrible condition. Not the injuries would have been the problem, but my mental state. Kagami was my friend, he would probably have been hurt and worried.

"Thanks for waking me up," I muttered while I reached for the onigiri. Food seemed so alluring right now, I hadn't eaten much today and it was already afternoon. "And thanks for the onigiri."

A grin threatened to split his face while he stole one of the rice balls for himself. "You're welcome! That dream didn't look nice from here so I thought I should help you out."

My blood suddenly ran cold. How long had he been watching me? The thought of having someone watch me in my sleep seemed oddly unsettling, especially with Kagami as the observer. That problem didn't exist with Kawarama - he was my cousin and I fully trusted him, but at the same time I trusted Kagami as well. I don't know what exactly was different here. Maybe because Kawarama was family and Kagami wasn't, not in that sense. We were related through our clan, but not by blood, not truly.

I chose not to inquire how long exactly he'd been watching me and instead opted to change the topic. "How was your trip?"

He snorted and hopped on my bed, feet dangling over the edge. "Uneventful," he noted dryly, a sour expression on his boyish face. "I swear if I ever have to run for an entire day again..." the boy muttered darkly, trailing off at the end.

I sat up and swung my legs over the edge, occupying the space next to him. "Stamina training?"

"Not only." He leaned back, using his arms as support. "Survival in general." Apparently remembering the trip, Kagami wrinkled his nose. "Dad's cruel."

Somehow I couldn't help but chuckle. "You think that's bad?" A yawn escaped me while I thought of the day before. "I had to fight Tora and Katsuo."

His expression changed all of a sudden, from sour to worried. "I told Kawarama to take care of you!"

What. That was... incredibly adorable, actually. From both of them. At the same time I felt a little offended because they apparently thought I couldn't take care of myself. It's not like I was helpless, Tora simply ran around with his pack most of the time.

"I can defend myself," I snapped, but Kagami didn't budge.

"Not from Tora," he muttered darkly, eyes narrowed. One day he would look intimidating when he did that, with the boyish face gone and replaced by that of a grown man - but for now it just looked more endearing than anything else. Despite my pride I had to admit that he was right though - under normal circumstances Tora and his little gang were far too strong for me.

"He didn't attack me," I explained. "I had to fight him in a spar."

My best friend, now more disbelieving than worried, cocked an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Some members from the clan council wanted to evaluate my skills or something."

He nearly dropped the rice ball, eyes wide as saucers. "What?" he exclaimed, muffled by the rice still in his mouth. He swallowed the remaining food in one gulp, nearly choked and needed a second to catch himself. "Why would they do that," he questioned. "It's not like you're-..." he trailed off, suddenly awfully silent. "You weren't tested by Arata-san, were you?"

"You know him?"

"Yes," he muttered. "He's Tora's father."

"I know that," I scoffed. Well, I had only learned that on the previous day, but still - I knew.

"Kagami?" I suddenly drawled sweetly. The boy blinked, confusion evident on his eyes. "Yeah?" he carefully asked, leaning away from me the closer I came.

"You _could_ have told me that your father is a council member," I hissed. It did hurt me that he had never told me and I had always assumed that Homura was a normal member of the clan like most were.

"I didn't think it was important," the boy argued defensively before he gently shoved me back into my original position. "It's not like that would have changed anything."

"It still hurt that you didn't tell me," I mumbled, gazing to the side with my face drawn into a pout.

He pulled me into a tight hug, earning a surprised yelp from me. "Sorry," he muttered. "Didn't mean to hurt you."

Blinking like an owl, I softly returned the hug. "It's... it's okay..."

Hugs weren't... normal for me. Not from friends. My old self's social life had been a poor, crippled thing, held back by social anxiety and fear. The few friends I had had, while important to me, had never been so touchy feely. Not that I minded. I craved human contact for what it was worth, and acceptance from others.

My grip around his torso tightened while I hid my face in his shoulders, eyes tightly shut.

"Kasai?"

No reply came from me, I was far too busy trying to hide the fact that I was actually crying. It's not like he didn't know that I was a crybaby, it's just that... I didn't want him to see this.

"Are you crying, Kasai?"

I flinched, hugging him even tighter. Kagami made an odd sound resembling a sigh and a chuckle at the same time. "How did you end up so touchy feely," he joked. "Must be that strange cousin of yours."

I laughed, somehow. A strangled sound that mixed with sudden sobs and snorts and I quickly realized that I wasn't just crying because of the hug. The previous day, that horrible, _horrible _day... my mindscape, the dream, everything. I don' t know why the breakdown only occurred now, after so much time had already passed...

My hands curled into fists, holding onto the black fabric of his clothes while soft weeping turned into hysteric sobs.

I was good at bottling up. I could delay a problem for hours, days, weeks simply by taking my mind off of it. But at some point I would always break, whether it be after years or just a few hours. And it generally only happened when someone else was around to listen.

"Hey, Tora wasn't that bad, right? Do I have to beat him up? Kasai?"

Kagami sounded so distressed it nearly broke my heart. How he managed to remain so calm was a mystery to me.

"This isn't just about him, silly," I breathed between sobs, somehow half-laughing and yet not.

He didn't ask and I was thankful for that. After a while the sobs died down, the silence now only disturbed by an occasional hiccup. It took me a while to gather the strength to let go. His shirt was completely wet at this point and the raw skin around my eyes hurt and itched like hell.

"What happened to your eyes?" he inquired while offering me another rice ball. I accepted the food happily, devouring it in as little time as humanly possible. I had quite the appetite most of the time, but I didn't have to worry about gaining weight. My parents were Ninja after all - they knew how to eat.

"Tried to gouge them out last night," I replied between gulps. The scratches and patches of torn skin looked extremely ugly. I could only hope that they would heal without too much scarring.

"Wait... _what?"_

He gripped my shoulder so hard I nearly choked on the remains of my rice ball. "Why would you do such a thing?"

The distress and worry was so open in his eyes it nearly worried _me_ as well.

"I had a... nightmare," I muttered, voice nearly cracking, while I weighted another rice ball in my small palm. "Did your mother make those?"

"Yeah... Don't change the topic!" my best friend warned and somehow I couldn't help but chortle. "What kind of nightmare makes you do _that_?"

Knowing no answer to that, I merely shrugged. It hadn't exactly been a nightmare, but pretty damn close. Though whatever I had done probably had worse consequences than a mere nightmare... the thought alone made me shiver.

"Did you hurt your eyes?"

I shook my head and lifted my arm so my wrist, bruised and blue, was clearly visible. "See that? That was my father. He stopped me from scratching until I calmed down."

Kagami assessed the damage and almost poked the tender flesh, but I pulled my wrist out of his reach before he could get that far. The bruises were a nice reminder that Father had a _really _strong grip.

"By the way... your father was here yesterday."

"Oh r-really? Didn't know that!" He went so pale his body could pass for a corpse, but the way he wrung his hands proved that he was sweating, which meant that he was probably feeling rather warm. I narrowed my eyes by a fraction, puffing my cheeks. "Liar.

"You know why he was here, don't you?"

"Uh..."

When he rubbed his neck I knew that he had some information he wasn't willing to share. I narrowed my eyes even further, until he winced.

"Can't talk about it," he muttered. Fine, if he couldn't... there were things I wasn't allowed to tell others myself, so I knew how he felt.

"Okay," I replied, giving in.

"What's going on here?" A loud voice bellowed through the hall, originating from somewhere at the front door. I _knew _that voice - dear Kawarama had come to visit. Not a second later he stood at the door to my room, panting and huffing and supporting his upper body with his hands on his thighs. His eyes went wide at the sight of my face, scratched and bloody as it was from the assault of my finger nails.

"Who mauled you?" the boy almost shouted, rushing closer with so much haste he nearly tripped over his own feet.

"A tiger," the boy next to me uttered dryly. Another chakra signature entered the house at this very moment, much larger than Kawarama's or Kagami's, but just as familiar. It reminded me of the smell of earth, of trees and of water. Nature.

Kawarama took my face in his palms and assessed the deep scratches and torn skin carefully. Under other circumstances it might have been cute but right now it was just annoying, mostly because his grip hurt my bruised cheek.

"Kawarama, let your cousin go."

And just like that his father walked through the door, steps firm but gentle as always. The painful pressure disappeared from my face and I softly rubbed the skin where warm child hands had held it not a second ago.

"Uncle," I greeted weakly, but he merely nodded softly in return. The co-founder of Konoha knelt in front of me until he was on eye level, gently tilting my chin so he could see the damage I had done to my face.

"That looks terrible, Sapling. What did you do?"

"Used my finger nails like nature had intended me to. Did Father send you here?"

He chuckled at my remark but shook his head. "Nature didn't intend for you to destroy your own eyes. And it wasn't your father. Your mother asked for me."

Oh. So it was Mom. Kagami remained strangely silent, watching the leader of the Senju in what seemed almost like awe.

"So, who mauled you?" Kawarama impatiently asked, shifting his weight.

"No one. I mauled myself."

His expression morphed into flat disbelief, the 'are you kidding me' kind. I'm sorry to tell you, dear cousin - but no, I wasn't kidding.

"That's a joke, right?" he asked, eyes narrowed and lips pressed into a thin line.

"It isn't, son. Now shoo, I have work to do. You too, boy," my uncle mumbled, addressing Kagami who immediately slid from the bed.

My cousin obviously wanted to protest but got hauled out of the room by my friend, who obediently left me in my uncle's care. After my close friends were gone and the door shut my uncle's focus shifted back to me, face drawn into a frown. I knew this expression - it meant that he was serious.

"Nightmare, hm?" he muttered, eyes narrowed to a point where I knew I was in trouble should I try to lie to him now. "What did you do, Kasai?"

"It... it wasn't a nightmare, I think," I muttered, gaze focused on the ground. While I wasn't afraid of my uncle in the least I knew that even he had a point where his patience ran out.

"Go on," he instructed while he gently began to fix the damaged skin.

"I think I entered my mindscape."

I could feel the chakra flow falter for a millisecond before Hashirama caught himself. "Girl, that's incredibly dangerous!"

"It was an accident," I replied, voice faltering halfway through. "Well, there was this box on a table, with our crest on the top and three tomoe around the lock. No key in sight." I recounted, remembering it all still crystal clear. "I... sort of... smashed it?" I mumbled carefully, silently praying that he wouldn't react-

"You _what?"_

...like this.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I just... it... I didn't..." Images of the consequences flooded my mind - what if I had ruined my chakra coils somehow? Infected my chakra so it was unusable? Harmed my mind in ways I couldn't imagine?

Endless possibilities, all caused by a stupid little wood box in my head along with my stupid idea to smash it - what had possessed me to try and open that thing by _force?_ The restless choir of whispers of course, despairing, calling, entrancing.

"It was calling me."

A gentle pat on my back, then warm breath fanning through my hair, two strong arms pulling me into an embrace - and the world suddenly wasn't as horrible anymore.

"Easy there," he drawled softly, warmly. "We don't know what actually happened. For all we know this might not have any negative side-effects."

"Okay." I sniffled.

"We'll have to check just to be sure though."

"Okay," I sniffled again.

He softly lifted my face again to inspect his work, running a thumb along my skin, wiping a single tear in the process. "There, all done. You managed to scratch your cornea, go easy on your eyes."

I nodded weakly, thoughts already elsewhere. "I could have gone blind," I muttered quietly, averting my gaze.

"Could have," he said. "But didn't. Now mind telling me what was in that box?"

"Dark chakra," I mumbled, gazing at the ceiling. "It surrounded me and did... something. Felt a bit like Father's."

Hashirama frowned. "I need to talk to your father. You better stay put," he instructed, ruffling my hair. For once I didn't mind, thoughts still in turmoil. In this chaos the gesture felt more reassuring than anything.

"I'll send your friend back in," my uncle said, already facing the door. "Kawarama will have to come with me though."

"That's okay," I replied. "I'd much rather sort my thoughts for a while."

And that was easier with Kagami around than with Kawarama, for Kagami could be quiet and silent while Kawarama... well. He had his quiet moments but he was a lot livelier on average.

My friend shuffled through the door moments later, a soft smile on his face the moment he spotted me. "You look much better," he claimed. A grin made its way to my face.

"My uncle knows his craft."

"I can see," the boy muttered, still somewhat in awe. "You have some interesting family members."

Kagami sat down on the bed once again, feet dangling, gaze on the ground.

"You, too," I noted dryly, remembering the fact that his father was a council member. "Seems like we were fated to meet."

"Uh..." He seemed uncomfortable all of a sudden, rubbing his neck. "You think?"

I plopped down on the bed, using my arms as a pillow for my head. "We could take Konoha by storm," I joked, a soft smile pulling the corners of my mouth upwards. "Make it a place worth fighting for."

"Isn't it already?"

I hummed, mind wandering. Not yet, no. It was a loose alliance of clans led by the two strongest of them, but it wasn't as united as it would be one day. I could feel it within my own clan - they still harbored contempt towards the Senju. I was worried that it would boil over one day and lead to a civil war - the worst enemy we could have. I also hadn't forgotten about the ninja wars - while the fact that Father wasn't a lunatic had eliminated a lot of problems, others still remained. The start of the First War wasn't exactly his fault, but the cause of tensions boiling over. And it had ended Tobirama's life, my uncle had died even _before _that, by an unknown cause no less.

While Father had been the cause of a lot of problems in Naruto's life... the cause for Father's lunacy was war. And war did exist, regardless of the changed timeline.

"Is it?" I countered in return, mulling over the worth of Konoha - my _home_. It wasn't just a concept anymore, much like its people weren't just ink on paper. Konoha was the place of my birth, a real place with smell and a sky and earth, with rain and sun and water... Or no water. Stupid drought.

"Dad says it is," he replied, stretching his arms. "He told me that children my age were already out on the battlefield back then. And girls weren't allowed to fight."

My friend eyed me with a look I didn't like, so I shoved my fist under his nose, threatening to punch him. "You said something?" I drawled.

Girls were rarely ever found on the battlefields, that much was true. They had other... occupations. Infiltration, assassination - using a woman's assets, in essence. Not something I was fond of.

"Uh... no?" He grabbed my arm and removed it from his personal space, patting me on the head. "I'm just stating facts."

"I'll give you facts," I grumbled, scowling. Sexism was something that riled me up to no end and Kagami _knew _that. I hated being treated differently for my gender. It didn't help that my father would have preferred a son and only spent his time with me because he didn't have one.

"Hey," he mumbled. "It's not like you're weak. I'm sure your father is proud of you anyway."

"You don't know Father," I replied wistfully, staring at the ground as if trying to burn a whole through it. "And I totally failed yesterday. Couldn't even hit the center of the stupid target."

"Ouch," he said after a sharp intake of air. "That doesn't sound too good. You're usually much better than that, what happened?"

"I was nervous... more than usual, I mean." Even though I had to admit that, looking back, I was slightly proud of myself - I had done pretty well against two boys twice my age.

"Why, though," he muttered, idly dangling his feet. "It's not like you have reason to doubt yourself."

"Tora and his friends were there, I just got slapped three times and those council guys were watching me like hawks."

"Slapped?" He softly reached for the bruise on my cheek, no longer painful thanks to my uncle's healing chakra, but still clearly visible. "This?" His fingers brushed along my cheek, barely noticeable.

I nodded weakly, leaning on his shoulder. Kagami didn't mind, I knew.

"That looks more like a full blown punch to me," he said dryly. I grunted in return, eyes already closed.

A soft knock on the door tore me from my dozing state. I lifted my head, staring bleakly ahead. "Yes?"

My mother stepped through the door, a little bundle of baby in her arms. My sister - Yurei. I suppose the name was somewhat fitting. Kagami shifted awkwardly next to me, staring at the infant with a furrowed brow. "Should I leave?" he whispered, but I shook my head. "It's alright."

"Okay."

Mother stepped closer, the baby still in her arms. Her face was still so pale even though she had given birth two days ago, and I silently wondered what exactly had happened to weaken her so.

"I see Hashirama did what I asked of him," she said, voice laced with weariness. "Your eyes are alright?"

I nodded. "Slightly scratched or something, but nothing lasting."

"Good. I told your father countless times that he should have some trained healers but he never listens..."

I remembered how Nori had healed my back after my sparring session yesterday and somehow thought that he _did_ listen, at least somewhat. Father always listened. There was no guarantee that he'd change his mind or act on it, but he would listen to you at least.

"You can't train healers in a day, Mom. And no one rivals Hashirama."

She sighed. "Oh, I _know_. But you had me so worried with your strange behavior yesterday... and then your screams last night."

She seemed to shudder at the memory of it and I cringed inwardly. Mother softly settled down beside me. "Hello, Kagami. Your trip was uneventful, I presume?"

"It was," he replied, awkwardly staring at the baby. I regarded it coolly, eyes narrowed to a point where it might seem intimidating had I been older.

She was pale, with soft, dark red curls just barely visible on her head. A baby so vulnerable and small that my protective instincts nearly kicked in just by looking at it. Even for an infant she was... almost pathetically small.

I eyed her in distaste but quickly realized that I couldn't hate her. For eight long months I had worried that she would steal my place, but in the end she was just a baby. A little, innocent baby, yet without a care for the world. In some ways I envied her, for the innocence she still had and the childish ignorance that would follow her through her early years.

My gaze softened and I saw Mother relax next to me, probably relieved that I hadn't rejected my sister outright.

"Do you want to hold her?"

I stared. And stared. And kept staring, but Mother wouldn't budge. This was a demand masked with a question. In the end I sighed, giving in. She gently placed the infant in my arms, head supported by my small and thin limb.

The girl was awake but had her eyes closed. She twitched every once in a while but remained quiet most of the time. I felt Kagami leaning in since the bed shifted slightly and his warmth reached my skin the moment he moved closer. He stared at the infant owlishly, perhaps comparing her to his little brother.

"Now we both have little siblings," he said, smiling. You weren't supposed to smile for my sister, idiot!

"Fantastic," I muttered. "Hope she doesn't try to pull my hair like your brother does."

Kagami snorted though the grin didn't leave his face. "That baby is the reason we met, Kasai." He was technically right. My gaze softened just a little as I regarded my little sister, _Yurei_ because she was as pale as a ghost.

"I guess she is," I replied, a new softness lacing my voice. Mother just smiled.

Whatever Hashirama had discussed with Father, I didn't get to hear it. In fact, the following days seemed almost normal. Father was busy, my uncle Izuna apparently, too. Further discussions with Kagami revealed that the council was up to something, whatever that could be. I didn't get to see much from the leadership of the clan.

My eyes got several checks to make sure they really were alright, and some guy came by to make an assessment on my mental health. Apparently I was 'completely normal' and no trauma had occurred. Okay.

Further checkups revealed that my chakra was acting normal, my coils were undamaged and all in all _nothing _had happened. So I really knew nothing new, still hadn't figured out what that stupid box had contained. It was frustrating.

The last option was contacting the Yamanaka, but Father was strangely adamant about not doing that. Mother suggested that it was his pride preventing him, and I silently agreed with her.

For some reason the fact that Mother only had little time to spend with me barely bothered me at this point, even though it had been one of my greatest fears not too long ago. I could only attribute it to the fact that _yes_, I had gained a friend thanks to Yurei, despite the fact that she hadn't done anything herself. She was just there, a helpless little infant. No matter how much I tried,. I just couldn't hate her. Worse, the contrary was happening - my protective instincts were kicking in, a bit stronger every day and I soon found myself checking her room every once in a while, only willing to leave after hearing her steady breathing.

Most interaction with my family took place at the dinner table these days, since Father was so rarely home and Mother obviously had her hands full. I was glad that I had found a friend in time, Kawarama and Kagami kept me occupied.

Mother had prepared some dango. I loved her self-made ones, they were absolutely delicious. I kept nibbling my treats while my parents conversed about some random topic I had no clue about. Sometimes I would poke Yurei and see how she reacted - most of the time she just giggled.

I didn't even notice that my parents had stopped talking, so occupied with entertaining my baby sister. She was only a few weeks old, but time passed by faster and faster these days. She would be a grown woman one day. Until then... until then her big sister would have to make sure she didn't fall.

I lifted my gaze for a second, planning to reach for some more dango, when I noticed the stares my parents were giving me. Mother's was a 'see, I told you so!' face, definitely. Father's I couldn't quite recognize. Understanding, perhaps. He had lost quite a few siblings after all.

"What?" I snorted defensively, narrowing my eyes.

"Well..." Mother chuckled, hiding a grin.

Father sighed. "Weeks of tantrum and then _this._" He softly shook his head before treating himself to some dango as well.

"Admit it, they're adorable," my mother went on.

"Debatable."

"You just don't want to admit it."

"I have other things to worry about," Father hissed, harsher than his previous words. The frown on his face showed that he was probably mulling over something and I couldn't figure out what it was.

"The girl needs kunoichi training soon," he muttered, more to himself than us probably. Mother cocked an eyebrow.

"I can do that," she offered, a slight smile on her lips.

"No." Father was stern and judging by his expression he brooked no arguments. Mother tried anyway. She really was the only one who dared to challenge him on such matters, aside from Izuna perhaps. And the council members, apparently.

"She's my _daughter_, Madara! It's my job to-"

"_You _have to take care of Yurei. We have more than one daughter now, if you haven't noticed yet." Uh, Dad was in a bad mood. He basically radiated annoyance and irritation.

Mother puffed her cheeks and huffed, face almost as red as her hair at this point. "It's not my fault that we don't have a son."

Ouch. Yeah, it really wasn't, actually. If it was someone's fault it was Dad's, since the man's reproductive cells contained gender information, not the woman's.

"The council keeps nagging me," he growled. "I _would _prefer a son. But either way, they're demanding that I make a choice."

Why? Why would you? You had this beautiful, _intelligent _daughter sitting in front of you, stronger than her peers, faster, _better_ - and you still want a son? Was I that disappointing? That useless?

I gnashed my teeth, fiercely scowling at the table. What would I have to do to convince him that he didn't _need _a son? That I was just as qualified?

I didn't want to be a kunoichi who spent her youth seducing and killing men until she was eventually married off to some random guy to provide the clan with some... some kind of useful 'connection'.

I leapt to my feet, nearly tearing the food from the table with the speed I turned around, and was about ready to storm off to my room when Father threateningly growled my name.

"Sit. Down," he ordered. I turned around, scowling at him so much my forehead started to hurt. My face felt hot and was probably tomato red, with puffed cheeks and a trembling lower lip.

"_Now._"

I still wasn't moving, feet rooted to the spot. My fists curled into my clothes until the knuckles turned white. Father rose to his feet, grabbed me at the collar and yanked me out of the room so harshly I squeaked. The door closed before Mother could protest.

"I thought we already had our little talk about disobedience?" he hissed, eyes gleaming dangerously.

I glared at him, yes, I _dared_ to glare at my own Father for once. Not the ground, not the wall, just him. "Why is it," I muttered, voice dripping with fury, "that I'm never enough for you?"

"Kasai," he growled warningly, gripping my shoulders until it almost hurt.

"It's just not enough, is it? It doesn't matter that I can perform better than any son you would ever produce! It doesn't matter, just because I don't have a d-"

A stinging pain erupted in my cheek, hot and throbbing. Disbelief on my face and in my eyes, I took a step back, lifting my fingers to my abused face. It took me a few seconds to register what had just happened, the reality sinking in only slowly.

I didn't even have it in me to cry, though I tried to. Instead I just felt numb. Now even my own father had slapped me, even though it had hurt a lot less than what Hitori and Arata had done. Those two had hit with... a lot more fervor.

"If I ever hear such words from you again the consequences will be much worse than just a slap on the face, girl."

Girl. I was a girl and therefore worthless. A baby maker, nothing more.

"I thought..." I muttered, lowering my lids. "I thought I could be useful to this clan in other ways than breeding stock." A bitter, mirthless chuckle rumbled in my throat. "It seems that my own father doesn't agree with me."

"This is not about being _useful_, Kasai." He truly seemed furious now, but for some reason I no longer cared.

"Do you know what problems a female heir causes? Do you know what _treatment _an heir has to endure?"

"What do you mean?" I inquired tonelessly.

"Have you ever thought about marriage? You are a girl, it is custom for women to marry into a man's family. We can't just marry our heir away." Father seemed exasperated more than angry now.

"Marry me to an Uchiha then," I replied, eyes still closed and my palm cupping my cheek. It would be hard, but I suppose I would be willing to make that sacrifice. As long as I didn't end up marrying Tora. "I'm sure there are a ton of willing suitors just waiting for you to make an offer."

"That would solve one problem of many, Kasai. The other clans will see us as weak for choosing a female as successor. My own _clansmen _would see it as a weakness."

I took a deep breath, exhaling through my nose. "And? Nothing is more dangerous than underestimating your enemy, is it not?" I smirked, though without mirth. "And I can become strong. Stronger than any of them. You _know _that!"

"Perhaps so," Father replied. "Still, do you know the price of that strength, Kasai?"

He went down to eye level, prying my hand from my cheek. His fingertips brushed along my skin, still hot and throbbing. "You think a slap is bad? The treatment you received from Arata and Hitori, you thought _that _was bad?"

I stared at him, eyes wide. "Yes?" I whispered meekly.

"Think again. As long as you're just my daughter your training and upbringing is _my _business and mine alone."

His fingers wandered from my cheek to my chin, tilting my head upwards. "The moment you become clan heir your upbringing is _everyone's_ business."

The implications of that took a while to sink in. As clan heir I would have people like Arata and Hitori trying to rearrange things in my life they normally had no access to. My training, my education, my... my _marriage_. I shuddered at the thought.

"Do you understand?" he demanded, voice firm.

I nodded, mulling it all over. I still wanted to prove to the world that I was worthy of recognition, that I was capable. And I wanted to be precious to someone. Well, I had already achieved that, hadn't I? I was precious to Kagami and Kawarama, and my family.

"What if I tell you... that I still want to be heir?"

He frowned. "Be careful what you wish for," Father replied. Warm fingers softly brushed the spot on my cheek they had touched before, where the pain now slowly subsided and left nothing but a numb feeling. "This is my one and only warning, Kasai. I will not hit you again, but I cannot stop others from doing so should your wish come true."

It wasn't quite an apology, but it was the closest thing to one I would get, so I nodded, touching his hand briefly before following him back to Mother.

Another week passed, which I spent on my own. Practicing taijutsu, ninjutsu, learning the hand seals for the Great Fireball... not that I could do it, my chakra wasn't quite there yet. Mother and Father were preparing for some kind of formal dinner - none of them would be home, and since my uncle had to be there as well I would be alone with Yurei and the midwife, who took care of the baby occasionally.

That didn't sound too good. Father had stationed guards around the house, several seasoned shinobi hardened by years and years of warfare, and I still didn't feel safe.

When Mother and Father were about to leave - both clad in some of the most regal looking attire I had ever seen - I stood in the hallway, lost and forlorn like a lonely puppy. Mother smiled reassuringly, placing a soft kiss on my forehead before leaving.

I immediately shuffled into Yurei's room and opted to spend the rest of the night there, even if I had to sleep on the floor. Slumber wouldn't really come though, so I just sat around for an entire hour, tired and exhausted but unable to just fall asleep because fear prevented me from doing so.

After a while I rose, stepping closer to Yurei's crib. The little baby was awake, for whatever reason. Gently rocking back and forth the crib I watched her, standing on tiptoes due to being vertically challenged. Seems like she enjoyed that.

Yurei had dark eyes. Pitch black actually, but she had Mother's hair. Well, it was a much darker shade of red, but that didn't change the fact that it was red and not black like mine.

Sometimes she tried to grab things or look around. Her weak infant body prevented her from doing that most of the time, of course. And she obviously slept a lot... and I almost forgot how terrible babies could smell.

The infant gazed at me occasionally but found the environment a lot more interesting.

"Hello," I greeted, wiggling my little palm at her until she giggled a little.

"You're easy to amuse, you know that? That's not how an Uchiha behaves," I joked, gently poking her nose. Meh, I've gone soft.

She chortled, trying to reach for my hand.

Despite the guards positioned around the entire house as well as inside I was still nervous. I couldn't tell why - I just had a feeling that something was wrong. Father had given me five kunai, all laced with a poison deadlier than spider venom, but those wouldn't help much in case something happened.

"You should sleep," I muttered, poking her nose again. Technically _I _should be sleeping as well. I just couldn't. With neither my parents nor my uncle around I just didn't feel safe, no matter how many guards were present. The midwife was already asleep as well.

Yurei chortled, curling her fingers into chubby little baby fists. A lifetime ago when my old self had gotten a sibling my absurd dislike for the baby hadn't lasted longer than a month, this time it hadn't even survived the first week. Perhaps it helped that I had wanted a little sister back during my old childhood, my _real _childhood as I grimly noted, but gotten a brother instead. Much later, when I had long since given up on getting a sibling and actually hadn't wanted one anymore.

This time it was a girl.

After another few minutes of baby cooing I shuffled out of the room, on a quest for something to drink. My first guess was the kitchen, so I crept through the house shrouded in absolute darkness. I didn't like that - not when I was alone. Everything was so silent, so eerie.

I fetched some water in a cup and a leftover rice ball, then I opted to leave the room and return to my sister as quickly as possible. My gaze drifted through the hallway suspiciously. Something seemed... off, but I couldn't tell what it was.

I felt tired all of a sudden, terribly tired. So tired I could fall asleep right on the spot. My eyelids became heavier by the second, the rice ball dropped from my palm and onto the floor.

Something was off.

Focus, Kasai...

Had I not felt the chakra seeping into my body I would have fallen for it. The cup shattered on the ground with water spilling everywhere while I tore myself from the genjutsu, now halfway panicking because _someone _was trying to do me harm. And... Yurei...

_Yurei._

She was completely defenseless!

I drew one of the kunai from the pouch hidden in my yukata and leapt out of the room - not a second to late. A kunai buried itself into the tatami floor with a t'hunk', leaving me almost in panic.

Another kunai sailed, whistling through the air until it hit the wall behind me. I hurried through the house, leaving a trail of weapons behind, nearly leapt across a table standing in the way and scurried around the corner to little sister's room.

Before I could get her out of the crib the door to the room fell shut, three shadows closing in on me. I grabbed my crying sister, panic now enveloping my heart.

Something cold gripped my neck, lifting me from the ground until pain began to spread where the cold had touched me. Yurei wailed in my arms - she was obviously just as afraid as me. One could only hope that she wouldn't remember the assault like I did.

The cold around my neck - gloves. A cool blade was pressed against my throat, breathing became difficult, my vision blurred.

Chakra seeped into my body again as my vision flickered, I did not have the strength to fight back.

Crows. So many crows. A sky full of them. Grey, heavy clouds, raining blood down on the earth, staining the grass and soil.

My limbs were numb, my body paralyzed while my eyes stung like poked by hot iron. One of the crows descended with a powerful flap of its wings, and its dark beak tore through flesh and bones. Pain erupted in my entire body and another crow came, and another one. More and more until my vision was filled with black feathers, only change being the occasional flash of red. When I tried to scream I realized that my voice was gone.

One of them clawed its feet into my face, beady eyes gazing at me greedily.

No. _No._ Not my eyes not my eyes not agai-

I tried to defend myself, tried to flail helplessly, but nothing would come, but body simply wouldn't move. Not even a whimper or a sob. Whatever god I prayed to, _nothing_ would come.

My vision faltered when the beast made short work of my eyeballs. And throughout all this, the faint wailing of an infant echoed in the distance, helpless and pain and-

Yurei. Yurei. Yurei, not my sister _don't hurt my sister._

Desperation came, claimed, ate what was left. I managed to lash out _somehow_, _don't hurt my sister_, my hands grabbed aimlessly, anything, _anything_.

The crows fled, a swarm of black and red and beaks soaked in life essence, _don't hurt her._

She wailed and wailed and I felt the chakra in my mind.

_Push, push, push it away, expel it all-_

Foreign chakra, purged from my body in a flash of pain. I opened my eyes, the world seemed brighter now, sharper, more colorful. Where was up, where was down?

Yurei? _Yurei?_

She was wailing, crying, pleading _despair despair._

I leapt to my feet, ground and ceiling long since gone but instinct still there. A shadow moved and my kunai sailed. A grunt of pain, a sickening squelch...

Another shadow moved- _Yurei_. Where was my sister. Behind me? In front of me- another wail. Chakra, check for chakra-

The hallway.

"_Yurei!"_

My voice echoed, resounded. It seemed so loud.

I moved, faster than I ever had, hurrying, rushing, _leaping._ I saw a flicker to my left, leapt out of the way before the senbon hit me. Distinct voices, _shinobi._ Where were my guards? Where where where-

Around the corner, _where's my sister-_

Another wail. They couldn't keep her quiet, made her cry. I saw a shadow, threw another kunai, heard a curse uttered by a masculine voice.

_What can I do? I'm just a little girl._

_Protect her._

Someone had blocked the path, the attacker turned around. A flash of armor caught my eye, and the proud crest of the Senju clan.

_Senju? No no no- Where's my sister..._

He held her, in ways one shouldn't hold an infant, my crying, wailing sister - fear and pain and- I leapt at him, _leapt _for how dare he hurt my sister!

Pain, erupting and spreading through my body as I was sent crashing into the wall backwards, all air gone from my lungs, saliva mixed with blood trickling down my chin.

_Yurei._

Move!

A guard raced down the hallway, engaging the assassin in battle. My sister _my baby sister_, he let her drop, _dropped_ a helpless baby- she nearly touched the ground.

Once again I leapt, child body curled around the infant and crashing into the floor, every last bit of air forced from my lungs once again.

It wasn't over, not yet. Kunai whistled, shuriken sailed. I hurried to my feet, baby sister in my arms _Yurei she was safe they couldn't hurt her._

I saw the kunai just a second too late to jump out of the way, to deflect, to evade... _protect her._ Pain in my side, warm liquid soaking my yukata, staining the floor. It oozed from my flesh like water from a leak. Numbness claimed me and I watched with morbid fascination how my own lifeblood gushed from my body before I collapsed against the wall and passed out, baby sister nestled in my arms.

* * *

**AN: **

A Senju? Trying to kill an Uchiha? WHY? Don't jump to conclusions, dear readers!

In case anyone is wondering - Kasai is pretty much as old as the village itself, being born 2 years after the founding, while Kagami was born right during the process. Tora and his friends are all technically older than the village but were too young to witness the battlefields. (I sincerely doubt they sent out children at the age of 3)

Madara and Hashirama were both pretty young when they became fathers (as I can imagine was custom with Shinobi parents, considering they didn't live long), both were 18. Same goes for their mothers, Mito was 19 and Umiko 17.

Update 7/4/13: Added two years to the adults' ages, it fits better.


	7. Chapter 6 - Downwards

**Title: **Fire Rebirth

**Summary: **Obligations, expectations, all made heavier by a young village standing on shaky legs. The gigantic construct that is the Clan is greater than I, and failure is not an option. I am headed for greatness - provided the world doesn't come crashing down on me before I get there. /OC Self-Insert, slightly AU

**Author's Notes: **I'm sure (I hope) that most of you realized that what she did with her eyes wasn't _good._ In fact, it was bad. Very, very bad. To an Uchiha, that is.

**Disclaimer:**** I don't own Naruto. Obviously.**

* * *

******Chapter six - Downward**

_"Papa?"_

_"Hush, child."_

_"I can't sleep..."_

_"Come here."_

Who...

_"I should have been there."_

_"Don't blame yourself."_

_"I failed to protect another one."_

_"I swear if you don't stop spurting that nonsense right now, Madara..."_

There was a fog over pretty much everything. I couldn't hear properly, I couldn't see at all. I felt no chakra, no touches. But sometimes... sometimes I heard. Voices, swirling through my mind. They mixed with echoes, sounds of old times. Memories? How come that I heard them now?

_"That's your cousin, Kasai. His name is Kawarama."_

_"Kaw-... Kawama..."_

_"Ka-wa-ra-ma."_

_"Kawa-rama."_

_"Yes, that's better!"_

Unrecognizable...

_"It's been two weeks. Why isn't she awake yet?"_

_"I don't know, Madara."_

Surreal...

_"Focus on your target, Kasai. Your hands are trembling again."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"Don't apologize. Just do it better next time."_

_"Okay."_

A crow picked at my stomach, another one at my head. Sometimes their beaks gleamed red in the glow of the setting sun. Red and murderous. Then the setting changed, but the scenes did not. Always those crows, tearing me apart piece by piece until nothing but bare bones remained, and then it began again.

_"She... she's not dead, is she? Dad? She isn't dead, right? She's just sleeping?"_

_"Kawarama..."_

_"_Dad?_"_

_"Just be patient, Kawarama."_

Unreal...

_"Dad? Who's that?"_

_"Someone who is no longer with us."_

_"Was he family? He looks like you."_

_"One of my brothers."_

I had lost count and I like to think that at some point I just didn't care anymore. They came back all the time, sometimes they covered the entire sky, sometimes they were just a few. And sometimes, just sometimes they would stare at me with red eyes, black tomoe spinning lazily, before they began to hack at me until their beaks were red.

_"I love you, Sweetie. Always remember that, even if you can't hear me now..."_

_"Mushy words won't wake her up."_

_"Quit being an asshole for once, would you?"_

_"My child is in coma. I have reason to be an asshole right now." _

Muted and yet so real...

_"Mom? Can you tell me the story of the Sage of Six Paths?"_

_"Of all the stories you pick that one? Oh Kasai, there are much more interesting tales."_

_"But I want to hear it!"_

_"Oh fine_._"_

Some were louder than others.

_"Please wake up... please..._

_"I... I will eat all your Dango if you don't... You like Dango, right? Come on, wake up..."_

Of all the voices his was the most pleading, the most desperate. I couldn't even remember his name, so distant from it all, but I knew that he was important, even if the memories seemed to have formed a lifetime ago...

_"You almost splintered the target."_

_"I think I killed the kunai."_

_"Yeah, looks bent and broken."_

_"That was our last one... back to the Compound, I guess."_

_"Father's going to be so happy when he hears I butchered another batch of blunt kunai."_

_"To be fair, I was the one who butchered them."_

_"Can't very well shove the blame on our clan head's daughter."_

_"I thought we were through with this..."_

...Not all of them pleasant.

_"Hey... Kagami here. I don't know if you can hear me, but... your cousin is killing himself with worry over here-"_

_"Shut up, you-"_

_"Hear that? He's crying now. Please wake up, okay? And... I miss you."_

Shedding tears was no use, yet...

_"Can I learn the Sealing Arts, Mother?"_

_"When you're older, Kasai. Uzumaki seals are not to be taken lightly."_

I was important to someone. Even though they were so far away those words still hurt. There was nothing I could do against the repeating scenes, the pictures - nothing ever changed. The voices did, sometimes. New ones came, others wouldn't appear anymore.

_"Her wings are so huge..."_

_"Do you want to hold her?"_

_"I don't know how."_

_"One day I'll teach you how. For now just do what I tell you to."_

_"She's tame, right?"_

_"...As tame as a bird can be."_

They were echoes of a lifetime.

_"Izuna, you should rest."_

_"You're one to talk. Anything on the attackers?"_

_"Nothing."_

Voices of past and present.

_"Empty your mind, Kasai. Find balance."_

_"My mind _is_ empty!"_

_"No, it isn't. You're thinking about something. What's on your mind?"_

_"... I'm thinking about all my uncles I will never meet."_

_"That is not a good thing to think about, nor is it healthy."_

Sometimes I thought I could reach out to them, those fleeting voices that echoed through my mind, they went as fast as they came - but when I thought I had them they were gone. No memories, no pictures. I saw no faces associated with them, only a feeling of warmth when they came and loss when they disappeared. Sometimes I thought they kept the crows away, for fewer descended down on me when someone spoke.

_"Push the chakra into your feet, Kasai."_

_"... Ouch."_

_"Oh dear... it's no use. You simply have too much. We'll have to start with simpler things, then. Back to the Leaf Exercise!"_

_"Uncle..."_

Sometimes they were almost funny.

_"I may have a clue what's going on."_

_"So speak."_

_"Something went wrong in her brain when she activated her Sharingan... Don't give me _that_ look, Madara. There's nothing I can do."_

Sometimes depressing.

_"Madara, you're _still _here? Do yourself and all your poor clan members who have to endure your sour mood a favor and get some sleep."_

_"I still haven't taught her how to handle birds properly..."_

_"I'm serious, Madara. Your eyes are even baggier than usual!"_

Liver, heart, eyes, stomach - the organs first, then the muscles, sinews, last my brain. They meticulously tore and picked everything apart in that very order. I stopped feeling pain a while ago, I believe. But the image of crows alone was enough to scare me at this point.

_"The Uzumaki requested to have Kawarama with them for two years."_

_"They asked for Kasai, too."_

_"Are you going to grant it?"_

_"My daughter's _comatose_ if you haven't noticed."_

_"She'll wake up eventually."_

_"And if she doesn't? Then what?"_

After a while it became mostly quiet in my mind.

_"I finally managed to figure out what happened to her eyes."_

_"Talk." _

_"Well... uh. You probably won't like this."_

_"Just tell me, idiot."_

I think the memories got fewer over time, replaced by the other voices more and more.

_"We were about to name her as the heir..."_

_"She wanted that, didn't she?"_

_"She fought for it."_

_"Will she be able to get the position without a Sharingan?"_

_"I never had a choice."_

Then, darkness.

Darkness and a blissful feeling of nothing. That was really all there was. I wanted to stay here in this silence, the peace and quiet only rivaled by the tranquility of my mindscape. It was nice here, and who didn't like nice things?

But of course, as it always was with nice things, it couldn't last.

I awoke to silence, to pain and to numbness at the same time. Attempts at movement were quickly shot down by the pain in my stomach. Opening my eyes revealed only darkness. Breathing brought the scent of blood and... hospital?

I felt fear, felt afraid and I didn't know why. A terrible unrest was spreading through my body and mind like a lethal disease, infecting every little piece of me. What had happened? Why did everything hurt? Why did I feel like someone had crushed me with a boulder? Why couldn't I _see_?

"Easy," someone drawled, not far from me to my left. I _knew _that voice... my brain began to wake from its slumber, images of people slowly starting to flash past my inner eye. Father. This was Father and he was here, right beside me. The insane feeling of fear that had spread through my body slowly subsided, now only a faint tingle lingering on the edge of my mind.

"Water?" I croaked, feeling that my throat was hot and dry at the same time. Something rustled - movement of clothes. Then something cool touched my lips and I parted them to greedily drink it all in two gulps.

"I feel terrible," I muttered, voice hoarse and rough and throat painfully tight. Speaking in itself proved to be terribly difficult. Every word came out more like a hiss than a normal sound made by a human being.

No reply came, but the rustling continued. A warm hand slid under my neck and slightly lifted me off the bed, then another removed what seemed to be a blindfold, blocking my vision.

I sank back into the pillow, blinking rapidly now. The room was dimly lit, with a small candle flickering in a corner, slowly huffing its last breaths before it would succumb to darkness. But I didn't want the darkness to come back, not the crows, claws, beaks _eyes eyes eyes._

I was tied to some very weird... stuff, probably what had kept me alive during slumber. My aunt's rather intricate seal work powered the strange machine that looked like a primitive version of an IV.

A glance to the side revealed my Father. He sat on a stool, hunched over much like the day Yurei was born - _Yurei. _My baby sister. The name itself brought forth a feeling of terror I couldn't explain, a muted memory of blood and infant wails. I couldn't help it, I just had to ask.

"Is my sister safe?"

And Father smiled. He _smiled_. It was such a strange thing to see, the corners of his mouth tugged upward ever so slightly. It was miles away from the broad grins my dear Senju uncle could produce, but it meant so much more than every single one of those.

There was something in his eyes, emotions swirling like a vortex. They were often cold, empty, lifeless - above all things, Father was still a shinobi from a war torn era. But today there was something other than emptiness. Relief, perhaps? I couldn't recognize it, but I was never good at reading emotions. Couldn't even distinguish between mocked and true kindness.

"She is," he breathed, the smile still dancing across his face but slowly dying like the flickering flame in the corner. "You've slept for a long time, Kasai." Unspoken words ghosted around the room, silently laughing at me.

_We thought you wouldn't wake up anymore._

_We thought you were dead._

"How long?" I asked, scared of the answer but I had to know, just had to know, silently praying that I hadn't slept for an entire year.

"Nearly two months," my Father breathed, rising to his feet. For a moment I feared that he would leave, but he merely changed position. Now sitting on the edge of my bed - closer to the dying flame - his face wasn't shrouded in shadows anymore and I could see him whole. He looked tired, exhausted and maybe just a little annoyed.

Two months... that was a very long time. Two months of my life wasted in slumber while constantly being picked apart by crows with razor sharp beaks coated in red.

I reached for his hand, clung to it with my tiny child palms until the rough, calloused skin of his closed around my small fists, covered them whole. He watched me with mild amusement, a soft gleam in his eyes. "Aren't you a brave one," he uttered. There was no mock in his voice, just slight amusement as I cocked my head to the side. "Going up against intruders like that."

I snorted, rubbing my cheek against his closed fist while my eyelids lowered. "Your guards were useless."

"So they were," Father spoke, a strange tone lacing his voice. There was more to this story, I just knew it. But with my limited knowledge I couldn't tell what was going on.

"Who did it?"

Silence reigned, awkward, uncomfortable, suppressive. I remembered the Senju crest, proud like a king, laughing at me, mocking me - and I felt betrayed. The clan I had trusted more than any other aside from my own, the clan I had seen as family as much as the Uchiha were - and one of their own had lusted for my life.

Although... why was I even alive? They could have killed me so easily, yet chose to let me live for some stupid reason. Only after fighting back had they actually tried to hurt me. Physically, that is. Mentally I was a wreck.

"We don't know," Father spoke. His words were heavy with somber solemnity and I felt myself grasping his hand just a little tighter.

"They managed to flee from the scene and were gone long before I arrived."

"I hit one of them with a kunai, I think," I muttered, thoughts drifting, "one of the poisoned ones."

"Then that man is very likely dead by now," Father replied. I stiffened - had I _killed _someone? Taken a life? The taste of bile gathered in my mouth, nausea rising at the mere thought. I couldn't-.. I wasn't... No. I had known this, hadn't I? From the day on the Hokage Mountain on, all those days I had spent training, preparing just for this, I had _known_. Then why... why did it still feel so terrible?

"Who brought me here?" I asked, voice still trembling while nausea slowly subsided. I couldn't think about this now, not when there were more important matters - push the thoughts away, don't let them cloud your mind.

_Empty your mind._

Father regarded me with a frown on his lips, brows furrowed. "I did," he replied, narrowing his eyes. How had he arrived so fast? The guards must have called him, then. There really was no other way, I would probably have bled to death otherwise.

"You don't remember." It was not a question, it was an observation. He shook his head then, gently patting my hair. "Don't think about it."

"Okay."

The next thing was more a reaction of impulse than anything else - I wound my arms around his waist, pressing my face into his clothes and curling my fists into the soft fabric that covered his back. A chuckle rumbled in his chest, vibrating against my skin until it tickled.

Then he grabbed me - surprisingly carefully, I might add - and placed me in his lap. Something he hadn't done in a very long time.

"You scared your mother," he muttered into my hair. Half the truth was still unspoken - I had scared _him,_ too. I remembered some of the conversations that had taken place next to my bed, although most of the content eluded me at this point. Often all I could really remember were the people that had visited - most often my father and Kawarama.

The surroundings reminded me of a hospital. There was only _one_ place I knew that vaguely resembled a hospital here in Konoha since the proper thing wasn't finished yet, and that was the infirmary of the Senju clan. A place where heavily injured civilians could get treatment, as well as shinobi from clans that had no proficient healers of their own. Which translates to almost all of them.

I slid out of Father's lap, feeling a large chakra source nearby, moving closer with each passing second. It covered a relatively large distance at astounding speed. Was that... my uncle? Hashirama... yes, his chakra, his comforting, warming chakra lingered in the environment.

It halted in front of the room door, now so close it almost felt like I could reach out and would feel his clothes. The door opened, a rustling sound to my left. I turned my head a little, eager to see my uncle again. Then the name 'Senju' flashed through my mind and my mood turned sour - had he done this? It didn't sound like something that he'd do. Had I been fooled by him this entire time?

I didn't want to, refused to believe that he had ordered my death.

"Madara, I might have found-... Oh," my uncle exclaimed. He halted at the door mid-step, gaze locked on my face, eyes wide open. The shock was evident. Then his expression morphed into one of relief, a tired but genuine smile on his lips as he slowly shuffled closer. "Hello, Sapling." The relief creeping into his voice almost made me choke and I felt my own heart shatter into tiny little pieces. Shame swelled up within me - how could I have doubted him? Whoever had done this... he had nothing to do with it. Not my uncle.

"Hello," I croaked, enjoying the warmth of his hand on my forehead. My throat hurt and felt rough and all in all I just wanted to curl up somewhere and go back to sleep again. But then those crows would come back, those damned crows...

I grabbed his hand on my forehead and pressed it against my cheek. He responded with a choking chuckle, loaded with emotions I couldn't place.

"Hah, oh my... Little Sapling," he uttered, half choking, half chuckling. "You have no idea how annoying your father has been acting recently," he then spoke, probably trying to make a joke but the seriousness of the situation crept into his words. Father acting annoying meant that he was _worried_. He refused to say so, of course, but... Mother had been right when she said that he acted in a certain way.

"It's... good to see you awake," he muttered, though there was an underlying sadness in his eyes and voice that didn't bode well. I gulped, letting go of his hand while he occupied the stool my Father had used before sitting down on my bed instead.

"I have some bad news for you, I'm afraid."

_Something went wrong in her brain when she activated her Sharingan... _

Sharingan. I had activated the Sharingan, and it had done something bad to my head. What if I was completely screwed up now? An emotional wreck, perhaps? Would I have those dreams of crows forever? Of eyes, watching me like prey? Would it never stop?

What had I _done?_

"_Relax,_" Hashirama ordered. I hadn't even realized that I had started hyperventilating, clutching to the blanket covering my lower body.

"You woke up, that's a good sign. Now breathe. Can't have my niece dying here after she finally returned to the world of the living."

I took a deep breath, in- and exhaling steadily. Father softly patted my head while my uncle whispered instructions into my ear. I had done something wrong, something could be very wrong with me but-

No no no, focus. I couldn't panic now.

"See? That's better."

I nodded. The tight feeling around my throat and chest began to loosen, as did my grip on the blanket.

"Good, now listen. When you were a baby you were attacked. You know this."

In response I nodded, black bangs whipping back and forth.

"We don't know how it's possible, but you have proven again and again in the past that you have an exceptional chakra, possibly the result of mixing Uzumaki and Uchiha genes. Whatever the case may be, the result remains the same. Your body created some of that special chakra needed for the Sharingan to activate. It wasn't enough to fully awake it and was quickly shunned by your body because it was clotting up your underdeveloped coils."

I saw Father frown and wondered how long he had known this. Was this the reason why I remembered that one moment so well?

"But because the body doesn't stop producing the chakra until the Sharingan was active at least once your body created more and more until it was too much, since it had no place to go." He paused, taking a deep breath. "For the next part you must understand something about seals. The easiest of them are chakra constructs, primitive in nature. The body can create someentirely on its own as safety measures."

He shook his head. "Your body raised a barrier, a primitive seal if you will, that kept the excess chakra your brain created locked. That barrier saved you from the harm the chakra could have done to your coils. By the time you were old enough to handle it your body was already used to simply pushing it into the seal, so new chakra kept sprouting."

Barrier... I was starting to get a suspicion what was going on here, and it wasn't good in the least. My fingers curled around Father's hand, cold and trembling.

"Now, when you 'smashed the box' you broke that barrier. It's been gathering every bit of excess chakra created for five years and when you broke it..."

He paused, assessing my reaction. My eyes were wide open and I was panting slightly, though probably still mostly sane.

"When you broke it the chakra flooded the coils that connect to your optic nerve, busting them open."

Oh. Oh _no._ No no no _no-_

"_Kasai,_" my uncle spoke, loudly, warningly, but not harshly.

"Hear me out before you panic," he ordered. He was in _that _mode again. When he spoke like that you'd do well to obey.

"The sudden chakra burst caused the pain in your eyes you felt and the attempt to remove your own eyes. Had I known this beforehand I would have been able to heal the coils before anything worse happened. The chakra streamed into your remaining coils and was assimilated without further damage there. Unfortunately I _didn't_ know, since the idiot who checked your body didn't bother to check the coils that connect to the optic nerve."

Father muttered something that sounded a lot like 'incompetent fool' but I couldn't say for sure. I remembered the man - a small creature with quick eyes and a stern expression. An Uchiha with some medical knowledge - more than most had.

"Okay?" I breathed, afraid of what he'd say next.

He sighed, spreading his arms as an invitation for a hug. I scrambled out of the bed and climbed into his lap until his steady heartbeat pulsed against my cheek and his arms surrounded me.

"When you were attacked that evening you activated your Sharingan. The chakra ran through your halfway healed coils, further damaging them. That is salvageable and not the worst part. Some of the chakra leaked out and went haywire in your brain, which is probably the reason why you slept for so long. We don't know if it has done any damage _besides _harming the area in your brain that forms the chakra responsible for the Sharingan."

Oh _dear._ The words chakra, brain and haywire were enough to make me panic.

"Your pathway system is recovering nicely but I don't know if your Sharingan is still intact. To be honest, it might be completely destroyed."

Oh no. _No._ The Sharingan was the pride of our clan, our weapon our- _how _was I supposed to be heir without it? There were no clan heads without Sharingan, it went against everything we ever... _no._ This couldn't be it couldn't-

I didn't cry. I didn't scream or wail either. No, I merely pressed my face into his clothes, willing the world away.

They wouldn't accept me without a Sharingan. That was the only thought crossing my mind at the moment.

"We'll have to wait and see. I know this sounds terrible to you, but-"

"I can't be heir without the Sharingan," I said, muffled and muted by his clothes. His grip around my body tightened while one of his hands wandered along my spine and into my hair.

"We'll see about that."

* * *

I wasn't allowed to have visitors for the first three days, so I sat in the infirmary on my own - mulling over useless things, pondering, regretting. My own actions had very likely destroyed my Sharingan, my thoughtlessness in such a dangerous situation.

At the same time I felt terribly guilty because every time Father came here I lacked the courage to tell him what I had seen. The mysterious Senju assassin who might not be a Senju at all... everyone could slap a crest on his armor and pretend to be part of a group to shift the blame on them, no?

And yet I couldn't tell him, out of fear of the consequences. I feared that my father would start mistrusting the Senju, that the fragile peace would break apart within a moment's notice.

How could I ever hope to become a good leader like that?  
Not that I'd ever be allowed to become one without being able to use our famed Bloodline Limit. The Sharingan was our clan's pride, to have a leader without it was... unthinkable. Absolutely impossible. My own clansmen would laugh at me.

They'd probably do that anyway, pathetic as I was.

Pestered by nightmares of crows and eyes and old memories, and by thoughts of death and darkness - I had killed someone. Despite the fact that he had tried to hurt me and my sister, despite the fact that he was an enemy to my family - despite all this I could only lament his very likely death.

I heard voices from outside long before they arrived at my room, and felt their chakra signatures even before that. Kawarama and his father - idly chatting, apparently. I strained my ears, trying to listen in on their conversation.

"Dad, why wasn't I allowed to visit her yesterday? I had some Dango for her!"

"Why would you bring Dango, Kawarama?"

"I... I hoped that maybe she would wake up..."

Oh... oh dear, no. Poor, poor Kawarama... I felt my heart crack. His voice had been the loudest, the most desperate of all. There were times when he had sat beside my bed, bawling his eyes out because I wouldn't answer him. Even in my dreaming state it had hurt, and now it was even worse.

Apparently Hashirama hadn't told him that I was awake. In that case the boy was in for a big surprise.

"Oh, Kawarama," my uncle sighed. He was _acting_ dramatic. The man knew that I was awake already and he was messing around with his poor, poor son.

If I weren't tied to the bed I'd storm out of the door and tackle Kawarama into the most epic hug ever, but I _was _tied to the bed, so no epic tackle hugs.

The door opened and my uncle stepped in, a moping son in tow. The boy was mostly staring at his father at the moment, so he failed to see his cousin sitting upright on the bed. I couldn't hide a grin when Hashirama winked at me, mischief twinkling in his eyes.

"There's so much I still need to tell her," the boy went on, focus still on his father. "I think she was listening, you know? Sometimes she twitched when I talked to her. And-"

"Kawarama, maybe you should take a look around."

"What do you me-"

He halted mid sentence, honey brown eyes wide as his gaze drifted over my sitting form. He blinked, took a double take, blinked again...

"Kasai!"

And then he tackled me so hard we almost crashed into the wall behind the bed. For what seemed like an eternity he refused to let me go, arms wound so tightly around my shoulders I briefly wondered if the bones would give in. I almost couldn't breathe, but while feeling his shoulders shake I just couldn't bring myself to shove him away.

"I thought you wouldn't wake up anymore and Dad wouldn't tell me what's wrong and everyone looked so depressed and I brought you Dango and brushes and those stupid expensive papers you like drawing on so much but you never reacted and, and I thought we'd never play Ninja again and I missed you so much and I'm sorry for breaking your favorite cup I didn't mean to-"

I choked, winding my arms around his neck until we both turned into a tangled little ball of adorable ninja children, huddled with blanket and pillow.

Kawarama...

"Breathe," I ordered, _tried _to order, between choked and strangled laughs and gasps for air and restrained sobs.

By the time we both had calmed down I had lost track of time as well as direction, not really knowing where up and down were at the moment. My hair was in a worse condition than usual and that was saying something.

We both had managed to turn the entire bed into a mess, halfway hidden under the blanket and blinking like owls in our little hideout. A glance at my uncle revealed his sunshine smile mixed with amusement.

"Did you know my uncle wants to take one of those weird monkey guys as his student?" Kawarama then began to babble and Hashirama's grin promptly turned into a laugh.

"Weird monkey gu-... oh. _Oh._ You mean the Sarutobi clan?"

I remembered hearing something in that regard. Tobirama had agreed to take some students, apparently. I was just glad that I didn't end up being one of those unfortunate enough to be forced to endure his teachings. Not that he'd ever take me anyway...

But from what I remembered he hadn't made any decisions yet. Of course that had been two months ago, so I couldn't really know.

Two months of my life - _gone._

"Just because their leader has a monkey summon that doesn't make them 'weird monkey guys'," I said while rolling my eyes, though the corners of my mouth were twitching on the verge of a smile.

"But the name!"

Monkey Jump, indeed.

"Just don't call them that to their faces, Kawarama," my uncle sighed, now leaning against the wall with his arms folded. "Sasuke is an old acquaintance of mine. At least _try _being respectful."

The boy snorted, then turned around around to look at me, brown eyes shining with mirth.

"Did you sleep? Dream? Did you hear us talking to you?" he suddenly demanded, hands gripping my shoulders. His face was inches from mine now. I felt a little uncomfortable so I softly shoved him away, memories of the nightmares crowded by crows flashing.

"Yes, yes and sometimes," I replied. "I heard you bawling all the ti-" I started but was cut off by his sudden tickle attack until I was completely out of breath. It was a good thing that my wound was already healed and all that remained was a soft scar and a slightly sore feeling where the kunai had penetrated my flesh.

"I wasn't bawling, I was mourning!" he claimed, still restraining me with his tickle attack.

"Okay," I breathed between choked laughs, "okay! Now stop, I can't..." I wheezed and he let go. "Breathe," I then muttered while inhaling deeply.

"Do you want to stay here tonight, Kawarama?"

The boy perked. I had actually completely forgotten about my uncle still standing there. There was warmth in his eyes, a sparkle of mirth and affection. Was it just for Kawarama, or for me as well?

"Yes!"

My uncle left after some idle chatter, leaving his son behind to keep me company during those long, boring hours of the afternoon. We talked about the recent events that had occurred during my slumber. Well, more like he babbled on and on and on and I just listened. Not that I minded - I was content to just listen. Anything, _anything_ to take my mind off of things.

"You know... Kagami looked pretty miserable after he heard that you got hurt," he suddenly said, brown eyes focused on my face so intently I almost felt like I was choking under the intensity of it. Five year olds shouldn't have eyes like that.

"If he ever wants to marry you I approve."

What.

He nodded sagely, as sagely as a five year old could, with absolute confidence that he had any authority at all over decisions like that one. Confidence only a child of five years could possess, protective of his 'little' cousin as he was, never mind the fact that I was older both physically and mentally.

So I was flabbergasted, mouth opening and closing much like a fish. I didn't quite know what to say, but at the same time I couldn't just let this go.

"We're just friends, Kawarama..."

It wasn't just the fact that he was my friend and nothing more. He was only seven, and I was technically still sixteen. 21 if one counted the new years, but personally I didn't, mostly because I hadn't really aged mentally due to being stuck in the environment of a child. It was hard to age mentally when you were treated like and encouraged to be a child by everyone.

"Oh, okay," he replied, shrugging. Just like that. What the hell?

Why did everyone think they had to decide who I marry anyway? Come to think of it, I hadn't even managed to get a boyfriend in my last life... This really wasn't a good topic to think about.

Silence reigned for a while. I felt tired, mostly because I hadn't had a single second of truly restful sleep since waking from my coma. I couldn't eat most food without throwing it up immediately after, and all in all I just felt terrible. So I just lied down after a while, burying myself in my pillow. Kawarama didn't complain for once, nor did he start any attempts to keep me awake. He just curled up next to me, so close I could feel his breath but not close enough for contact. At peace for once I fell asleep curled up next to him, not tortured by the so frequent nightmares of crows this time. If only for a while.

* * *

"Uncle."

Izuna managed a brief smile, but his face soon grew serious again. Kawarama was already gone, had more or less fled after hearing that my uncle was on his way here. My cousin didn't like Izuna; not that I could blame him for that.

"Two months in slumber, that's a lot of lost training," he drawled, the gleam in his eyes showing that he was merely joking.

"Couldn't very well train in my sleep," I replied while suppressing a yawn.

He sat down on the edge of the bed, completely ignoring the unused stool placed there just for visitors. Seems like my bed appeared to be a better alternative to most people.

"Not without difficulties," he uttered with a soft nod.

I cocked my head, watching him for a second. He was bothered by something.

Much like I had hugged my other family members that had visited so far I hugged my dearest uncle as well, a heartfelt embrace he returned, even if only softly.

"I must say you impressed us with your determination to save your sister. When we found you you were still clinging to her even though on the verge of unconsciousness."

"How did you arrive so fast," I asked, muffled by fabric.

"That's a good question, but I won't answer it. Ask your father if you must know."

"Okay then," I muttered. I didn't really feel like asking many questions right now, I was just glad that he was here. "You were here, too," I breathed.

"As often as I could. You remember?"

"Not much, sorry."

"It's fine. I told you to stop apologizing years ago, didn't I?"

I smiled briefly. "You did."

"Good, let's keep that in mind, shall we? Now, your Sharingan..."

All mirth immediately flew out of the window thanks to a single word. I frowned, now once again reminded of the fact that my eyes might be inactive forever.

Was it for the better? It was said that the strength of the eye grew proportionally with the hatred the person possessed. But Uchiha Itachi hadn't hated, had he? Above all he had loved his brother more than anything, but never shown any hatred. That sounded like bogus to me. I didn't feel particularly hateful either...

_Screw that, I want my Sharingan._

Pity I'd probably never get it now...

"It's ruined," I muttered, gazing to the side.

"We shall see. You should have been able to memorize things from the few seconds it was active, no?"

"I... suppose?"

It was true. Now that the fog from my long sleep had cleared I could remember things much sharper. It was a little scary to look down on myself and be ably to imagine the blood oozing from my body so vividly.

"You must have seen your attacker once or twice."

I remained silent for a while, frowning at him. "You're interrogating me."

My uncle furrowed his brow, lowering his eyes. "Perhaps. Let's cut the pretense then. We know that you must know something, Kasai. It is a little disheartening that you don't trust your own family enough to tell us what you've seen."

Ouch. Right in the heart.

I tried to avert my gaze, escape his cold, dark eyes, but he grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him until I actually flinched.

I couldn't tell him. _Not _him. My uncle held such a deep dislike for the Senju that he'd throw a hissy fit if he were to be the first the first to know about this. If there was someone I could tell this it would either be my father or Hashirama. No one else.

But how would Father react? And Hashirama, would he defend his clan or try to find the culprit? The consequences and possibilities of this scared me endlessly, and for the first time in a long while I felt the familiar urge to just hide from a problem instead of dealing with it.

I didn't _want _to deal with it. I didn't even want to _think _about it. I just wanted to forget it all and move on with my life. Of course you couldn't do this as a ninja - that could be your end one day.

So I sighed, eyes glued to my clasped hands until I finally dared to look up. I had to tell someone - just not him. I loved my uncle with all my heart, but I didn't trust him with this.

"I... I need to talk with Father," I breathed. An emotion flickered in his eyes - hurt? disappointment? - but it was fleeting and gone as soon as it came.

"Very well then," he replied in a curt and chipped manner. He felt somewhat betrayed and I knew it, but I felt helpless in the face of things to come.

Was it bad that I didn't trust my own uncle? Was it?

No one could give me an answer to that, I suppose.

I leaned against his shoulder - not quite an apology, for there was nothing I could truly apologize for. It just made it all worse. His response was a chuckle, a mirthless one. I watched as strands of raven hair fluttered through my vision.

"Keeping secrets from your uncle, hm?" he uttered, gazing at the ceiling as if it would hold any answers. I followed his gaze for reasons I couldn't name. Perhaps because I felt compelled to follow him to make up for not trusting him. No, that didn't even make sense, did it?

"Shinobi keep secrets to protect others, don't they?"

His coal black eyes shifted, focused on me. Emotions swirling that I couldn't place nor name, with a sad smile dancing on his lips.

"You're too much like your father."

What? How did that relate to anything? While I had to admit that I felt a twinge of pride at being compared to my father this didn't make sense at all. Father was... different from me. In a lot of things. Obviously, since he had lived through war and killed thousands while my kill-count was... one. Perhaps.

Hopefully not. Yes, no? Should I be glad that he was probably dead? This was all so confusing. I forced the thoughts out of my head, unwilling to deal with them any longer.

* * *

"Is she asleep?"

I twitched, my mind slowly returning from the bottomless pit my dreams had turned into. Covered in raven feathers and eyes of red.

"I think so."

Fingernails scraped the surface of the fabric as I curled my hands into fists. The tension in my shoulders, my entire _body,_ had to be so evident, so easy to see.

"Never mind, she just woke up."

I groaned, feeling a headache already incoming. And here I thought I had left those behind in my old body. Seems like a little bit of stress was enough to make them return. Opening my eyes seemed like such a hassle all of a sudden.

"I'll leave her to you then."

One person exited the room and I was left with the other. Slowly one of my eyes opened, vision blurry and bleary. I could tell who it was by his chakra signature alone, cold and heavy, _dense _as it was. Father didn't look too exasperated today, but he didn't seem that happy either.

"I hope you didn't pull me out of a meeting with the Feudal Lord for nothing."

Considering that he didn't really seem that unhappy the meeting probably hadn't been all that interesting, but leaving from a meeting with that man could be taken as a rather serious offense. Not that anyone could call my father out on it except Hashirama, but it really was more trouble than it was worth in the end.

"Uh... you left under what pretense?" I inquired, vision still a little blurry as I sat up and tried to shove my mane out of my face at the same time.

"Breach in national security," he answered, cocking a brow.

Oh. Oh dear.

"Ah, well... that might not be far from the actual truth," I muttered gazing at the floor. A startled squeak left my throat when the bed shifted under me and I nearly lost my balance - Father had sat down on the bed, legs crossed. And once again the stool was completely ignored. Huh, figures.

"It's about the attacker," I continued, still staring at the floor. It had a very nice stone pattern.

... Actually, no it didn't. It was ugly. _Beyond _ugly. I scowled at the floor as if trying to burn the pattern away with my gaze alone.

"Kasai, look at me. Not the floor."

Uh. I lifted my gaze to find my father staring at me with what could be called flat amusement, if at all. His expression simply seemed flat and dry.

I couldn't look into his eyes for long before averting my gaze again, trying to focus on anything but him. At the same time I knew that he wouldn't take kindly to this, so why do it in the first place? I didn't know, my mind was a complicated, silly thing anyway.

When another warning didn't come I came to the conclusion that he was willing to let it go this time, so I took a deep breath and began to talk. About everything that evening. How I couldn't sleep, how I sat around in Yurei's room for hours, how I suddenly found myself in a genjutsu. The armor, the crest, the crow illusion, the fact that I was still _alive _even though killing both me and Yurei would have been so easy.

Father frowned several times, furrowing his brow and pressing his lips into a thin line. His eyes seemed empty, calculating. A glimpse of the dangerous shinobi behind the man I knew as family and safety.

"I don't know if he really was a Senju," I added meekly. It wasn't even possible to tell by his chakra signature because I hadn't been able to sense it, and even then Senju chakra was so diverse it was nearly impossible to find something they all had in common.

In the end Father sighed, an irritated sound probably fueled by his annoyance. "Most of this information comes two months to late," he muttered under his breath.

"I'm sorry." It's all I could really offer at this point.

"Don't apologize. Now tell me why you chose to keep this from me."

"I..."

Oh. How should I explain _that _to him? I shifted uncomfortably, gnawing my lower lip. The truth really was the only thing to tell here. Father was good at spotting lies, unfortunately. Might just be because I wasn't good at lying.

"I was worried. No, afraid. Of the consequences."

"Ah? Explain."

He... didn't seem all that angry, actually. Not even annoyed, exasperated or irritated.

"Uh... well. There are tensions between our clans, right?"

Father lifted an eyebrow, perhaps surprised that I knew of this at all. For all he knew the two clans were one big happy family to me, considering that I had relatives on both sides, one who happened to be my age and spent time with me frequently.

"And I was worried that maybe you would... start distrusting them and everything would fall apart."

"How interesting that you would talk about trust," he replied, rising from the bed. "We investigated this over a month ago. The Senju leadership had nothing to do with this."

What... wait... _no._

"You _knew_," I croaked, throat suddenly so tight I could barely speak.

"You aren't the only one with eyes, Kasai. There were twenty shinobi stationed in and around the house, of which six engaged the attackers in battle. All six of them reported seeing the Senju crest on the attackers' armor."

He sighed irritatedly. "They made a mistake when faking the crest. Our luck, truly. Senju don't paint it on their armor like some clans do, they engrave it." He chuckled mirthlessly. "Our mysterious attackers used a paint made from a plant that doesn't even grow around here."

Oh. _Oh._ A feeling of dread overcame me. I tried to swallow the knot forming in my throat but almost choked on my own spittle instead.

He had known. All this time he had known. This had been a test on trust, nothing more.

"The information about the genjutsu was somewhat useful, but indeed too late. One of our guards was mysteriously missing from his post when the intruders arrived, leaving a dangerous opening."

No, that would mean... traitors. Enemies from the inside. Someone in the clan wanted to harm me and my sister. But then he could have killed us then and there, no need to involve the Senju in this...

Unless...

"Someone is trying to drive a wedge between us," I muttered.

"Most likely. Now tell me, what if he _had _been a Senju and no one except you had seen the armor?"

I gulped, staring at the ground fiercely. Yes, then what? What should I have done? I had family on both sides, this was a conflict I'd rather hide from than deal with.

"What if they had planned to drive us out of the village and because you withheld information we were caught unaware?"

No, I couldn't cry now. This was not a good place to cry. Father didn't take kindly to tears. He knew I cried frequently and I was well aware that he didn't like it at all.

"The silence could have cost the clan dearly in that scenario."

Silence reigned, during which I stared at the ground, wringing my hands.

"What is a clan to you?" Father then suddenly asked, voice somber.

How should I answer him now? I looked away, gaze fixed on the wall, though it probably looked like I was staring past it and into the distance.

"You have seven days to figure out the answer, Kasai."

* * *

**AN:** A challenge for Kasai. What is a clan? She will spend the next days trying to figure out the answer, mostly by observing several clans that live and thrive in Konoha, so to those of you who were looking forward to seeing the other clans, rejoice.

The Uzumaki were mentioned in this chapter - this wasn't just a side-comment. It had meaning.

Yes, the brain chakra sprouted when she was a baby. This was hinted at in chapter two, if you look really closely even in chapter one somewhat.

It hasn't done her any good so far, has it?

I've made this decision because she'll have to work on her own this way. It wasn't made on a whim, either. This way she knows that she cannot use it for now and has to work hard to make up for it, she can't just wait and hope that it'll activate at some point. So, her Sharingan is busted. Will it stay like this? Who knows.

Some things might not make sense at the moment. Just remember that Kasai only knows what she sees and hears.


	8. Chapter 7 - One: Sacrifice

**Title: **Fire Rebirth

**Summary: **Obligations, expectations, all made heavier by a young village standing on shaky legs. The gigantic construct that is the Clan is greater than I, and failure is not an option. I am headed for greatness - provided the world doesn't come crashing down on me before I get there. /OC Self-Insert, slightly AU

**Author's **Notes: I'm sorry for taking so long, I had problems with a certain character here.

**Also... **99 followers and 93 favorites, sweeeet O_O Welcome on board, all of you!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto. Obviously.

* * *

******Chapter seven - Sacrifice**

Father brought me home that evening. It wasn't nearly as warm outside as I remembered, and all in all the feeling of summer was gone. I felt a little sad because I hadn't gotten the chance to talk to Kagami yet, as I was sure that he was still miserable and unless Kawarama had told him he probably wasn't aware of the fact that I was awake by now. Which meant that he was in for a surprise like my cousin earlier.

Father put me down in my room - he had insisted on carrying me the entire way for some reason. I'm sure my weight was next to nothing for him, but it was a little strange that he considered this necessary. I could walk just fine on my own. A bit wobbly maybe, but not in a manner that would be crippling.

I still hadn't quite recovered from the initial shock of losing my Sharingan. Sure, it was supposed to be a curse in the first place - but it was such a rarity in our ranks and being one of the few who had it... I would have gotten high just on knowing that.

Alas, it was not to be. For now.

Of course, the challenge that Father had given me, after failing his test on trust so spectacularly- why would _he _of all people test me on trust? It's not like he was so incredibly trusting...

Or was it a test of loyalty? Loyalty to the clan? I wasn't fair to lure me into a trap like that and then don't even complete the lecture. As it was I still had absolutely no idea what he was trying to do here.

Maybe I should just ask him. It's not like things could get worse than they already were.

"Dad?" I breathed, clasping my hands. He was about to leave, but my soft, barely audible voice led him to halt in his movements before turning around just enough to see me from the corner of his eye.

"Why would you test me on trust of all things," I asked, gulping down my fear, "It's not like shinobi are supposed to be trusting."

I heard him sigh, barely audible. Then he turned around fully, facing me wholly.

"I was wondering if you'd ask," he uttered. "Trust is not the issue here, you assumed that. I have told you not too long ago that assumptions are dangerous."

"Then how about telling me what I'm supposed to learn instead of leaving me in the dark?" I snapped, immediately regretting it. I had become surprisingly sassy over the course of the last year. Spending too much time with Kagami, perhaps?

He grunted, a strange sound that seemed to dwell somewhere between amusement and annoyance. "Sometimes all you get are pieces to a puzzle and putting them together is up to you. In our case I will make it simple. You withheld information because you were afraid of seeing someone you cared for harmed. It shows that you yet lack the ability to make difficult decisions. You needed a prompt from your uncle to finally reveal what you know."

I was already about to protest because really, what was he demanding from a child five years of age? Never mind the fact that I wasn't five mentally, but he technically didn't know that. Even if I rarely behaved like five.

My attempts at protest were cut short when he raised his hand in a silencing gesture. "You are still young, it's better if you learn those lessons early. It might save you a lot of pain in your life."

Not his words kept me silent, but the sullen tone that seemed to trail after them like a gust of cold air, sending shivers down my spine.

"I applaud your wisdom of not telling Izuna first. It was meaningless in this case, but still the smarter course of action."

"He spoke of trust," I muttered meekly, remembering his words.

"I'm not your uncle," he said- bitterly?

Before I could ask again he was gone and I sat alone in my room, mulling over questions I couldn't find the answer to, and every answer that seemingly came only brought another question in the end.

When the door opened I was already on the verge of sleep, only kept awake by my fear of crows, winged demons painting the sky black with their dark plumage, a rain of black feathers falling down on the soaked soils of red.

I saw Mother's silhouette in the dark, my eyes barely kept open but so afraid to finally let go. She came closer with feathery steps, a soft and gentle smile on her lips.

"Mom," I breathed drowsily. It was a relief to see her after weeks of nightmares. She had been there, too. Not as often as my father, but still.

"Hello, Sweetie," she murmured, a soft and soothing sound in a sea of silence. Clothes rustled as she moved, her weight soon shifting the bed under me.

"I can't sleep," I muttered, halfway hidden under my blanket and curled into a little ball. A pained smile flickered across her face but was gone as soon as it came. Warm fingers brushed through my hair on a quest to remove every little knot they found. It was a soothing gesture but also a painful reminder that I really needed a bath.

"Your father mentioned nightmares," Mother whispered as if trying to not disturb the silence that

held the world so tightly in its grip. The silence could go to hell for all I cared, I needed sounds now. Music, what wouldn't I give for music?

"Crows," I uttered lightly, softly - fearfully. The steady flapping of wings was enough to tear my sanity apart.

"Ah, nasty little buggers, aren't they?"

I _wanted_ to laugh, really. I wanted to - but the only sound that left my throat was a choked sob. The reality of it all suddenly crashed down on me. I had almost lost my life _again_ as well as my baby sister who was literally just a baby, a helpless infant.

And those crows, those damned crows, they wouldn't let me forget. They came back to me every night to remind me of the reality of death and the truth I could no longer deny.

Traitors. Enemies. Death. Murder murder murder.

This wasn't worth it.

Wasn't worth the pain.

Why was I doing this to myself? Pain and misery and it would only get worse from here. Pain and death and blood, clawing, biting, tearing, shredding, ripping - pick it all apart, mind, soul, heart and body. Leave an empty husk, devoid of life and emotion and happiness.

Why?

Live life as a civilian, enjoy the peace, let ninja fight their wars. Look back on a life full of peace and quiet. And yet, _yet_... see loved ones, _family_ die, be helpless, defenseless. Unable to fight back.

_Yurei would be dead._

Be a burden, live a long life. I've already died once.

Be a blessing, possibly die early. I've already lived once.

_You made a promise._

Blood on my hands? It already was, I couldn't turn back anymore. The crows wouldn't go away. The sky would always be black. The rain does not wash the blood away.

_Failure is not an option._

Could I try again? Erase the memory, start anew-

_Remember your family._

Did I even have a choice?

_What is the clan?_

Family, comfort, peace, quiet, calm-... _remember_. Pain and anger and misery. Death, Enemies. Manipulation.

_Girls are weak._

Misogynistic pigs. Prove them wrong erase all they know, challenge them, beat them. Claim victory.

_Are you strong enough for that?_

Become unbreakable? Bring change? Ideas carried by the weak remain forgotten.

_You were never strong._

_You always failed._

_You cry._

_You despair._

_You are not strong._

_You are weak._

Wings, flapping. Clouds in gray, sky black, grass dead, soil red. Eyes and beaks and feathers, gleaming.

_Remember._

I didn't want to remember. Didn't want to see.

_You will always remember._

A crow settled on my chest, eyes gleaming with murderous curiosity.

_We will make you._

I awoke bathing in sweat and to the feeling of horrible sickness, a headache and a sense of crushing defeat. Flailing limbs helplessly I tried to get out of my bed, confined by blankets and pillow. The air was freezing in comparison to the warmth of my sheets. Got a hold of the bedside table, dragged myself out of bed, felt the floor under my bare feet. I tried to get out of my room before it was too late, but ere I could move I had already emptied my stomach on the floor.

My legs gave in at the same time as my mind; I collapsed into a hysterically sobbing, pathetic heap on the ground, curled up in the fetal position.

How I wished my friends were here now.

_You are not strong._

The rest was a blur of voices and noises, faint rustling of clothes, the door - anything. My eyes were shut tightly, throbbing painfully and stinging not from the broken Sharingan but from the headache and salty tears streaming down my cheeks.

_You cry._

Someone picked me up, Father or Mother, I could not tell who. Logic dictated it to be Father, but in the end it didn't matter much. The next time I woke up it was morning and I found myself wedged between my parents, hearing their steady breathing from both sides. Calming, _soothing _in a way.

* * *

After a meager meal I sat outside, enjoying the warmth on my skin while basking in the weakening rays of the sun. Apparently Konoha had been blessed by a huge rain in the last month. Some civilians thought that the shinobi had performed a miracle and caused the rain. knowing my cousin's uncle that wasn't impossible, but I thought it to be unlikely. Tobirama already had had his trouble getting enough water from the air to last the village another day, and being able to do that at all was already a testament to his skill because the summer had been _dry_.

It didn't matter now. The drought was gone and I was left wondering what else I had missed. Every little thing, usually so unimportant in our daily lives, seemed so significant now. How many beautiful sunsets had I missed? How many moments that will never be forgotten by those who experienced them?

I felt loss, somehow. Life had continued without me and it would do so after my death, as well. It was strangely upsetting that the world didn't just revolve around me. One would think that I knew this after my first death, but I had left my old world and entered another - there was nothing to compare.

Clad in a dark blue Yukata instead of my normal shirt and knee length pants because I wasn't allowed to train anyway, hair open and brushed so finely it actually seemed tidy for once. I felt different than usual. With the pretense of safety in my own home stripped away I realized just once more what kind of life I led.

Another day, another death, wasn't that the truth? That guy who had had the honor of coming in contact with my kunai was the first, but he wouldn't be the last. I couldn't bow out now, not without enduring the ridicule of others for the rest of my life. In my restless quest to earn the recognition of others I had tripped over my own feet.

The same questions, no answers. What was a clan? Why was I alive? Had the attacker had his reasons? Was his death perhaps a tragedy for someone else? Had he family, friends who would mourn his death? My clan came straight from a period of war and death, a time where loyalty to your people was a sign of honor. Would my clan do the same to another to gain strength? An advantage, another way to escape death? A means to live a little longer, to gain more glory and fame?

_What was a clan?_ How was I supposed to know. He was the clan head, wasn't he? he had to know, so why wouldn't he just tell me? Why was it that shinobi parents never truly taught you? Did I really have to learn it all in my own?

Somewhere in my head a voice whispered, a reminder that lessons learned from experience stayed with you for a lifetime, while things taught would eventually be forgotten.

It was wise, in a way. And smart. But so, _so _frustrating. A normal child wouldn't see this - they saw the challenge, they took it, they solved it. They didn't have the awareness of a teenager that had to deal with conflicting loyalties and fear of loss of life and love.

Children were care_free_. They were innocence and ignorance, sometimes they managed cruelty through both. For all their carefreenessthey were also careless, and through it also very cruel to things they didn't want, like or understand.

Sitting around and pondering here all day wouldn't bring me the answers I needed. There were so many clans in Konoha and sometimes it was just easier to gain perspective from elsewhere. My view on my own clan was so warped because it was family first and foremost and everything else second.

I flopped over on my back, the scent of grass and air and morning carried my thoughts away into a land without ninja and fire-spitting lunatics. A world I had once called home, too long ago, gone and crumbled to dust it was. A faint memory of sunshine and days spent in peace. Difficult as they had been, no one had ever tried to _kill_ me.

No way back, no way home - dying again wouldn't bring me back to my old world. If this was a dream it was a pretty long one - and didn't dying in a dream wake you up anyway? By all means, this would have counted as a nightmare already. Meh, at least I hadn't managed ruining my eyes and ears this time. Loud music, bright camera flashlights - those things were so harmful and so blissfully absent here.

Oh. Wait.

Broken Sharingan. Whoops, yeah. Scratch the 'no ruined eyes' part.

An hour passed, or maybe more, maybe less, before I sat up. Feeling dizzy from staring at the sky for what seemed like an eternity, eyes feeling watery and body generally just not well. I managed to get to my feet somehow and dragged myself back inside, wobbled through the hallway on a quest for my father. His chakra signature lurked around in the house somewhere, but since I was feeling especially suckytoday I couldn't exactly pinpoint his location. No matter what, I couldn't focus. My mind was just blank. Trying to sense the exact location of a chakra signature was like trying to get both eyes to focus on the same spot when you were feeling dizzy.

I eventually found him hidden behind his paperwork, digging through mountains of scrolls with an expression that could only be described as 'bored to death'. My bare feet softly pattered on the ground as I snuck through the doorway, memories of olden days rushing through my mind. Sitting in his lap, trying to read a language I had no clue about.

He knew I was there but he also wouldn't pay attention to me until I asked for it. A normal thing I was used to, something that had taught me to speak up if I ever wanted attention. A failure of mine in another lifetime, purged through a second childhood.

"Dad?" I asked, carefully, quietly. His head whipped around, brow furrowed. He merely hummed in response, fingers already curled around another scroll.

"Can I visit Kagami?" I asked, hoping that he would grant me an escort. Being alone out there seemed so much more dangerous all of a sudden.

"Kagami isn't home," he answered calmly, attention already directed at his work again.

Oh. _Oh._

I felt my heart sink, the desperate wish to see my best friend again so easily crushed by a simple sentence. He wasn't home, who knew when he'd come back? His father was out of town suspiciously often, but it seemed more logical now. As a council member that man was incredibly busy. Most of the leadership of the clan was.

"Okay then," I answered dejectedly.

"You have permission to take a walk, but don't stray too far from the compound," Father added absentmindedly, though I was sure he wasn't quite as absent as he pretended to be. Letting his guard down wasn't something he did often.

"Thank you," I sighed, already turning around.

"Kasai," Father suddenly spoke, reclaiming my attention. I turned around once again, watching him expectantly. He put the scroll down reluctantly, then stalked towards me with an unholy grace I could never hope to match. "About your nightmares..."

Oh. It was a little embarrassing that it had been necessary to sleep in my parents' bed... but he wasn't going to scold me for it, was he? He was, after all, the one who had brought me into their room in the first place.

But no, scolding wasn't what he had in mind. His expression would have been harder then, not a fatherly kind of gentle (well, as gentle as he could be), only growing warmer as he went down on eye level. "This has been going on for a while already, hasn't it?"

I gulped, but nodded. Honestly, I've had nightmares ever since my 'rebirth', they just never had been that terrible. Sometimes I'd wake up sweating a bit more than was normal, but I never screamed.

The last few days, and maybe even the weeks before the attack, though... the dreams had been terrible. A crushingly terrifying kind of terrible.

"I think it's the Sharingan," I breathed, eyes focused on the ground. Those goddamn eyes haunted me every night, be it the crows with those red orbs or even trees, watching me from everywhere.

"You're closer to the truth than you know," he whispered, fingers brushing along my cheek. "We'll have to talk."

I opened my mouth to say something but he silenced me with a gesture of his hand. "Later. Clear your mind first and think about the question I asked you. Observe others if you must. Don't lock yourself up in your room, that will do you no good."

"Okay." Out of impulse I reached out with my hands and cupped his face with my palms. He was much taller and larger than me, of course, so I only managed to touch his cheeks. A little embarrassing, but the brief smile tugging at his lips made it all worth it.

"You're going to protect Yurei, right?" I breathed. Warm fingers curled around my little palms - he removed one of my hands from his face, then the other, confining them both in his much larger palm.

"Nothing gets past your father, remember that."

_Nothing will ever harm you while I'm here._

Yet he couldn't protect me from his own clan. Somehow I thought that the answer to his question was crucial in understanding this part.

"Be careful who you trust," he instructed, a warning that I should take to heart, judging by his expression.

"Alright," I mumbled, freeing my hands from his grip and hugging his neck briefly before waving him good-bye and hurrying out of the room. His last words barely reached me, as soft good-bye and 'be careful'.

While I left the house I thought back to his words, the possibility of being attacked now always on my mind. I couldn't feel safe anymore, not with someone with the intention to harm me breathing down my neck. Having permission meant that I was guarded, but the fact that I couldn't see any of my protectors did nothing to calm my mind. We possibly had traitors in the clan, someone who wasn't too fond of me, who tried to _harm_ me.

I would have favored a noticeable presence, preferably someone I trusted. There weren't many of those, I admit. My uncle, my father, my other uncle... yeah, that was it, in essence. People I trusted to keep me safe. Who could know if the person guarding me was actually loyal?

I trudged along a familiar path in a familiar compound located in a familiar village - and yet it all felt foreign all of a sudden. Strange. Changed.

_Colorless_. It was all the same yet not.

People passed me left and right, mostly Uchiha off-duty. Some watched me less benignant than others, eyes narrowed and sharp. That was expected of men, wasn't it? Oh, but it wasn't just _them_. When people think about sexism they assume that the men are the only ones enforcing it. That simply isn't true. A woman next to her husband, softly clasping his arm - glaring at me like hissing viper. A girl my age, helping her mother with the homework, scoffing at me passing by. Little things, but they stung.

Women weren't untrained by any means - they did learn shinobi arts, but more so they learned the craft of a kunoichi. It wasn't the same. Dancing, singing, special infiltration arts. Girls my age were already learning how to dance while I was busy throwing around katon at the training grounds.

But Father had never told me to stop, never forbade me from training, _encouraged _me. At the same time he refused to acknowledge his own daughter as heir because she was a girl. Could he make up his mind already?

I clenched my fists, thoughts drifting further and further away. Wasn't looking where I was going, not paying attention. It really was inevitable that I'd run into _someone_ at some point.

Torn from my reverie when I collided with something unmoving and a good three heads taller than me, I came back to reality with a startled yelp and a meeting with the dirt beneath my feet while I dropped on my butt ungracefully. I watched with horror as the person's dango landed in the dirt, now covered with mud and other not so appetizing things.

"That was my last money you-..." He came to a halt, taking a good, long look at me. Almost looked like he did a double take.

Tora.

_Tora_. Why _him _of all people?

The boy narrowed his eyes - when had he gotten a tattoo? - lips not quite drawn into a sneer but close. Three black stripes that oddly resembled claw marks ran along his cheek, giving him a frighteningly fierce look.

"Hime," he noted dryly, no poison in his tone but a cold look in his eyes that almost scared me. After the skill evaluation I hadn't seen him once, and he had changed. His hair had grown a little longer, almost past his chin now. The boy seemed older somehow.

"Actually dressing like a princess for once, eh?"

I took note of the black headband now tied around his forehead with the symbol of the Leaf proudly sitting in its center.

"You know, maybe you should _get up_," the boy drawled, sneer now in full effect. I growled while hopping to my feet, muscles still stiff but slowly getting used to moving again.

"You owe me," he noted smoothly while pointing at the dango in the dirt. A knot suddenly formed in my throat and no amount of swallowing would free it.

"I have no money," my voice replied, somehow without consent of my head, laced with a tremor that betrayed my emotions.

"That's a shame," he uttered, tilting his head in boredom, "But not all that surprising."

Something in his tone made me realize that I should probably feel offended, but I didn't quite know what for. Tora was trying to insult me and I didn't even get the meaning of it - I don't know who of us was the more pathetic one in that case.

"Not the best circumstance for finding a good husband," he drawled, smirking. Okay, that actually looked handsome for once. I bet in a few years he would have ladies swooning over him, if they didn't already.

Still, what the hell was he talking about? The confusion must have been clearly visible on my face, because Tora's barking laughter tore through the sounds of the streets, echoing in my ears.

"The council is marrying you to someone," the boy jeered, clapping his hand together in what I assumed to be mocked pity.

What.

_What_.

I didn't know if it was the message itself or the strange tone Tora had used to deliver it, but something sent me into utter shock. I looked at him, eyes wide, mouth open-

"Don't look so surprised. I only know this because I might be the unlucky one."

No. _No_. Just_... _no.

"I'll make your life _hell_ if that happens," I hissed, eyes narrowed to a point where I couldn't actually see all that well anymore, clenching my fists and jaw until they both hurt.

"You've already managed that _without _being my wife, Hime."

What the... I had made _his _life hell? Was he joking? Kidding, perhaps? _He _was the one who had decided that bullying a _kid _was his favorite hobby and now he dared to claim that _I _was the one at fault?

"Are you stupid?" I growled, clenching my fists until my fingernails dug into my skin painfully. "You are the one who keeps being an ass!"

"Girls shouldn't cuss," he snarled, right back to his absolutely ugliest expression he could muster. "Nor should they be clan heads."

I admit, trying to punch him might not have been the best idea, but what did you expect me to do? He's done nothing but hurt me over and over again, unprovoked. He had absolutely no reason to attack me constantly, yet he did.

But Tora wasn't just faster than me, he was also well rested and not recovering from two months of coma, so it wasn't surprising that he blocked my punch easily. What _was_ rather surprising was his counterattack. I nearly yelped when his flat hand smacked my cheek.

People were staring now. Mothers shooed their children away while some of the shinobi were throwing wary glances at us. Quarrels between younger children weren't all that rare, this _was _a shinobi clan after all and tempers ran hot more often than was comfortable. Being alert when two young people were venting their anger on each other was really all most of the older ninja did, children usually weren't strong enough to hurt each other after all.

Not so with prodigies.

I counted as one for my intelligence, cheated or not. Tora... was probably seen as one as well. He had a two Tomoe Sharingan after all.

To be honest, prodigies weren't as rare as most people thought. They were relatively common in the bigger clans, probably genes mixed with early training. My personal theory was that the number of prodigies lessened over time with less need for children surviving battles, so they became such a rarity that one child with genius tendencies kicked up such a fuss that it could be felt generations after.

Even then, there were levels. Highly gifted was one that was extremely rare. Tora was probably on the upper scale of gifted - one might remember that I was able to keep up with him and Katsuo, who was similarly gifted as Tora. Itachi would probably have been above me, though how far I couldn't tell.

My palm pressed against my cheek flatly while I silently wondered why people always aimed for my face. "That... wasn't nice."

"You started it."

He was... kinda right, yeah. I had thrown the first punch. But _he _had provoked me!

"You were being an ass," I noted dryly, blue eyes on his face now. What I saw wasn't what I was used to, something that confused me more than anything else in this situation. He looked less smug and more bored, as if bugging me suddenly wasn't interesting anymore. Why was he acting like this? Tora usually taunted and mocked me endlessly. It was nearly impossible to have anything close to a conversation with him on normal days, but today he hadn't really tried anything too bad so far.

Something was weird.

"You insulted me first," he stated in a tone that almost sounded bored, flicking my forehead with his fingers. I tried to swat his hand away but he was too fast, so all I accomplished was smacking my brow. It hurt, and I rubbed the spot softly as if that would soothe the pain.

"Why are you so mean all the time," I growled, truly confused at this point.

"I have no reason to be nice to you. Don't look at me like that."

He was giving me the 'I know more than you and I'm not telling' look and I _hated_ it, and on top of thathe was implying that he had had his reasons for being such a bully, never mind the fact that I had never done anything to him personally.

"Your strange friend is another candidate," he suddenly said, staring over my head as if I weren't there at all. "But since you don't have a Sharingan," the boy then noted with dry smugness, "They're favoring someone who does."

Ouch. How did he know _that_? Oh, perhaps he was just assuming that I hadn't awoken it yet. Yeah, I'd rather go with that.

"I bet you don't have one. You're only half Uchiha after all."

I kind of wanted to smack him now. Again. It was true that the children were guaranteed to have a Sharingan if both parents had one, but that didn't mean that children with only _one_ parent in possession of a Sharingan _didn't_ have one. I think it wasn't a recessive trait. The reason why it was so rare was that not all Uchiha carried the genes for it in the first place, and on top of that most never activated it.

The urge to scream at him and inform him of the fact that yes, I actually _had _a Sharingan bubbled up to a point where it was almost painful not to. But the consequences of that... he'd demand that I show him, and if I refused to he'd simply call me a liar. Admitting that I had busted it would be even more embarrassing than just letting him assume that I didn't have one at all. So despite my anger I shut my mouth, clenching my jaw so tightly I thought the bones would crack.

_Whatever. I have a superior life-force, I'm going to live much longer than you. Suck on that, you asshole. _Provided I didn't die on some random battlefield before I could retire.

"Why am I even talking to you," I growled, suppressing the urge to show him the finger. To be honest, I wasn't sure if the gesture had the same meaning here. If the residents of Konoha had ever used it I had probably forgotten about it by now.

"You still owe me."

"I don't care."

Actually, that was a lie. I felt sorry and maybe a little ashamed. Causing others trouble even if I didn't like them was something I absolutely hated to do. On the other hand... admitting that to Tora probably wasn't a good idea. He'd find a way to use it, I was certain.

"My, what a considerate being you are! Don't even care about the people you want to rule over!" He spread his arms in a mock gesture before pressing his palm flatly against his chest, right where his heart was. "Ancestors help us, we're going to live in a tyranny!"

Don't punch him, girl. _Don't_ punch him. You will regret it.

I growled. "Okay, _fine. _You'll get your money back as soon as I can earn it myself!"

I wasn't going to beg for some money from my Father for _this._ I could probably ask Hashirama, that gambling fool, but in the end it wasn't worth the hassle. And if Tora still remembered that I owe him _six years_ later he deserved his goddamn money.

"I'll hold you to it, Hime. And I demand interest," he grumbled, eyes narrowed. The claw marks kind of made him look like a tiger. Just a little.

"Yeah, you can do that," I replied, waving my hand absentmindedly while strolling past, not really listening at this point anymore. I heard him snort one last time before moving in the other direction.

Okay, that had been _weird_. Was he like this because his friends weren't with him? Katsuo and Nori stayed in the background most of the time but I had never seen Tora without them trailing after him like lost puppies.

They were almost like his cheerleaders, never participating directly but encouraging him nonetheless.

While in thought I strolled past the compound gates, guarded by two obviously very bored teenagers. One of them looked like he wanted to fall asleep on the spot.

Yeah, I could empathize with that.

On the other hand... those idiots were supposed to _guard_ the compound. Anything could just slip past with them not really paying attention.

One of them flickered his Sharingan, scanning the surroundings with sudden alert - the other one was cured of his drowsiness almost instantly, body tense all of a sudden. After a few minutes both relaxed, if only slightly, while the one with the Sharingan kept his Doujutsu active.

_Okay_, maybe I should wait before passing judgment next time. They were obviously rather alert. Perhaps their inattention was a facade to lull potential foes into a false sense of security?

One of them rested his gaze on me, frowning. I hoped that they would ignore me, but the one with the Sharingan waved me over with his gloved palm before folding his arms across his chest. Pissing off the compound guards really wasn't something I wanted to do, so I strolled closer, gait probably a lot less relaxed than I had wanted it to appear.

"Going somewhere, girl?" He didn't sound accusatory, but... intrusive, somehow. His Sharingan was making me nervous.

"Y-yes," I responded, once again avoiding eye-contact, and not just because of those piercing, red eyes.

"Any specific destination?"

"N-no," I truthfully responded. I just wanted to take a walk, was that forbidden now?

"Uhm, Haru, I think that's the clan head's daughter," the other teenager drowsily pointed out, yawning. Was he _really_ tired or just putting up a show?

"You sure? Haven't seen that kid running around in a while."

Uhm. Hello? I'm standing right here...

"I heard that she woke up a few days ago. Was just a rumor though."

_Hello? _Maybe they could just _ask_ me?

The Sharingan user suddenly flinched, focusing on the roof behind me. He seemed to stare at a certain spot for a few seconds, then shrugged and leaned against the wall.

"Right, it's her." The fierce red slowly bled into black, no trace of the menacing Doujutsu left. "You're clear. Have a nice day." He waved me good-bye, and I continued on my journey with confusion written on my face. The gate guards had never ever stopped me from leaving the compound before. Was it because they hadn't recognized me?

Mulling over what had just occurred I continued, wandering idly. Ere I realized where I was going I found myself on the familiar street towards the Senju area, filled with people I didn't know, faces in a crowd. Civilians, far away from the misery of a ninja, so absent from it all.

I strode past the Senju guards who eyed me suspiciously. My seemingly aimless wandering wasn't actually all that aimless anymore. I had a specific place to go, I was just somewhat taking my time to get there. My uncle was in all likeliness slaving away in the office or organizing things at home. _Someone _had to take care of the village and if Father, buried under his own scrolls as he was, wasn't the one doing it Hashirama probably was the poor sod wasting away under mountains of village-related paperwork.

The bane of every ninja, I guess.

I was dragging my feet through the dirt, ignoring the bewildered stares the villagers were giving me, before finally passing the entrance to Kawarama's place.

Knowing my luck he probably wasn't home either.

The door stood open, my uncle in the doorway. He was looking over his shoulder, likely talking to someone. With the way he was dressed he was in all likelihood on his way to the main office, but somehow otherwise occupied at the moment.

I raised my hand in a weak greeting, waving it softly when he focused on the things in front of him again. The smile on his face that had brightened the world around it simply by existing only moments before faltered and vanished, replaced by a look of concern.

He quickly closed the door behind himself, then hurried towards me with hastened steps. An emotion washed over me like a tidal wave and didn't know why - relief, I think. Maybe seeing him after doubts and nightmares simply had a reassuring effect on me.

"Hello," I breathed weakly, dropping my hand limply to my side. My uncle took a deep breath, then knelt before me, brows knitted.

"Kasai," he greeted, concern and warmth lacing his voice. "Are you trying to impersonate your father? Dark circles don't look good on you."

I somehow managed a mild smile while shaking my head, black bangs fluttering in front of my eyes.

"I didn't sleep well," I replied. "Had some nightmares."

He sighed softly, rising to his full height before picking me up and turning back around. "I'm sorry, but Kawarama isn't home."

Of course. Why did that not surprise me?

"I have things to do and I doubt you want to sit around in the office with me."

I softly shook my head while he returned back inside. From the route he took I concluded that he was headed towards the garden. It was a peaceful, secluded place surrounded by a few trees and a little koi pond in the center. I couldn't tell why, but I loved the fish.

"But we currently have guests who happen to be about your age training in the garden," he rumbled, voice warm against the numb feeling within. Guests? I peered at him from behind my bangs, a big question mark written on my face. He smiled mildly.

"You said I'm not allowed to train," I muttered. My uncle chuckled, a deep rumbling in his chest.

"Yes, but a little bit of chakra control exercise won't hurt you. It might actually do you some good." He set me down in the cool grass and I finally got a chance to look at his supposed guests. Seated under a tree I found, much to my chagrin, a rather relaxed Tobirama, legs crossed and arms folded. He wasn't wearing his armor, nor was his head-piece anywhere in sight. In a circle around him sat four children, all focused on keeping a leaf on their forehead.

My memory senses were tingling in a way they only did when someone from the Manga had just showed up and I couldn't remember who it was.

One of them had shaggy dark brown hair, standing off in all directions. He seemed to be especially focused on his leaf, frowning in concentration, brows knitted. A cross-shaped scar sat on his chin, giving his boyish face an even wilder look. Next to him sat another boy with slightly lighter hair, brown like rich soil. Third was another boy, brown-haired as well, with a square set of glasses on his nose.

And slightly farther away sat a girl, one of the few female shinobi in training I had ever seen, light-colored hair pulled into a bun. For someone so young her eyes were rather narrow, giving the impression of being older than she probably was.

My uncle gently nudged me forward and despite my valiant attempts to fight back via the stubborn mule method (in other words, pushing your feet into the ground) he shoved me towards the group successfully, innocently smiling all the while.

I nearly winced when four heads simultaneously snapped around to stare at me, all four childish faces adorned with varying degrees of curiosity.

Tobirama frowned, probably mildly annoyed at the interruption. The boy with the dirt-brown hair somehow managed to keep the leaf on his forehead, but the rest of them lost concentration and moved, so their leaves softly slid off and joined their siblings in the wind.

A moment of silence ensued in which I stared at the children and they stared back, while the adults watched wordlessly. Suddenly the one who had kept his leaf pointed at me, excitement lighting up his features. "Look!" he exclaimed, "An Uchiha!"

I definitely felt uncomfortable now, shifting my weight from one leg to the other and clasping my hands behind my back while gnawing on my lower lip.

"That's not an Uchiha," the girl replied, trying far too hard to sound stern while her voice simply was too soft yet. In a few years she would probably be able to pull it off rather well. "Her eyes are blue."

"Looks black to me," the boy countered, leaf still stuck to his forehead. "And not all Uchiha have black eyes," he added matter-of-factly, nodding sagely.

It occurred to me that they couldn't see the crest on my back. Kind of funny when one really thought about it, but at the moment I just felt awkward.

"Most do," the girl replied in her high-pitched voice, narrowing her eyes. I heard Hashirama snicker next to me.

"She's an Uchiha," Tobirama suddenly cut in. I shuddered - the man scared me endlessly. Not just his cold stare and attitude, but his entire demeanor. The light skin and white hair only added another layer to the impression of coldheartedness he gave off. Which didn't mean that he was, for I knew for a fact that he cared a great deal about Kawarama at least. Much like my own uncle Izuna I guess.

"Hello," I muttered shyly, eyes cast on the ground.

"Hah, Tobirama, I'm sorry for barging in like that," my uncle said with his booming voice, rubbing the back of his head, "But we've got a late arrival here." He gently clapped me on the back, which in my case led to a mild shortage of breath.

Oh god, he wasn't seriously going to leave me here with _him?_ Was he nuts all of a sudden?

"You never mentioned bringing an Uchiha here," the younger Senju remarked dryly, though I couldn't actually detect any hostility in his voice.

"Ah, she was a surprise visitor. I'm sure one more isn't going to hurt you, she's fairly easy to handle."

I felt like some kind of a pet all of a sudden. Tobirama looked like he wanted to make a biting remark but held back for some reason. The only emotion I saw on his face was a slight frown as he and his brother had an epic stare-down. One could almost feel the tension in the atmosphere, like a hand closing around your neck, suffocating you slowly.

"She's just a child, Tobirama," my uncle suddenly growled. I could feel some chakra leaking into the surroundings, a suppressive feeling creeping into your veins and freezing your blood. I almost felt like choking, so potent and dense was his chakra. I knew this feeling, somehow... from Father, I think. But... this wasn't what I felt when Father's chakra was dormant, this was what I felt when he was absolutely and utterly pissed off and ready to tear some buildings down.

My uncle was _angry. _I had never ever seen him get angry before. Not in that way.

Hashirama wasn't releasing much and most probably wouldn't feel it, but Tobirama was a sensor type, so he could pick up on it unlike the children. This was a _threat_. My uncle kept the level down as to not scare the kids, but _woah_... I couldn't suppress the shudder creeping up my back. it was easy to forget that my uncle had his moniker for a reason. God of Shinobi, indeed.

By the time his chakra had receded I was trembling a little, suddenly feeling even more light-headed than before.

In the end Tobirama closed his eyes, exhaling forcefully. "Very well. She can sit next to Koharu," he said, pointing at the girl now staring at me with unbridled, open curiosity, head tilted softly.

Koharu... that sounded familiar. Very familiar. But I couldn't put my finger on it.

"Go easy on her, brother. She was just released from the infirmary." His heavy hand settled on my shoulder. I think he took note of the fact that I was trembling, because he knelt next to me, patting me on the head. "I didn't mean to startle you," he muttered soothingly before softly shoving me forward.

Tobirama grunted, glancing at me briefly. Perhaps he was assessing the amount of hatred I possessed. Yeah, right.

In all honesty, Tobirama had never been openly _hostile_ to me, more like wary. Which in itself was already more than scary.

I wordlessly strode past the boys whose eyes followed me unnervingly and settled down in the grass next to the only other girl here, somewhat relieved that I wasn't alone with a horde of boys. She seemed uninterested however, snatching a leaf from the air that had been following the moods of the wind only moments before. I followed her example, even if it took me several tries for some reason. My motor control had suffered a little, it seemed. With every new failed attempt I felt nervousness grasp my senses just a little more, suddenly aware that everyone could see me here failing to catch a simple leaf and most were in fact doing so, following my movements with curious glances.

When I finally managed to get my leaf I quickly realized that not only my motor control had suffered, but my chakra control as well. No matter how hard I tried to keep the flow steady it kept faltering, and the frustration caused me to jerk violently ever once in a while, not to mention the fact that I was trembling still.

The wind carried it away. I watched wistfully as it tossed and turned and danced in the sky, elegance only a piece of this world that was long since dead could display. It was sad in a way, how the perished faded away slowly like the leaf in the air. Our memories of them crumbled and turned to dust like leaves in autumn, and in the end nothing but a thin skeletal structure remained of a person that was once whole and breathing, _alive._ A sibling took the leaf's place on the great tree, a new soul in exchange for an old one.

What kind of person was cruel enough to do the Leaf Concentration Exercise on a windy day outside anyway?

I startled when a new leaf appeared in my vision, directly in front of my face. Pale fingers softly clasped the stem while the blade fluttered in the wind.

"You aren't focused," Tobirama noted while I took the green, fragile piece from his grasp, concentrating on the riffled structure of the blade.

"What is on your mind?" he casually asked, though that cold, distant tone never quite left his voice. I briefly wondered if he was asking this because he had to or because he wanted to. Something in me struggled with the idea of entrusting my worries to _that_ man, seeing as he openly despised my clan and was obviously wary of me.

I felt my hands shake, an antsy feeling had grasped my mind that wouldn't let me go. The man scared me with his mere existence. He was a looming presence, a cold shadow blocking the sun from your face, a dark veil that settled over the world.

While one part of me just wanted to get away from him, at the same time... I wanted to prove him wrong. Show that not all Uchiha were lunatics, not even close. Of course, it's not like a sane five year old would prove much. Most of the insanity came in later years.

I exhaled through my nose forcefully, glancing to the side while the wind gently brushed through the treetops of Konoha, rustling the gilded crowns and taking more leaves with him on a journey to nowhere.

I watched as they idly danced, somehow hoping that Tobirama would give up and concentrate on the others, but when I returned my focus to him I realized that all eyes were still on me. I sighed. There really was no way out of this, was there?

My hands dropped into my lap, leaf still tightly in my grasp, before I took a deep breath and allowed the wistful mood to show on my face.

"I-I was a-attacked in my own home two m-months ago," I began, reluctant to reveal it all to a bunch of complete strangers. It was a bit embarrassing to admit that our own security had failed us so badly, but in the end there was no way around it. I started, so I might as well continue.

"I m-managed to hit one of the attackers with a p-poisoned kunai."

"I see," Tobirama sighed, eyes narrowed by just a fraction.

"Did he die?" _someone _asked, with much more excitement than one should ever tie to the death of someone. Everyone's focus shifted to the culprit, the boy with the brown hair who had managed to keep his leaf earlier.

I froze, eyes widening. Must have looked like a deer in the headlights then, breathing just a tad faster than I normally should.

The boy shrunk away under the cold, stern gaze Tobirama threw at him, and the leaf slowly peeling from his forehead and sailing downwards added a bit of a comical feeling to his dejected look. Pity I wasn't in the mood to laugh.

"Yes," I hissed icily, stutter washed away by anger. "The poison kills in a matter of minutes. Unless he got treatment immediately he is most likely dead."

Although Father hadn't mentioned a body. This seemed all so fishy, so strange. Had he gotten away after all? Was all this guilt... for nothing?

_No._ Even if he wasn't dead, all those _questions_, those doubts, thoughts and agonies, they would always apply.

"This is no game, Hiruzen," the Senju calmly spoke, evoking a hasty nod from the boy while the rest of the group watched in silence. I really just wanted to disappear into the ground, never to be seen again.

"And you," his gaze rested on me, "Need to control your anger. Lashing out at people won't solve your problems."

What the hell? How was I supposed to react to someone excited about my potential first _kill_? I was already breaking apart on the inside, I didn't need..._this._

I puffed my cheeks, refraining from making any comments that could have gotten me into trouble merely because he scared me too much. Inwardly cussing and cursing and damning him to hell - what was with all these people demanding impossible things from little kids anyway - I placed the new leaf on my forehead, now bent on ignoring the Senju.

Focus on the leaf, Kasai. Just the leaf, nothing else.

Leaf.

_Leaf._

Stupid leaf.

I snorted when the wind carried it away once again. "This is cruel," I muttered under my breath, folding my arms across my chest.

"Fairly easy to handle, my ass."

I nearly choked when I heard Tobirama mutter just barely audible. Did he just _cuss_?

The urge to glare was only barely shot down by my fear this time, so I just began to scowl at the ground instead, trying to burn a hole into it.

Three hours passed, during which I either stared at the ground, tried to stick leaves to my forehead without success, kept glancing at Tobirama, watched the others look at me curiously constantly, pondered about anything and everything - I just wanted to sleep, but I couldn't because _nightmares_.

I think after three hours he finally had enough, because the man rose from his sitting position with one last annoyed huff before disappearing inside the house and I was left to wonder what the hell just had happened.

My eyes rested on the door for a while, before I turned around and once again found a bunch of children staring at me like something not from this world. Or any other world they might know.

"Uhm," I muttered, stutter already approaching in full force again.

"What's your name?" the boy Tobirama had called Hiruzen asked while picking the leaf from his forehead and crumbling it between his fingers.

"K-Kasai," I replied, glancing to the side at the tree softly swaying in the wind. had Hashirama grown it or was it a natural tree?

"Kasai," he muttered absentmindedly, as if trying to remember something. Then he suddenly flicked his fingers, face brightening. "Ah, you're Kawarama's cousin!"

The other three now stared at me with varying degrees of surprise, ranging from mild astonishment to outright shock.

"He talked about you," Hiruzen explained, nodding sagely.

"A lot," the boy with the glasses added, pushing them up his nose. A habit, perhaps?

"Too much," Koharu then said, crossing her arms and scowling wildly. Thanks, Kawarama. Had that really been necessary? While my heart warmed at the thought that he had missed me so dearly it was a bit embarrassing.

"I'm Sarutobi Hiruzen," the boy suddenly exclaimed while offering his hand, tearing me from my thoughts rather unpleasantly.

Oh. _Oh_.

Sarutobi Hiruzen. _Sarutobi_ Hiruzen. Sarutobi, as in _Third Hokage _Sarutobi Hiruzen.

Woah. he was just a kid here. _Just a kid_, about as old as me. This was... kinda amazing, really. Why had this not occurred to me earlier?

I think my eyes must have gotten bigger - a lot bigger - because Hiruzen laughed, simply grabbing my limp hand. "Look, I'm famous already!"

The sudden contact tore me out of my reverie and I felt my body tremble with shock, freezing all off a sudden. The boy let go, fear written all over his face. "Hey, are you okay?"

I was shivering. No, I was not okay. Not at all.

"I..." I began, but my voice faltered before I could even really start the sentence. All words fled from my mind. Why was I so _afraid _?

There... A chakra signature moved behind me, gone as soon as it came but its trail still lingered. I couldn't exactly tell where, just the general direction. My head snapped around, eyes still wide and breathing flat.

_Someone _had been there - and I had felt it. What or whoever it was, it was gone now.

I suddenly realized that being nervous while people stood behind you was only funny as long as it didn't happen to yourself. While it hadn't really bothered me before it now made me feel nervous, vulnerable - my back was the one place I couldn't reach. I was open, nearly defenseless from behind. I'm sorry for ever laughing about you, Dad.

I dared to avert my eyes only slowly, gazing at Hiruzen again who looked wildly confused.

"I'm sorry I was just... freaking out," I muttered, staring at the ground and feeling crestfallen all of a sudden.

The children exchanged meaningful glances. I looked up, only to see a Tobirama leaning against the tree with his arms crossed, staring into the distance - the exact direction where I had felt the chakra signature before. The man was frowning ever so slightly.

I almost wanted to ask; had he sensed it, too? Was it not just my imagination? But I felt afraid, not sure what to think about what had just happened.

"Session is over," he ordered, a tension in his voice that made the hair on my neck stand up. I think the others felt it too, because they quickly scattered and ran off until no one but Hiruzen remained. "Want to play with us?" he questioned, offering me a hand. I stared at it for a while, then curled my fingers around his palm and allowed him to pull me up until I stood on my own two legs.

"What are you playing?" I asked cautiously while brushing the grass off my clothes.

"We're playing Ninja." He regarded me suspiciously, tilting his head. "You know how to do that, right? Sensei said Uchiha children don't play much." His face brightened as a grin threatened to split it in half. "I can teach you if you want!"

I snorted. "Of course I know how to play Ninja." Shaking my head I noted to kick Tobirama in the shins should I ever get strong enough to pull it off, "And we _do _play. We just study more than we play."

"Oh," he said, as if this were a truly amazing revelation. Just _what _exactly had Tobirama taught those poor kids? My thoughts were cut short when Hiruzen grabbed my hand and dashed off, quickly following the other children. We sprinted through my uncle's house, past my aunt who was chewing onigiri and through the front door, where Koharu and... I think Homura were waiting while the third boy - _wait _a minute. That was _Danzo_. Shimura Danzo. Danzo the War Hawk. As a child.

Danzo. As a child.

My mind got broken so many times today it was a miracle the parts were still distinguishable at all.

... Danzo was standing offside, watching a family pass by - a father with two sons, their mother not far behind, apparently distracted. The boy seemed... wistful, sad. Crushed. His back was turned to us, but his shoulders were slumped, his fists clenched, his back tense... it almost seemed angry in a way, frustrated. Longing?

I softly poked Hiruzen in the side to get his attention. The boy turned around, gaze fixed on Danzo much like mine just seconds before.

"Yeah?" he responded.

"W-what's with him?" I whispered, jerking my head in Danzo's direction. In response Hiruzen scowled, but not angry... more concerned, in a way. "His father died a few weeks ago. He's been acting weird since then."

Oh. A faint memory tingled in the deepest corner of my mind, a memory of sacrifice. "What h-happened?" I whispered, barely audible.

"Don't know. But Father said we should let him." The boy shrugged, averting his gaze, trotting over to Koharu and Homura while I kept watching Danzo, unable to tear my eyes away. Hiruzen turned around after a few steps, waving in my direction. "You coming?"

I startled, but soon nodded. "Yeah!"

What followed was a quick introduction by Homura and Danzo, even though I technically already knew their names from my erratic memory. It was a weird thing - sometimes I remembered nothing, sometimes it all poured out at once. Like someone pulled a trigger and suddenly a floodgate was open and everything rushed through like a wave. Sometimes I wondered if memories of my old family, of friends were still there. If a small trigger was all that was needed to bring them back.

Homura seemed standoffish and Koharu a little distant. Might be that they didn't trust me, I was still a stranger after all.

It was freeing, _liberating, _to just run. Run, be free, fly. Feel like you could touch the stars above you. When you played Ninja you ran. You let the energy rush through you, the thrill of being in danger of getting caught, being ready to _escape_ at any minute. It was so playful but also so real, so scary. I enjoyed it, because it was innocent in its essence - no intention of harm. Granted, it was a bit difficult to run like that in my Yukata, but I managed. Somehow.

To be able to take my mind off of the terror the attack had imposed on me was... mind-boggling. Tension I hadn't even noticed before was suddenly gone from my shoulders, my back - my entire body. To just run and laugh for a while, not thinking about anything, really was the most wonderful thing I had experienced during the last week.

I was not a child and nothing could ever replace that innocence they had simply because I had knowledge they didn't, but it felt good to be able to be carefree for once, irresponsible. I thought that I might not be able to do this later in my life anymore.

I was able to run faster and longer than my old body. Unlike back then I was fit, physically active - it was just a good feeling, something I had completely missed in my former life. I hadn't been obese, but incredibly clumsy and slow.

None of that here. I could run, I could climb up a tree, I could walk on my hands if I really wanted to. Do cartwheels, flip-flops... it was amazing what flexibility an active life granted you. Just for a while I felt like I could be grateful for that, when I didn't have to think about the price for all of this for once.

Unfortunately all good things came to an end, and I knew that _this _had just ended when a giant shadow dropped onto the ground right next to me. I freaked out momentarily, yelped and jumped backwards so quickly I crashed into someone, _then_ freaked out because someone was standing behind me and promptly rolled over to the side. A quick glance reveled a disgruntled Homura adjusting his glasses. "Sorry," I muttered.

He snorted, shaking his head.

The giant figure turned out to be a... ninja. Of course, what else. A forehead protector much like Tobirama's proudly sat on his face, the symbol of the Leaf marking its center. he had a fierce scar running down the bridge of his nose and a beard to complemented the look. A fur coat covered his shoulders, and his stance kind of reminded me of a monkey.

Could this be Sarutobi Sasuke?

"Hiruzen," the man grunted, mostly confirming my suspicion. Judging by the look on the boy's face he was probably in some deep trouble. "You should have been home hours ago."

"Oh," the box exclaimed, eyes wide. "It's that late already?"

He took a good look at the sinking sun painting the clouds and sky a soothing red. One could almost see the realization on his face, eyes widening and mouth open. "Mom's going to be furious," he whispered. It was almost comical, how he seemed to be staring into the distance all of a sudden. Perhaps a scene was playing in his head. Homura snickered next to me, Koharu shook her head, I was torn between being amused and astonished... and Danzo? Danzo just stared at Sasuke. Angrily, bitterly... jealously. He clenched and unclenched his fists, trembling and shaking, hung his head - probably trying to burn a hole into the ground.

The man's glance wandered, over Koharu, Homura, halted for a few seconds on Danzo, then wandered over to me. His eyes were of a muddy-brown color, not quite warm but not as cold as I had expected. "I see a new face here. Who might you be?"

"U-Uchiha Kasai," I stammered. His eyes were _intense. _They were making me unspeakably nervous.

"Now then, Uchiha Kasai. I expect to see you around here more in the future."

And he... winked. Kinda. I think.

Uh?

Was that... a threat? A demand? An expectation? I was thoroughly confused. Hiruzen's barking laughter echoed across the fields. His father hoisted him up with one powerful arm, rising to his feet all the while. His full height was... impressive, to say the least. That man was scary. So tall...

"You're in so much trouble, son."

To my surprise Hiruzen merely grinned before waving his entire arm in an enthusiastic good-bye. Huh.

Koharu and Homura returned the gesture, albeit only softly. I just timidly raised my hand and wiggled my fingers in a vague good-bye, far too confused to do anything else right now. A swirl of leaves enveloped father and son - they were gone without another word.

For a good minute I just stared at the spot where a giant ninja and his offspring had stood just moments before, occasionally twitching. Then, after another few seconds of having no clue, a single word came to mind.

"Huh?"

I heard Koharu snicker somewhere but couldn't quite tell _where_. That is, until I turned around. With a squeak I leapt backwards, crashing into the ground.

"You really don't like that, eh?"

My face morphed into a scowl. "It's not funny," I muttered, softly rubbing the now aching back of my head. "I was nearly killed from behind..." I trailed off, the memory of a cold hand sliding around my neck all too apparent of a sudden.

"If you're wondering," Homura said matter-of-factly, "That's his way of saying that he wants you and Hiruzen to become friends."

Danzo snorted. He had his back turned to us at this point, arms crossed. "He was probably watching us."

If that was true... I hadn't sensed him at all. Not all that surprising, since most shinobi could evade my sensor skills rather easily, but still... Well, I didn't actually remember all that much when it came to Sarutobi Sasuke, but I knew that Uchiha Sasuke was named after him. For an Uchiha to name their child after a shinobi from another clan they must have _greatly _respected him. I also thought, or rather had a hunch that the man had probably known my name already, but asked me personally for whatever reason. Had this been some sort of test?

"You gave your surname," Homura continued, "That's why."

What the... could that guy read minds or something? Or was I really that transparent to other people... I sure hoped that wasn't the case.

"Anyway, I should get home," the boy chattered on, absentmindedly polishing his glasses with his sleeves. "You too, Koharu."

"Don't tell me what to do," she spat in return, rolling her eyes. Wow, what a pair. Lovely. Thinking that those were Tobirama's _students..._ Or would be one day. They obviously weren't officially yet, considering what Kawarama had said.

"See you," Homura said, lightly waving good-bye. Koharu softly returned his words before facing me while the boy scampered away.

"You really _are _an Uchiha?" she asked sceptically.

I couldn't help it, I laughed. The situation was just too comical. I turned around, somehow managing to point at my back, while still trying to suppress the occasional re-emergence of laughter. I knew that the fan crest sat on my back, a testament to my heritage. I was sure they had seen that thing several times during our game... or maybe not, I had tried to keep my back away from people. Even now exposing it like that felt vaguely uncomfortable even though I knew those kids probably wouldn't hurt me.

"My mother is an Uzumaki," I explained, turning around again. "That's where my blue eyes come from. Besides, Tobirama-san confirmed it already."

Koharu pursed her lips, perhaps trying to digest that new information. "Okay then, so you're not an impostor."

That girl had to be smart to know such words at such a young age. Sure, she became one of the Konoha elders later on, meaning that she must have had _some _kind of skill, but still...

I didn't know how to feel about this. Since I didn't remember events from the Manga all that well memories about her exploits were blurry at best, so I couldn't make any kind of judgment on her. And she was just a child anyway, a long way from the wrinkly, old woman.

"I'm heading home," she declared, fists on her hips. "Take care," the girl ordered sternly, throwing a last glance at Danzo, softly whispering 'you too' in his direction before leaving as well.

And then... then I was left alone with that boy. grumpy, wistful Danzo. He eyed me suspiciously, frowning. We kept staring at each other for a while, no one really willing to relent, until after a few minutes - or seconds? - I simply sighed and gave in.

"Don't you want to go h-home, too?" I asked carefully, not quite sure how to act in this situation.

"What for," he replied. It sounded more like a statement than a question.

"Your f-family?" I countered, tilting my head until black strands of hair softly tickled my nose. He snorted, shaking his head.

"You were watching me earlier."

Wait.. How had he noticed that with his back turned to me?

"Don't look at me like that, I saw you in the window reflection."

Oh. How embarrassing.

"I was just c-curious," I replied, glancing to the side. Averting my gaze, as always. I could never really look someone in the eye, could I? Nope. Never mind the fact that we had had a stare down just moments before.

"Yeah, that's why you asked Hiruzen," he scoffed, lying down in the grass.

"Well, I'll a-ask you then," I breathed, settling down next to him. It was an impulse, nothing more - probably a pretty stupid one, too. Whatever, I had started it, might as well finish. "What happened?" I softly inquired.

"Why should I tell you," he replied tonelessly.

"N-no reason."

And with this he remained silent, staring at the passing clouds. I really should get home, but somehow I got the feeling that I should stay just a little longer. The air was cooling rapidly and darkness slowly approaching - I hated being in the dark on my own. Getting home would be a nightmare.

"You won't give up, will you?"

"No," I breathed softly.

The boy huffed, then sat up. "My father died on a mission," he mumbled quietly. no surprise, Hiruzen had mentioned this after all.

"Stayed behind so the others could get away."

Sacrifice.

"My grandfather did the same when I was younger. Stayed and delayed the enemies so the clan heir could get away."

Clan. Sacrifice.

Something dawned on me, a sudden epiphany that grasped my mind and held it tightly in its grip. I sat up, eyes wide open, trying to steady my breathing. Could this be the answer? A part of it?

"Did the heir get away?"

Danzo frowned. "Yes," he replied sharply. "Got away and became an idiot."

I flinched, sensing an approaching presence. Approaching _fast._ Trying to locate whatever was coming our way I sprang up, frowning all the while. A shadow dropped onto the ground, surrounded by the feeling of a very familiar chakra.

"Uh oh," I muttered. An old sense of dread overcame me, one I only felt when I had done something I shouldn't and _he_ knew.

Dad. Wonderful.

Danzo got to his feet, tense in a way I hadn't seen him before, not even when Hiruzen's father had appeared all of a sudden. "Who is that?" he demanded, pointing at the dark form now standing up. Oh, I knew that person all too well.

"That's my dad," I squeaked. "And he's angry."

Really angry.

"You should go," I advised, shoving him in the other direction. I think he took my warning to heart, because he turned around on his heels and dashed off, soon disappearing in the darkness of the rapidly approaching night.

Father stalked closer with his deadly grace. I wasn't allowed to stay outside in the dark, so it really was no wonder that he was angry, but I hadn't seen him like this in a while. Exhaling slowly I hung my head, staring at the ground and wondering what punishment he'd administer this time.

"How considerate of you to send your friend away," Father spoke, barely containing the seething anger in his tone. "After you decided it would be a good idea to stray from the compound far enough to become untraceable to your mother."

Whoops.

"Despite me ordering you _not to _stray too far from the compound."

Were we really that far away? I had never been here before, had just followed the other children.

A strong arm circled around my midsection and hoisted me up. A familiar warmth surrounded me - I knew this all too well. Out of sheer reflex I managed to claw my fingers into his back before he took off with mind-crushing speed.

"I'm sorry," I murmured into his shoulder. A huffed breath reached my ear. "We were playing and I didn't know we were that far from the compound."

"Playing? You and the Shimura boy?" he responded, adjusting his grip a little while he sailed across a less than unstable looking roof.

"There were more," I said, "A boy from the Sarutobi clan and two others. But they left earlier."

Father didn't even bother with the front door and opted to jump through the window instead, startling Mother from whatever she was doing. She sat at the table, now pretty much alert and she only dared to relax when she recognized who exactly had just decided to fly through her open window.

Why was it open anyway?

My carrier put me down on my own two feet. Father's grip around me loosened but I needed a moment to move my fingers, still slightly trembling, and a few more seconds passed before I could release my hold on him as well. It seems as if he had calmed down a little during our trip because his chakra wasn't randomly spiking around like crazy anymore.

"Look what I found," he declared, folding his arms in his signature stance.

Mother cocked an eyebrow while rising from her sitting position. She reached out, soft fingers brushing a few errant strands out of my face, then wandering towards my chin.

"You have a knack for getting in trouble, Kasai," she breathed, "Don't make me worried like that."

Ouch. A familiar feeling spread through my chest, guilt that softly seeped through the mind. "Sorry," I mumbled apologetically, lowering my eyes. Out of habit I clasped my hands in front of me. "I was playing with the others."

"Others?" she asked, something akin to curiosity now brightening her soft features. Mother was beautiful in my eyes - not the over the top kind of beautiful that advertisement in my former world wanted to sell you, just naturally beautiful in her own way.

Father stalked out of the room and I silently wondered where his anger had gone. It didn't seem like him to calm down so easily.

"Uhm, I played with some children from other clans."

"Really?" Mother asked, no, _demanded_, clapping her hands together excitedly. I felt taken aback by her reaction and leaned back a little. It made sense when one thought about it, she was a rather social being. I probably shouldn't tell her that my uncle had left me with Tobirama of all people_ - _the day Father heard of _that_ would be a very bad day for all of Konoha and once Mother knew something it would reach my father pretty quickly.

"I missed dinner, didn't I?"

She chuckled. "Actually, no. You didn't. You don't think we sit here and eat while our daughter is who knows where, do you?"

"Why did my guard not inform you of my whereabouts?"

"Oh, they did. But that's not important now, I want to hear more about those children you played with."

* * *

"You aren't leaving the compound for the next two days."

"But-"

"I don't want to hear it. You've disobeyed my orders, you know what that means."

"...Yes, Father."

* * *

Saying that his anger was gone had been a bit of an overestimation. He really didn't take well to disobedience.

It was completely dark when we were through with dinner and I had successfully survived my lecture. All that was left to do was writing down my thoughts for the day, because I wanted to keep tabs on my observations regarding the meaning of a clan.

I was on my way to Father's office to ask him for an empty scroll because I had nothing left when I heard muffled voices through the door. One of them was easily recognizable as Izuna, the other definitely my father.

Curiosity awoken I crept closer, careful to not touch anything this time.

"I'm not marrying her to anyone until I found the culprit."

"She might end up in the wrong hands."

"Precisely."

Oh. That was quite relieving to hear.

"Who on the council would benefit from killing her, I wonder? I think we can exclude those who have sons her age, they'd do better by getting her hand in marriage."

"I'm not so sure about that. Baku wasn't fond of the Uzumaki alliance and continues to see Kasai as a dirty mongrel. His son is barely a year older than her."

Mental note: Find out more about a man named Baku.

"I told you from the beginning to watch him closely. That man has an ill will behind every action. His entire house is a poison to the clan."

"That reminds me... I need you to check the death records, Izuna."

"Why?"

"Kasai believes that she got one of them with the Kunai I gave her."

"And you didn't bother to check that earlier? Really?"

"It slipped my mind. Someone else cleaned the weaponry from the house."

"I can't _believe _you. Fine, I'll check the records. Anything specific?"

"Try to find out if any Senju died directly after the attack. The messed up crest was just too convenient."

What.

"... And here I thought you had gone soft. You still don't trust them."

"I trust half of them to stab my back the moment I turn around."

_What._

You lied to your daughter."

"I have my reasons."

No...

"You're shielding her. One day this will bite you in the ass, Madara."

"I'll take my chances. Not all of it was a lie, I truly believe that Hashirama had nothing to do with this. The rest of the clan, on the other hand..."

How could he...

"Then why let her believe that everything is alright? You're just placing her in harm's way."

"If she knows that we don't trust the Senju it will reach them eventually, she spends too much time with her cousin. I doubled the number of guards trailing after her, Izuna. Don't think I'm not concerned with her safety, but keeping her away now will seem suspicious."

Why would he do this...

"Fair enough. I still don't understand how anyone would benefit from this, especially not if the traitor worked with a Senju."

"I don't know. Consider the involvement of a third party here. Kasai technically shouldn't be alive, they had plenty of room to kill her. Enemies using her to drive the clans apart is a possibility we can't dismiss."

"Then there's the fact that it seemed more like a kidnapping attempt than an assassination. Whoever did this was either willing to sacrifice Yurei or things didn't go according to plan."

"She's worthless to the clan without the ability to mold chakra."

_What?_

"There's still the possibility that she has a Sharingan."

"Let's not pretend that we haven't lost children to kidnappers before. With high enough benefits..."

I didn't hear the rest, and I didn't _want _to hear the rest. I didn't want to hear anything anymore. Feelings of betrayal, confusion and anger fused into a consuming, encompassing sense of anguish, swallowing me whole. I bolted, noises be damned, dashing across the hallway, past my mother and through my room door - forget it all.

Liars, liars, all liars.

I hid under my blanket, waiting for the inevitable - but it didn't come. No one came. Did they not care at all?

_Forget it all._

A rustle, soft steps - shinobi weren't heard unless they wanted to be - a tug on my blanket, light invading my eyes. Didn't look up, didn't want to see.

The bed shifted.

Chakra signature? Couldn't focus.

_Don't cry._

"Look at me, Kasai."

No anger, just exasperation. A glance... wincing. He stared - frowning - then sighed.

"How much did you hear?" he demanded.

"Too much."

_Too much. Forget it all._

"This complicates things," Father muttered irritatedly.

Oh, okay. So that was all that mattered. Things just got more complicated.

_You lied to your daughter._

He lied to me-

"Kasai, listen_._"

Liar.

"I said _listen_."

"What do you want?" I snapped, somehow still not crying. Already so far across the line and still no tears. It hurt, hurt so much. Betrayal.

"This was meant to protect you, Kasai. Not harm you in any way."

Betrayal from everywhere. My own clan? Traitors. The Senju? Traitors. My father? Blatantly lied to me. What was I supposed to believe? Who could I still trust? Was there really-

Had he ever hugged me before?

... Not in this way. Not in _this _way.

"Can't breathe," I wheezed, pressed so tightly into his chest and encircled by two strong arms - couldn't breathe, didn't matter. He _hugged _me. Had never-

Never done this before.

Why...

"Two months," he breathed, so quiet I could barely hear. "We almost lost you, Kasai. The blood loss nearly killed you."

The anguish of a father seeing his child in coma, as good as dead... He had seemed so calm, so quiet when I had awoken - relieved, but not like Hashirama. Had he hidden his emotions so well? Several days, and not once had his behavior seemed out of the ordinary.

Not once.

Not... once?

_"You are still young, it's better if you learn those lessons early. It might save you a lot of pain in your life."_

_"About your nightmares..."_

_"I'll take my chances."_

Protective.

"Was the lie really necessary..." I mumbled, but trailed off by the end of it. Was it really necessary to betray me like this-

For the greater goal?

"You had enough on your mind already."

_Protective._

Crows, Sharingan, what is a clan -so much to do, so little time. No dreams to relax.

"Do you want me to be cautious around them?"

Them. The Senju. Because I was not naive enough to believe that none of them would-

... Would kill an innocent child. They were _ninja._

"Be careful, but don't give them reason to be suspicious."

_"Be careful who you trust."_

* * *

**AN: **I don't like this chapter. Feels choppy to me.

Tobirama was the troublemaker. That's right, people - it's all Tobirama's fault! (_kidding_.)

Young Hiruzen, Danzo just lost his father (don't worry, he won't stay this grumpy), no Kagami this chapter, sorry. You had no idea how many different versions of the conversation between Izuna and Madara I had in mind. One of them was actually a council meeting Kasai accidentally listened on.

You're confused? That's good, because the characters are confused, too. 8D

Yes, Kasai snapped rather easily at the end, but she's currently mentally in a bad spot. Keep in mind that she is still a person from our world and thus still somewhat used to the safety our modern world provided for the individual, so being subjected to such a trauma puts her under major stress. I'm a person who loses trust very quickly.

I can take my mind off of things for a while (example: Kasai playing with the others and feeling carefree for a while) but sooner or later things catch up with me. She only really broke down when she got home, because that's when the reality of it all caught up with her.

Reviews are always welcome - well, _obvious_y. They feed me!

See you next chapter. (Hopefully!)


	9. Chapter 8 - Swirls

**Title: **Fire Rebirth

**Summary: **Obligations, expectations, all made heavier by a young village standing on shaky legs. The gigantic construct that is the Clan is greater than I, and failure is not an option. I am headed for greatness - provided the world doesn't come crashing down on me before I get there. /OC Self-Insert, slightly AU

**Author's Notes: **Thanks to everyone who reviewed! 151 Followers and 140 Favorites, so that's awesome! I'm so overwhelmed, I'm actually really worried to disappoint you guys D:

Anyway, have a new chapter!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto. Obviously.

* * *

**small extra: ****  
**

"Please kill it!"

„It's just a spider."

"This is clearly a monster."

"_Just _a spider, Kasai."

"Those things are evil!"

Kagami seemed unimpressed regardless of my convincing description of this eight-legged devil's clearly malevolent nature. It sat on my wall like a fat, laughing king (although it was probably a queen, I did not feel like getting close enough to check and a fat king was far more intimidating anyway), rubbing its mandibles like an evil overlord would rub his hands. Well, I thought it was doing that, in reality I wasn't close enough to see.

"Burn it," I ordered, firmly pushing my moving shield forward. Of course, people who pay attention probably knew that Kagami was older than me and thus stronger, unless I applied chakra to my muscles which might end badly for both parties involved, so in the end he obviously wouldn't budge.

"No. We'll put it outside."

"It'll come back in!"

This clearly wasn't an option, how could he not see that?

"You're being silly."

A groan left my throat. I pushed his back once more, but his stubborn mule method proved to be more effective than mine.

"What if it crawls into my mouth at night?"

"Your mouth isn't big enough for that spider."

I shuddered, images of a giant spider crawling over my face flashing in front of my inner eye. That thing was really huge. Probably the size of Father's palm, if not larger.

"It will bite me!"

"This spider's bite, while slightly painful, is harmless. Due to its frequent occurrence in the wild it is often kept inside houses as a tolerated guest to eliminate vermin and less pleasant home invaders."

Oh, he was quoting textbooks now, I knew it. He and his stupid survival training from his father. Had I known that he learned stuff like this out there I would have kidnapped him and fled from Konoha. Maybe to Cloud, I bet they would love our eyes.

That sounded wrong, now that I thought about it…

"No, I think we should leave it here. Dad says they're useful."

"You can't do this to me!"

"It won't harm you."

"You're so mean."

"Stop sulking, seriously."

* * *

**chapter eight – swirls**

There was such a thing as dealing with stress in a healthy way, one that didn't make you tear yourself apart with doubts and worries. I clearly wasn't good at it. My mind jumped around in jagged leaps, from topic to topic, thought to thought. Writing down my thoughts, as I had _tried_ to do, had become impossible because I didn't even know where they were_. _Couldn't focus, couldn't concentrate. Worst of all, couldn't sleep.

I was so afraid drifting into slumber by now, of crows and trees with eyes, nightmares in darkness and a world of red. Blood that rained from the sky.

So tired, _so_ tired, exhausted and fatigued-

This couldn't go on, but I struggled with the notion of… going somewhere else for this. I couldn't explain why, but it felt vaguely uncomfortable to be so vulnerable to _him_. Did he care? Did it bother him? Was he secretly annoyed by my weakness? It was so hard to tell.

Tossing and turning, curling into a ball, resting for a few minutes – tossing again. Couldn't sleep, couldn't rest. Couldn't even close my eyes, because _crowsdemonsdon'tblinkdon'tlook. _

Everywhere, wherever the focus wandered. Sky, earth – north, west, east, south. It didn't matter. They haunted me, followed me through dreams, seeped into my mind. Oh so bloodthirsty, see them tear it all apart in a sinister carnage of the mind – fueled by whatever lurked within its depths.

The darkness that lurked within, murder is a carnal sin. Heh. Hehehe.

I'm not making sense anymore.

Going insane.

Mad.

_Madmadmad._

I wanted to laugh, somehow. The situation seemed comical all of a sudden – what was I even doing here? Maybe I should stop playing soldier, the game had lasted long enough. All the trouble I got myself in- Clan head, _ha_. Me, leading? Can't even lead a damn school project group.

_Look at you, you don't even remember your old name. Your parents, your family._

What have I become?

_Little girl, stop playing already._

Calamity, disaster. No direction, no destination. What was I thinking? Where did I want to go?

_You have nothing to prove. You _are _nothing._

Nothing, nothing at all. No way, no path to follow. In darkness, how does one go his own way? Make a light? Stumble through shadows and hope to make it? Where's the end, where's the start, how do I not fall-

_You don't belong here._

Where's my home, this wasn't-

_It is no longer. You have no home. You shouldn't be._

I should be dead.

_Dead, dead- blind and dead. They are not your family._

Why was I even here, why-

Why had fate chosen me? There was nothing to change here, nothing to make better. I was not a fairytale hero, born to save a world from a terrible evil. Not the wise leader, the philosopher, the sage to lead the way. I was just a sixteen year old girl – stupid, immature, selfish.

_Remember._

Eyes, blood, red, murder. Remember, remember. Daggers in the dark. Remember.

_They all betrayed you._

Can't see behind you. Can't hide from shadows. Can't-

_Can you?_

-see through masks. Hidden intentions.

_Good intentions?_

Pavement to hell.

Peck, eat it all. Let the demons consume it, devour, tear, shred. Rip, rip, rip it all apart. Rebuild, recover what has been lost, then destroy it anew.

_Don't trust them.__Don't listen to them, don't-_

Leave me be.

_Watch them betray you all._

Leave-

_One by one. Shred your eyes, shred your mind. Blind, blind, blind._

Me-

_You are nothing but a child. Failure. Useless, useless, useless. Stupid, selfish, weak. Don't belong, don't fit in- you have no real family._

…Be…

_They are not, will never be. Remember._

I don't _want _to remember!

_We will make you, make you. See their faces, remember! The true ones, the loved ones. Friends, family. The dead and the living, they all went on without you. _

Please…

_You don't matter anymore, to anyone. You are nothing, you can do nothing, you are worth nothing. Nothing._

There was such a thing as dealing with stress in a healthy way, one that didn't make you tear yourself apart with doubts and worries. I clearly wasn't good at it – and I was so sick of it.

Cold night air sent shivers down my spine, frigid on my wet skin and clothes drenched in sweat. I left my bed in disarray- not that it mattered. Feet softly pattering on the cold floor, bare and wet. Empty really was the only word to describe how I felt right now. Emptied, drained of life, sucked dry.

Like a ghost I moved through the dark hallway. Yurei, that name would have fit me better. I was not a burning flame, I was a ghost. The shadow of a greater being, cursed to forever remain the descendant that was never as grand as the giants that carried it. Only now did I realize that being the child of a legend was a curse and not a blessing – how could I ever hope to match what they were, what they represented? The world held its breath in anticipation of what I would one day be able to do, yet the truth was a bitter one. None of it would last. Let enough time pass and I would line up with the grey soldiers of mediocrity.

Feathery steps carried me through darkness. Icy fingers slowly reaching around my limbs, my neck, my throat – a phantom feeling, tendrils of fear expanding further and further. I think pure instinct told me when my destination appeared in my vision because my mind had long since stopped paying attention to anything other than the chanting chorus of crows in my head.

My fingertips brushed along the smooth surface of the door, cold and even to my short fingers. They were not soft – above all they were calloused from hours and hours of training. My flat palm pressed against it – I leaned my forehead on the cold surface. Inhaling deeply, the scent of nature that clung to the furniture filling my nostrils, I pushed. It slid to the side smoothly, quietly. Most doors in this house were quiet.

The onslaught of heavy, used air, of warmth and of human almost made me choke. A stark contrast to the cold that seemed to cling to my room like an unholy evil. Something moved in the dark – rustling, metallic cluttering. Then, voices. Hushed whispers.

I dared to look ahead, barely able to keep my eyes open against the exhaustion tugging at my eyelids. Met with two glowing spots in the dark, red and piercing, I almost flinched – for a split-second I saw a demon there. A winged, terrible demon with a beak glimmering bloody red.

The red died like a flickering flame and left only darkness. I moved against the shadows, daring only because the warning was gone, and no demon could hurt me here. They feared their own kind, after all, and there was no demon mightier than him. The voices in my head - incessant in their infernal terror - fell silent, leaving a blissful quiet in their wake. Closer, closer, until my toes pushed against the edge of the bed, until I could lean forward und would smell the familiar scent of a night's sweat, until I would only have to reach out and feel the warmth of another human being.

I didn't need to go that far. Warm hands grasped my lithe, little body. The floor disappeared from under my feet and was replaced by a soaring sensation. Then… soft fabric pressing against my cheek, a muscular arm snaked around my back, pulling me closer against a warm body- Father's hair tickled my forehead a little. I curled into the embrace, exhaled deeply, took in the scent of it all… The only ones I trusted to keep me safe, the only ones I could turn my back to and not feel vulnerable.

Silence reigned, only disturbed by Father's even breathing brushing through my hair and Mother's behind me, gently fanning along my neck. Their chakra was dormant, vibrating with a gentle, soothing rhythm that soon lulled me into slumber.

Father stirred, as I noticed in my drowsy state. He was doing something - but I could only hear rustling sounds, clothes or maybe the fabrics of the bed… Something moved under me. Seconds later I felt a heavy weight gently settle on my body… a blanket? Had I been shivering?

Oh. He'd draped his own blanket… oh. I hadn't even realized that I was lying _on _it, not under it. "Thanks," I muttered drowsily. He huffed, then lied down to rest.

I didn't dream, or maybe I couldn't remember it. Either way, I felt grateful for the peace. Quiet. Tranquility.

* * *

_Is this your answer?_

A voice, quiet, meek - this was not… _them_. The crows. This was something else-

_Something else?_

Had I traded one demon for another? One monster in my head gone, another one taking its place? I cringed at the thought, curling just a little closer into Father's embrace. He responded, although only faintly. A soft sigh rushed through my hair.

_Demon._

Why did I keep hearing voices talking to me all the time? This was getting strange – I felt frightened. Never ever had I been anything close to normal, not even back then when there weren't crazy ninja people everywhere, but I had never heard _voices_. Wasn't that a sign of psychosis or something?  
Was I… Was I sick now? My… my mind broken? I mean, broken worse than before…

Those things didn't fix itself - living with that for the rest of my life oh no this was a nightmare I couldn't-

_Nightmare._

"Dad?"

My voice sounded foreign and raspy against the thick fog clouding my mind. A deep hum sent vibrations through his throat, so close to my face I felt it against my skin.

It was morning. Father was already awake, probably soon about to get ready for the day. Mother was… still sleeping soundly I believe.

"Am I mad?" breathed the trembling voice that couldn't be mine, in this strange body I had lived in for five years now. Was it truly me- was it a bad image of me? Was I still me at all?

"No." Deep, so warm, so soothing. Had his voice always been like this? Was my head messing with me now? So much certainty, so much _reassurance _in a single word. How could he be so sure, how did he know that he wasn't wrong?

Father never believed himself to be wrong. Regardless of his mistakes- Regret only leads you backwards, he had once told me.

But how could he be so sure?

His lids fluttered open. Through the dim light now filling the room I saw, obscured by his lashes and a few strands of hair, dark onyx eyes – they really were like polished gems.

…Those eyes had seen madmen before, _true _madmen.

Sometimes I wondered; did he ever wish for a normal daughter? One that wasn't "hyper intelligent" since birth? To him, to _everyone _ I was a child wise beyond its years by nature, not by experience or age. Talented, gifted – a prodigy. I had a lot of those around me. Children that seemed older than they really were. It was so easy to forget that life could force one to grow up so much faster. No child here seemed to be truly a child – treated like little adults, they grew up so soon. At home…

_No._

Not home. In my old world children were innocent, fragile beings that needed protection. This… this wasn't so here. We were protected _now,_ but it was so easy to see that it hadn't been like this always.

They grew up faster. They did not always behave like children. They were often forced to be mature at age twelve or younger.

And then… then there were children like me.

I complained and complained that they expected impossible things from me, a five year old. But the truth was that I wasn't and never behaved like five, and they knew it. They knew that I could think ahead, that I had a head sitting on my shoulders – they had no reason to treat me like a little child if I had the capacity of acting like an adult.

At least they weren't suspicious of me. It was an amusing thing –people thought that a child acting rationally like an adult attracted suspicion, but in truth the people around you had no _reason _to suspect you. You were born into their circle, they knew you since you were a baby. They had no reason to think that you were a reborn mind in a baby body, they simply assumed that the child was a prodigy.

Showing intelligence was not dangerous. What _was _dangerous was talking about things you should have absolutely no knowledge of. I had dodged a bullet during my talk with Hashirama on top of the Hokage Mountain years ago, and that had been _so_ close and I had become a little bit more careful in return.

Those things existed even in our old world, even more in the Narutoverse where children were trained to be little soldiers from an early age on. It would, however, get you in trouble in that people thought you were a prodigy – and maybe it actually made you one, who could tell. It led to expectations.

Expectations I couldn't fulfill, I just knew it. How was I supposed to ever match _him_? I wasn't who my father thought I was. To him I was his highly gifted 5 year old daughter – in truth I was a 16 year old teenager stuck in a foreign body. Was I his daughter? Were they my family? It was so hard to tell at this point. I remembered yet I didn't – this family had done more for me in five years than the other one had managed in my entire life.

_Neglect. Abandonment. But you still loved them._

No. _No,_ those monsters were back please no-

The pressure around my back increased ever so slightly. Onyx orbs still watched me – carefully, like he was studying me, my _behavior_.

"I'm not normal," I muttered, hiding- _trying _to hide in his arms.

He chuckled. "You're intelligent." The weight on my body – his arm – disappeared as he stirred, pushing the blanket away. His hair was tousled even worse than usual. I bet he would hate to let anyone see him like this, excluding maybe his closest family members.

Next to me Mother took a deep breath. For a moment I thought she was awake but it seemed like she was merely dreaming.

"Smart," he went on. "But I expected nothing less of my children."

Because above all else my father was still kind of an arrogant prick. I was never at the receiving end of his arrogance so I had stopped caring, but it became apparent when he talked to others.

"You probably don't remember," he spoke, "but you were intelligent even as a baby." Oh, I _did _remember. Most things, anyway. Not that he knew.

"Unless the chakra screwed with your head more than we thought, which is, to be honest, a distinct possibility."

I watched him move through the room with that dangerous grace of his I admired so much. While it didn't really hold a candle to what Izuna could pull off Father _was _stronger in the end, it just made him infinitely more intimidating. Mother was still quiet, gently breathing next to me. Either she felt absolutely safe in Father's presence or she was too exhausted to be woken by the noise.

I didn't like the thought of chakra screwing with my brain. At all. I knew that my memory had a different cause but the possibility was still there…

"You mentioned that your nightmares might be linked to your Sharingan."

Oh. _That._ Well, yes. Because I kept seeing it everywhere.

Father moved, pulling out of his cabinet what seemed to be a set of clothes. "Sharingan grants the user an excellent memory," he breathed. I felt curious now, blinking owlishly. "It unfortunately also makes it nearly impossible to forget."

_You will always remember._

"Your Sharingan was active during the assault, so whatever traumatic experiences transpired during that attack will most likely remain with you for a lifetime. The memories _do _fade, but only slowly. Seeing them again and again serves as a constant reminder."

I would… never be able to-

_Forget, never forget._

-anything? Always remember, remember everything? The attackers, the helpless wailing, the shadows rushing through the house – the sound of a kunai tearing into flesh… I was bound to go mad with this. Did… did all Uchiha who had the Sharingan suffer from this? No wonder some went insane after a while…

Did… did that mean that Father remembered every person he had ever killed with his Sharingan active? Every face, every expression, he remembered it all? How did he cope with that…

While I mused he apparently had no problem with stripping right in front of me, well, obviously_._ He had no _reason_ to assume that I felt uncomfortable with it… I was, after all, still his innocent little daughter, not a teenager who very much understood the devastating power of hormones.

Not that I could think of him this way, not anymore. The mere thought almost made me gag. This man had raised me… well, kind of. I really wasn't a child anymore, but the family connection was still so easy to make for me it was almost scary.

But then, a real family had been one of my biggest wishes in my… old body? Old mind?

I had had one, yes. But it had been broken, a bent and torn piece of paper clinging together only by a small miracle about ready to fall apart. The years of loneliness, of self-loathe, of longing and-

I had bottled it all up. Shoved it away, again and again and again, until it all broke out and destroyed me. Fourteen, that was how old I had been when it all fell apart.

_But you still loved them._

My heart beat faster all of a sudden, a faint memory flashing, a picture – gone before I could recognize it.

_Loved them so much._

Had I? A numbing feeling tore its way through my heart, and from there through the rest of my body. Sorrow… really? _Now _I started to miss them?

_So much that you despaired at the thought that no one loved you back._

_Thought that you were a shame to them, broken as you all were._

_All you ever wanted-_

Shut up…

_Was them to tell you that they were proud of you._

Not again, please…

_But they never did._

No, they never did. Oh, I remembered it all so well. The longing for recognition, for acknowledgement. The maddening drive to please others, to gain recognition, _acknowledgement_, yet the lack of energy to make it happen.

Was _he _proud of me? And Mother? Did they think I was a failure? Was it all not good enough… was I ever enough for anyone?

Had I been born male, maybe I could have… could have coped with the gender identity, had never acted much like a girl anyway. No, this wasn't… it shouldn't-

Boys, why did they always favor boys? It wasn't fair-

I was never good enough.

I looked at him, truly _looked _at him for the first time. Black strands of his unruly mane covered almost his entire back, but when he brushed them aside to force some order into the mess I could see his skin, naked and bare. Marred by scars – not many, but enough. He wasn't invincible, I knew that.

Muscles, flexing with every movement he made. Father wasn't bulky, he was lean. Kept him nicely flexible, I think. How he managed that with his heavy war armor I would never know.

What also marred his back was something I could only describe as cat scratches - red welts running along his shoulder blades - and I had a vague idea were _those _came from. Yeah, let's not think about that.

I directed my attention elsewhere. His entire body was a raging war machine. Flexible, powerful. His chakra was another matter entirely, rarely had I ever seen a reserve this large and _potent._ Comparing myself to him, I was… a toy sword at best. My fingers were short, heck, my entire _build _was short. My chakra wasn't bad but laughable in comparison to him, my Sharingan was broken, I had no decent muscles to speak of-

What was I doing? Expecting a child body to have muscles like that was ridiculous. I compared myself to him in ways I could never match him realistically. Not that I had even the ghost of a chance to ever be like him in the first place.

"It's too early to get up," a raspy voice whispered. My glance darted back to Mother whose eyes were now open, although only slits. Perhaps it was the dim light, or maybe the sleepiness; she seamed bleary, drowsy.

"Crazy Uchiha," she huffed, then pushed herself up, resting her weight on her arms. Only now did I notice that she was actually holding Yurei. Was that not dangerous? What if she rolled over during sleep and suffocated the poor baby to death? Or did she sleep like a stone, perhaps?

The infant was in slumber, obviously oblivious to what had happened. I'm sure the rough handling had left its marks, but she was doing well. Unlike me. Of course, she had no way of comprehending anything yet. Such awareness would come with time. I hoped that they wouldn't expect too much of her, she was-…wasn't a reborn mind like me.

"You're Uchiha, too," Father noted, voice laced with a strange tone I had never heard from him before. With swift fingers he tied his sash, an ease to his movements that suggested routine. While he did not wear the same thing everyday most of his outfits did resemble each other. Even though we were traditional the clan wasn't necessarily into wearing fancy things outside formal occasions, that didn't mean we had no style, mind you. To this day I find Senju attire to be hilariously ugly.

"Some would like to disagree."

Father made a sharp turn. Black onyx eyes narrowed to slits, lips pressed together. He stared – like a hawk - then sighed. "The clan disagrees on many things," he retorted, flinging his (terribly mangled) hairbrush over his shoulder nonchalantly. Mother caught it flawlessly while not even _looking _at it, just reaching out with her arm and grabbing the piece of wood with fluid ease. Routine; this looked like a freaking _routine_. Was this their normal morning? Really? First thing come morning they did was throw stuff at each other?

She plucked the mass of black strands from the brush, one by one. "Can't you ever clean the brush after using it?" the woman muttered, grumpily as well as drowsily.

"You can clean it yourself."

"I keep finding black hair in my clothes," Mom retorted, shaking the brush threateningly as if it were an actual weapon. Knowing her…

"I'm fairly certain they ended up in your clothes while you tore at my scalp like a furious madwoman."

Oh ho no, he did not just…

"Can't help it, it's irresistible," Mother responded. Slender arms curled around the infant still sleeping soundly. Rocking her back and fourth in her arms- something stung in my chest, if only a little. A twinge of jealousy, barely there. A small ember ready to burst, to become a licking, all-consuming fire if I weren't careful.

I forced it down, away from the infant- Why now? Why did it come back _now_? I thought, had assumed, that-…

I did not know myself very well, did I?

Oh, I could pretend that I liked things, but not for too long. My protectiveness? That was real, oh so real. Yet it only scratched the surface. Busy with friends, distracted. I had something she couldn't take from me. Something to fight the jealousy.

But why now, why did it rear its ugly head only now? Why not earlier? Oh, it had been there, a voice in my head back then. But because _he _had been there…

It couldn't be, could it? Kagami was my only real friend. Was it that he kept me sane? Sane and nice, sane and… and me?

As long as he was there I felt content to-

Was I going mad after all? Even before… before all _this_?

Something touched my forehead, something warm and soft. My glance darted, a startled expression on my face. Mother's features crossed my vision, then two arms snaked around my shoulder and pulled me into a tight embrace. Through the curtain of her red hair I recognized Yurei, now on the pillow behind her.

"Mom," I mumbled into her shoulder. Her body shook with a soft chuckle. Warm, welcoming.

I felt ashamed. How pathetic could I be, really now...

Kagami. I had to, _needed _to see him as soon as possible. When would he be back? It could be weeks until his return, depending on when they had left.

I could only hope that he would come back soon.

Mother made breakfast, Father lurked around the house, taking care of this and that. As usual, really. The only thing that wasn't usual was me.

What did I do in the mornings? I ran outside, enjoyed the morning, danced around like an idiot, greeted my uncle who lived not far from us- sometimes said hello to Father's birds, as crazy as that sounded.

But today... today I just sat at the low table, staring at the empty surface with my mind somewhere entirely else. Yes, we had low tables, although with seats. This wasn't universal in the least. I knew that some of the Uchiha families preferred a different style.

What to think of this? Honestly, I couldn't say. You got used to it.

But today, today I just stared at it. Because it was absurd, so absurd. I had absorbed this culture like a dry sponge. Like I had none of my own when I actually did. I was of German descent, raised in Germany, among German people- where had it all disappeared to?

Oh, partially because I didn't know my own culture all that well, I guess. Maybe because my family-

No, that wasn't it. A culture was something that surrounded you, made you who you are. Why had I taken to this so quickly?

Had I wished for something new? Something else?

Could I even still remember my mother tongue? Was it even still my mother tongue? I hadn't used it for years now, no one here spoke German, or even English. I could probably write my entire diary in German and no one would ever be able to read it.

Of course, that was also somewhat suspicious. A child that couldn't even read all the kanji sure as hell couldn't make up its own language.

Breakfast was still a few minutes off, so I decided to go outside at least for a while. The fresh morning air would do me good, always had. Back then I had suffered from migraines on a regular basis, something I had gotten from my father's side. Migraines ran in the family. I could only hope that those were absent here, but I would only know for sure around age fourteen. Point was, morning air usually helped me relax.

I was already halfway through the door, still barefoot, when I heard the steady flapping of wings-

_Ohnono-_

Those little demons they hadn't followed me here had they-

Falcons. Father's falcons. He was outside, he was flying his falcon, I was… I was being ridiculous.

An image against the clear blue sky with its steady flapping of wings was Father's Saker Falcon Ikuji. I had held her only once; a beautiful bird of prey with a white underside and brown plumage, a beak sharp enough to tear through flesh with ease.

He had taught me about falcons, about hawks, about eagles. All of them, he could handle every single one of them. Scary, scary birds. I felt mesmerized, watched as the sharp talons bore into his leather gauntlets - barely thick enough to protect his skin from the terrifying weapons.

Hawks, hawks used their talons for hunting, but a falcon's beak was more dangerous than its talons, that's what he had told me. Eagles were another matter entirely, he never allowed me to get close to his eagles.

I watched from the distance. It wasn't the flying itself, I had known before that Father knew how to fly his birds. No, there was something new there. Like my mind registered that he could control what I couldn't.

Birds.

Crows were birds. Falcons were birds. He could handle them. He could _handle _hem.

Hidden in a corner of our garden no one ever saw stood an entire row of mews, occupied by several large birds. Father knew them all. How he found the time to take care of them I'll never know. Izuna helped him sometimes, but the birds were largely his territory. His own.

They were hunting birds, but also messengers. Some of the fastest, the best. Falconry was not something that was unique to him, there were a few falconers in our clan as well as other clans, but I liked to think that he was the best of them all.

The birds frightened me. With their beaks and talons they were scarily close to what haunted my dreams every night, what tore me apart and ate me up piece by piece.

He was waiting for me to come to him, to join him, marvel at his birds like I used to- felt like a lifetime ago. I couldn't, couldn't touch the birds, couldn't reach out to them anymore _demonsdemonsblood._

Trembling, shaking. Felt like I was choking, unable to breathe.

Was that a hand around my-

Nothing, there was nothing there. Just my imagination running wild, memories burning. I leapt to my feet and fled, back into the house, away from the demons, from the talons and beaks and _everything_.

Shame washed over me, swept through my senses. I had run away from my father- I knewthat he wouldn't let anything happen to me but I just couldn't come closer anymore, just couldn't. They were too much like _them_, too much too much.

Breakfast was awkward. I avoided eye contact, instead kept staring at the table. Mumbled my 'itadakimasu' quietly, barely audible.

I felt sorry, ashamed, guilty. Had run away, had fled from him. Once, a long time ago, I had enjoyed watching him fly his falcons, but now… Now all I could remember was terror.

And anger. I felt angry. They had taken this from me, the only thing I could share with my father, with him alone. It was no ninjutsu, it was no rudimentary ninja skill, it was a hobby I could have learned from him. And now that was forever gone.

They had taken it from me. Taken it and torn the joy it once brought to shreds. How could they, how dare they-

What had they done to me? Shattered my mind into tiny little pieces, driven a rift through my head, stole every bit of trust from me, stripped away every single feeling of safety I had ever felt. This shouldn't be, _couldn't _be me. Ever fearful me.

I was just like my old self.

A pathetic child, afraid of any- and everything. Scared of my own shadow.

Except my old self had never killed a person before.

That's right, a person. I, who had abhorred death more than anything, I who was unwilling to even kill the worst of criminals, I had taken the life of a person. A living, breathing being. With thoughts and wishes, ambitions, dreams. With family, dead or alive. Pathetic.

I didn't even realize what was happening until two strong hands firmly grabbed my shoulders, steadying me against a warm body.

"Breathe," a voice, deep and soothing, ordered, commanded. Compelled to obey I inhaled, felt air rush into my lungs until a deep feeling of lifelessness and pressure was lifted from my body.

Had I forgotten to _breathe_?

"Steady," he spoke. Somehow I managed a nod, took a couple more breaths before he released me from his grip, but didn't yet return to his former position. A calloused hand slid over my forehead, pushed me backwards against his chest in the process. His beating heart thumped against the back of my head.

The hand wandered from my forehead to my throat, pressed against the jugular. This time it was my own heart I felt, pumping blood through my body viciously. It was beating way too fast, I thought it would leap out of my chest.

"I'm sor-"

"Don't apologize," Father barked, voice sharp and scolding. A violent jerk shook my body- startled, scared.

"Stop terrifying her even more you idiot!"

"I dare you to insult me again."

"Oh, with pleasure. Asshole. There."

A growl echoed in his throat and, since I was currently pressed against his chest, also in my ears, making me flinch once again and just as violently as before.

"Look what you've done now."

I managed to calm down- _somehow_. Maybe it was Father's steady breathing, maybe Mother's soothing words. Maybe both. It didn't matter in the end.

"She fled at the sight of Ikuji."

"Well, her nightmares seem to involve crows frequently."

His body stiffened- I felt his muscles shift just barely. "The genjutsu," he breathed.

Yes, the genjutsu. That damned genjutsu. Stupid, _stupid_ genjutsu.

Anger, so much anger. They made me do this, had turned me into such a pathetic little-

_Someone_ had to pay. I felt like I wouldn't be able to rest before I had found just who exactly had done this. One enemy less, eased of one worry among many.

Father could deal with it all, couldn't he? He had gone through worse – lost his brothers, lost his family, fought wars, had killed. I… I couldn't even-

"I think we have a visitor," Mother suddenly said, squeezing her eyes shut in a way she only did when sensing chakra. As Father's warm body disappeared from behind me to check the door a smile slowly began to spread on Mother's face, turning into a grin. "I think you'll like this visitor, Kasai."

Something moved, something very familiar, close to our door-

And then I ran.

* * *

He wore traveling gear, he was caked with dirt and grime, he seemed exhausted beyond comprehension. Curly hair clung to his forehead, wet and matted from sweat; I'm sure he was terribly smelly too. But it was him, my Kagami. My _friend_.

My legs moved on their own, carried me to him like the wind on a stormy plain. I somehow managed to crash us both into the ground in a huge tackle hug. Uchiha could see us from the streets crossing the compound but hell if I cared. Right now they could all just go… somewhere else.

"I went to look for you," he breathed quietly, hugging me so tightly that all the air left my lungs. I didn't care, it was _him._ He was back.

"But the medical staff said they sent you home, so…"

He'd just come back, and the first thing he did was check for me? Oh, that was-… I…

"You're awake."

"Yes."

"You aren't dead," he choked.

"No, I'm not."

"Your stupid cousin kept bringing you stuff," he breathed, sounding pained and relieved at the same time. An odd mix.

"I know," I choked, somehow half laughing. "He's not stupid," I added half-heartedly, far too occupied with keeping my tight grip around him. I think some people were staring at us now. Whatever.

"Uhm, I'm a little dirty. Maybe you should-"

"I don't care," I mumbled, muffled and muted against the fabric of his clothes. He smelled like dirt and days old sweat but I really couldn't care less.

"I'd really like to take a bath," he countered, then shoved me away- gently, never forcefully. The only time he'd ever used force against me was during a spar.

"Okay," I replied, somewhat crestfallen but really, he _did _need a bath.

"I'll come back once I'm clean, okay?"

"Okay."

Not to mention that I now needed a bath as well.

* * *

"Man, you look terrible."

The boy plopped down next to me. The scent of soap clung to him, but it didn't really fit. We were people of fire. The scent of smoke and ashes suited us much better than stupid soap. Ironically I had been a bit of a pyro in my former life until my cousin had decided to throw firecrackers at me.

Wait a minute… my cousin- No, not Kawarama.

Was that a memory?

"Very nice of you," I mumbled, leaning against him with my head on his shoulder. Had missed him so much, couldn't even put it into words. All I could do was hope that he understood.

"I missed you, you know?"

Somehow I managed a chuckle while plucking grass from beneath my folded legs. "Yes, I know."

Calm. Tranquil.

"Where were you?" I mumbled.

"Some town in the middle of nowhere. Used to be a hideout for the clan, but now it's just an outpost."

"Purpose?"

"Hell if I knew," he replied grumpily, then fell backwards into the grass, taking me with him since I was still leaning on him. A squeak escaped my throat as the sudden motion tore me from my thoughts.

"Lots of people talked about you," he said, stretching his arms.

"What kind of talking?"

"Some rumors, lots of praise. Lots of bad words, too."

"Oh."

"Don't think about it too much," the boy ordered, a stern tone creeping into his voice that sounded strange for a child.

"You really have nothing to be shy about, you know that, right?"

"What-"

"You're being really quiet. It's odd."

"I… look, I've been through a lot."

"I can see that." He frowned. We all seemed so much older than we really were, it was a sad thing to see. "Tell me?"

I averted my gaze, staring at a blade of grass in my palm instead. Rubbed it between my index finger and thumb, watched as the green substance rubbed on my skin. "You know about the attack, right?"

"Of course I know." He almost seemed a little offended.

"Okay. Uh, well… where to begin…"

"At the start, perhaps?"

"Har har. Very funny, mister."

"At your service."

Snark snark.

While his snide remarks were off-putting at times they actually served to lighten the mood here and it worked. Kagami wasn't dumb, nor was he tactless.

I sighed. "It was during that dumb dinner event."

"I know."

"Some guys got in despite the guards stationed around the house."

"I know that as well."

"Then why are you asking?"

He got up, propping himself up on his elbows, coal eyes fixed on my face. "I want to know what happened to you, not what happened during the attack."

Oh. He wanted to… _oh,_ okay.

I stared at him, blinking owlishly. The boy dropped back into the grass, folding his hands behind his head. "Well?"

"Uh…"

Another blink.

"Well, you see…"

Kagami narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips, apparently a little annoyed by now. I violently shook my head, pressing my palms against my cheek.

"Look, I got placed under a terrible genjutsu where I was _eaten by crows_, my Sharingan is busted and probably gone forever, I killed someone and my thoughts are just all over the place and then I ran into Tora yesterday and-"

A sudden pressure dug into my shoulder, the light of the sun blocked by a dark shadow above me. I was nearly freaking out before I realized it was Kagami, dark eyes so close to my face I almost hadn't recognized them.

"What… you- What are you _doing_?" I growled. He merely frowned, studying my face with an intensity I didn't like. "There's a bruise on your cheek." He poked the soft flesh before I swatted his hand away. I hadn't even noticed the bruise and neither had he until now, it was probably extremely faint.

"Did he do that?"

"What if I say yes?"

"Then I'll make him regret it."

I scowled at him, shoved him out of my personal space and pinned him to the ground. "No, you won't. Last thing I need is more trouble."  
"So it really was him."

"Yes, it was him. But please, _please_ don't kick up more trouble, Kagami."

His expression didn't change, obviously unimpressed by my plea. Unable to help myself otherwise I dug my fingernails into his shoulders, scowling until my forehead hurt.

"You're scary when you're like this, you know that?" he said, poking my nose. Pah, he wasn't scared at all.

I narrowed my eyes. "Liar."

"Never said you're scary to _me_. But some are afraid of you, especially after what you did to save your sister."

"What… exactly did I do?"

"Took a kunai for her, according to the rumors. One of the guards also claimed that he saw you with a Sharingan, but no one wanted to believe him."

"It was true," I muttered, dropping sideways into the grass and curling up into a little ball.

"So you activated your Sharingan, huh? That's really impressive."

"Doesn't matter, it's gone."

"But you got it with five. That's really rare."

As a baby, actually. But he didn't need to know that. Silence reigned, with nothing but the occasional gust of wind to disturb it.

After a while I felt something softly tug at my hair, but not painfully so. It was actually a bit comforting. "Sorry I wasn't there," I heard him mutter, voice low. I wanted to smack him but was too lazy to move.

"Idiot."

He snorted but didn't reply.

Something fluttered through my vision, something white. I reached out with my fingers, took in the smooth softness of the surface with my fingertips. A petal?

"Kagami?"

"Hm?"

"Are you braiding flowers into my hair?"

"Yeah," he nonchalantly declared. Swift fingers moved through the thick, black strands with ease, as if he had done this several times before. I frowned, trying to look over my shoulder but he softly pushed my head back into its original position.  
"Don't move," the boy ordered. He was serious about this.

Instead of protesting I regarded the petal between my fingers, white and soft as it was. The flower it belonged to seemed familiar but I couldn't for the life of me figure out which one it was.

"Why flowers?" I mumbled, lowering my eyelids. I was still exhausted, no matter how much I had slept last night.

"Because you're sad," he replied smoothly.

"Are you done?"

"No."

"Can I see it?"

"Not until I'm done."

"Well, are you done?"

"No."

"When will you be done?"

"Soon."

I smiled fondly, plucking some grass and rubbing it between my fingers. "Thanks," I mumbled. I appreciated the gesture, really. Even if it didn't make much sense I could see that it was actually meant to make me happy. In return he softly patted my head.

He was my best friend for a reason. Kawarama was my cousin and I loved him a lot, but he was also _that_, my cousin. Family. He was protective of me, heck they both were, but Kawarama approached it differently. He had a tendency to run straight into trouble. Kagami was usually a bit smarter about it. Usually. But that, despite its significance, was not the main reason.

Kagami was an Uchiha, Kawarama wasn't. While Kagami could relate to and understand my troubles with the clan Kawarama couldn't, because he didn't know us all that well. Our culture, our traditions, rules, taboos – the Senju and Uchiha were different not just in fighting styles but also in culture.

Uchiha were a noble lot. We had our pride, were kind of an arrogant bunch. Easy to agitate, hard to appease to. We really weren't bad people, otherwise the Hyuga were as well. They were a rather stubborn bunch themselves, and some of the Senju were pretty much just as bad. But I know that my clan could be rather hard to deal with at times.

"Are you done now?"

"Not really," he muttered. Something rustled, I figured that he was shifting around to get a bit more comfortable. "When did you wake up?"  
I yawned. "Three-… uh, no, five days ago," I mumbled. "My father was there."

"He hogged your room most of the time. I was almost afraid to come in when he was there."

Somehow a chuckle bubbled in my throat, quiet but mirthful nonetheless. "Why would you? He minds you less than my cousin."

"Are you sure? He always looks at me like I'm a demon or something."

"He looks like that at everyone."

"Not what I meant. He looks like I'm trying to hurt you or whatever."

I snorted but remained silent. It was true that Father preferred seeing me in Kagami's company, simply because he was an Uchiha and Kawarama was not. I had never really noticed it before, but now that I knew that he didn't really trust the Senju it made sense all of a sudden.

"When did Tora get his headband?" I inquired, rubbing grass between my fingers.

"Uh… a month ago I think. He's eleven now, guess they figured that's old enough."

"Really? Seems pretty young." He didn't reply, instead kept his silence.

A soft pat on my shoulder, then he got to his feet and helped me up. "Done. Let's find a mirror."

"Uh… I have one in my room."

I don't know why everyone thought that it was okay to just drag me wherever they wanted to. I didn't mind so much with Kawarama and Kagami, but it was a bit too much when near strangers did it. Regardless, I was dragged through my own house, straight into my own room, where Kagami quickly located my small bronze mirror on the bedside table. It was an old one, one our family had owned for quite a few centuries, actually. We had several of those, just another testament to our age.

"Uh…"

I stared at my reflection, a girl that couldn't be me. Blue eyes surrounded by dark circles, face worn and wary. She looked so exhausted, so tired.

Her hair though, her hair wasn't a mess. Cleanly sorted into strands, neatly tied together with white flowers, a stark contrast to the midnight black.

"Chrysants?" I muttered, softly brushing over the petals with my fingertips. "Why?"

"Because you're sad. I already told you."

"I…"

They were pretty. Simply pretty. And, above all else, they also reminded me that life blossomed despite death and misery, even in autumn. While leaves decayed the chrysants stood in bloom.

"Thank you," I mumbled, staring at the image that, yes, was actually my reflection.

"You're welcome."

"Kagami?" I breathed, staring at the intricate patters of white mixed with black as a sudden realization hit me.

"Hm?"

"This is going to be hell to disentangle later."

And with that my best friend snorted, gently patting me on the back. "I'll leave that joy to you."

I smacked his arm, although gently, but his only response was a light chuckle. "Well, since you want to leave me to my fate will you at least join me for dinner?"

"Uh… that means eating with your father, right?"

I groaned, slapping my flat hand against my forehead. "He won't eat you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm certain any cannibalistic tendencies would have been noticed by the clan by now."

"Are you _really _sure? Maybe he eats little children at night."

Oh, now he was just joking. "Idiot," I muttered, narrowing my eyes. A chuckle bubbled in his throat, soon evolving into laughter when I snorted, crossing my arms.

"Bah, now you have to eat with us or I won't forgive you."

His laughter died down, but mirth shone in his eyes nonetheless. "Shouldn't you ask your father first?"

"Yes, and we'll do that right now."

I grabbed his wrist without giving him time to protest, going on a quest to locate my father. He was still here somewhere, and since my focus was getting better now I could say with some certainty that he was close. Hah, now I was the one dragging people around.

There was something aside from his chakra though, something foreign that felt a lot different from the chakra signatures I was used to. I knew of the Uchiha, potent and full of fire and so dense, and the Senju, who were an odd mix. I also knew of my mother's and this strange sensation was oddly close. It wasn't her, but it felt so incredibly similar.

I trudged into the kitchen, Kagami in tow. Voices, muted and muffled, could be heard through the door. I knew better than to eavesdrop this time, instead just shoved the door open. The sight that greeted me made me halt, pausing for a few seconds to just stare ahead, mouth gaping.

Crimson hair, tied into a braid all the way down to the waist, red armor, scrolls over scrolls tied to a sash. Eyes as blue as the ocean, surrounded by laugh lines and telltale signs of age. The stranger's gaze wandered, a warm, curious gleam in his eyes. He glanced at my hand still firmly holding Kagami's wrist. I gulped, letting my gaze wander through the room. Father, Izuna-

Mother. She was smiling, _beaming_, not at me but at the stranger. I knew that smile, seen so often when she was with her sister. Family.

"Well, hello there."

* * *

**AN:**

(I leave figuring out how old they were in that spider extra to your imagination)

Just to clarify, the crows are just a manifestation of her guilt and inner conflict, not some kind of genjutsu planted in her head. They just took that particular shape _because_ of the genjutsu.

Sheesh, she's traumatized, of course she's pathetic at the moment. She's actually already doing better than I would because I wanted to spare my readers from five chapters of angsting. Also another thing: I suffer from social anxiety and low self-esteem, so Kasai obviously has that problem as well. It's not an easy thing to get out of and can cripple you in your social interactions and make you act less than rational.

The Rinnegan in itself is a terrible story breaker, I'm afraid. If Kasai were to wield it, at such a young age no less, she'd probably not have to worry about becoming clan heir anymore, in fact I think she'd have to come up with creative ways to save herself from her clan's worship :b

Whether she ever gains access to the Rinnegan remains to be seen. I still have a lot of other things to worry about at the moment, including the Uzumaki as seen here. The current story actually differs a lot from the original draft (In the original Kawarama ended up with a younger sister who had the Kyubi emergency-sealed within her and Kasai was clan heir at age five due to activating her Sharingan _without_ losing it immediately afterwards. )

While Madara does drive a lot of Naruto's story Madara himself is driven by the conflict, pain and anguish that war and the loss of loved ones causes. Besides, characters change as their environment changes, so there's no guarantee a character ever stays the way they are at one point in time. He's extremely emotional, his character is _prone_ to change. Heck, his entire life is a collection of rapid changes based on decisions made on impulse. I think that when he truly loves something he does everything, absolutely _everything_, to protect it, but he's also prone to go absolutely bonkers when he loses that something. The danger comes when he loses his last anchor. In canon he was still somewhat reasonable after losing Izuna but eventually snapped when he lost the support of his clan as well. Right now it would take him losing Izuna, his wife, both his daughters and the clan to snap.

But yeah, he acts mostly on emotion and actually not always rationally. That might seem inconsistent to some, but in the end he's very human, as Kasai realized herself as far back as chapter one. He's made a lot of mistakes in his life and the 4th war is ultimately his fault and not Tobirama's or anyone else's, but his environment influenced him, directly and indirectly. People don't stay the same and people aren't born evil, not even Uchiha.

Pairings, aah. I was actually waiting for that question. To be completely honest, I'm not _entirely _sure. I have several directions to go here, actually. I'm not completely without plan but since this isn't all that important to the overall storyline I'll take my time with this and see if anything evolves "naturally". One also needs to consider the consequences of certain pairings. If Kasai ends up with any of the canon characters their children are likely to never exist, for example Shisui won't be born if she hooks up with Kagami. As for side pairings, who knows. Hiruzen should technically end up with Biwako, we know shit about Tsunade's parents, Shisui apparently has no mother since there's not a single woman in the Uchiha clan aside from Mikoto (seriously, what's up with that? Really, this is mostly why I believe that they were extremely patriarchial), Danzo, at least to my to my knowledge, was never shown to have any children, neither were Homura and Koharu.

I sincerely apologize for the slow pacing, there's so much stuff I want to show but it always ends up so long and urgh x_x I've cut some stuff here and moved another thing to the next chapter. Kasai will do some thinking on her challenge soon, but she needed a clear head first (enter Kagami) and she needs to look at a few more clans. (Yes, looking at you, mister Uzumaki.) Also, Hyuga. Yes, they exist.


	10. Chapter 9 - Courage

**Title:** Fire Rebirth

**Summary:**Obligations, expectations, all made heavier by a young village standing on shaky legs. The gigantic construct that is the Clan is greater than I, and failure is not an option. I am headed for greatness - provided the world doesn't come crashing down on me before I get there. /OC Self-Insert, slightly AU

**Author's Notes:** Thanks to everyone who reviewed, it does mean a lot to me.

The fic is at 220 Follows now, that's pretty amazing. Thanks to everyone who kept reading so far.

I'm really anxious about this chapter because I don't know if it does what I wanted it to do.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto. Obviously.

* * *

**chapter nine – courage**

Standing on my tiptoes - because I was still so damn short - I peered into the crib, not quite sure what I was looking for, but somehow my mind told me that this was the place to go. There she was, quiet and peaceful. Yurei was an incredibly quiet baby, but then, she was also...

Was it really true? Was she unable to mold chakra or had I misheard during the conversation between my father and Izuna? Was she... how could that be? We had the same parents. Had she simply been so unlucky?

She was no option for clan head. She wasn't even able to become a kunoichi. Above all she did not deserve my jealousy.

It was late. I should be in bed, really. Not that I could sleep - I felt red eyes on me, watching me in the dark. I heard caws, I saw shadows move. Voices, worse - _images_. Sometimes I saw moving pictures, blood trails in the hallway. Memories. The Sharingan did not forget. How had I ever wished for those murderous eyes?

"_Well, hello there."_

"_Hello…_

"…_You're an Uzumaki."_

"_Well, yes. Very observant of you. Uzumaki Arashi, and you are Kasai I take it?"_

"_A-ah… yes, my name is Kasai."_

"_So I finally get to meet my grand-daughter._

Yurei did not move. She was often silent, quiet. So small and helpless, so-

"_I've heard great stories about you."_

_"They cannot have been that great."_

If only I'd been stronger. We'd know, then. We'd know who had done this. I could have defeated him, torn him to shreds, blood and death be damned, I could have-

_Should _have.

But didn't.

_"False modesty is far from being a virtue, child."_

_"This isn't modesty."_

I pushed the crib until it softly rocked back and forth, unnoticed by the infant in its eternal slumber, but it wasn't her who needed to be calmed. The rocking motion made me feel useful in some way, although my feats had been far from it.

Courage, bah.

I gripped the wood so tightly it nearly cracked, my knuckles turning white under the pressure. Courage, what right did I have to ever think about _courage_? I had given promises I couldn't keep, yet I pretended that I'd never break them. I didn't _have t_he courage, the strength needed to keep any of them. Watch yourself choking on your halo, girl.

If only I'd been _stronger._

This room, it was especially bad here. I saw shadows closing in on me, going through those familiar motions repeatedly, ending with the familiar feeling of a gloved hand sliding around my throat. Yet, for some unexplainable reason, I felt no fear. I had survived them. They couldn't hurt me here any longer.

More importantly, one of them was dead. He would never return. Gone from this world.

And, shocking as it was, I felt the oh so familiar feeling of relief swell at the mere thought, a joy that should never be linked to the death of someone.

And yet...

It was the sight of her, of her sleeping form, that caused those feelings. Somewhere a voice called, mocking laughter echoing, asking me what atrocities I was capable of just to keep this little thing safe. Truly...

What was I capable of just to achieve that goal?

I closed my eyes, rubbing my lids - but the familiar, itching pain of sleep deprivation did not vanish. I should have been stronger. Killed them all, should have kept one of them alive for interrogation-

What was I _thinking?_

Shinobi thoughts, my dear. Isn't that what you wanted?

Oh, it was. I should have known that it wouldn't be so easy. Yet-

I clenched my fists, gritting my teeth until my jaw began to hurt, squeezing my eyes shut. Nothing I could do against this feeling of anger swelling in my chest, waves of furious energy crushing through my body. The sudden urge to destroy something surfaced, barely held back by the weak self-control the attack on my life had left me with.

If she truly wasn't able to, then someone else had to protect her. I could not always be here, but neither could my father or my uncle. Yet it meant one more person-... one more person, to fill another gap.

Just one more.

I watched the shadows move from the corner of my eyes, knowing full well that they'd disappear the moment I looked at them directly. The motion was imaginary, but it came so naturally - reaching for the kunai at my side, sliding my hand around the handle, throwing it in one clean motion.

The memory of wood splintering, flesh tearing. Blood seeping through clothes. The shadow vanished, leaving its siblings to fend for their own.

It was not real. I had no kunai, but the shadows weren't here either. My imagination. It was no memory, no. If it were they wouldn't smile, wouldn't ooze insanity. Just my imagination. And then I watched them vanish, one by one, joining their brother in the void of all things forgotten.

They did not return. I knew then, knew who I should make my promise to. My thoughts returned to him, the man I had only met today, yet had had such an influence on my mind.

"Hey," I breathed, so softly that even the lightest breeze would overpower it. Yurei did not react, but that was fine. There was no need. All that mattered was that I spoke those words to her.

"Your sister has a promise to make," I continued, closing my eyes. The exact words didn't matter, they never did. It was the meaning that counted, above all else.

"Whatever may come-"

_"I wonder what caused those thoughts, then."_

_"I'm not strong enough."_

_"I see."_

"Whoever we may face-"

_"Do you wish to talk?"_

_"Maybe..."_

"I will never abandon you."

The words came so easily, spilled from my lips like a waterfall, a breathed promise spoken on the honor of my forefathers, dead or alive, the legacy of clans and lineages older than their own memories. It was a promise only I and whatever gods were watching truly knew of, but she was the second person to receive this promise, the anchor- I could not, would not break my promise to my family. Maybe, by some miracle, she would remember one day, but in the end it didn't matter. The fact that it existed, that the words were spoken and didn't just remain as thoughts floating between existence and imagination - that was all that counted now.

The first foe to face was not an enemy that could be seen or heard. It was not a material or force, had no body, had no mind. It was purely myself, my own shadow. A weight I dragged along, an iron ball that became heavier as time passed by.

Truly, the first foe to face was none other than me.

As I turned towards the entrance I saw the flash of a kunai embedded in the wall before the image disappeared, leaving nothing but reality in its wake.

Evening. Fresh air, wind in my hair. It was cool outside, but I liked it. The darkness, for once, seemed comforting, not scary. No, it was a good thing that the sky was dark and not bright, there could not be a more fitting setting. In the darkness one had to find his way on his own.

Courage.

"_Come, take a walk with me."_

"_But my friend-"_

"_It's alright, Kasai. I'll visit you later."_

Flap, flap, a steady sound. Coming from the garden, flooding my ears. It sounded alarm bells in my head, clashing thoughts rushing through mind and body like a tidal wave.

But I had made my promise. I didn't break my promises, not anymore.

"_I met your cousin yesterday. You are different from him, aren't you?"_

"_He has courage."_

"_You don't?"_

"_No."_

Step by step- the grass was cold. But I liked being barefoot, liked feeling nature on my skin. Made me feel its life.

Flap, flap.

There sat a bird, mighty and noble, with wide wings and talons and a sharp beak. There sat a bird, eyes as sharp as only a bird's could be, unmatched by most. Most, but not all. There, there sat a bird, an image of pride and power. And there was he, a reflection, a mirror to what they were. He held it with grace, with confidence. Almost did I want to dash, to flee. Give in to the fear, the pounding of my heart flooding my ears.

"_Why not?"_

"_I'm scared. Of so many things."_

"_Courage is not to be not scared at all."_

"_It is part of it."_

I wanted to flee. I didn't.

Breathe.

Just a few steps, a few steps towards a demon with sharp weapons, tools to kill. A few steps, yet my legs almost gave in.

Almost.

"_Courage is also to face one's fears. To become a better, stronger person_ in spite_of them."_

_"A stronger person..."_

_"Yes. It's what you want to be, isn't it?"_

He turned – maybe because he had heard, maybe because he just knew. Eyes the color of onyx watched me, followed my every move as I stumbled, tripped – but I got closer. I got closer, that was all that mattered.

Progress.

"_What I want to be?"_

"_Yes. That is what matters the most."_

"_I…"_

"_Think about it."_

He stilled the bird, whispering words and gently petting its feathers, _soft _feathers. It was so beautiful. I wanted to be as majestic as a bird could be, as powerful as him. Deep inside my heart still lingered a wish, remnants of childhood days. Once, a long time ago, when dreams hadn't seemed as silly as they did now.

"_I want to be someone others can admire. Someone worth looking up to."_

Had wanted to be, so long ago. But it was a selfish wish, a childish dream, so I had forgotten about it. Was it really? Didn't the wish to be admired not also mean that I wanted to do good?

Father knelt, long before I arrived, reaching into his pouch. There, where he kept something I knew, something I had used in the past. A leather glove, a bit too large for my small palms but so much smaller than what he wore. It had been his a long time ago, when he'd been but a child learning from his father the art of falconry.

"_A noble goal. But how do you want to achieve it?"_

I crept closer, until only an arm's length separated us – me and the bird. Father was even closer, so close I could hear his breathing, but I had only eyes for her. Ikuji. She was large, even for her kind. And she was beautiful. So, _so_ beautiful. If she weren't such a warrior, a mighty falcon, she could have been a princess.

He wordlessly offered me the glove. I grabbed it, shaking as I was, not even thinking about it. No time for thoughts now, no time for regrets. Regrets only led you backwards, remember. Always remember.

My fingers slid into the leather glove, maybe only without difficulty because it was so large, for my palms were wet with sweat and my arm was shaking. Father, in his endless foresight, gently steadied my limb with his free hand. Only a soft pressure, a gentle reminder that I wasn't alone, that he wouldn't let anything happen to me.

Not while he was here.

"_I don't know. I don't even know where to start."_

"_Stumbling through darkness, are you? Then you must find a light."_

"_How?"_

"_What a silly question. You have people shining like beacons all around you."_

He worked his magic with quick fingers and graceful movements, and ere I knew a weight settled on my arm, heavy in its significance yet so light. I stilled, paused – felt my heart pound in my chest, blood rushing through my body like a wild torrent. _No,_ a river, savage and free in its very nature. Birds were free as well. Free to go where they wanted, not restricted by the boundaries, the borders of the horizon. Free to soar and fly. I wanted to soar as well. Be free.

Free of fears.

"_But how do I know who I can trust?"_

"_It depends. Caution is good, but you must not completely forget to trust. Trust is important. It allows us to relax, get the rest we need. I trust my leader to make all his decisions for the good of the clan, so I have one thing less to worry about."_

The shaking did not stop, held on for a long while – but Ikuji remained calm and Father's breathing remained steady.

The body couldn't hold up high stress levels for a long time, so naturally the fear subsided after what felt like an eternity, but was in reality probably just a few minutes. My heart was still pounding, I was shaking and I felt incredibly light-headed, but I was oddly calm all of a sudden. Breathing flatly, watching the bird as it sat on my arm at ease.

Father's grip on my arm disappeared, leaving me to carry my weight on my own. His presence lingered though, close enough to my mind to steady me itself.

"Got yourself together?" he breathed, voice low.

"It... took me a while."

"_Oh…"_

"_If you wish to be admired there are many ways. Become a good leader, be a guardian. Be an inspiration, someone people can turn to in times of doubt. A beacon like your uncle."_

"As long as you go forward," he replied, rising to his feet. "Follow."

I stirred, even if reluctantly, out of fear that the bird would break out the moment I moved. But Ikuji, majestic, proud Ikuji, she remained calm. Quiet.

Father walked in long strides, and in order to follow I had to hurry. He was headed towards the mews in the back, where his birds lived. Beautiful birds. Raptors.

"_I... I've made a mistake."_

"_Mistakes are fine as long as you learn from them. What _was _your mistake, if I may ask?"_

The one he was headed for was, odd as it was, completely empty. I could see no bird inside. He shoved the door open, quietly as to not disturb his raptors, then stepped inside. Reluctance held me back, but in the end I followed. It was empty after all.

He took Ikuji from my arm, ever calm Ikuji, and softly allowed her to settle on the branch attached to the wall. He huffed gently, pushed me forward with his palm pressing against my back, then closed the door behind us. Only now did I see the nest box in the corner, filled with soft padding. He reached inside with both his hands, withdrew with his palms cupping something I couldn't see.

"Open your hands," he instructed. I obeyed, forming a little bowl with my palms. Something warm touched my skin when he softly opened his hands over mine, something warm, soft and feathery.

"Is that-"

"A raven," he replied, finally removing his arms, thus allowing me to see. I had expected a young falcon at first, but this…

It couldn't be older than a few days. Black feathers barely visible yet, a dark grey beak, coal eyes. But it was a baby. Just a baby. Not scary at all.

"_Wrong priorities."_

"_Oh, that can be fixed. Promise me something, though."_

"_I barely know you."_

"_Find someone to give this promise to, then."_

"_And what would the promise be?"_

"I cannot help you train him," he said. I stared at the young bird, merely a fledgling. He would be huge one day, I had a feeling. "I'm a falconer. Corvids are no raptors. You will have to do it on your own."

On my own. No one there to help me. I was… oddly thankful. He could have gotten me a falcon and helped me raise it, but instead he had brought me something I could only do myself.

"_Learn to face your fears. Become stronger."_

"Thank you," I breathed, not quite knowing what to say. What I felt was a weird mix between wanting to cry and laugh, because for once I felt like soaring. I gently put the young bird back into his box, afraid that every little movement could hurt him or that I dropped him.

_"Face... face my fears? How does one go about that..."_

_"Hah, find a motivation first. You want to be stronger? Find a motivation that drives you forward. Do you respect yourself?"_

_"... There was a time when I didn't. I think I still don't, not really."_

_"Then it's a good time to start. To accept oneself first is the first step towards changing what one is."_

"Do you think Karasu is a good name?"

"It's a simple one," he replied. "I thought you would need him, but it seems like you pulled through on your own."

"No, it's… this is perfect. I think I'll need him regardless."

For growing, and for facing the one who had done this to us. He'd pay. I would _make _him pay.

Father grunted, softly shaking his head. "What made you come to me?"

"A promise I made."

* * *

**AN:**

Karasu, hahahaha oooh I'm so creative. (It means crow. Yeah, I know.)

I could have written half a novel introducing Arashi, but in all honesty... priorities. This won't be the last of him anyway.

No, Kawarama is not a canon character. There _was_a canon character named Kawarama who was (most likely) Hashirama's brother or at least family member. The Kawarama in this FF was in fact named after said brother, but they are not the same person :)

Kasai and… Tobirama? Well, that's certainly an… interesting thought. Tobirama is maybe three years younger than Hashirama (he didn't look much younger in the manga when they were children) which would put him to at least 16 years at Kasai's birth. (Kawarama was born later.) 16 years is quite the age difference. Not a _terrible_one (though I guess opinions vary on that, ha) but it is a big one. Personally I don't mind large age gaps (and thus Kasai wouldn't either) but I think not everyone is okay with stuff like that. Also, making a pairing like that work is _hard._Probably not impossible, but I'm not an experienced writer at all.

I had to shuffle some stuff around due to restructuring certain parts of the story.

I could seriously need a beta, not just for grammar but also as a second judge. Also maybe someone I could discuss stuff with. I'm usually available on Skype, if one of you is interested just send me a PM here. (I should have looked for one a loooot earlier, but I'm usually either too shy or too proud to ask for help, heh.)

Someone has drawn fanart for Fire Rebirth! A thank you to the lovely Schoki, if you want to take a look at it just head over to DeviantArt and add this to the address:  
/art/Fire-Rebirth-Characters-367025505?ga_submit_n e %20w10%253A1366571249


	11. Chapter 10 - Two: Duty

**Title: **Fire Rebirth

**Summary: **Obligations, expectations, all made heavier by a young village standing on shaky legs. The gigantic construct that is the Clan is greater than I, and failure is not an option. I am headed for greatness - provided the world doesn't come crashing down on me before I get there. /OC Self-Insert, slightly AU

**Author's Notes: **Yay, reviews! I'm so happy there was interest in the Beta position! I tried to reply to everyone. No Beta for this chapter yet.

Uh, this is _kind _of a filler? It contains a lot of background information that might seem unimportant to some. And lots of Izuna.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto. Obviously.

* * *

**Chapter ten – duty**

I shuddered when two shadows crossed me in the hallway, dashing past and disappearing in a cloud of smoke not a second later. While the visions in Yurei's room were gone the rest were still here, happily chasing my thoughts into corners I didn't even know existed.

It was early morning, still way before breakfast. My parents knew I was awake – I had seen Father in his office and was quite certain he had seen me, too – so I had no inhibitions to wander wherever the hell I pleased.

And as the case was today, I wandered towards my uncle's house. Izuna's, that is. Hashirama's was a little bit _too_ far away for now.

He looked mildly surprised when opening the door, but not in a way that would have seemed uncomfortable. He still looked mildly drowsy, hair cascading down his shoulders like a waterfall. It was… a lot smoother than Father's.

"Good morning," I greeted softly, bobbing my head in a nod.

"Morning, Kasai. A little early, don't you think?"

Despite his words he side-stepped out of the way, allowing me to wander into his house before closing the door behind us.

"Couldn't sleep," I mumbled. Truly, the same horrors that had chased me the night before still haunted my thoughts, as vivid as ever. It was far from over, but the veil that had covered my eyes slowly lifted, making way for a rousing, bubbling feeling of _frustration._ Anger. I constantly felt like smashing something.

I halted just a few steps from the door. My uncle was a tidy person. He lived alone but he kept his house clean, easily seen when one walked through his living space.

"Should have come to me," he scolded, shaking his head in a manner that made me feel silly. I still felt a little guilty for refusing to tell him about the Senju attacker, even though Father had assured me that it had been the best course of action.

"Not even Mom got me to sleep last night," I mumbled, tiredly rubbing the bridge of my nose.

"Heh. I would have found a way."

Sure you would, Uncle.

"Using a club doesn't count."

"Ah, I thought you had enough intelligence to expect a bit more finesse from me."

"I don't expect anything from anyone. I guess I don't care anymore." The words were out before I could stop them, the actual meaning sinking in only slowly. I almost felt the temperature drop frigid. My uncle frowned, watching me with hawk eyes. I barely had it in me to swallow as he led me into his kitchen. While he began rummaging around I sat down on a pillow, folding my legs.

"Your thoughts are going into a dangerous direction," he suddenly began out of the blue. "Don't go there."

The sincerity that laced his voice, actual, unconcealed concern, was what made me shudder, not the words themselves.

"It's not unheard of for children, even toddlers, to suffer from depression. I don't want my niece to fall into that swamp."

Oh, so that's what he was talking about. Depression. Was it… did shinobi even think about depression? I thought they just saw it as a mood and told themselves to get over it, even though it was never that simple.

"You may be highly intelligent, but you're still young. Your thoughts are clashing, aren't they?"

"You think I'm depressed?" I mumbled, staring at the ground, unsure what to think. Truly, was I? I was showing signs, wasn't I? Inability to sleep, constantly feeling dejected in some way… but then, I hadn't really lost my drive yet. I was just… not sure what to do.

"Maybe not entirely," he replied, though I think he was somewhat talking to himself. From behind his back I could see just barely that he was preparing tea.

"The point is, thoughts like those are dangerous, Kasai. They can lead you further into the dark than anyone should ever go."

That sounded dangerously like he was speaking from experience there.

"Did you… did you know someone like that?" I asked.

"Yes, in fact. I did." Uh-oh. He was going into lecture mode, I could hear it from the tone of his voice. He was, after all, more or less my teacher. Most of the things I knew I had learned from him.

"My uncle fell to it, actually."

Wait, what… his _uncle_? So his dad's brother or something? I didn't know, my parents rarely talked about other family members, especially Father, because… well, most of them were dead. I think it hurt him more than he'd ever admit.

He left the room, then returned with a little box in his hands. It was made from dark wood, a beautiful pattern carved into the top. With a carefulness that suggested great value he placed the piece on the table, settling down next to me at the same time.

"Madara doesn't like it when I tell you about dead family members," he explained while wiping away the thin coating of dust covering the box, "so we better keep this a secret, okay?" he ordered, a warm twinkle in his eyes but that stern sound in his voice that brooked no argument.

"Okay," I agreed, almost automatically. "But why doesn't he like that?" I asked carefully, not sure how he'd react.

"Beats me. I can merely make a guess, and that would be that he doesn't want your view of us to be tainted by the past. He doesn't want you to know this either, but your father never wanted children, especially not daughters."

Ouch. Out of habit I averted my gaze, perhaps a reflex formed in the days when I still cried at every little comment. Now I didn't cry, I just felt numb somehow.

Two warm fingers touched my skin, gently but firmly lifting my head, forcing me to look my uncle in the eye.

"You came to the conclusion that this is the case because he doesn't like children, or girls for that matter," he stated, and I nodded. Because it was true, that was the conclusion I had come to.

"A reasonable thought," he responded, closing his eyes, "but not true in the least."  
Izuna withdrew his hand, instead placing it on top of the box. In the background the tea boiled, a strange sound in the short silence that followed our conversation.

"Being a father brings a lot of responsibility," he then began, and I somehow thought that it was important to listen. "Madara was barely an adult himself when you were born, even though some would like to claim that you are an adult the moment you enter a battlefield."

"You don't think that?"

He chuckled mirthlessly. "I've seen too much death caused by immaturity to believe that. No, it's simply not true. A lie our clansmen told themselves to stomach the death of their children. It made the thought easier to bear, Kasai."

"You mean pretending that they were adults by being shinobi made it easier to watch them die?" I spat, unable to hide the disgust creeping into my voice.  
"Yes. Pretense can be powerful to the point where you believe the lie yourself, girl. Interesting as this conversation is, I don't think it was our original topic." He paused, taking a deep breath. "Your father was young, and while fairly secure in his leadership of the clan rather inexperienced in pretty much anything that wasn't either strategy or negotiation. He didn't want children," he explained, rising to his feet to check up on the tea, "because he thought that he'd make a horrible father."

"But… but he isn't…"

"Heh, I'm sure he'll be happy to hear that you think that."

Oh… oh no. Come on, Uncle, really?

"Or maybe not. He doesn't know what to do with you half the time and wants to protect you the other half, so he got dangerously close to pampering you. It would have been easier for him with a son. That's the trouble wit girls in this clan, for a shinobi they're more difficult to raise than boys."

"And why would they be?"

He turned around, smiling. "Fatherly instincts. He didn't want any daughters," he continued, "because he had no experience with girls whatsoever. Females are something that needs to be protected, kept away from the frontlines, and because boys were often raised separately from girls your father doesn't know how to deal with females in general."

Oh…

"What about your mother?"

"Died in childbirth," he said, a bitter, although suppressed tone creeping into his voice. While amusing his following reaction was also a bit scary, since he placed the tea coup on the counter with perhaps a little more force than really necessary.

But that means … Oh no_._ From what I remembered Izuna was the youngest of the brothers.

She had died while giving birth to _him_. That.. that had to be so incredibly bitter, to know that you..- terribly, terribly painful, to know that… your birth had killed your own mother.

"I'm sorry for asking," I mutter dejectedly. This had to be a painful subject for him and I had stumbled right into it.

"No, it's fine. I don't blame myself," he spoke, pausing took a deep breath. His shoulders were tense now. Then he dropped his shoulders, palms firmly on the counter.

I softly rose to my feet, creeping closer, reaching for one of his hands. His gaze shifted to me, his lids half lowered. The corners of his mouth twitched while he gently rested his hand on my head. "Your father once told me that he wanted to do a better job than _him."_

Oh. Oh dear.

"He doesn't know how to balance between his wish to keep you out of harm's way and the necessity to let you learn to stand up for yourself. So the idiot just screws up both," Izuna flatly stated. I snorted, not quite sure whether I should feel amused or offended.

"Did you just insult him?"

"I had to live with him for over twenty years. I believe I'm allowed to insult him."

He gently poked my forehead, chuckling at the face I was making.

A thought crossed my mind, of days spent in the garden practicing taijutsu, learning how to read, chakra manipulation-… days spent with my uncle, not my father. I had always assumed that it was because he lacked the time, but was it? There were things he had taught me himself. My first katon, by tradition.

"Is that… why you were the one teaching me?" I mumbled, suddenly feeling crestfallen. The thought was kind of painful.

"In a way, yes. He'll probably do a better job with Yurei now that he has some experience."

Ouch. I averted my gaze, glaring at the floor.

"Ah, so my guess was right after all."

Warm arms wrapped around me and before I knew it he had placed me back on the pillow, two cups in front of us both filled to the brim with tea.

"Still jealous, hm?"

"I-"

"Know this, Kasai. You are the _eldest_. The eldest always carry the heaviest weight so the younger don't have to. It's the responsibility of the firstborn."

I fell silent, feeling dread wash all over me.

"At Yurei's birth you were proud to carry the title, now act on it. It may not seem fair to you, but the firstborn children always have it the hardest compared to their younger siblings."

"I… I see."

"Do you? It's a sacrifice you have to make, Kasai. Your father had to after our oldest brother died."

Oh, no - I did understand it. I had made my promise, after all. It was just that to have it spelled out like that was uncomfortable and mildly awkward. I had realized this already, the fact that I was… well, it was because she wasn't-

"Yurei, she's… I mean…"

"Defenseless, yes. Her chakra system is a mess."

"But…_how?_ We have the same parents, how can this be?"

He hummed, curling his fingers around his cup. "We're not sure. Hashirama suspects that something happened to her lifeforce during birth. Her chakra is, much like yours actually, highly volatile. The difference between you and her is that your lifeforce is far stronger."

Wasn't the lifeforce tied to the soul in some bizarre way. Could it be that mine was so strong because I was… wasn't normal?

"We don't know if other children would have the same issue, but the birth almost killed your mother. Some council members are pushing him to try again but your father doesn't want to risk it."

I suddenly felt a heavy weight on my shoulders, because this meant that… uh.

"What… what if I'm deemed unfit for the role of the clan head?"

He chuckled. "That you even see that as a possibility is a sign that you have grown. In that case your father would either have to remarry-"

A cry of protest left my mouth, quickly silenced by my uncle's scolding gaze.

"Or, which is far more likely, I'd have to continue the family line."

Oh. Which means that he'd have to marry someone. Yeah, I'm sure he wasn't fond of the thought.

"As you see it's in my best interests that you are indeed fit for this task, because I don't particularly feel like letting my own brother choose my bride. Knowing him…"

Whatever he ended the sentence with, it was muttered so quietly that I didn't understand it. Maybe that was a good thing, his face sure as hell didn't suggest content with the thought. In fact, he looked kind of sour, maybe even bitter.

"Now, I believe I wanted to tell you about my uncle."

He opened the box with slender fingers, using some kind of combination on the lock I couldn't even begin to understand. He was in all likelihood the only one capable of opening that box.

"Much like you he was hailed as a prodigy from an early age on," he began his tale while gently pulling a bundle of papers and… pictures from the box? Technology was a funny thing here. Photography did exist, but ninja didn't like to have pictures taken of them for several reasons. They were valuable things guarded viciously by close family members.

He took a single picture from the stack. It was yellowed, had torn edges, cracks in the paper, but it was easily recognizable. I could see my grandfather Tajima, as well as what I thought was a young Izuna and my dad. Next to them a stranger I had never seen before.

"He's rarely spoken of these days and I myself only knew him barely. Your father knew him better than I did."

I took a close look at the picture, specifically his _eyes._ They were kind of milky and…

"He was blind_,_" I stated, surprise seeping into my voice more than I had wanted it to.

"Yes. Like you he gained his Sharingan early. With only five years of age he was named heir to the clan as the youngest wielder of the Sharingan in three centuries, following the example of the founder of our house."

"Our house?"

"Later," he replied, carefully putting the picture back into the box. Then he retrieved something else, a… a letter?

He handed the yellowed piece of paper to me and I opened it with meticulous care because it looked incredibly fragile. The hand-writing was clean and easy to read, but the words and structure themselves were so complicated that I had trouble reading it.

The general meaning though… he had committed suicide. Killed himself with a sword, or at least he had claimed that he'd kill himself in this manner.

"What happened to him?" I asked, half in awe, half horrified. "And who was the addressee?"

"I can barely remember as he told us the tale only once, but the memory was horrible enough to keep it forever, I suppose. He lost his sight during a confrontation with a particularly stubborn enemy clan. They managed to overwhelm him. Strong as he was, he was barely adolescent and even the most powerful shinobi can have moments of weakness." He paused for a few seconds, shaking his head. "When his division found the hideout where they kept him the enemies had already torn his eyes out of his skull. Maybe even stole his genes, he never wanted to elaborate."

My eyes widened, seemingly grew to the size of saucers. Thoughts rushing through my mind at the horrifying picture that began to form in my mind. I stared at the letter in my hands, reading the words again and again, allowed them to wash over me. His wording didn't seem whiny or sad, just… stiff. Lifeless. He wasn't complaining, he had accepted his fate with dignity.

"Now, you know that we may not have competent medics, but some of the best eye surgeons Hi no Kuni has ever seen," he continued, pulling the letter from my hands. It was true – our 'medics' were absolutely forgettable, but damn we knew some stuff about eyes. I knew that our clan had access to knowledge that allowed us to replace damaged eyes at least, even insert completely new ones. You had a lot of dead people in a war and a few of them always had a Sharingan or two to spare, as sick as it sounded.

"They tried," he mumbled, folding the letter, "but nothing worked. He had a seal over his eyes of which the removal would mean certain death. The clan couldn't help him, for when they gave him new eyes through surgery those also immediately went blind. He lost his status as heir as well as the respect he had earned himself over the years."

That just had to be painful.

"But despite all of this he never once complained. The letter was addressed to his wife after the birth of their first and only daughter."

"Your cousin?"

"Yes. Don't ask, she's dead. It wasn't the resentment that drove him to suicide. On one hand it was the pity that some of the clansmen directed towards him, he never wanted any of it. On the other hand it was the knowledge that he would forever be a burden to the clan, another useless mouth to feed – so he did the only thing that could have been considered honorable, he left us a legacy and then sacrificed his own life. Even as a shinobi the merit of it is debatable as any children he could have given us would probably have been valuable, but it is what he chose to do."

"You make it sound like it was a good thing, but earlier you told me to not go down that path."

"Yes, because it was the most honorable thing to do – in the eyes of the warriors. Much like Yurei is useless to the clan in the eyes of the warriors. The council largely represents the shinobi force. However, in the end my uncle's daughter died far before she reached adulthood and we were left with nothing but a memory of him. It is true that blindness is crippling for a shinobi, but even those unable to battle still have their place. The clan's war force likes to forget about this, but behind the frontline is a large structure of spy networks, wives, teachers, ambassadors, scribes – a clan is not just a group of shinobi, Kasai. He chose to die because he didn't care anymore, not because there was no place for him."

He sighed while closing the box. "Many Uchiha silently suffer from depression, few ever recover. Once you go there no one will help you, girl. It's a taboo topic. Most keep themselves afloat by devoting themselves entirely to their duties as a shinobi, but once that is lost they have no direction anymore."

Yeah, that's what I had imagined. I bet Shinobi didn't like to talk about it.

"Ah, I've trailed off. Now, our house never practiced the stoicism as strictly as some of the others, but-"

"You keep mentioning this house of ours. Why have I never heard of it?"

He smiled wistfully. "Because it no longer exists. Not much is left of it. Just the four of us – five if one counts your mother. You need at least ten people to constitute a house, twenty to count as a major one. Everything below ten is just a minor family. Now, it's a bit shameful that the family of the clan head isn't also one of the major houses, but alas. Madara likes to pretend that this past doesn't exist, as always. He tends to attempt to erase those things that seem painful to him from his memory. A bad habit, and if I ever see you showing signs of it I _will_ beat it out of your skull."

I was beginning to realize that there was so much more to our clan than I had known and I suddenly felt a familiar itch, the urge to hurry to the library and dig through scroll and books and everything else I could find.

There was one question that formed in my mind at the mention of the council, the shinobi force-…

"Uncle?"

"Hm?"

"How much power does the council _really _hold?"

He nearly choked on his tea, then began to chuckle. "Oh, that's a good question. They like to think that they rule the clan," he said, placing the cup on the table. I finally took a sip from my own and quickly noticed that it was oddly flavored.

"They don't?"

"Obviously not. Your father does. He can overrule every single decision they make unless they unanimously vote against him, which tends to only happen once in a century."

"But then… what's the point of having a council at all?"

My uncle allowed a soft smile to curve his lips. "For that we'll have to delve into our history a bit further."

I shrugged. "Sounds good to me."

"I see your love for all things long passed hasn't left you yet. Ah, let's see, then. Have you ever heard of Uchiha Daisuke?"

"You mean _that_ Daisuke? The Mad One, I mean. I have, but he was rarely mentioned."

"People don't like to be reminded of his existence. A long time ago he was the head of the clan. He was also very, _very _insane."

"Kind of obvious from his nickname, isn't it?"

I tried to duck away when my uncle began to ruffle my hair, but he was faster than me and had a longer reach so I ended up with a very messy mane.

"The eldest is the heir as per tradition unless he gets disowned. Daisuke inherited the position at a young age, yet free of madness, but as time passed his mental condition became worse and worse. The Uchiha following his command were bound by the rules and their code of honor. Disobedience meant death."

"So no one could disagree with him, since no one had the right to oppose the clan head?"

"Correct. Because of his madness he had no heirs nor a wife, all his brothers were fallen. He was alone."

So he had had no family to defend him. No brothers. Most likely no friends either. That would make him a really easy target.

"He was assassinated, wasn't he?"

"Yes. Can you imagine the consequences his sudden death had?"

"Well, he had no heirs. So the clan was… kind of headless."

"The clan nearly fell to infighting," he continued, picking up his cup again. "Most of the major houses wanted their piece and no one was willing to pass up this major opportunity, the four largest in particular right at the front of the conflict. Back then our bloodline was still part of one of the bigger houses. Our ancestor, in a power play of bravery, managed to force the other houses to their knees. The rest of the clan followed suit. It was a fairly bloody affair."

"And then the council was formed?"

"Yes, for several reasons. To appease to the losing houses, for one. It gave them the illusion of holding at least some power. It was also meant to prevent another Daisuke from happening - if really needed the clan now had the power to oppose the clan head directly. Lastly, if the clan had no heir the council had the right to appoint one."

"So, uhm… why exactly does the council cause Dad so many headaches when they have so little power overall?"

He hummed, smiling softly. "Well, you see - the council in itself is represented by some of the most powerful members of the clan, and I'm not talking about battle prowess. They have… certain connections that can prove dangerous if one isn't careful. Show them one weakness and they will exploit it until there's nothing left." His face morphed into a bitter grimace. "They're also fairly annoying."

I couldn't help it, I snorted.

"They like to nag," he said, "'Izuna, you should marry. Izuna, why aren't you a father yet? Izuna, you should take a look at my daughter.' Good _grief_."

My snort turned into a full-blown laughter. I pressed my face into his arm, trying to hide the red that crept into my cheeks, not from embarrassment but suppressed guffaws.

"They also hold a lot of sway over who's to be the heir," he said, ignoring my laughter. I immediately stopped, realizing that this was important. "While the clan head can decide who his heir is the council can always object. Madara also likes to think that he rules the clan on his own, which is also not the case. If the council objects there is to be a vote," he continued, sipping his tea occasionally. "And the candidate with the majority of votes wins. Sometimes possibilities can substitute for a candidate, in this case it would be that Madara remarries or that the line continues through me."

"How many people are there on the council?" I asked.

"Currently? Twenty. We were a lot more numerous in the past so the council had more members as well, but since our clan has shrunk during the recent wars…"

"Arata-san and Hitori-san as well as Homura-san I know. Dad is one of them?"

"No, the clan head is separate. You should know at least one more, no?"

"I frowned, staring at my tea. "You… you mean Baku-san?"

"Aa, Baku. Stay away from him, whatever you do. In fact, just stay away from his entire house."

"What kind of people are they?"

"Purists, traditionalists. Hardliners, warlords. They're the hard core of the clan. In some ways they bring stability, in others they are poisonous - be careful to not upset them in any way."

"But if they're purists my mere _existence_ upsets them."

"Precisely," he replied, poking my forehead, "so listen to uncle Izuna and stay away from them. At least until you're strong enough to deal with it on your own."

"What of the others?"

"Hitori and Arata might be your only allies, even if you dislike them. They've always supported Madara in a way, even though they were never fond of the Uzumaki alliance. Homura has reasons not to upset us but he might choose to have you married to a boy in favor of his own family. The rest are either opposed to you becoming heir or on the fence. The final result is somewhat in your own hands, as how you represent yourself largely influences their decisions. I recommend that you express yourself well when your time comes."

I felt dread wash over me at the thought of speaking in front of the entire council. I wouldn't seriously have to do that, would I? Hitori and Arata alone scared me and they were supposedly our _allies_. How bad did the rest have to be, then?

"I also recommend that you make amends with Tora-"

I wanted to complain but my protest was shot down by a glare before it could truly blossom.

"For you need allies and it does _not _do to have your supporter's son as enemy. Listen to me on this, Kasai – you may not like him, but he will be an influential figure one day. You do not want those as your enemies. Am I understood?"

I glared at the ground, scowling fiercely. Make amends with Tora and pretend that everything was alright? No, I couldn't do that, it was-

"_Kasai,_" he growled, voice surprisingly sharp of a sudden. I winced, daring to make eye contact.

"Yes, sir," I replied dejectedly.

"Good. Now let's talk about trust issues, shall we?"

"Trust issues? What… how-… What does that have to do with anything?"

I was starting to feel sleepy. Well, sleepier, since I'd been tired for quite a while already. But now I felt like I could fall asleep on the spot.

"You'll need those lessons later, believe me. Now, who do you trust?"

I pondered, tilting my head. "I trust Dad. And Mom."

"Uh-huh. Reasonable. They've been with you your entire life, after all. Do you trust me?"

I stared at him, not sure what to answer. Did I trust him? Did I truly, entirely trust him? With everything I knew? No, I didn't. I hadn't trusted him with my knowledge, for one.

"N-no."

To my surprise his lips curved into a sly smile. Not at all what I had expected. Back then in the infirmary he had reacted way differently, disappointed and dejected. This was… something else entirely.

It dawned on me when I heard him make a sound that almost seemed to be a chuckle he had swallowed in the last second. It was in his nature to… _no. Please don't let this be true._

"You _manipulated_ me," I gasped, almost dropping my tea. "Used my feelings for my family against me..."

"Yes. Yes, I did," he replied, swirling his tea in his cup as if this were a normal thing. As if using a child's emotions against it was the usual way of… of achieving one's own ends.

"I used your love for us by instilling guilt in you, thus forcing you to reveal your thoughts. You didn't do what I expected, however, and that was telling me directly. Not even showing you open disappointment would bring forth the information you had. Quite impressive."

Anger rushed through my mind, my body – I clenched my fists until my finger-nails painfully dug into tender flesh.

"You-… I don't-… _why_?"

He scowled at me, forcing me to calm down. "Control yourself. I wanted to test how trusting you really are, Kasai. Sometimes sensitive information has to remain unspoken."

"But-… n_o. _Dad said the exact opposite!"

"He did, didn't he? But he still praised you for not telling me." The smile returned, as warm as ever – but it didn't feel the same for me. Did they really have to betray me like this? Next I knew Kawarama didn't want to see me anymore because I was a dirty Uchiha.

"I don't want to hurt you, Kasai," he spoke placidly, voice even as he rose to dispose of his empty tea cup. "I merely want you to learn to think. Use your head, I know it's not empty."

"But… this…" I breathed; confused, agitated, angry. "_Really? _Was this _really_ necessary?"

I think my voice was cracking when I spoke those words. I didn't want to cry, no. The urge to cry had somehow disappeared entirely by now. I think I was sick and tired of it myself.

"In many ways it was, yes. I know you're hurt right now, but it will go away eventually. You'll have learned your lesson by then."

"Dad seemed bitter when I told him that you spoke of trust," I muttered. Dejected, crestfallen. Sullen. Oh yes, it hurt. But somehow being manipulated, being lied to – it hurt a little _less_ every time. And if my family could do it… if my family could do this to me, then others could do much worse. So much worse.

My uncle hummed, still calm as if this were a conversation about the weather. "He probably knew that I was manipulating you. He knows me well enough for that."

"_Wow_. You must be so proud of that reputation," I snapped, somehow feeling bold enough to utter such words.

"As a matter of fact, I _am. _People know to be careful around me, it's what kept _you_ safe_._"

If he said anything after that I didn't hear it, because I nearly fell over and into my cup, practically falling asleep on the spot. I felt arms reach around me, pick me up from the floor. The realization was a dull thought in the back of my head. "You drugged me with the tea," I muttered, somehow too tired to feel angry.

"Mhm. Told you I'd get you to sleep," he mumbled softly. My head fell onto his shoulder.

"That's cheating."

"Now, now. You merely said that clubbing you wouldn't count. You never mentioned sleeping drugs."

"But…I need to feed Karasu," my voice somehow protested lightly. My brain wasn't really paying attention to it.

"I can do that for you, this once."

"You aren't going to tell me anything about the attackers, are you?"

He chuckled, a sound that sent vibrations through his skin. "No, my dear, I won't. That information isn't for your ears."

Bah.

He carried me somewhere, tenderly placed me on something soft. Gentle all the way through, as if extra careful not to hurt me after what he had just put me through. Warm fingertips brushed errant strands of my hair out of my eyes, gently wandered along my cheek, then poked my nose.

"Sleep well, princess."

"Don't call me that. Princesses are weak," I whispered, half asleep already. "I don't want to be weak."

"Princesses don't have to be weak, but they're always important. If someone calls you that you might just be important to that person."

"Bullshit." My eyes were already closed. Whatever he had poured into that tea, it must have been some powerful stuff. Something warm and soft pressed against my forehead, a calming feeling. My brain was barely able to register that he had kissed me.

"Watch your tongue," he scolded, although gently. The last thing I heard before I fell asleep, wandering into weird and strange and oh so vivid dreams.

* * *

**AN:**

Alternative title: Uchiha Culture for Dummies: Izuna Edition. "Learning to deal with people you don't like." Yeah, I hate it, too. Kasai wasn't joking when she said that her uncle is manipulative. She just never thought he'd use it against her like that.  
Yay for made up clan structures? In a clan you have lots of powerful people, I can't imagine that there's no competition for the throne. I've _tried_ to make sense of what we have in canon. At this point I can't tell anymore if Madara inherited his position or if he conquered the clan. If it turns out to be the latter - ah well, it's tagged AU for a reason. Same goes for the council, really.

About reviews - it's quite alright, some may be more critical than others. I _try _to take things into consideration, always. (Yes, I read and _think_ about every review I get, even if I might not address it.) I might not be able to, though. Again, I'm not an experienced writer. This is, among other things, a learning process for me. And if this one here isn't to your liking and I won't _blame you_ if it isn't - who knows, maybe I'll do better next time.

I just wanted to mention that I have a Tumblr account where I occasionally upload Fire Rebirth stuff as well. (Including scenes that didn't make it into the actual fic and silly chibis.)

My name there is Nanosilver. The link is on my profile, alternatively googling tumblr nanosilver should do the trick as well. For Fire Rebirth stuff only there should be a link in the sidebar on the blog.

You'll find two "What if" comics there, depicting what would happen if Kasai and Tobirama would truly end up being stuck with each other. This happened because once I think about something I think it through, and while I don't have anything set in stone for now it's _fun_ to think about. With Tobirama especially, because it's just SO MUCH drama that it ends up being hilarious. (That DOESN'T mean this is going to happen. I just found the image entertaining. With all its consequences.)

But yeah, since people still mention it - I'm really still not sure, and I probably won't be for a very long time. It might be Kagami (poor Shisui), it might be Danzo (hah - I don't think I could pull this one off). Heck, it might be Tora. (Dun Dun DUN.)

And yeah, there's actually a timeskip coming up soon (although not into her teens), after a few issues are resolved. I'm HOPING to be able to wrap it up in two or three chapters. Don't count on it though, it entirely depends on how well I can place it together without rushing it.

To be honest I had a pretty long chapter halfway written out for the last chapter with Arashi but I ended up scrapping it. The text is still sitting around here and I'm currently trying to figure out if I could rewrite it into a short, optional side-story for those who are interested. Depends on my motivation in this case. I might just procrastinate instead.

Edit: Just to clarify, I'm aware that depression is an issue that, in case it happens, is hard to prevent/stop. it's a mental illness and incredibly hard to battle. But those are shinobi and I doubt they care much beyond the fact that it exists and can be crippling. Kasai knows this as well. Izuna here knows a lot more about it than most clansmen do because he _cares_.  
The Uchiha are a special case ayway. I think they know a lot about emotions in theory but shun them in praxis, which is in part why they're so bad at dealing with them.


	12. Chapter 11 - Reasons

**Title: **Fire Rebirth

**Summary: **Obligations, expectations, all made heavier by a young village standing on shaky legs. The gigantic construct that is the Clan is greater than I, and failure is not an option. I am headed for greatness - provided the world doesn't come crashing down on me before I get there. /OC Self-Insert, slightly AU

**Author's Notes: **I HAVE NO EXCUSE, I'M SORRY.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Naruto. Obviously. I do, however, own the mess that is Kasai. And Tora.

**chapter eleven – reasons**

* * *

With a deafening slam the door fell shut.

"This… is your fault."

Dropping my head against the wall I sighed, letting my gaze drift up towards the ceiling.

"To be honest… it kind of is, yeah."

We both remained silent, inspecting what would be our home for the next few hours with a scrutinizing gaze. The walls were grey, the ground was cold and moist, the lighting but a dim, dying stream of light bursting through the tiny hole in the wall. A musty smell hung in the air like a heavy blanket, making it almost impossible to breathe, much less feel comfortable.

After a while Tora slid along the wall and onto the floor, curling into the fetal position with his back to me. "I hope we feed our prisoners," he muttered, trying to discreetly rub his arms, keeping them from the cold creeping into our clothes.

"Every third day," I mumbled, mimicking his position on the other side of the small cell. Even though we were both still so small and were occupying little space our backs almost touched, limited as this room was. I felt closed in, driven into a corner – and it was so cold in here that my teeth soon started chattering as I was shaking all over.

"My father will gut me as soon as I'm out of here."

"He won't, "I replied sullenly, curling up a little tighter. "My fault, remember?"

The boy scoffed, chuckling mirthlessly. "I want to hear you say this when the Peace Guard is here."

"Hikaku-san knows the truth anyway. There's no point in lying."

"Word has it he's one of your father's best. I'm sure he can skew the truth a little."

"I don't want him to," I mumbled quietly. Going by his lack of response he probably hadn't even heard it.

I'm sure some of you are wondering how the hell I had managed to end up in a dungeon with _Tora _of all people. Well, it's a mystery!

… No, actually, it isn't. I got here through my own stupidity, Tora just tagged along. Yes, for once my predicament wasn't his fault in the least. Maybe by being henchman to a _five year old _on a quest, but let's be honest – it was still my brain that had fabricated this.

It all started when I woke up after my uncle had put me to sleep through most unsavory means – who drugs his niece, I mean, _really_?

For once I hadn't dreamed of them_._ Of course, what I had gotten instead wasn't _much_ better. Watching myself get hit by a train was very far down on the pleasure scale.

I awoke to the scent of… food? For a while I stayed still, listening to the silence. Could one actually do that, listen to silence?

It wasn't really silent, I heard noises from somewhere, cluttering, steps… someone was making sure the other people of the house knew he was there.  
Curiosity stirring I moved out of the bed – my uncle's bed, strangely – snuck through the house which, as I quickly realized, wasn't ours but my uncle's as well. And he was, also strangely, in the kitchen and quite busy cooking food. Or doing something else.

"Uncle?" I muttered, staring at him with wide eyes and a gaping mouth, not because I couldn't imagine him cooking but because the scene looked... bizarre.

"Are you…" I didn't get to complete the sentence because he turned around in this very moment, not preparing food but _cleaning a knife._ A very bloody knife. And lots of red stains covering his clothes. And… everything else on him. I felt my blood freeze in my veins. Was this _his _blood on his clothes? Please don't let it b-

"Blood stains are a nightmare to get rid off," he muttered, wiping the blood off the blade with sharp, jerking movements, a dark towel in his hand, though how much the blood contributed to that I couldn't tell. No, it probably wasn't his from the looks of it but I was still shivering from the air that suddenly seemed frigid. What a wonderful thing to wake up to.

"What… who…"

I tried to throw a look into the hallway because I could have sworn there was smeared blood on the floor, though hard to see. _Tried_ because my uncle grabbed my collar and shoved me into the other direction before I could get any farther.

"Food's on the _table_, Kasai."

"I… Who died?" I muttered, morbidly fascinated by the stains covering the fabric he held in his hands.

"If you must know, we found a spy."

Oh, this wasn't good. Or maybe it was. It's nice that they caught him?

"You killed him?" There was a surprising lack of horror or disgust in my voice. Maybe exasperation. Annoyance.

"No," he breathed, an almost sadistic smile curving his lips, "he's in Madara's company."

I shuddered at the mere thought. Dad didn't take kindly to traitors or foreign spies. Or even worse, traitors spying on us.

"Where did you find him?" I whispered, not sure if I actually wanted to know.

"Best if I don't tell you," he replied, softly shaking his head and I didn't protest. I probably really didn't want to know. The thought of the blood on the floor and-… ah…

Uh…

"Uhm…"

I stared at the food but hunger didn't quite want to come. Instead I felt my stomach lurch at the mere thought, as I suddenly saw images of blood in a drinking cup flash in front of my eyes.

"Do I… do I really have to eat? I'm kind of not hungry right now…"

"Yes, Kasai," he spoke, a strange tone creeping into his voice that reminded me a bit too much of my aunt to be comfortable, "you _will _eat. And if you don't want to I'll find a creative way to make you."

Okay, that was scary. I decided to obey despite the sickening feeling in my stomach and crept closer to the table, silently coming to the conclusion that he'd make for a really scary father.

I sat down, hands gingerly folded in my lap, and stared at the food in front of me. It did smell kind of good I guess, and it looked delicious, but-…

"I'd recommend that you eat, Kasai, or you will regret it later."

"Why?"

"We're going out training today. You seriously need it after two months of doing nothing."

I halted at that, thought really hard for a few seconds.

"But Hashirama said I'm only allowed to after-…_Wait_, what day is it?" I inquired suspiciously, staring at the food still waiting for me. The thought of eating it was getting a little easier to bear, though I still wanted to vomit onto the table. Or the floor.

A soft chuckle led me to turn my head and gaze at my uncle's back.

"Didn't expect you to notice this early. It's Friday."

No, wait, I… I had fallen asleep on Thursday.

"I slept through an entire _day_?"

Had I really been that exhausted?

"Just eat, Kasai. I already fed your little friend so that's no excuse."

"That's my job," I grumbled before finally deciding to just dig in, because I _would _regret it later if I didn't. My uncle was that merciless.

* * *

Moving felt good. I could stretch my limbs a little, push all the bad thoughts away.

Despite his… painful methods my uncle was a good teacher, I could tell as much. If he could motivate someone like me to walk on my hands he had to be. Stretching wasn't necessarily pleasant, but it was a kind of routine that made it easy to sink into one's mind and find peace there.

After that I got to beat up a training log - it felt pretty damn good. I felt some very brief pity for the sturdy piece of wood before I slammed my entire foot into its base, causing a considerable dent.

Still, it obviously wasn't enough for my uncle. He shook his head as if annoyed, massaging the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger.

"We've lost a lot of progress," he sighed. "Kasai, you're entirely out of balance. Your speed and coordination have suffered, your strength has gone back. I should let your father handle this," he grumbled, shaking his head. "He's better at catching up on lost training."

Oh, yeah… I knew that from, ah… let's call it first-hand experience. My famous months of tantrum came to mind.  
He was also really merciless. While I loved spending time with him the last two months of training under him had been really exhausting.

My attention changed focus when I felt chakra flare not far from us.

"Uhm," I suddenly mumbled, tentatively raising my hand, "I think someone's approaching."

Actually, that someone was Dad. I could feel the jagged leaps of his chakra from a mile away. Okay, maybe not _quite _that far but still – it was really easy to tell it was his.

Not a second later his heavy figure crashed into the ground right next to me, very nearly giving me a heart attack because _damn _why would anyone crash into the ground next to you no more than three steps away?

And he was clad in armor, too. Not cool. That stuff wasn't sneaky in the least.

"Izuna," he barked, an authoritarian tone in his voice that _dared _you to disobey, "Village gate, _now._"

He was alert in an instant. "What happened?"

"There were more where our little friend came from."

"They got away?"

"Not _yet._"

And with that Dad was gone and Izuna about to leave. He merely turned around to give me one last order. "How about you take care of what I asked of you yesterday, hm?"

It _sounded _like a suggestion but I knew it was an order. He disappeared and I was left behind with yet another day without proper training.

Great.

Seeing Tora? Hell no. I'd much rather go see Kagami. Unfortunately my uncle would find out pretty fast whether I had obeyed his 'request' or not and at the moment his wrath was the last thing I wanted.

Problem was… I had no idea where that idiot actually lived. Our compound wasn't exactly small.

I had to ask around to find my way, preferably the more friendly looking people. And no, those were generally not the old ones, because those were often… ah, let's say not so friendly. On my way there I came across a very familiar chakra that sent shivers down my spine, though I could not tell who it was or where it came from. Or why I recognized it. All I knew was that I just wanted to get away from it really fast.

I found Tora's home eventually, and then spent a good hour hiding around the entrance, not quite sure if I should really knock or not.

I didn't want to meet Tora, I didn't want to talk to that slimy bastard, I didn't want to see his violent father.

In short, I didn't want to be here. On the other hand, facing my uncle was… uh, no. I'd rather not.

It took me another few minutes until I finally mustered the strength to step in front of the door. I raised my fist, took a deep breath and-

"Took you long enough."

Oh, _come on._

I turned my head, gaze drifting towards the-

_Really?_

… towards the _open_ window to the left of me, where a very smug face greeted me in the most humiliating manner possible. Propping his head up on his elbow sat none other than Tora, grinning from ear to ear – and not in a friendly 'no hard feelings, right?' kind of way.

"You really make it hard to not think of you as pathetic, Hime," he sneered, _yawning_ of all things. Aha, this was boring to him, huh?

Oh, that little-

I felt like strangling him.

I hadn't noticed that he'd watched me because he was _inside _the damn house and I had assumed that he'd been in a room somewhere. Not watching me from the goddamn window.

"I'm not here to fight with you," I growled, a tremor in my voice that for once wasn't fear – it was anger. I just wanted to wipe that smug grin off his face.

"Doesn't surprise me, you're too weak to fight anyone."

Why, you little-

_Calm, Kasai._

I took a deep breath, crossing my arms – wait, no. Defensive position. Bad.

I _uncrossed _my arms and rested my hands on my hips instead. Yes, better. Defensive didn't work with this little slime frog.

"I really, really hate you, you know that?" I hissed, glaring at him as best as I could. I know I wasn't intimidating but I swear one day I'd be able to glare like my father. And then they'd all cower. _One day._

"Cute. Would be pathetic if you didn't, Hime."

Oh-hoh. Bad idea, Tora.

I curved my lips into a gentle smile, lowering my eyelids. "Cute, eh? Didn't know you think that way!"

He paled immediately, and oh that was such a satisfying sight. I'm sure he didn't like the implications of that. Except he promptly turned beet red afterwards and now I was the one not liking the implications. The boy averted his eyes, scowling at the ground beneath the window instead. "You aren't cute. You are annoying, you are weak and you didn't deserve the respect you got. Worse, you're a _girl_."

"And what's so bad about _girls_?"

With a fluid motion he skipped through the window, landing right in front of me with the grace of a tiger on the hunt.

"You're weaker than men. You can't run as fast, you can't throw as far, you aren't as tall or strong as us. No one needs you."

"Oh, _really_? Who gave birth to you, you little shit?"

"Someone who's really terrible," he muttered under his breath, then turned around to shove the door open. "What do you want from us?" he demanded while strutting through the door as if he owned the place. Well, technically he did, it was kind of his home. _But still. _The guy had so much confidence, I didn't know where he took it from.

I stayed behind for a few seconds but then just decided to follow him. "I'm here because of you, not your family."

"Oh? If you came here to murder me you did a really bad job of that."

"I already told you I don't want to fight you!"

"Good shinobi avoid a battle if possible."

This was facepalm-worthy.

"I don't want to _kill_ you either!"

I followed him through the house even though I felt that I had no reason to expose myself to _him _any longer. If anything I only stuck around because I still felt the urge to punch his face and hoped to get the opportunity at some point. And, well… my uncle's looming shadow behind me.

He suddenly stopped so abruptly I crashed into his back and fell onto my butt with a small squeak. The boy turned around, eyes narrowed – but he wasn't staring at me, gaze drifting along the way we had just come instead.

"Tora-kun!"

And then he flinched.

A very feminize voice, laced with a steel beneath that scared even me - and I was used to my father. Not a second later a middle-aged lady sauntered through the door, dressed in a very simple but pretty kimono. Black hair tied into a knot, bangs barely long enough to reach her chin framing her narrow face. She had a few wrinkles but they didn't hurt her beauty in the least.

"You should have told me that we have a guest, son," the woman spoke, an edge to her voice that gave it a scolding tone, sharp enough to send a shiver done my spine.

"I'm sorry, Mother."

I couldn't help but blink as Tora spoke. He sounded so… docile all of a sudden, not like himself in the least. For a few seconds I just sat indignantly on the floor, then I suddenly jumped to my feet and performed a quick and probably quite clumsy bow. Hey, at least I tried.

"I apologize for bothering you, Miss," I said.

"Oh no, it's fine, young lady. He didn't push you, did he?"

She folded her hands with an elegance I found difficult to match. At this point I was sure that I'd never possess as much grace as those people did.

"No, he didn't," I replied. I would have loved to say yes but it wasn't really fair to blame him for something he hadn't done. He'd never show me the same in return, but still…

The woman allowed a soft smile to brighten her features a little, removing some of that feeling of steel surrounding her like an armor. "We haven 't had any girls visiting us in a while. I'm afraid my son drives them all away."

Why was I not surprised? Oh, yeah, right. _Tora._ He hated girls. A lot.

"Why don't you enjoy yourselves in the garden while I prepare a little treat for you, hm?"

I could _see _that Tora was struggling with himself. He wanted to protest so badly but something kept him from doing it and I had a feeling that this something was his mother being here.

He was afraid of his mother. He was afraid of _his mother._

By all the gods, this was so ridiculous.

The boy sighed in defeat and nodded, turning his back towards us. "This way, Hime."

The woman was gone so quickly I barely noticed her departure. For a few seconds I stood around, feeling just a little bit lost, ere I burst into a bellowing bout of laughter. Tora turned around, face drawn into an angry scowl.

"You treat girls like dirt… because you're afraid of your mother," I scoffed, having a hard time to suppress the laughter bubbling in my throat.

"Shut up, Hime."

"You're so pathetic, you know that? I can't believe I was afraid of you!"

He snorted, back towards me as he strolled towards the garden. "Yeah, I can't believe it either," he muttered bitterly.

"I don't get you. What's your problem with me?"

"My problem?"

A shrill squeak echoed through the house when he grabbed me by the collar and roughly yanked me into the garden, pushing the air out of my lungs, _squeezing my throat_ in the process. He ended up slamming me into the ground so hard it hurt, I couldn't breathe, for a second I couldn't even _see-_

I coughed, trying to catch my breath, but he wouldn't _let _me. Instead he slammed his fist into my stomach and I regretted having eaten anything this morning.

A hand slid around my throat and I-

Oh _no no no no not there _don't-

"Let _go_," I growled. I wouldn't let him-

I dug my fingernails into his skin until it bled, watched as he clenched his jaw from the pain. In an inattentive moment I managed to kick my foot into his groin, at which point he immediately let go and coiled himself around the injured area.

Wheezing, trying to get air back into my lungs, fingers brushing along my throat I-…

It _hurt._ That little-

I had no _words t_o describe what I felt for him right now, no expression in any language I knew. And I knew three goddamn languages, that _should _be enough, no?

"What is _wrong_ with you?" I screamed, not far from slamming my fist into his face with as much strength as I could muster. "Why do you keep attacking those who are weaker than you?"

"_Weaker_?" Although groaning he somehow got to his feet despite the pain, supporting his upper body with his hands on his thighs. "Are you joking? Really? _Really?"_

And then he crept closer, face to face, so close I could feel his breath on my skin. I wanted to get away, wanted to-

"I keep attacking you," he growled, voice so dangerously low I actually felt scared for once – he wasn't being smug or arrogant, he was really damn _angry_. He'd been a bastard ever since I'd first met him, but he'd never been angry.

"I keep attacking _you over and over again_," he repeated furiously, pushing me backwards with his dirt-smeared hands – I couldn't react, felt paralyzed, "because you pathetic little shit _never _fight back!"

Pressure began to build up around my throat, robbing me of my air once again. I saw it barely - fists curled into my collar and for a split-second I thought he'd strangle me again, but he merely yanked me upwards so roughly I nearly gagged, bile already in my throat.

"Don't even dare to claim you're weaker than me, we both know you aren't," he growled, pure fury seeping into his voice, "we both know you can defeat me in a one-on-one, we _both _know you're one of the most talented people this clan has ever seen!"

His hands disappeared instantly, dropping me to the ground and leaving me struggling for air. Maybe I could have caught myself if my legs hadn't been shaking.

"No, you keep hiding behind others! Look at you, I shoved you into the goddamn dirt and you didn't do a _thing!_ Do you even posses an _iota _of dignity?"

I flinched when he slammed his foot into a nearby tree out of sheer frustration, the wood splintering from the raw amounts of chakra he was pushing into it.

"How can you be _his_ daughter?" he shouted. I crept backwards until my head bumped against the fence. I was trembling, had never seen him like this.

This was so confusing.

"How can Madara-sama's child be such a coward?"

Madara… sama?

Did he respect my father that much or was it just because he was the clan head?

He dropped himself into the dirt, folding his legs. "Why should I respect you, why should I even be _nice _o you? You've never done anything to deserve it!"

"All this time," I mumbled, voice trembling, "_all _this time…"

I had his attention now. He narrowed his eyes, glaring at me.

"All this time you were being such a nasty little-… what have I ever done to you?" I spoke, though it was more of a shout by the end.

"What you've done? Maybe you should think about what you _haven't_ done!"

"How about you explain," I hissed, dragging myself to my feet. My stomach hurt and my throat felt tight, red markings probably already forming. "Because I don't know what your problem is!"

His eyes narrowed as he took a deep breath, exhaling through his nose. The tiger stripes on his cheeks painted a ferocious look on his face, but I was done with being scared. _So _done. "Come over here, and we'll talk like _mature _people," I offered – trying to be peaceful, really. Even though I kind of wanted to repeatedly smash his face into a tree.

"You're one to talk, you brat. Is there anything that doesn't make you cry?"

"Your face."

"That doesn't even make sense."

"Ever heard of 'No use crying over spilt milk'?"

He sauntered over and leaned in until I could feel his breath on my cheeks and his words sent small gusts of wind brushing along my skin. "When did the princess grow a backbone?"

"When she woke up."

Silence reigned. I felt tension in the air, like an electric charge rushing through my mind and body alike. This was… oddly exciting.

After a minute or two he suddenly plopped down, folding his legs. "Fine," he said, " if you wish to _talk,_ we'll talk."

Head tilted and eyes narrowed I stared at him, lips pressed together tightly. Slowly I sat down as well, resting my hands on my thighs.

"Well?"

"You wanted to talk, not me."

I forcefully exhaled through my nose, trying to push the anger away – out of my mind, my body, my soul. Control of all three of them led to inner peace, my uncle had once said.

With my small hand I made a waving gesture in his direction, trying to appear relaxed though being anything but. "Explain… _this._"

"I'm afraid you'll have to be more specific."

"Don't play dumb with me! You treat me like dirt for no apparent reason!"

"That's how life works, Hime. But you're just a kid, so of course _you _don't know."

The urge to crush his windpipe was only held in check by the thought of the chaos it would cause, while a single sentence kept flowing through my mind like a mantra: I'm actually older than you, you brat.

"I'm sure teaching me valuable life lessons wasn't your intention."

"No, you just piss me off."

"Go ahead and explain why, then."

"You _sure _you want to know? You might break down crying again."

"Since when does that matter to you?"

"It doesn't."

Haaaargh. Surpressing. Urge. To. Throttle.

"Then tell me."

He narrowed his almond-shaped eyes until they were nothing more but slits. "What if I tell you that my brother died because of you?"

Taken aback for a second, I opened and closed my mouth like a fish, unable to form a single word. I'd start, but then get lost in the middle of the word and forget the rest of the sentence. Over and over again.

"Now you're speechless, huh? Look at you sitting there li-"

"Will you shut up?" I growled, voice trembling not from fear but anger. My body shook, thoughts racing through my mind like the wind.

When he opened his mouth to speak again I jumped to my feet, tackled him with all the strength I had and slammed him into the ground with my entire weight resting on his torso, knees digging into his stomach – fists curled into his shirt though so very close to redecorating his face-

"I said _shut up_," I barked, right into his ear this time and he flinched, perhaps surprised by my sudden aggression, had I been nothing but passive before.

"You blame me for your brother's death? Seriously?"

Pressing my fingers into his windpipe until he began to wheeze, "_seriously_?"

Seems like he got out of his shock, because he grabbed my palm, nearly crushed it in his own fingers – the pain so bad I bit my cheek until I tasted copper in my mouth – pushed me off his torso and tried to reverse the position.

Problem was, I refused to be this vulnerable again. _No._

"I didn't even know him!" I screamed, slamming into him with all my weight. I managed to throw him off balance, even if only for a few seconds, and used the time to get back to my feet. Panting, but far from exhausted.

My heart was beating so fast I thought it would leap out of my chest and be on its merry way, but this was somehow exciting, exhilarating – it shouldn't be, but in the last days I had felt so… so terrible I needed something, _anything _I could drain my anger on. And I had plenty of that. Fed by my fears, nightmares, doubts, all the bad thoughts and memories – they were a river, coursing quickly and deadly until they crashed into a dam that was about to break from the pressure.

I didn't _want_ to break. Not again. Never again. This wasn't my old life. This wasn't even my old me. This was the _new _me and the new me wouldn't let others push her around.

"What the hell is wrong with you?"

He snorted – the little bastard dared to _sneer _– and charged, tackled us both into the ground _again._ I was going to be really dirty by the time I got home.

"He gave his life to save your sorry ass and look how you-"

I stopped his fist with my flat palm an inch away from my face-

"Repaid his sacrifice!"

Somehow managed to slam my foot into his knee. He hissed in pain and rolled off my body, allowing me to breathe.

"How did I repay it, huh? Tell me!"

"By being a _coward_! A spineless, shameless coward with no dignity," he spat, wiping dirt from his face, "A spoiled, self-centered princess, a shame on the Uchiha name, a taint on our clan head's lineage!"

He literally spat this time, probably to get some dirt out of his mouth, "and they tell me I'm supposed to _respect _you. My brother once said there used to be a time when respect was earned, not given by birth!"

He actually seemed to be quite passionate about this, but I felt rather unmoved by it for some strange reason. On other days I might have felt for him, today I didn't.

"I won't respect you until you earned it, and I won't stop calling you Hime until you," he swiftly formed a few hand signs and took a deep breath – uh –oh not good," stop _deserving the title!_"

I narrowly managed to dodge the stupid fireball he threw in my direction. It scorched parts of my hair though and the scent of burnt… well, hair, followed me everywhere.

"Are you insane? Do you want to hurt someone?"

He scoffed, smirking ever so slightly. "True Uchiha aren't hurt by fire."

"Everyone is hurt by fire," I replied, shaking my head. "And if we don't know how to handle it we burn ourselves."

"What are you, a fortune cookie?"

"Your worst nightmare."

"You don't say."

At this we began a staring match, glaring at each other for what seemed like half an eternity. I was kind of thankful that he didn't activate his Sharingan because we were taught to lower our eyes the instant someone brought it to battle. Never mind the fact that it was shameful to open one's Sharingan towards brother or sister in such a situation – that much honor was still required in an Uchiha's life.

No one was willing to relent, willing to submit to the other; it was in part pride and in part anger that drove at least me, maybe him as well.

We both startled at once when Tora's mother stepped through the door, a tray with fresh water and onigiri in hand. In some ways I was happy about her interception, for this meant that I hadn't lost the match – on the other hand it meant that our struggle remained unresolved.

"Were you having a spar?" she asked skeptically, cocking one fine eyebrow. A question that could have been genuine if not for that twinkle of mischief in her eyes. She knew exactly what had happened here.

"Yes," Tora quickly responded, hiding his face by pretending to wipe more dirt with his sleeves. Really, this was such a bad attempt at lying even I could see through it.

I stood there, flabbergasted at the scene. Tora's mother just accepted the fact that her son and this random girl that had just shown up had tried (and in some cases nearly succeeded) to kill each other. We both were dirty, had red marks everywhere that would probably turn into bruises at some point and were glaring daggers at each other. And she was just kind of okay with that.

Did this count as shinobi parenting or was that a parenting fail?

"I see," she responded, a knowing glint in her eyes, and placed the tray on a little rock not far from us before turning around. "Well, I want you to eat before you continue, and if you don't I'll make you."

Wait… that sounded familiar. Was my uncle taking lessons from this woman? Scary.

She turned to saunter back through the door, leaving us here in the garden to stare at the refreshments in wonder. I think neither of us knew what to do now.

"If we don't eat she'll kill me," Tora said, "or worse…" he then added, muttering under his breath.

"That would be fine by me, you know?" I replied, observing my nails. They weren't interesting in the least but I wouldn't give him the pleasure of showing interest in his well-being.

"My mom is also going to kill _you _if you don't eat, daughter of the clan head or not."

Now, that was a little more convincing. Didn't feel like drawing the ire of that woman on me.

So we sat down and ate. Awkwardly. Staring at each other, occasionally glaring, never taking the eyes off the other. I grabbed a rice ball and led it to my mouth without even looking at it.

"I hope your mother didn't poison those because if she did my dad-"

"Pulling _that _card now? Really? I'll tell you something, Hime," he barked with his _mouth full_, chewing the rice ball. Really, I had no dignity but he had no manners.

"I don't call you weak because you can't fight," he growled, swallowing the bit in his mouth, "I call you weak because you never do. You don't fight back, you let others push you around, you hide behind your stupid friend-"

"_Don't _insult Kagami!" I shouted furiously, chucking a stone at him I had gathered from the ground – it was a hard stone, sure would have hurt if I had actually hit anything. But alas, he evaded the projectile and tossed a fistful of dirt at me in return.

Which landed right on my food. Thanks, man.

"Oh, so you can fight for him but not for yourself? Pathetic," he sneered, a mocking tone lacing his voice that seriously pissed me off.

"Maybe I _am,_" I growled, "but unlike you I've tried to change. And why do you waste your time on me anyway, you've got better things to do!"

"I don't," he muttered, a sullen veil masking his features, "nothing other than chasing after expectations."

"Expectations?"

"Bah. It doesn't matter. You spit on my brother's sacrifice. His death was in vain," the boy spat furiously, a gleam in his eyes that made him that much more terrifying all of a sudden -not in the childhood bully way, but worse. This was his personal mission. "Even though _he _promised it wouldn't be," Tora muttered under his breath, scowling fiercely at the rice ball in his hand. "And now I have no brothers left…"

"You had more?"

"Two, if you care. One died for you. The other…"

He shook his head, got to his feet and turned around. "You should leave. I have no desire to fight you any longer."

"Bu-"

"Just get out of my sight."

"I can't just-"

"I said leave! Are you deaf _and_ dumb? Quite a feat."

And I tackled him again. Can you blame me? I mean, come on. This was so… _so_… argh, annoying isn't even a word for it. His sob story wouldn't make me feel sorry. I had enough of submitting to other people's needs and worries. It was enough that my family could play with my feelings like that, I wouldn't allow any outsiders to take advantage of them as well.

He was obviously surprised when I tackled him into the ground since he yelped helplessly, crashing headfirst into the dirt with me on his back.

"Get _off!_" he screamed, muffled by the dirt in his face. A fitting composition, if you asked me.

"_No._ You listen now, buddy. I came here because my uncle _ordered _me to make amends with you. I have no idea how he imagined that to work out, but it doesn't matter."

I pressed my knee into his back, holding his arms in place. My only advantage was my position here, because he was actually still stronger than me and I wasn't really in shape at the moment.

"I won't leave until I accomplished my goal, because when my uncle is angry he is worse than my dad. I made a promise to someone who is very important to me, and I will not see it fail on _you_ of all people."

"So you really can't stand up for yourself, eh? You need to have other people to serve to actually be strong."

"Maybe. So what? Is a clan head's duty not to _serve_ and protect the clan?"

He remained silent at this, maybe pondering, maybe silently seething. I didn't know, I didn't care. With a last huff I slid off his back and allowed him to get up. After standing on his two feet again he merely grumbled mildly, brushing dirt from his clothes. "Well, that was humiliating," he muttered under his breath and I couldn't help but snort at the hilarity of the situation. I had managed to turn it all around for once.

"You have changed since the attempt on your life, " he muttered. "First you're all depressed and gloomy and suddenly you turn into a demonic spawn. Maybe it doesn't matter," he continued, shaking his head. "Whatever. 'make amends' if you must. I still can't stand you."

Yes, quite. What an enli-

A sudden chill ran down my spine, a sense of dread as an eerily familiar feeling suddenly crept into my chakra range, moving at a steady pace. That-… that chakra signature. I flinched, felt a familiar cold creep up my neck once again, a gloved hand slowly sliding around my neck, squeezing until no air could pass and-

The chakra signature. _That _chakra signature. I knew it, I knew it far too well. The genjutsu, the crows, the chakra flooding my mind – it was all so clear now.

This _had t_o be the person who had cast the genjutsu on me, who had subjected me to endless nightmares of crows and red-eyed demons and-

_No._ the feeling closed my throat until it became impossible to breathe, my heart pounding in my chest as if it wanted to burst through my ribs, thoughts and pictures flashing through my mind and my-

_No no no no no no no._

I'd recognize that chakra everywhere.

"You okay, Hime?"

Huh?

He didn't seem worried, maybe a little confused, casually folding his arms across his chest with a raised eyebrow.

"It's _him_," I croaked, voice hoarse and throat tight. Putting into words who I meant seemed impossible, it was just him. That thing. The being that hurt me.

"Who? What are you talking about?" Tora asked, cocking an eyebrow, watching me with hawk eyes. Caught between amusement and confusion probably, going by his expression.

"_Him._"

I shook my head, searching fervently for the origin of this feeling. I had to get away-

But…

Was he one of them? One of the spies? Would he try to get away from us, too? Or was he waiting for his friends to get him out? He was so close, I felt his presence like a tingle on my skin, in every fiber of my body.

The next words nearly spew out of my mouth on their own with no thoughts behind it, just pure reaction – never mind the boy I was talking to wasn't a good person to ask this.

"I need your help."

* * *

**AN:**

Emotionally taxing? I don't know where you got that idea. This clan brought forth at least three psychos and one who came close (yes, Itachi was an emotional car wreck no matter what you say), how could it be emotionally taxing?

Of course it is. I chose it because especially that clan has the potential to make your life really, really painful. To be honest I might actually be too nice with them as it is.

Oh look, a wild Tora appeared. Based on what happened this chapter you probably either like him more or less now. Yes, Kasai didn't stutter this chapter and no, I didn't forget about that.

Kasai's mother is called Umiko. I didn't even realize I hadn't used her name in a while! It briefly appeared in the first chapter.

Well, I was gone for a while but at least I spent the time brainstorming with someone, so that's a good thing I guess?

As always, thanks to everyone who left a review. I'm sorry for being absent for so long and for this chapter being so short in comparison, I just really struggled with liking it a lot. Still am, actually.

I had to split the chapter up, kinda. It might have been a little much to take in at once. The next part will arrive whenever I feel like finishing and rewriting it.

Yes, Kasai went adventuring. No, it didn't really end well.

Izuna as a manipulative weasel is my favorite portrayal of him by far. I don't know why, it just is~

Till next!


End file.
